


Lovesick

by drivingmishcrazy



Series: Lovesick [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Love Confessions, Mild Smut, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 70
Words: 81,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22329244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drivingmishcrazy/pseuds/drivingmishcrazy
Summary: “Derek Morgan, if I didn’t know any better, I would say you were in love.”In London, preparing to say goodbye to Emily Prentiss, Derek confronts the feelings that he’s buried for years. Can he live with never knowing what might have been? It’s now or never
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Emily Prentiss
Series: Lovesick [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652950
Comments: 17
Kudos: 109





	1. Daylight

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I wrote this really quickly because I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. I intended it to be a one shot of what might have happened in the interim of the season 7 finale and the season 8 premiere, but I might add on to it later if the mood strikes. This is my first fic after a long time out of the game so please be kind!

Derek’s time in London was almost up, and he knew that if he didn’t get the nerve up to say it now, he never would. Tonight would be his last chance.

Derek Morgan wasn’t sure when exactly he had known he’d fallen in love with Emily Prentiss. The attraction had always been there, certainly he had felt that spark when they had bonded over Vonnegut not long after Prentiss had joined the team and he had tried in little ways to impress her since then. He had honestly almost fallen over when Emily had come to him after he had almost gotten blown up in New York, had admitted that she had felt drawn towards him as well.

_ “Alright, let’s face it.” She said. “There’s been like this crazy sexual tension between us for a while, and considering you almost just died, I feel like we’d kind of be kicking ourselves in the afterlife if neither of us did anything about it.” _

_ Derek cocked an eyebrow. “You asking me out, Prentiss?” He teased. “I mean, I’m flattered but you might want to work on your flirting a bit.” _

_ “Morgan.” She laughed. “You and I both know that us dating would be a disaster. No. I’m just suggesting that we act on our more primal instincts.” _

_ “So, what?” Derek shrugged. “Like a friends with benefits type of deal?” _

_ “Pretty much.” Emily said. “Unless you’re too worried about developing feelings for me.” _

_ That made him laugh. “Trust me, princess.” He said. “If anyone needs to worry about catching feelings, it’s you. I’m good.” _

They had started having sex together that night and had carried on for the next almost three years, sometimes for three or four nights a week. Derek always wore a condom, despite the fact that Emily was on birth control and despite the fact that Emily was maybe the  _ only  _ woman he’d been with that he trusted enough to go without, she had insisted.

_ “It’s not that I don’t trust you.” She said. “Just...bad experience, you know.” _

_ Derek tilted his head. “Wanna talk about it?” _

_ Emily smiled sadly. “Not really.” She said. “I just would really feel a lot better if we had all our bases covered.” _

Derek had shrugged it off in front of her, but his stomach churned at the implications. Still, Derek knew from experience that there were some secrets that you just didn’t want to tell anyone. He left it alone. The beauty of their arrangement meant that nothing had changed between them except now they were both regularly getting laid. When Mick Rawson entered the picture, Derek had felt the first twinges of jealousy, though he would never have admitted as much to Emily. Still, she had picked up on it anyway.

_ “I’m not going to call him.” She said.  _

_ Derek shrugged. “What’s that got to do with me?” He asked. “You have as much right to put a stop to this and move on as I do.” _

_ “Derek.” Emily sighed. “I don’t want to, okay? And I don’t think Mick would take kindly to us seeing each other like this, so that’s that.” _

_ “He does seem like the possessive type.” Derek chuckled. “You could do better, anyway.” _

_ Emily blinked. “Yeah?” She said, smiling. “You think so?” _

_ “Yeah.” He said, smiling back. “I do.” _

Things had changed between them subtly. The sex was still hot, but more often Derek found himself staying after, Emily would put on whatever dorky movie or tv show caught her eye, and they would order takeout or pizza. Sometimes, he’d stay over, and he probably should have been concerned with how nice it felt to wrap his arms around her as they fell asleep, but Derek just chalked it up to Emily being one of the only people he felt safe with. He knew she felt the same.

The jealousy and anger and confusion had reared its ugly head again when Ian Doyle had reared  _ his  _ ugly head, and the truth about Emily’s past came out. There was no good explanation for the betrayal Derek felt, he knew that. He was acting like a jealous lover. Rossi said as much when he called Derek on it.

_ “What’s with you, Morgan?” Rossi asked. “I get that this is a shock, I don’t like it either, but this seems like more.” _

_ “You wouldn’t get it.” Derek replied. “She could have trusted me and she didn’t. How do we know that she hasn’t been playing us this whole time?” _

_ “Playing us?” Rossi said. “Or playing you?” _

_ When Derek didn’t answer, Rossi smirked, taking it as confirmation of his suspicions. _

_ “How long have you been sleeping with her?” _

_ “Rossi, come on.” Derek said. “It’s not like that.” _

_ Rossi raised his eyebrows. “It’s not?” He said. “Because I can’t really think of another reason why you would be this upset about all of this.” _

_ “Three years.” Derek sighed. “It wasn’t...it wasn’t like that, we were just two friends blowing off steam. But come on, Dave. She trusted me enough to share a bed with me but she couldn’t tell me this?” _

_ “Sounds like it was more than you want to admit.” The older man commented. “When we find him and get Prentiss back, you should tell her.” _

_ “What am I supposed to say?” Derek said, clearly exasperated. “Hey, the last three years have been fun but hearing you screwed a terrorist for a profile made me realize that I want more? Come on, Prentiss would laugh in my face and I wouldn’t blame her.” _

_ “Don’t be so sure.” Rossi smirked. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you, you know. When she thinks no one is paying attention. Emily might surprise you yet.” _

In the end, it hadn’t mattered. Doyle had gotten away and Emily was dead. What had followed was the worst seven months of Derek Morgan’s life. Because  _ that  _ had been the moment that Derek had realized that he loved Emily, that night in the warehouse as he struggled to keep her awake, had begged her to stay alive. In that moment, Derek Morgan realized that he couldn’t imagine his life without her, and then suddenly he  _ was  _ without her. Forever. He remembered breaking down in Penelope’s apartment in the aftermath.

_ “I know.” Garcia had said soothingly. “I know, my chocolate thunder, but you know, Emily is watching over us, that’s what I tell myself, and I have to believe that’s true because it’s the only thing that helps.” _

_ “I could have saved her.” He muttered, willing the tears away. Derek Morgan didn’t cry. “If I had just been there a minute sooner, she’d be here.” _

_ “No.” She said. “No, don’t do that to yourself. There was nothing you could have done.” _

_ “You don’t get it, Penelope!” Derek shouted. “I was right there! I watched her start to fade. I never even got to tell her…” _

_ Garcia froze. “Tell her what?” _

_ “Forget it.” He said. “It doesn’t matter now.” _

_ “Oh…” Garcia sighed. “You loved her. That’s it, isn’t it? You, Derek Morgan, you loved Emily Prentiss.” _

_ “I still love her.” Derek said quietly. “I don’t know, maybe I always will, for all the good it does me.” _

_ “And you never told her?” _

_ “No.” He sighed. “I never told her. Emily never knew and now, she never will…” _

_ “Oh, she knew.” Garcia said, unable to mask the smile on her face. “She got this stupid grin every time she saw you. I think she loved you too, you know.” _

_ “Maybe she did.” Derek shrugged. “Now I’ll never know…” _

Then one October day, she reappeared like a ghost in the conference room. Alive, and more beautiful than Derek had remembered. Emily was right in front of him and though he was angry that her survival and need to go into hiding had been kept a secret, he couldn’t bring himself to be mad at her. He told her as much. Still, Derek couldn’t bring himself to tell Emily how he really felt about her, not with everything between them. 

She hadn’t come to him right away. Somewhere in between his admission that he feared losing her again, the closest he could get to a confession of love, and her admission that she had actually died and there had been nothing waiting for her on the other side, she came to his hotel room, late at night.

_ “I know we haven’t really discussed…” Emily stammered. “If you don’t want to pick back up again, I’d understand, it’s just…” _

_ Derek hadn’t said anything, just looked at her, waiting for Emily to complete her thought. She lifted her dark eyes to his, and she looked both ashamed yet ravenous at the same time, full of desire. _

_ “I miss you.” _

_ That had been all it took. He locked the door behind Emily and kissed her, hard. The clothes were off in seconds flat and as he led her to the bed, he realized that this felt like coming home. _

_ Emily Prentiss  _ was  _ his home. _

_ Derek fumbled for the pack of condoms he usually kept with him and cursed when he came up empty. He had stopped carrying them, hadn’t had a reason to. _

_ “Emily, I…” He panted between kisses. “I don’t have...I forgot...I didn’t think to…” _

_ “It’s okay.” She murmured, pushing him on the bed.  _

_ “We can stop.” He said, though he really didn’t want to. “I know how big you are on protection.” _

_ “I don’t care, Derek.” Emily said. “I  _ need  _ you.” _

_ That had given him pause. It wasn’t like Emily to be that reckless, not when it came to sex. Still, if there was anyone he wanted to feel bare… _

_ “You still good?” He asked. “I don’t want to put you in a situation you’re not ready for…” _

_ “I’m good.” She replied. “We’re good.” _

_ That had been enough for Derek. When he pushed inside her, he felt complete. Judging by the way she gasped and moaned his name, Derek guessed she felt the same. They had gone at it late into the night, both of them coming multiple times, even coming together at one point, and they sank into the familiar routine, his arms wrapped around her after, hand on her abdomen, fingers trailing her stomach. _

_ “I had an abortion when I was fifteen.” Emily blurted out. “I- it’s not something I’m proud of but I was a stupid kid and I wasn’t ready to be a mom…” _

_ “Okay.” Derek said. “Is that why-?” _

_ “Yeah.” She said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.” _

_ Derek nodded. “I get it.” He said. “We’ve all got stuff we’d rather not talk about.” _

_ “I know.” Emily sighed. “I just…I can’t get what you told me out of my head, that I need to trust people. I guess that’s what I’m trying to do now. I trust you, Derek.” _

_ “I trust you too, Emily.” Derek said, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Maybe more than anyone else.” _

_ Emily smiled at him, her brown eyes warm. “I’m glad.” _

After that, they had sometimes used condoms, sometimes not. Mostly they didn’t worry about it. Still, Derek could feel Emily holding back, could feel her slowly pulling away from him, even as he felt himself falling a little more in love with her each day. When she told him that she was moving to London and going back to Interpol, he had felt crushed, like he was losing her all over again. But he had just smiled and told her that he would miss her. When he got the opportunity to go with her and Garcia to London, Derek had resigned himself to burying his feelings for her. It had been Garcia who had convinced him otherwise, after catching a rather tense exchange that had followed the morning after he had snuck out of Emily’s flat in the early morning light, smelling like her.

_ “Okay.” Garcia said. “You  _ have  _ to tell her!” _

_ “What good would it do, Garcia?” Derek asked with a sigh. “Emily’s made her choice, her place is here now.” _

_ “You could make it work!” _

_ Derek gave her a pointed look. “Long distance never works out, babygirl.” He said. “You know that. And I can’t just drop everything to be in London with her. That’s even assuming she feels the same!” _

_ “She does, I can tell!” Garcia said. “Come on, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed! The wistful glances, the staring and quickly looking away when you look back at her, Emily is  _ into  _ you!” _

_ “It won’t end well.” He said. _

_ “You don’t know that.” She pressed. “Anyway, don’t you think she deserves to  _ know  _ at least?” _

_ “Why?” He asked. “So we can both miss what we never had? What could have been?” _

_ “So at least you both know.” Garcia said. “So at least there’s not this huge secret between you guys, this unspoken thing no one ever talks about. Please?” _

_ Derek sighed. “I’ll think about it.” _

And think about it he had. Derek still wasn’t sure that telling Emily how he felt was the right thing to do, but Garcia had a point. At least if he told Emily and it came to nothing, he wouldn’t spend his whole life wondering. But if he was going to do it, it was now or never. They would be going back to the states soon. Emily joined him on the balcony of her new flat with a few overlooking the city. It was beautiful at night. She handed him a beer and opened one herself, taking a long drink before smiling at him.

“You look serious.” Emily said. “Brain working hard?”

Derek shook his head. “Nah.” He chuckled. “Just thinking. You know, it’s going to be weird going back without you. It still doesn’t feel real.”

“I know.” Emily said. “But hey, we’ll still talk. And I’m sure I’ll be back to visit, you could always come visit me...it’ll be like nothing’s changed.”

Derek didn’t reply and Emily’s smile faltered. Suddenly she seemed unsure. She cleared her throat.

“I’m gonna miss you too, you know.” She said. “And not just for that smokin’ hot body.”

Derek took a deep breath. “Emily, I need to tell you something.” He said, dark eyes serious. 

“Uh-oh.” She teased. “Am I in trouble, Agent Morgan?”

“Come on.” He said with a grin that quickly faded. He swallowed hard, every speech he had practiced since that morning fading away. “I uh, this isn’t easy for me.”

Emily frowned. “Morgan.” She said. “What is it? Is it a girl? Because if it is, you’re better at the whole dating thing than I am.”

“It is a girl.” He said. “A woman. I don’t need you to talk, I just need you to listen, because I think I may be making the biggest mistake of my life.”

“Okay.” She nodded. “Tell me about her.”

“We’ve known each other for a while.” Derek said. “She is, god, she’s so smart, smarter than me, and she has this wicked sense of humor. She and I get together and we just laugh at the stupidest things. She’s great.”

Emily smiled. “Is she pretty?”

“She’s beautiful.” He replied. “Absolutely drop dead gorgeous, but she doesn’t see it. She has these big brown eyes, and dark hair, and these lips...when I kiss her, I feel whole, like she’s what I’ve been missing my entire life. When I’m with her, I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

“Derek Morgan.” Emily said. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were in love.”

Derek chuckled. “I think I am.” He said. “That’s the problem. I’m in love with her.”

“Okay,  _ now  _ you’ve lost me.” She said. “If you love her then what’s the problem? I can’t imagine that she wouldn’t love you back.”

“You’d be surprised.” Derek said. “Nah, even if- even if she did, I don’t think we could be together.”

“Why not?”

Derek took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he knew came next. He forced himself to look Emily in the eye, though all he wanted was to avoid them.

“She got a new job.” He said. “In London.”

Emily gaped at him, her cheeks went pink and she looked away, blinking rapidly. After a long moment, she looked at Derek, tears shining in her brown eyes.

“That’s not fair, Derek.” She said, her voice low and angry. “That is  _ not  _ fair.”

His brow furrowed. “I’m sorry.” Derek said. “I didn’t mean to make you upset, or complicate things-“

“Then what  _ did  _ you mean?” Emily snapped. “Huh? You had three years to tell me and you wait until there’s nothing that either of us could do about it?”

“I didn’t  _ know  _ Emily.” He said. “Look, I’m not good at this either. You know my longest relationships usually end with the weekend. Okay? And I realized it when you were lying in that warehouse, I didn’t  _ ask  _ for this!”

“I didn’t  _ ask  _ for this either!” She said, swatting angrily at the tears rolling down her cheeks. “God, why would you even  _ tell  _ me that  _ now _ ? You  _ love  _ me?”

“Emily…” He sighed.

“ _ Don’t Emily me _ !” She shouted. “Why would you tell me now, after  _ all  _ this time?”

“Because I didn’t want to regret never saying anything to you, Emily.” He said. “I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I had just manned up and told you. I guess now I have my answer, I’m sorry for messing things up between us. I hope you can forgive me.”

Emily stares at him for a moment, open-mouthed. Tears still streamed down her face and she was still furious, but there was shock and something else in her expression as well.

“You are an idiot, Derek Morgan.” She said. His head snapped up.

“I’m an idiot?” He asked, a mixture of hurt and confusion in his eyes. “Because I told you how I feel?”

“I’m not mad that you told me.” Emily said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “I’m mad that you didn’t tell me sooner, when I could have told you that I love you back and it wouldn’t have made things  _ worse _ !”

Derek blinked, not believing his ears. “You- you love me back?” He stammered.

“Of  _ course  _ I love you back!” She said. “I’ve loved you for  _ years  _ now! You were just too big of a dummy to notice it! God, I could strangle you, you big dumb motherfu-“

Emily was cut off by Derek’s mouth crashing against hers. It was hot, desperate, and needy, and she moaned as his tongue pushed past her parted lips to claim her mouth for his own. She was his, and if only for tonight, he was hers too.

“Tell me again.” Derek said between kisses. “Tell me you love me, princess.”

“I love you.” She breathed, not wanting her lips off of his for even a moment. “I love you. I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

“When?” He asked. “When did you know?”

“After San Francisco.” She said. “When I turned Mick Rawson down. I knew I could never screw him or date him because all I wanted was you. That’s when I knew for sure that I loved you.”

“Why didn’t you  _ say  _ anything?”

“I didn’t want to ruin what we had.” Emily laughed breathlessly. “I didn’t think you would want anything more than what we already had, and I didn’t want to stop, I thought if I couldn’t have you…”

“Oh, princess.” Derek sighed, running his thumb across her cheekbone. “And here I was spending years convincing myself that women like Emily Prentiss weren’t interested in guys like Derek Morgan.”

“I was always interested in you.” She said. “Even before I loved you,  _ you  _ were the one I wanted, Derek. God, you really couldn’t see that?”

“I found excuses not to.” He said. “You’re unlike any woman I’ve ever been with, Emily. I think I was worried that  _ you’d  _ be the one to break  _ my  _ heart for a change.”

Emily laughed and pressed her forehead to his.

“What are we gonna do?” She said. “I can’t leave and you can’t stay, but I don’t...I don’t want this to end. Not when it never had a chance to begin.”

“We could always try it long distance.” Derek said. “I know I’ve never been a big believer in it but, Emily, I lost you once already, I don’t want to let you walk out of my life again. Not if I don’t have to.”

Emily considered for a moment, chewing her bottom lip. “You know this is crazy, right?”

“Oh, totally.” He agreed. “And if it were anyone else, I wouldn’t even suggest it, but I don’t  _ want  _ anyone else, Emily Prentiss. I want you. I  _ love  _ you.”

She smiled, dazzling and in love. “Okay.” She said. “Okay, let’s try it. And if it doesn’t work, no hard feelings, I don’t want to lose you either, and I  _ definitely  _ don’t want anyone else.”

“Good.” Derek said with a grin. “You gonna break my heart, Prentiss?”

Emily grinned back. “Never.”

That night they came up with a plan. Phone calls as much as possible, Skype calls every weekend. Emily would come to him for Thanksgiving, and Derek would spend Christmas in London with her. It was scary and exciting all at once, but that night as he held Emily in his arms, her lips pressed to his neck, he thought maybe, just maybe, it might work.


	2. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years on, and Derek and Emily’s relationship is still a secret. Will they come clean or come apart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I guess I had more to say after all. I’m treating this as sort of an AU or break from canon as it were. A “What if” of sorts. In this version of events, Savannah never came into the picture and Derek and Emily have been together throughout seasons 8 and 9.

Somehow, against all odds, it worked.

It worked for almost two years before anyone even found out. Derek and Emily had both agreed to keep their relationship quiet, especially from the team at the BAU. The last thing either of them wanted was their friends getting  _ way  _ too emotionally invested in their budding romance, especially if, god forbid, things didn’t work out and they broke up. Sure, there were questions about where Derek disappeared to over the holidays and long weekends, and light jabs about mysterious phone calls. Derek had thought for sure that the jig was up when Reid had walked in on the tail end of a phone call with Emily and had heard what he had said to her.

_ “Yeah, okay.” Derek said, chuckling. “I’ll call you after we get back from this case. I love you, beautiful. Bye.” _

_ Derek hung up the phone and damn near jumped out of his skin when he turned around and saw Spencer Reid standing before him, brow furrowed and eyes squinting in confusion. _

_ “Jesus, kid!” Derek said. “You’re gonna give someone a heart attack, sneaking up on people like that!” _

_ “I wasn’t sneaking, I was going to the bathroom.” Reid said defensively. “You’re the one who’s been sneaking. Who was that on the phone, anyway? A girl?” _

_ “What makes you think it was a girl?” _

_ “Well, you called whoever it was beautiful.” Reid said, tilting his head. “And you told them you love them, so my guess is that it’s a girl, not your mother or sisters, you would have just come out and said so if it was,  _ and  _ I’m gonna guess that whoever this girl is, you don’t want any of us to know who she is.” _

_ Derek put on his best poker face. “Reid, come on.” He said. “Why wouldn’t I want you guys to know if there was a girl in my life? Especially you.” _

_ Reid shrugged. “Same reason I didn’t want anyone knowing about Maeve.” He said. “You don’t want everyone in your business and your relationship. Must be pretty serious if you’re using the L word though.” _

_ “Yeah.” Derek said, laughing in spite of himself. “I guess you could say that.” _

_ “I’m happy for you.” Reid said. “I’m happy if you’re happy. Both of you. Whoever she is.” _

Derek had gotten the distinct feeling that Reid knew exactly who the “she” in question was, but the young doctor feigned ignorance and for that, Derek was glad. For Emily’s part, she was pretty sure that JJ had figured out the truth a  _ long  _ time ago, as evidenced by the conversations they kept having over Skype.

_ “So.” The blonde said, raising an eyebrow. “Have you talked to Morgan lately?” _

_ “Not lately.” Emily said, trying to keep her voice and facial expression neutral. “Why? What did he do?” _

_ “Oh, nothing.” JJ said. “Just uh, he’s been acting really weird lately, weirder than usual.” _

_ “How so?” _

_ “I’m pretty sure he has a girlfriend he doesn’t want us knowing about.” JJ said. “He’s been super secretive, always on his phone, and the last time I had a room next to him, those hotel walls were  _ pretty  _ thin and I overheard some things that I  _ never  _ wanted to hear.” _

_ Emily’s cheeks burned with the memory of that night, that particular phone call. She had told Derek that it wasn’t a good idea, but he had pleaded with her, sweet talking and telling her just how much he missed her. Things had gotten pretty filthy that night in some pretty damn satisfying ways. Emily struggled to remain passive and cleared her throat. _

_ “Wow.” She said. “Have you talked to Garcia about it?” _

_ “Come on, Em.” JJ scoffed. “That was the  _ first  _ thing I did, not even Penelope Garcia, the All-Seeing Eye of the Behavioral Analysis Unit can seem to figure out who this mystery woman is. I just figured that since you guys were buddies, you might have some idea who could have stolen Derek Morgan’s unattainable heart.” _

_ Emily chuckled. “Sorry to disappoint you.” She said. “I don’t think Morgan would want to talk to  _ me  _ about his love life, and even if I did know, I probably wouldn’t tell you.” _

_ “You tell me everything!” JJ said. _

_ “Oh come on!” Emily exclaimed. “If Reid told you some super juicy secret and made you promise not to tell anyone, not even me, you’d do it, right?” _

_ “That’s different.” JJ said. “Spence is a private person, Morgan has  _ never  _ been shy about letting people know what and who he’s doing on any given day.” _

_ Emily frowned. “What are you saying?” _

_ “I think it’s someone we know.” JJ said, lowering her voice conspiratorially. “And  _ that’s  _ why he doesn’t want any of us to know about her.” _

_ “Really?” Emily asked. “Why would  _ that  _ make any difference in whether or not he told anyone?” _

_ JJ laughed. “Emily, please.” She said. “I did it with Will, and this team is in each other’s business twenty-four seven. It’s one thing if we don’t know her, but if there’s history there? Yeah, I’d be a little hesitant too.” _

_ “I don’t know.” Emily said. “Maybe it’s  _ her _. Maybe  _ she  _ isn’t ready to go public, if she even exists. It might not be Derek at all. Who knows?” _

_ “Right.” JJ said, neither looking  _ or  _ sounding all that convinced. “Well, I  _ still  _ think that Derek’s secret girlfriend is someone the team knows  _ and  _ I think you know more than you’re letting on. But if you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. I’ll find out eventually.” _

Emily remembered that phone call months later when Derek surprised her with a week off that he had begged Hotch into giving him, a week that was spent mostly with coffee in her bed. She chuckled breathlessly as Derek kissed her navel, moving from the spot he had previously been occupying between her now-shaking legs. Her whole body still tingled as Derek made his way up to lay beside her, gripping her chin with his strong hand and pulling her in for a kiss. He tasted like her. Emily’s hand trailed along the smooth expanse of skin on Derek’s chest, felt his heart beating beneath her palm. She took a shaky breath as it hit her again just how damn beautiful he was, and how damn lucky  _ she  _ was, though Derek always argued that  _ he  _ was the lucky one. Emily sighed happily.

“I missed this.” She said. “I missed you.”

“I hope so.” Derek replied, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest. “That was kind of the point of this trip.”

Emily smacked him playfully. “Can’t you just be sweet and say you missed me too?” She teased. “Or are you just gonna be a jerk and say something about how you just  _ showed  _ me how much you missed me?”

“Well.” Derek said. “If you need a little more convincing, princess, I can happily provide you with evidence.”

He grinned and moved the hand Emily had placed on his chest  _ much  _ lower. Emily rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide the smile on her face.

“Don’t worry, Morgan.” She said. “I fully intend to return the favor ASAP.”

“Good.” He said, pulling her on top of him. Emily gave a surprised little laugh, followed by a sigh as she leaned down to kiss Derek.

“Mmmph.” She said, pulling away. “You know, I think they’re onto us. JJ keeps asking me questions about this mystery woman who’s apparently bewitched you.”

“Oh yeah?” Derek asked, quirking an eyebrow. “And what did you tell her, mystery woman?”

“That I don’t know a thing.” Emily chuckled, repositioning to take him inside of her. “Not about any woman, secret or otherwise,  _ or  _ about all of that kinky phone sex you’re having in hotel rooms.”

“Hey.” Derek said, groaning as she began moving against him. “Last time was  _ your  _ idea. Don’t act like I’m the only one with a dirty mind in this relationship.”

“Still.” She said. “I’m honestly a little surprised we’ve been able to keep this quiet for so long. It’s kind of hot. A secret relationship that nobody knows about, secret, international rendezvous, late night phone calls…”

“Oh yeah?” He said, laughter turning to heavy breathing as they continued. He grabbed her hips to help her along. “Is that why we still haven’t told anyone? Cause all this sneaking around gets you hot and bothered?”

“ _ You  _ get me all hot and bothered.” Emily replied, increasing her pace. “The rest is just a bonus. Besides, I don’t hear you complaining right now.”

“Nope.” Derek said. “Not complaining at all.”

They lie in bed after they were finished, Emily’s head on Derek’s chest, his hands in her hair. Derek kissed the top of her head and Emily looked up at him, her brown eyes melting his heart all over again and she practically glowed when she smiled.

Goddamn, he loved this woman.

“My mom keeps asking about you.” He said, planting more kisses on her forehead and nose. “Wanting to know when she can expect to meet the woman important enough to make her only son skip out on her cobbler during the holidays.”

“You know, technically she’s already met me.” Emily said. “Just not as your girlfriend.”

“Exactly.” Derek said. “She wants to meet the woman I  _ love _ , not my brand new colleague.”

“Yeah.” Emily sighed. “I’m pretty sure if I told my mother I was seeing someone she’d die of shock. Never mind the fact it’s a serious relationship.

“You know we’re going to have to tell people eventually, Emily.” Derek said. “Especially if you see this lasting. You said it yourself, JJ is suspicious, I’m pretty sure Reid’s already figured it out, it’s only a matter of time before the rest of the team puts two and two together and realizes we’re a couple.”

“I know.” Emily said. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I just don’t know if the timing is right yet.”

“Emily, it’s been almost two years.” Derek said, raising an eyebrow. “If this was still a new thing, I’d agree but that ship sailed a long time ago. What, you having second thoughts on me?”

“No!” Emily said quickly. “No! I just...Derek, come on, I don’t want to waste the time we have left fighting about this. Soon, okay? We’ll do it soon.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Emily mumbled, averting her eyes.

She hurt him, she knew she had. Emily didn’t know why she was so afraid of making her relationship with Derek public. She supposed that she had just gotten used to the way things were, but deep in her heart, Emily knew that wasn’t it. Speaking it would make it real, and if it became real, Emily would have to fear losing it, losing  _ him _ . She had never bet on falling in love with Derek Morgan. If they told people and something happened, if she messed it up like she messed up everything good in her life, then  _ everyone  _ would know. Emily didn’t know if she could bear that, not after everything she had already lost.

As it turned out,  _ soon _ ended up being a lot sooner than either of them thought, when JJ and the new section chief, Mateo Cruz were abducted and held hostage by a terrorist they had crossed paths with on a covert assignment when JJ was in the Department of Defense. Hotch had called Emily to assist and of course she had gone. There hadn’t been much time to discuss anything  _ not  _ about the case, but after all was said and done and the team, plus Will and Emily, had gone out for drinks after, Emily could feel Derek’s eyes lingering on her. She felt a twinge of guilt as she tried to carry on a conversation with her former team, her eyes kept going to Derek, though she tried desperately to avoid his gaze. What was she so afraid of? When JJ said something about there being no more lies, something in Emily snapped and she found herself setting down her drink and practically rushing Derek, grabbing his hand and taking it in hers.

“Emily, what are you doing?” He asked, looking around nervously. “You know everyone is here, right?”

“I know.” Emily said. “I don’t care. Derek, I don’t want you thinking that I don’t want to tell people because I’m ashamed of us. I was just scared, it’s been a long time since I’ve dated someone this long and I’ve never- I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before.”

Emily lifted her brown eyes to meet his, all of the love and fear she had been feeling evident on her face. Derek’s expression softened as he took her in, everything suddenly became clear. She loved him, maybe more than she had ever loved anyone, and that scared the hell out of her. 

Derek knew the feeling.

“You don’t have to do this.” He said softly. “If you’re not ready, we can wait a little longer, it’s okay.”

Emily shook her head. “No more waiting.” She said. “No more secrets or sneaking around. I’m proud of you, of us. I  _ want  _ everyone to know. I want them to know how much I- how much I love you.”

Derek started, then his expression of shock at Emily’s very public use of the word “love” melts into a smile as he pulls her in closer.

“Come here, princess.” He chuckled, before closing the distance between his mouth and hers.

Emily knew the entire team was watching them, she could feel their eyes on her and Derek as they kissed, but in his arms, Emily couldn’t bring herself to care. She lost herself in him for that brief moment, only thinking of his lips against hers, his tongue dancing against her own. Every sense in her body seemed to fire as she found herself getting as close as she could to Derek. She would crawl inside him and stay there if she could. When they parted, Emily turned and each member of the BAU had some version of a smirk on their face, even Will was sporting a knowing look. Emily could feel her cheeks warming and she bit her lip, casting a shy look up at Derek.

“It’s about time you two lovebirds came clean.” Rossi chuckled, shaking his head.

“Yeah.” Reid said. “Do you know how hard it is for me to play  _ dumb _ ?”

“You guys knew?” Derek asked. “This  _ whole  _ time and none of you said anything?”

“We didn’t want to pressure you!” Garcia chirped. “We knew you guys would tell when you were ready.”

“Yeah, Em.” JJ said pointedly. “I mean I thought for  _ sure  _ you knew that I knew, I dropped enough hints.”

Emily smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, guys.”

“Don’t be!” JJ said. “We’re happy for you both! And relieved that the secret is out.”

“So are we.” Emily said, resting her head against Derek’s chest.

“Congratulations to you both.” Hotch said with a small smile. “Although, Morgan?”

“Yeah, Hotch?” Derek said.

“You might want to try and keep your  _ personal  _ phone calls a little more quiet when we’re on a case.” Hotch said. “You might have gotten away with it for a little longer if none of us had overheard you describing in detail what you wanted to do to Prentiss.”

Derek blanched and Emily felt herself turning bright red at the implication that the whole team had accidentally become privy to their bedroom activities. Still, Emily couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. Derek laughed too and kissed her on the forehead.

“Point taken.” Derek said.

The team stayed out late into the night, and Emily was reluctant to leave in the morning. Their secret was out. Everyone knew that she and Derek were a couple, and as eager as Emily was to be back in her own bed, part of her wanted to soak up that feeling for a little while longer. It didn’t help that she didn’t want to leave Derek behind either. He saw her to the plane in the morning and they shared approximately five “just one more” goodbye kisses as she got ready to board.

“Call me when you land?” Derek asked, kissing her again. “I want to know you got home safe.”

Emily nodded and kissed him back. “I will.” She said. “I promise. I love you.”

Derek smiled. “I love you too.” He said. “You gonna be okay? I know that wasn’t exactly how you imagined telling everybody about us.”

“I’m okay.” Emily said, smiling back. “More than okay. I have you and everyone knows that I have you, and that’s all that matters now.”

“Damn right, princess.” Derek said. He kissed her one last time and held her close. “Be safe.”

Derek hated watching her get on that plane, but as Emily looked over her shoulder one last time before she left, he felt his heart swell. He loved her. She loved him. What’s more, everyone who loved them both now knew. Derek smiled. Right now, he couldn’t ask for more. They both found exactly what they needed. Each other.


	3. Soon You’ll Get Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A late night phone call, an unexpected loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: pregnancy loss, hospital visits, surgery mention

Derek woke to his phone ringing at nearly two in the morning. He grumbled, still half asleep when he checked the caller ID, coming fully awake when he realized that it wasn’t Hotch, it was a London number.

A London number that wasn’t Emily’s.

Derek swallowed hard before picking up the phone, clearing his throat. “Morgan.”

“Ah yes, Derek Morgan?” A man in a British accent inquired. “This is Dr Clemens with St Thomas’s hospital in London. You were listed under the emergency contacts for Emily Prentiss?”

Panic rose in Derek’s throat.

“What happened?” He asked. “Is she…?”

“She’s safe and resting.” Dr Clemens said. “I can’t discuss specifics over the phone, but I would advise you to come as quickly as possible.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He said. “Tell her I’m coming just as soon as I can.”

“Of course sir.”

One phone call to Hotch later and Derek was on the next flight to London. He rushed into the hospital, mind racing. A helpful nurse led him to Emily’s room and he found her there, face pale, her eyes red and puffy. She looked tired, like she hadn’t slept, and she had clearly been crying, though there was no trace of tears when she looked at him. Derek’s expression softened as he kissed her on the forehead.

“Hey, princess.” He said.

“Hey.” Emily replied quietly. “You didn’t have to come, you know. I would have been okay.”

“Emily, I got a call at two in the morning telling me my girlfriend was in the hospital.” Derek said. “I was gonna come whether you liked it or not. What happened? Is everything okay?”

Emily faltered, lowered her eyes. “I uh.” She said, a sad little hiccup of a laugh escaping her. “I hadn’t been feeling well for a few days. I figured it was just a bug, but then I started getting these sharp pains so I went in. They thought maybe my appendix ruptured but it…”

Her face crumpled as she dissolved into more tears and buried her face in Derek’s chest. Derek felt his heart sink at the implication of what Emily was saying, and what she wasn’t saying. He quickly attempted to do the math in his head from his last visit. It had been maybe two months. Plenty of time.

“Did you know?” He asked. Emily shook her head.

“I would have told you.” She said. “They uh, they said it was ectopic, and that if I hadn’t come in when I did, it would have ruptured and I could have bled out before I knew what was happening. I was lucky.”

“Well thank god that didn’t happen.” Derek sighed, kissing the top of her head. “How are  _ you,  _ though? Not physically, not medically, what are you feeling?”

Emily looked up at him, and the sight of her was damn near enough to break his heart. Her brown eyes swam with tears, and her lips and chin quivered as she fought against it. She hated crying in front of everyone, even him. Hell,  _ especially  _ him.

“Hey, look at me.” He said, hooking a finger beneath her chin. “You do  _ not  _ have to be strong right now, Emily. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“I feel like this is my fault.” She whispered. “Like maybe  _ I  _ did this. If I hadn’t...maybe this wouldn’t have…”

“Emily, no.” Derek said. “Don’t you do that to yourself. Now, I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure an abortion when you were fifteen didn’t do this. And it’s not God punishing you or some crap like that either, it was just rotten luck.”

“Yeah.” Emily said. “I’ll say.”

“Ectopic.” He said. “That’s where the, uh, where it’s stuck in the Fallopian tube, right?”

Emily nodded, ignoring the way he avoided the word  _ baby _ . As if not using it could make the horrible reality of it any less real.

“Then it never would have survived.” Derek said. “It’s not...it wasn’t your fault, Emily. Something just went wrong, that’s all. The important thing is that you’re here and you’re gonna be okay.”

“I don’t feel okay.” She mumbled. “I feel like I was run over by a truck.”

That made Derek laugh. “I’m sure you do.” He said. “I uh, did they say when you could go home? Hotch told me to take all the time I needed.”

“Tomorrow.” Emily said. “They want to keep me for observation, make sure there were no complications after the, uh, the surgery.”

“Okay.” He said, kissing her head. “I’ll stay at least til you get back on your feet. I don’t want you doing anything crazy before you’re healed.”

Emily made a face at him. “Right.” She said. “Because  _ you’ve  _ never done anything like that before.”

“Yeah, and you yelled at me for it.” Derek grinned. “I figure it’s my turn to yell at you for not following doctor's orders now.”

Emily laughed, then winced at the pain, clutching her abdomen. Derek took her hand in his. She smiled sadly up at him, her face began to crumple again.

“I’m sorry.” She said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Derek frowned. “For what?”

“For  _ this _ .” Emily said. “For getting pregnant and not even being able to do  _ that  _ right. For making you come all the way out here just to find out…”

“Emily…” Derek sighed. “You do  _ not  _ have to apologize to me. Not for this. You did everything right, okay? It just wasn't our time yet.”

Emily nodded. “Okay.”

“Hey.” Derek tapped her leg. “And when the time  _ does  _ come, you and me are gonna have some beautiful babies. You hear me?”

“Yeah.” She sniffed. “We are, aren’t we?”

Derek grinned. “Hell yeah, we are.”

It would take a long time for Emily to fully recover from both the physical and emotional scars that hospital trip left on her, and it would take a while before either of them were ready to discuss the implications of the loss, or when they were going to be ready to take that step, but that night, in that hospital bed, with Derek holding her while she cried, Emily allowed herself to hurt and to hope that someday, things would be different.

  
  
  



	4. Silent Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek gets a surprise when he goes home for the holidays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for more discussion of pregnancy loss, but this should be more hopeful and end on a happier note.

Snow was falling in Chicago.

Derek had to admit, he had been a little disappointed when Emily had told him that she was going to have to work through the holidays and they would have to reschedule their Christmas for a later date. Still, his mom was thrilled at the last minute change in plans, though from the tone of her voice, Derek  _ knew  _ she was up to something. He tried to get his sisters to tell him what his mother was up to, but if Sarah and Desiree knew anything, they weren’t talking. When Derek opened the front door to his mother’s house, he was hit with the familiar sights and smells of home. He could hear his sisters laughing in the kitchen, but before Derek could round the corner to join them, his mother appeared, a wide smile on her face.

“There you are!” Fran Morgan said. “You’re late!”

“Mama!” Derek laughed and enveloped his mother in a tight hug, “I didn’t realize I was being kept to a schedule. What’s the hurry?”

“We have a guest.” Fran replied. “A very  _ special  _ guest.”

Derek raised an eyebrow. “What?” He said. “You got a boyfriend or something, Ma?”

“No!” Fran said. “But it would serve you right if I did and didn’t tell you! Not coming back home for so long!”

“Ma, I’m sorry!” Derek said. “You know I love coming home for the holidays, but it’s complicated.”

“I get it.” Fran said, putting a hand up. “You’re a grown man with a job and a  _ girlfriend  _ you’re hiding in  _ London  _ of all places!”

“I’m not  _ hiding  _ her, Ma!” He exclaimed. “Emily  _ lives _ in London! Which is why, as you so lovingly pointed out, I haven’t been home in a while.”

“Yes, yes.” Fran said, waving her son towards the kitchen. “Now come on! There’s someone here who is  _ dying  _ to see you and I  _ don’t  _ mean your sisters!”

“Okay, okay!” Derek laughed. “Mama,  _ who  _ is in there that is so important that they can’t wai-“

The rest of the sentence died on Derek’s lips as he caught sight of the dark haired beauty sitting at the kitchen table with Desiree and Sarah on either side of her, a cup of coffee in hand. He stood there, stunned as Emily grinned at him.

“It’s about time, Morgan.” She said. “I was going to try to be cute and knock on the door, your mom was going to make sure you got up to answer it, and I’d be standing there on the porch to surprise you.  _ But  _ I beat you here, so I guess this’ll have to do.”

“Emily, babe.” Derek said. “I thought you had to work?”

“Yeah, I made that up.” Emily said. “Sorry.”

“Now don’t get me wrong.” He said. “I’m  _ thrilled  _ that you’re here, but what- what’s going on?”

“Well…” Emily said, setting down her coffee cup and moving to stand in front of him. “I know how much your family has missed having you around for Christmas, and I know how badly you’ve been wanting to get me down here to meet your mom properly, so I figured we could kill two birds with one stone.”

“Emily Prentiss, you did this all for me?” He asked. 

“Uh, yeah.” Emily laughed, putting her arms around him. “I guess I must love you or something. Are you mad at me?”

“No, I’m not mad!” Derek said. “You beautiful, sneaky woman. I just can’t believe you pulled one over on me.”

Emily smiled and kissed his cheek. “I had help.”

“Yes.” Fran said, patting her son on the shoulder. “And maybe if you called your  _ mother  _ more often, your beautiful girlfriend wouldn’t get the jump on you!”

“Oh, we were in on it too.” Desiree chimed in from the table. “You’re welcome, big brother.”

“Traitors, all of you.” Derek said, shaking his head. 

“You love us!” Desiree said.

“I do.” Derek said, then turned back to Emily. “And I love  _ you _ . I still can’t believe you’re here!”

“Believe it!” Emily grinned. Then her smile softened. “Merry Christmas, Derek.”

Derek’s face melted into a smile. “Merry Christmas, Emily.”

They kissed and Derek’s sisters made a show of gagging and groaning comically at the display. 

“Get a room you guys!” Sarah called. “God, it’s like high school all over again.”

“Maybe we will.” Derek teased. “Not that  _ you  _ would know, Miss Thing!”

Sarah made a face. “I don’t want to know.”

“Well,” Desiree muttered. “Maybe mom can stop badgering us all for grandbabies soon.”

Emily froze at Desiree’s words, a stricken look on her face that was quickly replaced by a tight smile. It was a split-second change, but Derek caught it all the same. It had been about six months since that night in the hospital, a night neither of them had been ready to talk about yet, both of them still trying to sort out their feelings. His expression darkened.

“Hey, not cool, Dez.” Derek said quietly. “That’s not- that’s not okay.”

“Jeez, sorry.” She said. “I was just kidding, Derek.”

“Yeah.” He said. “That doesn’t make it right, Desiree! You can’t just  _ say stuff  _ like that.”

“Whoa, calm down.” Sarah said. “What are you not telling us, baby brother?”

Derek opened his mouth to respond but caught the look in Emily’s eyes, saw her mouth the words “please stop” and promptly closed it again. He shook his head.

“Nothing.” He said, forcing a smile on his face. “Hey, come on, it’s Christmas. We shouldn’t be fighting over petty stuff. This is the first time we’ve been under the same roof in a long time! Emily, did my mom give you the grand tour?”

Emily’s face brightened. “She did not!” She said. “We never quite got that far.”

“Well then allow me.” Derek said, smiling warmly and offering her his arm. Emily took it and mouthed the words “thank you” as they walked out of the kitchen and Derek showed her the house he grew up in.

Later, Derek would pull his mother and sister aside, apologizing for his outburst and explaining the real reason behind it. It was the first time Derek had ever uttered the words “ _ we lost a baby _ ” and it he found that, while it was every bit as gut-wrenching as he had expected, but there was also a strange sort of freedom in the words. The last six months, Derek’s main focus had been on Emily and making sure  _ she  _ was okay in the aftermath of the ectopic pregnancy, he had never really allowed himself to sit and process his own thoughts and emotions. Some time after his mother and sisters had gone to bed, Derek found Emily sitting on the couch in front of a muted television, a mug of tea clutched in her hands, staring at the lights on the Christmas tree as they twinkled in the semi-darkness. Derek took a seat beside her and kissed her on the cheek. Emily smiled at him.

“You okay?” He asked. “You’re being awfully quiet.”

“Mmhmm.” Emily said with a nod. “Just tired. Your family is sweet, the first thing your mom did was break out the baby pictures.”

Derek made a face. “Oh no she did  _ not _ !” He said. “Really? I can’t leave you alone with that woman for an hour before she starts digging up dirt on me!”

“Oh, you were cute!” She laughed. “Especially those chubby cheeks. Loved the bunny costume, by the way. It was inspired.”

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up, princess.” Derek grumbled, trying to hide the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Hey, and I’m sorry about earlier. Desi never would have said that if she had known…”

“I know.” Emily said. “She apologized too, you know. Said you told them everything.”

“I think I kind of had to.” Derek said. “I mean the way I went off on her, they already figured it was something like that. Was that...okay, for me to tell them?

“Derek.” She sighed. “You have just as much right to tell or not tell as I do. It happened to you, too.”

“I wasn’t the one in that hospital bed.” Derek responded, averting his eyes. “You know, Emily, we never really talked about what happened.”

“I know.” Emily said. “And I know that’s partly my fault, I just feel like if I don’t mention it and pretend it isn’t there, I won’t have to think about it and it won’t hurt as much.”

“Does it work?” He asked.

“No.” She said quietly. “If anything it just makes it worse. I don’t even know  _ why  _ I’m so upset, we weren’t trying to have a kid and I didn’t even know I was pregnant before that night, it’s not like I had time to form an attachment to it.”

Derek shrugged. “What about now?” He said. “Do you  _ want  _ to have a kid?”

Emily gave a nervous little laugh. “I mean, that would be kind of nuts, Derek.” She said. “We don’t even live in the same country, that’s no way to raise a child.”

He shrugged again. “Your parents did it.” Derek said. “And you turned out okay.”

“I don’t know if I’d go that far.” Emily chuckled. “What about you? It sounds like you’ve got more on your mind than you’re letting on.”

“I don’t know, Prentiss.” He sighed. “When it happened, I panicked, I was just worried about you, I didn’t really want to think about the fact that we had  _ actually  _ made a baby together after finding out we lost it.”

Emily tilted her head. “But…?”

“I think about it all the time.” Derek admitted. “Even when I’m trying not to. I wonder about what our lives would be like if things hadn’t happened the way they did, how far along you’d be now, if it was gonna be a boy or a girl, the names we’d be fighting over, whether or not I’d be excited to be a dad…all of that”

“Huh.” Emily said. “Sounds like somebody who would have made a really great dad.”

Derek smiled. “You think so?”

“I do.” She said. “And the answer is eight.”

“What?”

“I would be eight months pregnant.” Emily replied. “ _ If _ I’m correct about  _ the  _ sex that did it.”

“Oh?” He asked. “And just  _ when  _ do you think the magic day was, princess?”

Emily quirked an eyebrow. “Remember that afternoon in Guildford?” She asked. “The Alice Garden?”

Derek’s eyes widened. “Oh my god.” He muttered, rubbing his forehead. “Yeah. You wanted to go because it was one of your favorite books as a kid, which, by the way, typical Emily Prentiss.”

“Hey!” She said. “No profiling your girlfriend!”

“ _ Anyway _ !” Derek said, laughing. “On our way out it started pouring down rain so we ducked into this pub for drinks and a bite to eat.”

“The food was terrible.” Emily said with a smile. “I think we both got buzzed because we kept buying beers to wash the taste out of our mouths.”

“It really was bad.” Derek agreed. “And neither of us were good to drive after that, so our day trip turned into an overnight trip. We found that cute B&B and after a very long nap with  _ somebody  _ snoring  _ very  _ loudly!”

“Wha-?” Emily exclaimed. “I do  _ not _ snore!”

“And when I woke up,” He said. “I had a very beautiful,  _ very  _ naked woman straddling me.”

“Yeah.” Emily said. “Who almost ruined the mood because her geek ass combined an  _ Alice In Wonderland  _ reference with a  _ Matrix  _ reference and you were laughing so hard we almost fell off the bed.”

“Well, lucky for you I find your geek ass incredibly sexy.” Derek said. “And I think I  _ more  _ than made up for laughing at you that night.”

“Considering the fact that I’m pretty sure we conceived that night?” Emily said. “I would have to agree. The dates line up pretty perfectly, and if I had been paying attention before…”

“You would have known you were pregnant.”

“Or at least had an idea.” Emily said. “Enough to take a test anyway, not that it would have mattered.”

Emily pulled her arms tightly across her chest, biting her lip and fighting back tears as she went back to that night. She leaned into Derek who kissed the top of her head and rocked her gently.

“You’re gonna make an amazing mother, Emily.” He said. “Just because it didn’t happen this time doesn’t mean that it never will.”

She smiled up at him through misty eyes. “You think so?”

Derek smiled back. “I know so.” He replied. “And it’s funny you should mention that day, because what I got you for Christmas has everything to do with it.”

Without another word, Derek reached over and handed Emily a large, square package, wrapped neatly with an almost comically large bow. She looked at him questioningly, but Derek just grinned at her until Emily finally broke and began tearing at the corners of the paper. Her heart thumped in her chest when she took in the red and gold accented volume in her hands, studying the familiar illustrations on the cover and running her fingers along the fancy script of the title.

“ _ The Annotated Alice. _ ” Emily read aloud. “Derek, this freakin’  _ amazing _ ! Where did you-?”

“I had Reid help me track it down.” He said. “If books were drugs, that boy would be a kingpin.”

Emily laughed. “This is perfect.” She said. “Thank you.”

“That’s not all I got you.” He said. “But you’re gonna have to wait til tomorrow for the rest. I just figured you needed something to make you smile right now.”

“Well, mission accomplished.” Emily said. She smiled softly at him. “How did I get so lucky?”

“I think I’m the lucky one, princess.” Derek said, returning her smile. “Merry Christmas.”

Emily pulled him in for a long kiss, her hands cradling the sides of Derek’s face. When they parted, she pressed her forehead to his and closed her eyes.

“I’d give you one of yours early.” She said in a low voice. “But I don’t think your mom would appreciate us having sex in her house.”

Derek smiled and kissed her again. “She doesn’t have to know.”

“Hmm, meet me upstairs in ten?” She asked. “I’ll have something for you to unwrap.”

Derek grinned. “I can’t wait.”


	5. Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily Prentiss hated Valentine’s Day, but an unexpected visitor just might change that.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!”

Emily couldn’t stop herself from rolling her eyes at Garcia who had apparently called her on Skype just to say that. Well, and Emily expected, to show off all of the red and pink she was decked out in. Heart shaped earrings bobbed from the tech analysts lobes and Emily had to admit, her friend was adorable.

“Thanks, Garcia.” She said. “But you know I hate Valentine’s Day. I always have.”

“ _ Why _ ?” Garcia exclaimed. “You of  _ all  _ people should be all about a day about love!”

“Garcia, it’s a  _ scam _ .” Emily said. “You know, the first Valentine’s Day was a bloody massacre and the card and candy companies use it to make money off of poor sentimental saps who need a special day to celebrate.”

“Oh you  _ are  _ a Scrooge!” Garcia said. 

“Bah humbug.”

“Oh come on!” The blonde said. “You know, your mocha love machine is a fan of Valentine's Day.”

Emily laughed. “Yeah.” She said. “A point of contention between us, by the way. I had to threaten to give him the silent treatment last year so he wouldn’t send me half a flower shop!”

“I don’t know why.” Garcia grumbled. “Em, the man  _ loves  _ you, does it really hurt anything to just let him be romantic and sickeningly sweet for  _ one  _ day?!”

“He’s sweet  _ every  _ day!” Emily exclaimed. “Okay, and I don’t need a special day for us to prove we love each other. If Derek Morgan hasn’t figured out that I love him after almost  _ three  _ years, I don’t know how to help him.”

“Fine, you big grouch.” Garcia said. “I guess you better not answer the door, then.”

Emily paused. “What?”

There was a knock at the door. From the glow of the computer screen, Garcia grinned.

“Are ya gonna get that?”

Emily got up wordlessly and moved toward the door. When she opened it, she found Derek on the other side, hiding behind a bouquet of a dozen red roses. He peeked out from behind them sheepishly, and Emily couldn’t bite back the smile on her face.

“You guys suck.” Emily chuckled. “Having Garcia call me as a distraction, Derek? Really?”

Derek grinned. “Are you mad?”

Emily sighed. “How can I be?” She said. “You’re here.”

“Good.” He said. “Or else this date was going to be  _ really  _ awkward. You still have that red dress?”

“Yeah?” Emily said, eyebrows raised. “Why?”

“Because we’ve got dinner reservations.” Derek replied, still grinning. “And after that, we’re gonna come back here and I’m going to  _ show  _ you just how much I love you, today and every day.”

“Aaaand that’s my cue to go!” Garcia chirped from the computer. “Have fun you two!”

Emily chuckled. “So,” She said, moving to let Derek inside the flat. “You came all the way to London over the weekend to try and make me a believer in Valentine’s Day once and for all?”

“No.” Derek said, setting the flowers on the counter and wrapping his arms around her waist. “I came all the way to London over the weekend because I wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with the woman I love.”

She shook her head. “God, you’re a hopeless romantic, Derek Morgan.”

“Oh and you’re not?” He asked. “Don’t lie to me, princess, I remember that cute little story about the guy who put the pieces of a falling star back together for the woman he loved. You’re just as much of a romantic as me, you just pretend you’re not.”

“Wow.” Emily said. “Do you remember  _ everything  _ I say?”

“Only the important stuff.” Derek chuckled, kissing the tip of her nose. “Go get dressed.”

True to his word, Derek showed Emily just how much he loved her that night. If she was being honest, Emily walked through that night as if she were in a dream. It wasn’t just dinner, it was slow dancing in the kitchen, and chocolate covered strawberries and wine for dessert. It was the way Derek rubbed her shoulders and back, planting feather light kisses on every inch of exposed skin he touched. It was the way he took his time with her after she slipped out of her dress and pressed her naked form against him. That night, as Emily fell asleep in his arms, she found herself smiling in the dark.

Maybe Valentine’s Day wasn’t so bad after all.


	6. Ave Maria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily have a huge fight when the distance becomes too much. Will they burn a bridge or learn to build one?

Some days, Emily’s insecurity still got the best of her.

It was summer, and Derek had been there for two blissful weeks. Saying goodbye, even if it was only for a little while, was always difficult, but something about it this time felt like pure torture. On one of their last nights together, Emily felt that sadness and insecurity creeping back up on her. She was testy, snappy, and found herself picking fights for the hell of it. After one snippy comment too many about Derek leaving his dirty clothes on the floor, he’d had just enough.

“Emily, what is your problem tonight?” He said. “You have been biting my head off all night and I’m getting pretty sick of it.”

“Well, maybe if you would  _ listen _ !” Emily snapped. “God, it’s not like it’s  _ that  _ hard, Derek! The basket is  _ right there _ ! God, it’s like it’s against your religion!”

“No, I’m not talking about that.” Derek said. “You’ve never cared about that stuff before. As a matter of fact,  _ I’m  _ usually the one picking up  _ your  _ clothes. Come on, princess, what’s this really about?”

“Nothing!” She said. “It’s nothing! It’s just- it got on my nerves! Am I not allowed to have one bad night?”

“I never said you weren’t.” He replied. “But Emily, baby, this isn’t you. Now, what’s going on?”

Emily huffed, throwing her hands up. “I’m tired of this!” 

“Of what?” Derek asked, following her from the bedroom to the living room. “Of us?”

“No!” She exclaimed. “Of  _ this _ ! The constant back and forth! Us flying to each other and staying a few days and having to say goodbye! I want to be able to kiss you goodnight and not have to settle for a phone call!”

Derek sighed. “Baby, I know.” He said. “I want that stuff too. But neither one of us is in a position to just pick up and move, you know that.”

“Then maybe it’s time to call it quits.” Emily said quietly. Derek froze, his heart in his throat.

“Emily, come on.” He said. “You don’t mean that.”

“I don’t know what I mean.” She replied, not looking at him. “I just know I can’t do this forever.”

“Hey, come on.” Derek said, putting his hands on her shoulders and flinching when she pulled away. “Let’s talk about this. Emily!”

“I’m sorry.” Emily muttered through her tears. “I need a few minutes.”

She walked back to the bedroom and closed the door. Derek sighed and ran a hand across his face. He had sensed this was coming. It had been three years since that first night on her porch, and logically, he had known that they couldn’t keep this up forever, but Emily didn’t want to leave Interpol and move back to the states, and Derek wasn’t ready to call time on the BAU to move to London full time. If Reid were here, he would say that they had reached a stalemate. 

“What am I gonna do?” He muttered to himself.

Derek sat on the couch for a good long while, giving Emily her space and turning over his options in his head. He did  _ not  _ want to end things with Emily. The only way he ever wanted to see their relationship ending was with him as an old man on his deathbed and to him, giving up was  _ not  _ an option. An idea began to form in Derek’s mind and he pulled up his laptop, bringing up software he only ever used when he was in the midst of restoring a property. This would be a bit of a Hail Mary, for sure, but if he could pull it off, it might just be the thing to buy him more time to figure out a permanent solution and put Emily’s fears to rest.

The next morning, Emily avoided Derek’s eye as she poured coffee and buttered her toast. Her eyes were red and puffy, and he knew she had cried herself to sleep last night. Derek felt his heart crack, feeling guilt that he hadn’t been there to hold her. Emily had already been asleep when he’d come to bed. He cleared his throat nervously and opened his laptop.

“Come here.” Derek said. “I want to show you something.”

Emily’s brow furrowed but she obeyed, sitting beside him with her coffee cup in hand. Derek clicked a button and a computer-generated house flickered on the screen. Emily watched as it went from a beautiful brick exterior to an entryway with glossy hardwood floors and into a cozy living room with a fireplace, a kitchen with granite countertops and a wine rack. Upstairs boasted a sprawling master suite and luxurious bathroom with both a tub  _ and  _ a shower stall. Two smaller bedrooms, and finally one designed to be a nursery or playroom. Emily stared at Derek with an open mouth and her eyes wide.

“What’s this?” She asked.

“It’s what we could have.” Derek replied. “I worked on this all night. Emily, I don’t want to break up with you, and I don’t know how, but I’m going to make this a reality, I just need enough time to do it.”

“Derek…” She sighed. “This is beautiful, but we can’t even  _ agree  _ on where to live, how-?”

“Now hold on.” He said. “Just listen to me for a minute.”

Emily nodded. “Okay.”

“Emily, I don’t care where we live.” He continued, taking her hand in his. “All I care about is that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If I have to give everything up and walk away from the BAU to have that, then so be it. We can work out the details later, but Emily, I want this with you and all I’m asking is that you give me time to make this happen.”

She stared at him for a long moment, then, without warning, Emily tackled Derek, practically knocking him out of the chair. He patted her back and felt her shoulders beginning to shake.

“I love you.” She said, voice muffled.

“I love you too.” He replied. “So, is that a yes?”

“That’s a hell yes.” She said. “I don’t care where we live either, London, DC...I just want you.”

“Well, you got me, princess.” Derek chuckled. “I can promise you that much.”

“How long?” Emily asked. “How long do you think you need? Or  _ we  _ need, sorry.”

“Hmm, six months?” Derek said. “And if I don’t come through, you can come up with a punishment befitting me not making your dreams come true.”

“You already make my dreams come true.” She said, kissing him. “I’m sorry about last night.”

“Hey, I get it.” He said. “This long distance thing has been hard on me, too. But I promise you, Emily Prentiss, we  _ will  _ come home to each other if it’s the last thing I do.”

Over pancakes and toast they discussed their plans and dreams for the future. What could have ended in disaster ended with a beautiful morning and a renewed sense of hope. It might take time, but both Derek and Emily knew that their future was just beginning and whatever was waiting for them, they would face it together.

  
  



	7. Paper Rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An impromptu suggestion leads to an important question.

“We could get married.”

The words came out before Emily could stop them. She was in DC for a couple of days and had been soaking in the tub while Derek was shaving when some love-crazed poltergeist momentarily possessed her and forced her to blurt out that sentence. At least, that’s what she planned to tell people when recounting the story as the neighborhood crazy lady in twenty years as she tended to her dozens of cats. Her face flushed red as Derek put down his razor and turned to look at her, raising an eyebrow.

“I- that was stupid, I’m sorry.” Emily stammered. “I don’t know what possessed me to- forget I said anything! If anyone asks, I’m claiming temporary insanity.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Derek said, putting a hand up to stop her. “Slow your roll, princess, you don’t have to backpedal that hard. What makes you think that I’m opposed to the idea?”

Emily faltered. “I- I don't know.” She said. “I guess you just never struck me as the marrying type and  _ we  _ never discussed it, so I just assumed-“

“We never discussed it,” He said. “Because I always thought  _ you  _ hated the idea of marriage.”

“You did?” She asked. “I don’t. I don’t think I do, anyway. What gave you  _ that  _ idea?”

Derek shrugged. “I don’t know.” He said. “You just always gave off a vibe, honestly before we got together, I almost didn’t believe you’d ever find anyone you’d be willing to tie yourself down for.”

“My mother always did call me a free spirit.” Emily conceded. “But I don’t think she meant it as a compliment.”

“Tell me something, Prentiss.” Derek said. “Do you  _ want  _ to get married? I mean really. Not because you think  _ I  _ want to, or because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do, because  _ you  _ want to?” 

Emily considered for a moment. “I want us.” She finally said. “Forever. That feeling of permanence, and I  _ know _ , I know that we don’t have to be married to have that, and I  _ know  _ that there’s about a thousand other  _ better _ arguments for getting married that make a  _ lot  _ more sense, but... I can’t explain it.”

“You want to be married.”

“Yeah.” She smiled. “I want to be married. To  _ you _ , specifically. Not just anybody.”

“Well then.” Derek said, a huge smile breaking over his face. “I suddenly feel a lot better about the engagement ring that’s been gathering dust in my safe for the past three years.”

Emily’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious?” She asked, laughing incredulously. “You’ve had a ring the  _ entire  _ time we’ve been together?”

“Bought it about six months in.” Derek admitted. “Once I had convinced myself that you weren’t going to panic and call things off with me. I always knew that you were the one, Emily, I just didn’t know how or when I was gonna ask.”

“Oh my god!” Emily laughed again. “Derek Morgan, you really  _ are  _ the mushiest, most romantic  _ teddy bear  _ of a man that I have ever met.”

“You know you love it.” He said. “This is  _ not  _ an official proposal, by the way. I wanna do this right and you, Emily Prentiss, deserve the mushiest, most romantic proposal any man has ever come up with.”

“I would tell you that’s not necessary.” Emily said, pulling the plug and lifting herself out of the tub, the tile floor cold against the bottoms of her feet. “But you’ve got that look in your eye that tells me I better just let you do this on your terms, so I won’t stand in your way.”

“Good.” Derek said, smirking as he watched her wrap her glistening body in a large, fluffy towel. “Cause I’ve got a plan.”

A few days later, it happened. Derek enlisted the entire BAU’s help in setting it up. On their way home from dinner, Derek made some excuse about needing to check on a property he was restoring and invited Emily in so she wasn’t just waiting in the car. When they entered the house, the lights were dimmed and there were candles and red roses everywhere. Pictures of Derek and Emily hung from the walls, and a projector against a  _ huge  _ screen was playing what looked like home videos of them from throughout the years, some Emily remembered, some she had never seen. One clip featured them making faces at Reid, who was behind the camera, on the jet. Another was Emily sandwiched between Derek and Rossi, giving them both bunny ears. There was a clip of them with fake mustaches at some bar on St Patrick’s Day, and one of them dancing at JJ’s wedding. Emily watched it all, her mouth hanging open in disbelief. When Derek touched her shoulder, Emily whirled around with tears in her eyes. Derek took both of her hands and lowered to his knees, his face a combination of love and fear.

“I know the tradition says one knee.” He said. “But I’m not too proud to beg. Emily, I’ve known you for nearly a decade now, I’ve loved you for easily half of that, and I’ve been lucky enough to call you mine for three wonderful years. I had the team help me dig up every memory they had of us together, every picture, every video, it’s all here in this room and it still doesn’t seem like enough.”

Emily let out a half-laugh, half-sob and Derek squeezed her hands before continuing.

“I want to make enough memories with you that we could fill this whole house and  _ still _ not have enough room.” He said. “I want our story to be the reason our children believe in love, because  _ you  _ are the reason  _ I  _ believe in love. I look at you and it feels like I’m seeing you for the first time all over again. Until you came along, I  _ never  _ thought a woman could love me the way you do, and I  _ never  _ want that feeling to go away. So, Emily Prentiss, would you make me the happiest man who ever lived and say you’ll be my forever?”

Tears were streaming down Emily’s face as she nodded her head and hastily took back one of her hands to wipe her eyes. She laughed.

“First of all.” She said. “I should kick your ass for making me cry like this.”

Derek laughed. “Sorry, princess.”

“And second of all.” She continued. “Yes, Derek Morgan, I will absolutely marry you. Now get back up here and kiss me!”

“Hold on!” He said. “First I gotta put this ring on your finger or it doesn’t count.”

“I’m pretty sure it still counts.” Emily chuckled.

“Just humor me, woman.” Derek said. “I’ve been waiting three years for this!”

Derek reached into his coat pocket and brought out the small box. He opened it to reveal a round diamond ring, surrounded by sapphires on a delicate band of white gold. As he slid it on to Emily’s finger, he couldn’t help but think that it looked like it was meant to be there, that ring was meant just as much for Emily as his heart was. When he stood up, Emily embraced him, their lips meeting in a fury of passion. They stood holding each other for a long time, the silence broken only by a voice from upstairs.

“Did she say yes?!” JJ shouted.

“She said yes!” Derek shouted back. “Now get your asses down here and congratulate us!”

The entire BAU team stampeded down the stairs and both Derek and Emily were swept up in a tidal wave of hugs and well wishes from all of their friends. Rossi popped a bottle of champagne and they all got ridiculously drunk and had to crash on the floor of the empty house, which really  _ was  _ one of the properties Derek was restoring. Luckily someone, probably Garcia, had had the forethought to bring blankets. It was all a beautiful dream, but the best part was, it wasn’t a dream at all. It was real and Derek and Emily were going to start their forever.


	8. The Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation goes wrong and puts Derek in danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a reworking of the end scene of “A Badge and Gun” in season 11. I tried to imagine how it might have gone if it had been Emily and not Savannah on the other end. It’s not exactly the same, but I hope it’s enjoyable

_ Call me when you’re done with the case? Need to talk to you about something. _

Derek stared down at the text message for what felt like the thousandth time since he had gotten it, his heart pounding every time he read it. He had no idea what Emily could possibly need to talk to him about. They were still working out the details of the move together, and both of them had decided that they  _ weren’t  _ going to start planning a wedding until they were both on the same continent. For a fleeting moment, Derek had wondered if maybe Emily was getting cold feet. Luckily, Dave had put  _ that  _ out of his head pretty quickly.

_ “Wasn’t Prentiss the one who suggested getting married in the first place?” Rossi asked. _

_ “She was.” Derek said. “Doesn’t mean she couldn’t have changed her mind.” _

_ “She could have.” Rossi said. “But she hasn’t. The joy on her face the night you two got engaged was real. No woman who looks like  _ that  _ after saying yes just changes her mind after a couple months. Trust me, I’ve done this enough times to know.” _

_ Derek chuckled. “Fair enough.” He said. “I don’t know, Rossi, I just can’t think of any reason why she would tell me that we need to talk.” _

_ “Doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad.” Rossi replied, shrugging. “Who knows? Maybe she’s about to give you the best news of your life.” _

_ “You know something I don’t, Rossi?” Derek asked. _

_ Rossi smiled “Just call it a hunch.” _

Derek was shaken from his thoughts on the jet by another text message from Emily coming in. He peered at the photo attached and smiled. It was his front door.

_ Surprise! Had a couple extra days and thought I’d come to you! Can you pick up some more pickles on the way home? You’re almost out. _

Derek chuckled and shook his head. He’d had almost a full jar when he left, so Emily has  _ clearly  _ already made herself at home, not that he minded. As he typed out a quick reply, a thought occurred to him and his heart seemed to give a loud  _ thud _ in his chest. 

Could it be?

Derek called her when he was heading out the doors of the grocery store, plastic bags in hand. On his way out, some guy bumped into him and they exchanged a few brief, heated words before Derek backed off, not wanting to start a fight. The line clicked as Emily picked up.

“Hey handsome!” She said brightly. “You on your way home?”

“That depends.” Derek teased. “What is it that you want to talk about when I get home?”

“Top secret.”

“I see.” He said, placing the bags in the bed of his pickup truck. “Well,  _ maybe  _ I should hold these pickles hostage until you at least give me a hint!”

“Aw, no fair!” Emily said. “What if I told you the pickles have something to do with it?”

“Well now I’m stumped.” Derek said. “Cause when you first texted me, I was worried I was gonna be packing my bags.”

“Ugh,  _ really _ ?” She exclaimed. “You thought I was going to break up with you? Derek Morgan, I thought you were smarter than that.”

“You said we needed to talk!” He laughed. “What was I supposed to thi- oh damn.”

“What?” Emily said, a note of concern evident in her voice. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t feel right.” He said, his vision started to swim. “I don’t- something is wrong.”

“Derek?” Emily questioned. “What is it?”

“I think-“ He struggled. “A guy bumped into me on my way out, I- I think I’ve been drugged.”

Derek swayed as he saw several men surrounding him and he felt panic rising in his throat. He had no way out. He couldn’t drive in this state, hell, he couldn’t make it  _ into the truck _ . There was no way out.

“Derek, talk to me.” Emily said. “What do you see?”

“There’s guys.” He said. “A lot, at least four, Emily I’m about to pass out, I can’t-“

“Okay!” She said. “I’m calling Hotch! Stay with me! Stay with me, Derek! What store? What do they look like?”

“Uh, big white guy.” He muttered as one approached him. “Bald, one has a beard. Two African-American, Emily, I- Ugh!”

The man with the beard punched him and the others seemed to swarm like sharks, and Derek goes down like a ton of bricks. He can’t get up, can’t move. He dropped his phone and heard a sickening crunch as one of the men stomped on it. Then, everything went dark.


	9. The Archer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Derek’s life in danger, Emily struggles with the fact that hers is about to change forever.

Emily paced back and forth in Hotch’s office at the BAU, her head reeling. She felt sick to her stomach, not that that was any different from now she had felt for the past week. Her nails were bitten to bloody nubs and she willed herself not to cry. Hotch had reassured her over the phone and then again when she rushed into the bullpen that the team was doing everything in their power to find Derek and bring him home, and while Emily had complete faith that the team would do exactly that, she hated feeling so powerless.

She had begged Hotch to let her help, but he had told her, of course, that he couldn’t allow it. She was his fiancée, she was too close to the case, and in his shoes, Emily would have done the same thing but it didn’t make her feel any better. As Emily paced, she remembered how JJ had hugged her when she saw her, and how Emily had broken down crying in her arms.

_ “You guys  _ have  _ to find him.” She said. “I’m not ready to lose him yet. Not now.” _

_ “We’ll find him.” JJ told her firmly. “Emily, we’ll find him. This is  _ not  _ the end of yours and Morgan’s story.” _

_ “I feel so helpless!” Emily exclaimed. “This wasn’t supposed to...God! Find him, JJ.” _

_ “We will.” _

_ “He is my  _ love. _ ” Emily said. “I never knew I could love someone this much, before him. I never even got to tell him…” _

_ Emily’s hands went almost of their own accord to her midsection. JJ’s eyebrows raised as she realized the implication of the gesture. She put her hand on Emily’s and forced the brunette to look at her. _

_ “You will.” She said. “Emily, you will. We are  _ going  _ to find him and then you can tell him and he is going to be  _ so  _ happy. Just let us bring him home.” _

_ “Okay.” Emily nodded, wiping her face. “Okay. Yeah. Bring him home.” _

Emily was shaken from her reverie when there was a knock on the door. Garcia entered a second later, and Emily’s heart pounded in her chest as she looked at the technical analyst, praying that her world wasn’t about to come crashing down.

“We got him.” Garcia said. “He’s in pretty bad shape, but he’s alive and we’ve got him.”

“Oh my god.” Emily said, closing her eyes and letting the tears fall. Garcia hugged her.

“They’re taking him to the hospital now.” She said. “I- they don’t know the extent of the damage, but he had a pulse, Em. He’s alive.”

“He’s alive.” Emily echoed. She felt numb. “When can I see him?”

“I don’t know.” Garcia said. “But I will drive you there and I- I’ll stay with you until you can.”

“Thank you.” Emily whispered, and she wasn’t sure if she was thanking Garcia, the team, or God.

It was three days before Derek woke up, but when he did, Emily was there, fast asleep in a chair. He grabbed her hand and she started awake. Garcia smiled and patted Emily’s shoulder as she left them alone. Emily’s eyes were rimmed with red but she smiled at him.

“If you ever pull this shit again.” She said. “I will divorce you.”

“Hello to you too, princess.” Derek chuckled. “How long was I out?”

“Three days.” She replied. “I was so scared.”

“I’ll buy you more pickles.” 

“I don’t care about the pickles!” Emily laughed through her tears. “You’re alive, and that’s all that matters.”

“You care a little bit about the pickles.” He said. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“Of course I do.” She said. “I love you too.  _ We  _ love you too.”

Derek paused. “We?”

Emily smiled. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” She said softly. “I’m pregnant.”

Emily watched as Derek went through about fifty different emotions in ten seconds, then his face broke into the biggest smile she had ever seen. Tears leaked out of the corner of his eye and Emily brushed them away before kissing his forehead.

“You’re having my baby, princess?” He said finally, his voice breaking. “You serious?”

“Yeah.” She said. “I’m having your baby.”

“How far?”

“Ten weeks.” Emily said. “I wanted to make sure everything was okay before I- and the doctor said everything looked perfect. Our baby is perfect.”

“Perfect.” Derek repeated. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more than I do in this moment. Emily, we’re having a baby! I’m gonna be a  _ father _ !”

“You are.” Emily laughed. “I think we’re going to have to put off any wedding plans until after this little one makes an appearance.”

“What?” He said. “No shotgun wedding?”

Emily laughed again. “No shotgun wedding.” She said. “As much fun as it is to think about how much that would irritate my mother, I think I actually want a proper wedding where I  _ don’t  _ look like a white whale.”

“Hey now.” Derek said. “You will look beautiful no matter what. And I’m not just saying that because I’m the one who knocked you up.”

Emily smiled and bit her lip. “I’m taking some time off from Interpol.” She said. “I’ve already got it approved so don’t try to talk me out of it.”

“What?” Derek asked. “Why?”

“You’re gonna need help when you get home.” She said. “And I don’t want you alone in that house. I’ll still be working remotely via phone and computer, but my main goal is to keep you out of trouble.”

“Oh come on, princess.” Derek said. “You don’t think this is incentive enough for me to stay out of trouble?”

“Maybe.” She said. “But I’m staying anyway. Besides, I’m gonna need someone there to tie my shoes when I can’t see over this stomach anymore. You think you can handle that, Morgan?”

“Yeah.” He smiled. “I can handle that.”

“Good.” Emily said. “Because your kid has been kicking my ass with this morning sickness, and we have another seven months to go!”

“Guess I really  _ will  _ need to buy more pickles.” He said.

“Yes.” Emily said. “And doughnuts.”

Derek laughed. “Whatever you want, princess.” His expression softened. “I love you, Emily.”

Emily smiled. She already looked like she was glowing.

“I love you too, Derek.”

  
  



	10. Mother Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily adjust to their new normal, and the team gets exciting news.

“Emily, I’m  _ fine! _ ”

Emily shot Derek a dirty look as she helped him sit down on the sofa. He had been home for barely a week and was already trying to do  _ way  _ too much. She rearranged the pillows so one was behind his back and the other was propping up his feet.

“You need to rest.” She said shortly. “You heard what the doctor said. And you know I’m not gonna let you get away with anything, so knock it off.”

“You shouldn’t be doing this in your condition.” Derek said as Emily draped a blanket over him. “I should be the one doing this for you.”

“Derek, I’m pregnant.” Emily said. “I’m not dying. I think I can handle it, just don’t be a baby about it.”

Derek pouted comically. “Still.” He grumbled. “I should be the one taking care of you. You can barely get through the day without puking your guts out and you have to deal with  _ my  _ ass.”

“I love your ass.” She said, flashing him a grin. “That’s kind of how we got in this position.”

“I can think of a couple positions  _ I’d  _ like you in.” Derek said, giving her a dirty smirk. She smacked his foot.

“There’ll be plenty of time for that  _ after  _ you’re healed.” She said. “By the way, we have an ultrasound next week at ten. You ready to see your baby?”

“More than ready.” He said. “I still kind of can’t believe it’s real. There’s a kid in there.”

“Yeah, well.” Emily laughed. “This  _ kid  _ probably resembles a sea monkey right now, so I wouldn’t expect much. We should be able to hear the heartbeat though, at twelve weeks.”

“Yeah.” Derek sighed. “So when are we gonna tell everyone? You know they’re gonna figure it out.”

“JJ already knows.” Emily said. “I kind of spilled the beans when...but I don’t know, after what happened last time, I…”

“Hey, come on now.” He said, grabbing her hand. “Our baby is gonna be  _ fine. _ You’re already almost at the end of the first trimester.”

“I know.” She said, squeezing his hand and placing the other on her stomach. “My clothes are already starting to feel tight. This baby is gonna be a giant.”

“Well, your boobs have definitely gotten bigger.” Derek said, laughing when Emily swatted at him. “I for one can’t wait until you’re walking around with a cute little bump, my little baby mama.”

Emily rolled her eyes. “Call me ‘baby mama’ again and I’ll shoot you.” She said. “Which would be a shame, since I kind of like you,  _ baby daddy _ .”

Derek cringed. “Yeah, okay.” He said. “Let’s not say that ever again.”

“Deal.”

The next week, they were sitting in the doctor's office, Derek sat beside the examination bed, holding tightly to Emily’s hand as the ultrasound technician squeezed cold gel on Emily’s stomach and pressed the wand to her abdomen. The screen flashed to life and tears sprang to Derek’s eyes as the tech found a  _ very  _ wiggly little bean of a baby. It  _ looked  _ like a baby, just in miniature, and judging by the way it was moving all around, it was happy. He kissed Emily’s hand and she smiled down at him, tears in her eyes too. The technician took a few stills and pointed out the head, the beginnings of hands and feet, and showed them the chambers of the baby’s heart hard at work. She pressed a button and a loud  _ whoosh woosh woosh _ filled the room.

“And there’s your baby’s heartbeat.” The technician said, smiling warmly. “He or she is pretty active, and the doctor will be in to tell you more, but between you and me? That’s a pretty good sign.”

Thirty minutes later, Derek and Emily were leaving the office with ultrasound pictures in hand. The doctor had confirmed that their baby was healthy and the pregnancy was progressing normally. The two were giddy as they picked up lunch and returned home. Derek selected a side profile of their baby and set it on the counter, then pulled out his phone and took a picture. Emily quirked an eyebrow.

“What?” He asked. “You know my mom is gonna want to see this, you should probably send one to your mom too. Have you even told her?”

“I did.” Emily said defensively. “She was surprisingly nice about it. Then she started crying and apologizing for not being there for me as a kid and saying she hopes she’s a better grandma then she was a mom. It was kind of weird.”

“Isn’t that good though?” Derek said. “She wants to be there for you, and she’s happy.”

“Yeah, I know.” She sighed. “It’s just weird.

Derek typed out a quick message to his mom and hit send. Next he sent a nearly identical message to Sarah and Desiree. Moments later his phone was buzzing with messages from all three, full of heart emojis and exclamation points. He chuckled.

“I take it they’re excited?” Emily asked.

“That’s an understatement.” Derek replied. “First grandbaby and niece or nephew? Mom’s already asking about names and a baby shower.

Emily chewed on her bottom lip. “You should send one to the team.” She said. “All of them.”

Derek paused. “Are you sure?” He said. “I thought you wanted to wait?”

“Not any more.” She said, shaking her head. “I’m happy, and I want to share that with them. Besides, if this baby keeps growing the way it is now, I won’t be able to hide it much longer.”

Derek grinned and opened up a new message on his phone, starting up a group chat. He took the picture he had just sent to his family and attached it, writing a simple message that was short, sweet, and to the point.

_ Baby Morgan, coming soon. _

He pressed ‘send’ and Emily stood over his shoulder as the replies came flooding in. Each member of the team marked by their initials.

_ PG: Oh. My. GOD! Oh my god, you guys are PREGNANT?! _

_ DR: It’s about time. _

_ AH: Dave, you owe me twenty bucks. _

_ DR: I admit nothing! _

_ PG: OH MY GOD!! _

_ AH: Dave, I called this two weeks ago… _

_ DR: Phone battery dying… _

_ JJ: Congrats guys! A little baby Derek or Emily! Henry and Michael will finally have a playmate. _

_ PG: !!!!! _

_ TL: Wait, can Reid even see this with his rotary phone? _

_ SR: First of all RUDE! Second of all, congratulations. _

_ TL: Just asking! _

_ SR: Yes I can! _

_ JJ: Is Garcia okay? _

_ PG: No, I’m dead! Figuratively, not literally. Oh my God, I’m so excited!! _

_ DM: Thanks you guys. Em and I feel the love.  _

_ DR: Dinner at my place this weekend to celebrate? _

_ DM: Sure thing. _

_ AH: I thought your phone was dying? _

_ DR: …. _

Derek grinned at Emily as she laughed at the exchange, and he thought his heart might burst. She was beautiful, gorgeous. Emily caught him staring and smiled at him.

“What?” She asked.

He shook his head. “Nothing.” He said. “It’s just hard to believe. Three and a half years ago, I was telling you I love you and bracing myself for rejection, and now you’re having my baby.”

“I know.” Emily grinned. Then her eyes softened. “I’m really glad you did, though.”

“Yeah.” Derek said. “Me too.”

He pulled her in for a long kiss, his hands went to her stomach. Derek knew it was going to be a while before either of them felt anything, but he didn’t care. His dreams were coming true right before his eyes. Emily loves him and before he knew it, they would be a family. For now, that was enough.

  
  



	11. Beautiful Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily spend a Sunday out and about and consider their future.

Emily Prentiss had stared down unsubs, had been beaten, tortured, branded, and staked. She’d had countless guns pointed at her and had never even flinched once.

But she was pretty sure this baby was going to kill her.

Sure, the morning sickness had subsided with the second trimester, but in its place came the heartburn and  _ that  _ was almost worse. What’s more, Emily found herself stuck in a weird in-between phase where she wasn’t big enough to justify wearing maternity clothes yet, but her regular clothes were starting to become uncomfortably snug. And her  _ boobs _ ! They were so sensitive, they hurt if the water hit them too hard in the shower. Every day felt like it brought a new symptom and Emily could cry when she thought about how she  _ still  _ had twenty-five weeks to go.

At least her libido was back.

Derek was on the mend fairly quickly and eagerly jumped into the role of doting fiancé and father-to-be. Emily found it almost adorable how easily he fell into the role, and his enthusiasm was contagious, if a little exhausting. One unseasonably warm Sunday morning, Derek dragged her out of bed to go to the Farmer’s Market, claiming that fresh fruit and raw honey would do wonders for the baby. Emily grumbled something about the baby wanting cheese pizza and Oreos but relented and got in the car. It turned out not to be so bad, and though Emily was loathe to admit it, as she munched on the sweetest apple she had ever tasted, she thought maybe Derek had a point. While Derek was paying for honey and inquiring about an organic blend of tea that claimed to help with lactation, Emily wandered over to a stall with a display of assorted gourds and squashes next to a sign proclaiming they were the last harvest of the season. Emily picked up an especially round pumpkin and held it with both hands in front of her. She turned to Derek with eyebrows raised.

“What do you think?” She said. “You still gonna think I’m cute when my stomach looks like this?”

Derek crossed his arms. “Okay, now  _ that _ is a trap.” He said. “You’re gonna find fault with anything I say and I’m gonna have to spend the rest of the day removing the foot from my mouth.”

“Wha-? I am  _ not! _ ” Emily exclaimed, setting the pumpkin gingerly back down on the table. “Can’t a woman ask her fiancé to validate her very real fears about her changing body during pregnancy?”

“Emily.” Derek said, placing his hands on her shoulders and kissing her forehead. “You are stunning. You always have been and always will be, and every minute you spend growing  _ our  _ baby inside of you just makes you that much more perfect to me, okay?”

Emily hummed happily and pecked his lips. “Do you ever get sick of being so perfect?” She teased. “I mean seriously, you’re like one of those shirtless guys on the covers of cheap romance novels, it’s amazing.”

“Cute.” He said. “Somehow, I think all my cool new scars disqualify me from being a sexy romance novel cover model, princess.”

“Hey!” She said, smacking him lightly on the chest. “If I’m not allowed to be self-deprecating, neither are you.”

“Fine.” Derek huffed.

“Besides.” Emily lowered her voice. “I think they look kind of sexy on you.”

Derek raised an eyebrow. “Oh  _ really  _ now, princess?” He asked. “You think my scars are sexy?”

“Mmm,  _ very  _ sexy.” She replied, wrapping her arms around him. “I mean, granted everything about you turns me on, but there’s something about a man who isn’t afraid to wear his scars like a badge of honor that just really gets me going.”

“Well, well, well.” He murmured. “Maybe we should get out of here early, then. I’ve got a taste for something that we’re not gonna find here.”

“Derek Morgan!” Emily laughed, kissing him. “I like the way you think. Oh! But I want to stop by that stall selling smoothies on the way out, their board said the daily special was a cucumber-melon and avocado blend and it’s all I’ve been able to think about for the last twenty minutes.”

“Alright, princess.” Derek said. “Your wish is my command. Let’s go get you a smoothie.”

Later that afternoon, they laid in bed, a tangle of limbs and sheets, Derek kissed Emily’s neck and his fingers trailed along her slightly protruding abdomen tracing patterns into her skin, still sticky from the slices of strawberries he had eaten off of her. Emily chuckled softly and brought her lips to his.

“What do you think that little nugget thinks about in there?” She mused. “I mean, I’m sure Reid would have some fascinating statistics on the brain functions of a fifteen week old fetus, but…”

“I don’t know.” Derek said. “Maybe she wonders if there’s life after womb, or finally meeting the person keeping her alive.”

“What makes you think it’s a girl?”

Derek shrugged. “Just a feeling.” He said. “Why? You think it’s gonna be a boy?”

“I haven’t really thought about it, to be honest.” Emily said, placing her hand on top of his. “I’ve been so busy worrying and hoping for a healthy baby, I guess I never let myself wonder or imagine…”

“Yeah, I get it.” Derek said. “But come on, Emily. You can’t tell me you haven’t imagined holding this baby and rocking it to sleep. Who do you see when you close your eyes and picture our baby?”

Emily took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to let that image in her head. A smile broke over her face.

“I think you may be right.” She whispered, opening her eyes. “I guess we’ll find out in a couple more months.”

“If this little one decides to cooperate.” He said. “If she  _ or  _ he is anything like mama, I could see them wanting to keep us in the dark for a while.”

“Hey!” She said. “Be nice! Growing your kid is  _ very  _ hard work, and it’s only going to get worse from now on. Believe it or not,  _ this  _ is supposed to be the easy part. Kind of a rip-off, if you ask me.”

“I’m sorry.” Derek chuckled, kissing her nose. “But for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t want to do this with anybody else, Emily.”

“Good.” Emily said. “Neither would I. You’re having the next one, though.”

Derek raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t we be focused on getting this one here safe first?” He said. “Before we start working on their sibling?”

She grinned. “Just saying.”

Emily snuggled into Derek and laid her head on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. Derek kissed the top of her head, breathed in her scent. His palm stayed pressed to her stomach. Within minutes, Emily was snoring softly, though whether she was exhausted from the early morning, their afternoon activities, or growing a human, Derek couldn’t stay. He just tucked her under his arm, long eyelashes fluttering against his skin, and marveled at the mother of his child. Emily sighed happily in her sleep, a tiny smile on her lips that made Derek’s heart skip a beat. He kissed her again and soon found his eyes slowly closing as well.


	12. Treacherous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek is plagued by nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a warning for nightmares, death, mutilation, but nothing graphic. Also warning for mild smut.

It had been a long time since Derek had had the nightmare.

He had been expecting to have nightmares, after the trauma of being kidnapped and tortured, and he had been right to. But this particular nightmare hadn’t made an appearance in  _ years. _ Not since he had started sleeping next to the one of the protagonists of them. In it, he was back in that warehouse in Boston, the scent of blood thick in the air. He sees Emily’s broken body on the floor and he runs to her, kneels down and is shaking her furiously, trying to wake her up but it’s too late. Her face is blank and her eyes are open, she’s not looking at him, she’s not looking at anything anymore, and Derek feels like he’s falling. Then, something happens that had never happened before in the dream. Derek hears crying in the distance, a baby crying. He runs all over the warehouse, trying to find it but he can’t, and when he finally does locate the wailing bundle and looks down at the child, he can’t muffle his screams of horror. The baby, the one he knew in his heart was his, was cut to pieces.

Derek woke up in a cold sweat, panting furiously, his heart racing. He sat up and ran a hand across his face, trying to calm down. He looked to his left and there she was, Emily, his Emily, whole and beautiful and carrying his child, fast asleep beside him with her dark hair fanned out beneath her. She mumbled something unintelligible in her sleep and Derek smiled, unable to stop himself from leaning over and kissing her softly on the cheek. Sighing, Derek pulled back the covers and got up, heading to the kitchen and putting on a pot of coffee. He wouldn’t be getting any more sleep that night, that’s for sure. Even so, he just stared at his cup of coffee for a long time, took a few sips and set it down again, trying to make sense of the dream. He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there when he heard soft footsteps approaching. Emily placed a hand on his shoulder, the other on her growing stomach, and her eyes were brown pools of concern.

“How bad?” She asked.

Derek sighed. “Pretty bad.”

Emily sat down in the chair beside him and took his hand, squeezing it gently.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was the warehouse dream.” He said. “With you.”

Emily frowned. “You haven’t had that dream in years, Derek.” She said. “What happened?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “It was the same as usual, I’m rushing towards you and I don’t get there in time, but this time...I don’t know, Emily, this time was different. Worse.”

“Wait, you told me it never changes.” She said. “But it was different this time? What was different?”

“I heard crying.” He said. “And when I went to go look to see where it was coming from...I saw a baby.”

“Oh.” Emily said. “Our baby?”

“Yeah.” He said. “But Emily, it wasn’t- the condition she was in...it made me sick. That poor baby…”

“Hey.” Emily said softly. “Our baby is  _ fine _ . Remember our appointment Tuesday? Baby was waving at us, and kicking those little legs…”

“Sucking her thumb.” Derek chuckled. “I know it wasn’t real, I just...I’ve never felt so horrible before in my life.”

“Well, I’m no therapist…” Emily said. “But if I had to take a wild guess, I would say you’re worried about being able to protect your child.”

“Aren’t you?” Derek asked. “Emily, come on, we _both_ _know_ what’s out there. Even if nothing worse than a scraped knee ever happens to this child, I’m always gonna worry about all the monsters out there who might want to hurt her.”

“Of course I worry.” She said, kissing him. “I also know that we won’t be able to protect our kids forever, but if we do this right, they’re going to have all the tools they need to protect themselves when we can’t.”

Derek smiled. “I know.”

“And with a daddy like you.” She chuckled. “Our kid is probably going to be absolutely fearless.”

“Oh, like  _ me _ ?” He said. “Somehow I think her fearlessness has more to do with who her  _ mother  _ is than it has to do with me.”

Emily grinned. “You know,” She said. “If this kid turns out to be a boy, you’re gonna have a hell of a shock.”

“I’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” Derek replied, kissing her nose. “Thank you for sitting up with me.”

“Don’t thank me.” She said. “I have your ring on my finger and your baby in my body, it’s my job.”

“Well, I appreciate it all the same.” He said. “I love you  _ so  _ much, Emily Prentiss.”

“I love you  _ so  _ much too, Derek Morgan.” Emily replied with a smile. “More than you’ll ever know.”

Derek smiled and leaned in for another kiss. One kiss turned into two, which turned into five. Soon, Emily was in his lap, the soft bump of her stomach pressing into him as her hips began grinding against him slowly, causing him to bite back a groan.

“Emily.” He said. “It’s four o’clock in the morning. You should be going back to bed.”

“We can sleep in.” Emily said, her breathing heavy. “I know  _ I’m  _ wide awake now, and unless I’ve completely forgotten my anatomy, so are you.”

Derek chuckled. “You’re kind of a brat, Prentiss.” He said. “You know that?”

Emily grinned and leaned so that her mouth was by his ear. “Well, then maybe you should punish me.”

“Oh, you want me to punish you, princess?” Derek asked, voice low and gravelly. “Is that what you want?”

Emily didn’t say a word in response, just shifted slightly so that she could slide her panties off under her nightgown. That was enough for Derek, who grinned and lifted his hips as Emily began tugging at the plaid sleep pants he was wearing.

It was a long night for both of them, but as Emily settled back on top of him and her lips found his, Derek considered that maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.


	13. State of Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An important milestone is reached, and Derek reflects on his and Emily’s jounrey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though the title is a Taylor Swift song, this chapter was written while listening to More by Halsey. 
> 
> Mention of pregnancy loss.

Growing a baby was  _ exhausting _ .

It was a recurring thought in Emily’s head every day her pregnancy progressed. She was eighteen weeks now and uncomfortable enough that she found herself shifting in her sleep, along with frequently getting up to use the bathroom. When she practically fell asleep in the middle of lunch, Derek had kissed her forehead and sent her back to bed to take a nap while he took care of a few errands. Emily had almost managed to drift off to sleep when she felt it.

It felt like little waves rolling in. Emily remembered going to the beach when she was a little girl and running through them, cold water splashing against her toes and her feet sinking in the wet sand. When she was older, sometimes she would just sit and stare out at the ocean, watching the waves. This was like that, only these waves  _ definitely  _ weren’t at the beach. Emily smiled, her eyes still closed, and touched her hand against the spot where she first felt it.

“Hello to you too.” She said softly. “Are you having fun in there, pumpkin?”

Emily wasn’t sure if it was in response or just a coincidence, but she felt the movement again and chuckled, staring down at her stomach and trying to imagine the active little baby within.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” Emily said. “Longer than you know. I’m glad you decided to come play.”

“Who are you talking to?”

Emily looked up and saw Derek staring at her, dressed in a simple gray t-shirt with a plaid flannel shirt over it and faded blue jeans. He had a few plastic bags in one hand and a fistful of paint samples in the other. Her heart pounded when she looked at him and she gave this brilliant smile before speaking.

“I felt the baby move.” She said. “Just now.”

Derek looked stunned as he set the stuff down on the top of the dresser and settled beside her on the bed.

“You’re serious?” He asked. “Our baby?”

“No, the neighbor’s baby.” Emily said, rolling her eyes but unable to wipe the smile off her face. “Yes, our baby! It was weird, like little waves or flutters, but it was definitely our baby.”

“That’s amazing!” Derek said, pressing a hand to her stomach. “Hey little one. Did you come out to say hi to mommy? Huh? Did you do that?”

Emily chuckled. “You’re cute.” She said. “I wish you could feel it too.”

“I will.” He said. “Reid told me probably sometime after twenty weeks, but that some dads don’t feel the baby until closer to the end. I’m not sure if it was meant to make me feel better or not, but trust me, it’ll happen.”

“Yeah, that sounds like Reid.” She said. She looked away as a couple of tears escaped out of the corner of her eye and she quickly brushed them away.

Derek frowned. “Hey.” He said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Emily said in a hoarse voice. “This just suddenly feels  _ very  _ real. I spent years believing this would never happen for me, convincing myself that I didn’t want it, and I do. More than anything.”

The admission didn’t surprise Derek. After losing their first pregnancy, Emily had slowly opened up to him about all of her secret hopes and fears. How she had always wanted to be a mother, and how she had felt an internal conflict about her abortion, never regretting it but still wondering what would have happened if she had become a mother at fifteen. How she had been willing to take in Carrie Ortiz, an orphaned survivor they had met during a case in Denver, on the spot, and of course, her complicated relationship with Declan, who still occasionally emailed her. Emily told him things she hadn’t told anyone before, including how she had briefly contemplated doing it on her own.

_ “On my fortieth birthday.” She said. “I actually called a fertility clinic and asked about sperm donors.” _

_ “For real?” He asked. _

_ “Yeah.” She said, looking away. “Got as far as scheduling a consultation before I realized how insane I was being and cancelled it.” _

_ Derek had raised an eyebrow at her. “You know you had a perfectly viable donor right in front of you.” He said. “You know that, right?” _

_ Emily smiled. “I would have  _ loved  _ to be a fly on the wall of that conversation.” She said. “Come on, Derek. You really think I would have asked you to get me pregnant when I couldn’t even admit I had feelings for you?” _

_ “I’m just saying.” He said. “We were already sleeping together and I was a lot more willing than I would have  _ ever  _ admitted to you. I might’ve said yes.” _

_ “And waved the fact that we disobeyed the no fraternization rules in the Bureau’s face?” She said with a laugh. “Hotch would have  _ killed  _ us!” _

_ “He would have gotten over it.” Derek said. “Besides, it would’ve been  _ Strauss  _ we’d have had to worry about.” _

_ “True.” Emily said. “Well, considering how that year ended up, it’s probably for the best that nothing like that ever happened.” _

_ Pain flickered across her face and Derek felt a pang in his own chest at the implication. Emily turned forty in October, her confrontation with Ian Doyle had been in March. Even if a hypothetical baby had survived that kind of trauma in-utero, he wouldn’t have been able to lay eyes on the child until it was a few months old. The thought of Emily going through an entire pregnancy and labor alone in a foreign country, with him believing both she and their child were dead, choked Derek up in a way he hadn’t expected. He cleared his throat and lifted Emily’s chin with his hand.  _

_ “Hey.” He said. “I already told you, I’m in when you’re in, Emily. We could do this now if you wanted to.” _

_ “I know, and I love you for that.” Her voice cracked. “I’m just scared our hearts will get broken.” _

_ “Emily, I’ve seen that look in your eyes.” He said. “It took me a long time to realize what it was, but it’s been there any time you’ve come into contact with a scared, hurting child on a case. I don’t think that kind of longing goes away just because you want it to.” _

_ “Longing.” She said. “Is that the word for it? Wanting to be a mother so badly your chest aches?” _

_ “Yeah, it is.” Derek sighed. “Because it’s the same feeling I’ve had since I saw you in that hospital bed.” _

It was the look he saw in Emily’s eyes now, as she stared down at her stomach, rubbing where she had felt their baby moving. That look had lurked behind her eyes for nearly a year before they both agreed that Emily should go off of her birth control, though they both swore that they weren’t officially trying, they were just no longer actively preventing a pregnancy. 

_ “This doesn’t mean anything.” Emily said. “We may  _ never _ get pregnant again on our own. I don’t want to be one of those couples who track ovulation and trap themselves in a bedroom when the time comes.” _

_ “Right.” Derek said. “If it happens, it happens.” _

_ “And if it doesn’t, it’s fine.” She said, as if trying to make herself believe that. “It just means it wasn’t time for us yet.” _

_ “Okay, and if one of us decides that we  _ do  _ want to start trying for real,” He said. “It should be pretty easy for us to make the transition.” _

_ “Uh, sure.” Emily said. “How should- how should we go about that? If someone changes their mind?” _

_ Derek shrugged. “I don’t know.” He said. “I guess we just call for a sit down to talk about it. Sound good?” _

_ “Yeah.” She said. “Sounds good.” _

A few months later, Emily was pregnant and now they were approaching the halfway point in the pregnancy. Before they knew it, their baby would be in their arms. Derek kissed her on the temple.

“You know.” He said. “When you told me you wanted to talk, after I realized you weren’t dumping me, I thought you were going to tell me you wanted to start trying.”

“Didn’t have to.” She said. “It’s funny how that happens. I convinced myself it wouldn’t, and then it did, and now...we’re here.”

“We sure are.” He said, hand on her stomach. “Is it everything that you hoped for?”

Emily smiled. “It’s more.”


	14. Wildest Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily discuss names and find out the sex of their baby.

The lights came back on and the ultrasound technician left the room to give the result of Emily’s twenty week anatomy scan to the doctor. The doctor came in moments later and gave them the news, baby looked fine, measuring a little bit bigger than average, even. They had the doctor write down the sex of their baby and put it in an envelope. Later that night, they were going to have the entire team over, put Emily’s mom and Derek’s family on Skype, and open it together. Until then, they’d just have to bide their time and try to resist the temptation to peek. They had lunch at a noodle shop close to the doctor’s office and it was hilariously adorable how Emily slurped on a mountain of udon. Derek chuckled and she scowled.

“What?” She said. “Your baby is to blame for this, little chunk is big for their age, which explains why I can’t stop eating these days.”

“I didn’t say anything.” He said. “I just think it’s cute.”

“Me eating is cute?” Emily asked. “Weirdo.”

Derek laughed. “Maybe I am.” He said. “So, are you excited for tonight? Find out if it’s a boy or girl.”

“Duh!” She said. “It’s driving me crazy. Hey, is it weird we haven’t talked names yet?”

“I don’t know.” Derek said with a shrug. “Do you  _ want  _ to talk names now?”

Now it was Emily’s turn to shrug. “It might be a good idea.” She said. “I mean, we’re already halfway done. Kid’s gonna  _ need  _ a name pretty soon.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “How about Hank for a boy? For my pops, you know.”

“Hmmm…” Emily said. “How about Hank for a middle name? I kind of think our baby’s first name should be their own. So they have their own identity.”

“Alright, that seems fair.” He said. “How about Eli?”

“Eli Hank Morgan.” Emily said. “Sounds like the next quarterback for the Jets.”

“Hey, I played football!” Derek exclaimed. “And if our kid plays pro, it  _ better  _ be for the Bears.”

Emily rolled her eyes. “My mistake.” She said. “What about Damien?”

“Isn’t that a name for the devil?” He asked. “I know you’re a lapsed Catholic, Prentiss, but I didn’t think you were  _ that  _ lapsed.”

“It was just an idea!” She said. “Besides, you’re an atheist, why do you care?”

“Agnostic, and I don’t.” He said, kissing her forehead affectionately. “But I don’t want our kid getting bullied by religious nuts either. Felix.”

“Sounds like a cat.” Emily said. “Arthur.”

“You’ve spent too much time in London.” Derek said. “I don’t think our kid is going to be pulling any swords out of stones. Kai?”

“Kai is cute.” Emily smiled. “I’m not in love with having two monosyllabic names together, but I don’t hate it.”

“Kai Hank Morgan.” Derek said, trying out the full name. “Yeah, kind of clunks.”

“How about Luca?” Emily said.

Derek made a face. “Theo?”

“Theo.” Emily echoed. “Theo Hank Morgan. It’s different, I like it. Ooh, or Xavier.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “So Theo or Xavier for a boy. What about a girl name? I still think it’s a girl.”

“Isabella is cute.” She said. “It’s Italian.”

“It’s also the main character in that vampire movie.” He said. “Don’t ask, Garcia made me do it.”

“Alrighty then.” She said. “You pick one.”

“Madeline.” Derek offered. “French, very classic.”

“Madeline Morgan.” Emily said. “Sounds like a wealthy socialite who drinks cosmos at noon and flunks out of a party school. Catrin.”

“Catrin Morgan sounds like she drinks whiskey for breakfast.” Derek said. “And wrestles bears for fun. How about Ashley Morgan?”

“Isn’t that a website?” She asked. “For people who want to cheat on their spouses?”

Derek laughed. “That’s Ashley  _ Madison _ !” 

“Right.” Emily said. “Could do Beatrice.”

“Are we having a grandmother?”

“Hey!” Emily laughed. “I think it’s cute! We could call her Bea, like a little bumblebee.”

“Yeah.” He said. “Or Bea Arthur, who starred on a show about old ladies when we were in  _ high school _ .”

“Ugh, fine.” She said, wrinkling her nose. “Allegra.”

“I like Allegra.” Derek said. “Allegra is pretty. What about Julia?”

Emily smiled. “Allegra or Julia Morgan.” She said. “We still need a middle name.”

“Alice?” Derek suggested. “As in Wonderland?”

“Rose.” Emily countered. “Every time you buy me flowers, it’s always red roses.”

“That’s because I couldn’t find sunflowers the first time.” Derek said. “I know those are your favorite, but all they had was roses, and I know you love red…”

“It’s cute.” Emily said. “And so are you.”

“Elizabeth?” Derek said. “Since our middle name for a boy is for my dad, we could do Elizabeth for your mom.”

“Believe it or not, she would hate that.” Emily said, chuckling. “What about Garcia?”

Derek raised an eyebrow. “You want to name our baby after Penelope Garcia?”

“Oh, there’s only one Penelope Garcia.” She said. “I like her middle name though, Grace.”

“How did you get her to tell you her middle name?” He asked. “She won’t even tell  _ me  _ that!”

“I traded her.” Emily said. “I told her what mine was.”

“Wha-?  _ You  _ won’t tell me yours either!”

Emily rolled her eyes. “It’s Reneé.” She said. “Okay, seriously though, what do you think?”

“Allegra Grace Morgan or Julia Grace Morgan.” Derek mused. “It goes with both names.”

“Is that a yes?” Emily said, unable to stop the grin from spreading over her face. “We have our names?”

Derek returned her smile. “I think we do, princess.” He said. “But how are we gonna pick one?”

She shrugged. “Wait til the baby is born, I guess.” She said. “See which name fits them better.”

“I can deal with that.” Derek nodded. “And in a couple hours, we’ll know for sure which two names are still in the running.”

“Yeah.” Emily said. “I can’t wait.”

Later that evening, they gathered their friends around a laptop on the table opposite a few boxes of pizza for the occasion. With some difficulty, they managed to get a three-way video call between them, the Morgan women, and Ambassador Prentiss who was, apparently, currently Portugal. Emily smiled and waved the envelope in her hand.

“Alright, moment of truth.” She said. “Any last words before we find out if baby Morgan is a boy or a girl?”

“Just that we love you guys.” Garcia said. “And we already love this little one, no matter what.”

“Yeah.” JJ said. “Who knows, maybe you guys will break the BAU’s boy streak.”

“Uh, I’m sorry.” Tara said. “Boy streak?”

“Every child who has been born to a team member in the last ten years has been a boy.” Hotch said. “It started with Jack, then Henry and Michael.”

“Ah.” Tara said. “You know that’s just a coincidence, right Hotch?”

“You know, statistically.” Reid said, ignoring the groans of everyone around him. “Men who have siblings are more likely to have children the same sex as the majority of their siblings, so Morgan, it’s possible that yours and Emily’s child will be a girl based on the fact that you have two sisters.”

“Thank you, Reid.” Rossi said. “Morgan, Prentiss, with all due respect, I think your mothers are about to throttle you through the screen, so maybe we should try and move this along?”

“Yeah, come on!” Sarah shouted. “The aunties want to know too!”

“Okay, okay!” Derek laughed. “Drum roll, please.”

Garcia and Tara obliged, tapping their hands on the table to what  _ sounded  _ like the drum solo to “Wipeout” as Emily and Derek opened the envelope and inspected the piece of paper. Neither one attempted to hide the matching smiles on their faces as their brains registered the answer to the question that had been on their minds for the past five months. Derek clasped his hands behind his head and Emily quickly held the piece of paper up to the computer screen.

“It’s a girl, everybody!” Derek said, the excitement and joy in his voice apparent. “Emily and I are having a baby girl.”

The sound of cheers erupting in the room was near deafening as everyone reacted at once. Desiree and Sarah squealed and clutched their mother, and Elizabeth Prentiss clasped her hands primly, though her smile was genuine. The entire team took turns hugging Derek and Emily, and Rossi raised a plastic cup full of fruit punch.

“To Derek and Emily.” He said. “And to their  _ bellissima figlia,  _ may she be every bit as wonderful as her parents, two of the best people I know.”

“Hear hear.” Hotch said. “Congratulations, guys.”

Emily beamed up at Derek, one hand around him, the other on her stomach, her cheeks pink and glowing. Derek leaned in to kiss her and placed his hand atop hers. He felt a piece of his heart fall into place, something he hadn’t known he was missing until now. He couldn’t shake the feeling that this was his destiny, that every moment and choice in his life had led him to this. To Emily, to his daughter. Derek’s life was different from what he had initially imagined in every single way, and yet somehow, it was everything he ever wanted.


	15. Hey Pretty Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek reveals a secret, and worries over feeling the baby move for the first time.

“She likes your voice.”

Derek looked up from the vegetables he had been chopping for that night’s dinner. Since he had taken time off from the BAU following his abduction and Emily’s culinary skills were sketchy at best, Derek had taken over the cooking duties as soon as he was up to standing that long. Tonight was supposed to be a twist on a chicken stir-fry that he had made for Emily when they first started dating and she had gone crazy for. Derek had turned on the radio to the eighties station and was singing along to Billy Ocean when Emily had spoken up. He set the knife down and began putting vegetables in the wok.

“What makes you say that, princess?” Derek asked. 

“She heard you and started going  _ nuts. _ ” Emily said, rubbing her stomach. She was twenty-four weeks along and there was no hiding her growing bump, even if she had wanted to. “You should try again.”

“I don’t know.” He said. “I don’t want to put too much pressure on the mini-princess.”

“You’re fine.” Emily said. “She’s just stubborn.”

“You don’t know that.” Derek said. “She could be shy, maybe expecting her to move is giving her stage fright or something.”

Emily rolled her eyes. “Just come here.”

Derek shrugged and rinsed his hands off before walking over to where Emily was leaning against the kitchen counter and put his hands on her belly, letting her guide his hands to the spot she had last felt their daughter. Derek had caught a few faint kicks, but other than that, their little girl had been playing hide and seek whenever he had tried to feel her move. It bothered Derek more than he wanted to admit, though he tried desperately not to let it show in front of Emily, who had become increasingly emotional and sensitive over the past six months. He didn’t want to upset her, but she picked up on his insecurity and tried, thus far fruitlessly, to get the baby to kick for him. Derek waited for a few minutes with his hands on Emily’s stomach, feeling for something, anything, before shaking his head.

“She’s not doing it.” He said. “She won’t move for me.”

“Talk to her, Derek!” Emily said. “Or sing her a song. She can hear you, she knows your voice.”

“Maybe she just doesn’t like me.” He said quietly, then flinched when Emily flicked him on the head. “Hey!”

“Stop that.” Emily said. “She  _ loves  _ you. Just try it.”

Derek sighed and cleared his throat, kneeling down in hopes that the baby would be able to hear him better from that vantage point.

“Hey pretty girl.” He said. “Hey, it’s your daddy. I love you, sweetheart. I- Emily, I feel like an idiot.”

“Keep going.” She said, nodding encouragingly. “Give her a little time to respond.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “Okay, uh...your mommy and I can’t wait to meet you, we’ve wanted you for a  _ really  _ long time...longer than you can possibly know, and in a few more months you’re gonna be here. I can’t believe it. You know, your mommy doesn’t know this but I’ve been praying you’d come along since we lost your brother or sister and I promise, little girl, I’m gonna do everything in my power to keep you safe and protect you until you don’t need me anymore. Even then, I know I’ll probably always try, because I love you, you know that? I’ll love you all my life.”

Derek fell silent for a moment, waiting, and then finally...three strong jabs against his open palm. He started a little, then smiled and ran his palm across Emily’s stomach, laughing a little when he felt his daughter kicking again.

“There she is.” He said. “There’s my sweet girl. Oh, thank you sweet pea, you just made your daddy’s day. Whoa, Em...Emily, what’s wrong?”

“You, uh-“ Emily stammered, tears falling silently from her eyes. “You never told me how- how you felt. God, why am I  _ crying  _ so much?”

“Because you’re pregnant.”

“Shut up!” Emily said, laughter bubbling up through her tears. Her face crumpled. “Why didn’t you  _ tell  _ me?”

Derek rose to his feet and wrapped Emily in a tight hug. He kissed the top of her head and began rubbing her back in slow, comforting circles.

“I didn’t tell you,” He said. “Because you weren’t ready yet and I didn’t want you to feel pressured to start trying too soon because of me.”

“You still should have  _ said something _ !” She said. “I mean  _ Jesus,  _ Derek! I want you to be able to tell me how you’re  _ feeling _ .”

“Okay.” Derek said, trying to soothe her. “Okay, I’m sorry Emily. I’m sorry. But hey, it all worked out okay. We’re going to have a perfect little girl who is going to be every bit as strong and as beautiful as her mother, and in a few months, it’ll be like she’s always been here. Okay?”

Emily nodded, burying her face in his shoulder. Derek kissed her head again and rocked her gently. Against one of his hands, he felt their daughter kicking again.

“Hey.” He murmured. “Little girl is worried about you, I can feel her. I don’t think she likes hearing her mommy crying like that. She loves you. So do I.”

“I know.” Emily sniffled. “I love you both too.”

Derek gave her shoulders a little squeeze before he released her. Emily wiped her eyes, her face was red and splotchy and she ran a hand across her belly, trying to calm the child within.

“I know.” She said softly. “I know, I’m sorry. Mommy’s sorry, sweetheart. You’re okay.”

“Come on.” Derek said. “Let me get this going so we can get you two some food.”

Derek set to work making sure Emily was fed, then he wrapped her in a blanket on the couch and put on a cheesy sci-fi movie she had seen a million times before, letting her curl up into him, her head bumping against his chest as she laughed at the same parts she always did. He kept one hand on her stomach, feeling their daughter kick occasionally, stretching her legs and becoming more active the longer her mother sat still. Eventually, Emily started drifting to sleep and Derek helped her up the stairs and tucked her into bed. By the time he had brushed his teeth and put on pajamas, Emily was fast asleep. Derek chuckled and kissed his fiancée on the cheek.

“Good night, princess.” He said. Then he reached out to rub her belly. “Good night, mini-princess.”

When Derek drifted off to sleep that night, he dreamed of his little girl, conjuring up images of a golden brown complexion, little bow lips, and a nose like Emily’s. He felt warm and whole inside, and when he woke in the morning, that feeling stayed. Derek hopes that that feeling would stay for the rest of his life.


	16. Starlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily faces her fears, and she and Derek come to an important decision.

Derek had spent weeks working on the baby’s room, even though they hadn’t actually decided that Emily was staying in the states after their daughter was born. He could very well have done it for nothing, but something in him couldn’t let his baby sleep in an empty room with no personality, nothing that made it  _ hers _ . So, he painted, alternating dusty rose and gray on the walls with golden accents carefully stenciled, with a spot in the center reserved for her initials. He converted a dresser into a changing table and built a crib, painting them both a bluish-gray to match the room and hung soft pink curtains. He refurbished a rocking chair he had found in an antique shop and fixed a bookshelf that had been gathering dust in storage, filling it with board books and stories he and Emily had loved as children. When it was finally finished, except for the initials on the wall, he had shown Emily and she cried.

It quickly became Emily’s favorite room in the house, and Derek often found her in there, folding tiny baby clothes or sitting in the rocking chair. Sometimes he would catch her organizing and reorganizing things, dusting spotless surfaces, or vacuuming the clean carpet. The parenting books all called it nesting, and Derek found the term oddly fitting. One night after dinner, Derek came upstairs after starting the dishwasher and noticed the door to the nursery was cracked open, a wedge of light falling on the floor. Derek approached with soft footfalls and heard Emily speaking in low, soft tones. He peeked in and saw her rocking in the rocking chair, a book in one hand and the other rubbing her belly. She was nearing the end of the second trimester and had complained that her stomach felt heavy and little girl was kicking much more strongly now, quickly running out of room. It had been a while since she had gotten a truly good night's sleep. Still, she was radiant, glowing like some celestial being. Derek watched with rapt attention as Emily read to the child in her womb, dimple deepening in the corner of her cheek as she smiled.

“ _ The Doormouse is asleep again,  _ said the Mad Hatter and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose.” Emily read aloud, not looking up even as the door creaked. “The Doormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes,  _ Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself… _ ”

“Taking our baby to Wonderland?” Derek asked, his heart melting a little when Emily looked up and smiled that brilliant smile at him. “Emily Prentiss, you’re going to make sure our daughter has her head in the clouds.”

Emily shrugged. “Stories were an escape for me when I was a little girl.” She said. “I want her to believe that anything is possible because everything  _ seems  _ possible, not because she desperately needs it to be.”

“She will, princess.” Derek said. “We are going to make  _ sure  _ that this little girl has the childhood neither of us got to have, I promise you that.”

“I know.” Emily said, nodding. “I just remember how alone I felt, how small. From such a young age I was foisted off on nannies and tutors, I felt ignored. I just don’t want her to ever feel like that.”

“Listen to me.” Derek put a hand on Emily’s shoulder, brown eyes boring into hers. “Our daughter will  _ never _ know anything but love. Look at you, you’re reading her stories before she’s even born. Who could look at that and see anything but a devoted mother?”

“Me.” Emily whispered. “What if I’m not good at this, Derek? I could do my best and have it  _ still  _ not be enough. She could grow to hate me.”

“She  _ won’t  _ hate you.” He said. “Tell me something, Emily, who sings songs to her all day long?”

“I do.”

“And reads her stories?” He continued. “Who feeds her chocolate just to feel her happy dance in there? Who delights in all the little things that bring that baby joy?”

“Me.” She said. “But that doesn’t mean-“

“You worry when she gets the hiccups.” Derek said. “If she sleeps for too long or not enough, and it’s mutual. You told me she kicks you awake when you have bad dreams, and she can sense when you’re sad. Emily, she already loves you, you’re her  _ mom _ .”

Emily gives him a shaky smile before casting her eyes downward, rubbing her stomach.

“I love her so much.” She said, her voice breaking and chin quivering. “Already. I’m just so scared that I’m going to  _ fail  _ her somehow, let her down.”

“Well, you  _ are  _ human.” Derek chuckled. “Emily, neither  _ one _ of us is gonna be perfect. We’ll make mistakes. But she  _ will  _ forgive us as long as we tried to do the right thing for her as often as possible.”

“I know.” Emily said. She gave him a small smile. “You know, you’re gonna make a pretty awesome dad.”

Derek grinned. “Oh yeah?” He said. “You think so?”

“Yep.” Emily replied. “And a pretty great husband, too.”

“Hmm…” Derek said, leaning down to kiss her. “I cannot  _ wait  _ to marry you, Prentiss.”

“We could always elope.” Emily joked. “Have a real ceremony later on.”

“Oh, don’t tempt me.” He said. “I would marry you in a heartbeat if you let me.”

Something shifted in Emily’s expression. Her dark eyes grew serious. “Then let’s do it.” She said. “Let’s go and get married. Tomorrow even.”

“Wait a minute.” Derek’s brow furrowed. “You’re serious. Emily…?”

“I want to do it.” She said. “I don’t want to wait any longer. Our baby will  _ be here _ in thirteen weeks and I want to be your wife when that happens.”

Derek looked at her for a long time, and Emily felt a strange fear in her chest that didn’t quite make sense. But then Derek smiled warmly and kissed her, and all of Emily’s fears melted away.

“Okay, let’s do it.” He said. “Let’s get married.”

Emily smiled. “Let’s get married.”


	17. A Thousand Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A promise is made, and a secret comes out.

They got the rings. Emily found a beautiful, flowing maternity dress in seafoam green that gave her an almost ethereal quality about her, and Derek chose a crisp grey suit. They went down to the courthouse early in the morning and exchanged vows, signed papers. They kissed, put on their rings, and kissed again.

By the end of the day, their secret was out.

It all started when Emily ran into JJ at the little cafe where they used to sometimes pick up breakfast together back in the day. They had an amazing egg and cheese croissant that Emily had been craving for days and she finally broke down around noon and went to go get one when she bumped into the blonde on her lunch break.

“Hey.” JJ said. “Didn’t expect to run into you here.”

“Oh! Yeah.” Emily chuckled, gesturing to the bag in her hand. “Pregnancy craving.”

“I  _ definitely  _ know how that goes.” JJ said, her eyes fell on the wedding band that now rested beside Emily’s engagement ring on her left hand. “Oh, that’s new, isn’t it? Wait a minute, did you guys…?”

Emily’s face flushed red. “Yeah, this morning.” She said. “We just didn’t want to wait anymore.”

“And you didn’t  _ tell _ anyone?” JJ exclaimed. “Emily! This is  _ huge! _ You just married Derek Morgan!”

“We’re going to have a ceremony later on.” Emily explained. “After the baby is born, but  _ please  _ don’t say anything to the team yet, Derek and I haven’t really discussed telling everyone yet, we  _ just  _ got ahold of our moms and his sisters.”

JJ made a locking motion with her hands. “Your secret is safe with me.” She said. “I’m so happy for you guys! And I know everyone else will be too.”

Across town, Derek had stopped at the hardware store to pick up a few things he needed to fix a leak in the master bathroom. He felt like he was in a daze, and he briefly thought that this could have waited until tomorrow when his phone rang. Caller ID told him that it was Garcia. He cleared his throat.

“Hey Garcia.” Derek said. “What’s up?”

“Hey!” The tech analyst said brightly. “I know you’re super busy these days, what with having a baby on the way and all, but I was trying to get a game night going one of these days and wanted to know if you and Prentiss wanted in.”

“Huh? Uh, sure.” Derek said. “Sure thing, just let us know a couple days in advance, we’ll be there.”

“Wha- what’s wrong?” Garcia asked, going quiet. “You sound weird, what’s going on?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Derek said. “What makes you think that something’s wrong?”

“Well first of all, you didn’t call me babygirl.” Garcia said. “Which I know, I’m gonna have to get used to once your  _ actual  _ baby girl is here, but old habits die hard, and you barely heard what I was asking you!”

“I heard!” Derek said. “You want to do a game night!”

“Uh-huh, yeah.” Garcia said. “Out with it. What’s going on? Is it Emily? Did something happen with the baby?”

“The baby is fine, Emily is fine.” Derek chuckled, shaking his head. “Oh, I can’t lie to you, can I babygirl? Emily and I got married today.”

On the other line, Garcia paused. “What?”

“We got married.” He said. “As of about nine this morning, Emily and I are husband and wife.”

Derek had to move the phone away from his ear, Garcia was squealing so loudly.

“ _ Oh my GOD _ !!” She exclaimed. “This is  _ amazing _ ! You guys got  _ married _ ! You’re married! And-  _ hey _ ! You didn’t invite any of us!”

Derek laughed. “We’re having a ceremony after the baby is born.” He said. “Come on, you didn’t think we’d leave you guys out  _ entirely _ ? Especially you.”

“Oh,  _ fine _ !” Garcia said, but she didn’t sound  _ too  _ upset about it. “Oh my god,  _ congratulations! _ ”

“Thank you.” Derek said. “But hey! Do me a favor and keep this on the down-low for a minute, Emily and I haven’t really told anyone yet, just family.”

“I am Fort Knox, my friend!” Garcia said. “Not a word shall pass from my lips until you give the all-clear!”

When Jennifer Jareau returned to the BAU, she only had to take one look at Penelope Garcia to know that she knew too. They exchanged a glance as JJ stepped out of the elevator and JJ quickly looked around to make sure none of the team was in earshot before approaching the other woman.

“Hey.” She said. “I just ran into Emily, and judging from the look on your face, you just talked to Morgan.”

“Oh my god,  _ you know _ ?” Garcia said in a very loud whisper. “This is  _ crazy _ !”

“I know!” JJ whispered. “I can’t believe it! Oh, but I was  _ sworn  _ to secrecy, so we can’t tell  _ anyone _ .”

“Oh, yeah yeah! Me too!” Garcia said. “I just don’t know how we’re going to keep this from a bunch of  _ profilers _ !” 

“Especially these guys.” JJ agreed. “Man, who would have thought ten years ago, Morgan and Prentiss would be married and having a baby?”

“Not me.” Garcia said. “I thought that man was going to be a bachelor for  _ life _ , now he’s  _ married _ ?”

From behind them, Tara Lewis bent her head to come between the two blondes.

“What are we talking about?” She whispered.

Garcia jumped about a foot in the air, causing Tara to laugh. The tech analyst scowled.

“Don’t  _ scare  _ me like that!” Garcia exclaimed. “Jeez, how does someone your height even  _ sneak up _ on people like that? It’s a talent.”

“Sorry.” Tara chuckled. “You guys just looked like you were plotting something and I had to come see if it was anything good. Did you say someone got married?”

JJ and Garcia exchanged a look.

“Okay.” JJ said. “You can’t tell  _ anyone _ . Morgan and Prentiss will  _ kill  _ us if they find out someone spilled the beans before they got to.”

Tara grinned. “I knew it.” She said. “There was  _ no  _ way that  _ that  _ man was waiting to put a ring on  _ that _ woman.”

“Okay, you gotta pinky swear!” Garcia said. “No telling!”

“My lips are sealed.” Tara said. “I won’t say a word. It won’t be easy to keep the team from figuring out that something is up, though.”

“Yeah, especially Rossi.” JJ said. “I swear to god, that man has a sixth sense when it comes to marriage.”

“Yes I do.” Rossi said, walking past them from the elevator. He smirked. “Don’t worry, I’ll give them both my love later and try to act surprised.”

Garcia watched with her mouth hanging open as Rossi walked right past him and into the bullpen. Tara and JJ looked at each other and shrugged, both thinking the same thing: This secret was going to be harder to keep than they thought.

At his desk, Spencer Reid stared at his colleagues. Tara, JJ, and Garcia had been acting strangely since they got back from lunch. He had tried to ask Rossi if he knew what was going on, but the older man just smirked and shook his head. Spencer tapped his fingers on his desk and picked up his phone, after a couple of rings, Emily picked up.

“Hey buddy.” She said. “What’s up?”

“Hey, Emily.” Reid said casually. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything is alright.” She said. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” He said. “I just had a feeling.”

Emily sighed. “Did you talk to JJ?”

“Actually no.” Reid said. “But she’s been acting really strange since she got back from lunch. So have Garcia and Tara, how did you know?”

“How did  _ Tara  _ find out?!” Emily exclaimed. “Look, I ran into JJ around lunchtime, and I guess since everybody is going to find out soon anyway, I might as well tell you. Derek and I got married today.”

“What?” Reid sat up straight in his chair. “No way! Congratulations, that’s amazing! Is it a secret?”

“Well, not anymore, apparently.” Emily said. “If half the team already knows.”

“I don’t think Tara found out on purpose.” Reid said. “I saw her creeping up on JJ and Garcia in the hall. I think Rossi knows too, or at least suspects.”

“Of course he does.” Emily sighed. “That man can smell a wedding from a mile away.”

“Yeah.” Reid said. “It’s weird.”

“Let me give Derek a heads up that the secret’s out.” She said. “Then I guess we’ll talk to the rest of the team. Sorry for not telling you guys.”

“No, don’t be.” Reid said. “I’m happy for you, and I know everyone else will be too. Congratulations Emily, again. To both of you.”

Reid couldn’t see Emily, he knew she was smiling. 

“Thanks.” She said. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Reid hung up the phone and smiled to himself. He’d had a feeling that today was going to be a good day.

That night, the entire team gathered at Derek and Emily’s to celebrate their nuptials. Derek had called Hotch after Emily had told him what had occurred, and neither one of them could be mad that their secret hadn’t managed to stay secret for very long. As they all laughed and celebrated, the love in the room seemed to magnify and become a tangible thing. Several toasts were made. Even stoic Aaron Hotchner was all smiles as he hugged his friends.

“Congratulations, both of you.” He said. “You two have a lot to look forward to in the coming months, and I’m glad you’re letting us all come along for the ride.”

“Thank you.” Emily said. “We wouldn’t want it any other way, really.”

Derek nodded in agreement. “So, Hotch.” He said. “Got any advice for a new husband and father-to-be?”

Hotch considered for a moment. “Love them every day.” He said. “Don’t let the job cost you what it cost me. Work will always be work, but your wife and child can’t be replaced. Don’t let them go.”

“I think I can arrange that.” Derek said, and he kissed Emily on the mouth, his hand on her stomach.

It was a night they would always remember, for the rest of their days, and for once, all was truly well.


	18. Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A health scare makes Derek rethink his priorities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: preeclampsia, medical tests

“Let’s talk about your blood pressure, Emily.”

The words sent a jolt of fear to her heart. It was Emily’s twenty-eight week appointment, and she had mentioned that her feet had been more swollen and achey lately, and she had been feeling more tired than she had before. Beside her, Derek squeezed her hand.

“What’s wrong?” She asked. “Is everything okay?”

“It’s a little high.” The doctor said. “Nothing to be overly concerned with yet, but seeing as you’re what we would classify as being at an advanced maternal age, you  _ do  _ have a higher risk for preeclampsia.”

Derek and Emily exchanged a look.

“So what does that mean?” Derek asked. “For the baby and Emily?”

“I want to do a protein analysis.” The doctor said. “I’m going to send you home with a container to collect urine for twenty-four hours, and I want to run some blood tests and monitor you more closely. Since you’re entering the third trimester, your appointments were going to be closer together anyway, but I’d like for you to come in every week instead, just to make sure that we stay on top of this.”

“Okay.” Emily said, taking a deep breath. “Okay, we can do that. We can do this.”

The doctor put up her hand. “Don’t panic just yet.” She said. “I just want you to be prepared. Preeclampsia is serious, and the only cure is to deliver. I don’t want to do that yet unless we absolutely have to.”

“Oh my god.” Derek muttered.

“We caught this early.” The doctor said. “And that’s good. If we have to, we can try to manage this with medication and bed rest if it comes to it.”

“And if we can’t?” Emily asked.

The doctor paused. “Then we try to get you as far along as we can before inducing.” She said. “Ideally thirty-seven weeks. Any sooner, and we may have to give you a shot to help develop the baby’s lungs.”

Derek nodded. “Okay.” He said. “How can I help my wife? What do I do?”

“The best thing you can do is be there.” The doctor replied. “Try to make sure she rests, I know this is hard to hear, but this is  _ not  _ a hopeless situation.”

The car ride home was silent, both of them lost in their own thoughts and fears. Derek was nearing the end of his time off, and he felt a bit of panic at the thought of something happening to Emily and him not being there to help her. He recalled the nightmare he’d had months ago, about losing his wife and child. Emily touched his hand, her dark eyes serious.

“Talk to me.” She said. “What’s going through your head right now? Because mine is just screaming.”

“I’m worried.” He said. “I’m second guessing going back to work. What if I’m not here and something happens? Emily, I don’t want you here alone.”

“I’ll be fine.” Emily said. “I’ll make sure I have someone on speed dial if something happens, don’t  _ not  _ go back to work because of me, Derek.”

“Emily, I-“ Derek started, then sighed and ran a hand over his head. “I can’t lose you. Okay? Or her. You both are the most important thing in my life. If something happens, I’ll never forgive myself.”

“We’ll be fine.” She said. “I’m scared too.”

“I know.” Derek said, hugging her. “I know.”


	19. End Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the hospital ends with a bang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: preeclampsia, gun violence

Going back to work was tough for Derek. Even when the team put together a surprise baby shower for him and Emily, all he could think about was how worried he was. Emily’s blood pressure was being controlled with medication for the time being, but after she hit thirty-two weeks, it had kept climbing steadily higher. At thirty-four weeks, they were starting to talk bedrest. It drove Derek out of his mind with worry, but Emily had  _ insisted  _ that Derek go to a poker game at Rossi’s. When he got home, though, he could tell something was wrong by the way Emily was wincing.

“What is it?” He asked.

“Nothing.” Emily said breathlessly. “Just a headache.”

“A headache?” Derek repeated.

“Yeah.” She said. “And a- there’s like a ringing in my ears. It really hurts, Derek.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “Okay, wait here. I’m getting your coat and we’re going to the hospital right now.”

“Okay.” She groaned. Then she looked up at him. “I’m scared.”

Derek stopped and kissed her forehead. “I know, baby.” He said. “I know, but I’ve got you. I’m right here and I’m gonna take care of you. Both of you.”

They were at the hospital for hours, doctors worked to get Emily’s blood pressure down. They were finally discharged sometime after midnight with strict orders that Emily was to be on full bed rest until her follow up appointment in two days and instructions to come back if her headaches returned. Emily shuffled to the truck, leaning against Derek.

“I’m sorry.” She said. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I can’t seem to have a healthy pregnancy at  _ all _ .”

“Emily, this is  _ not  _ your fault.” Derek said. “This happens to lots of women, it doesn’t mean anything.”

“But-“

“No buts.” He said, kissing her. “All this means is that we’re gonna get to meet this beautiful little girl a little sooner than we thought. And if she has to spend a little time in the NICU to get strong, we’ll get through it.”

“I know, I just-“ Emily’s voice broke. “I just feel like everything is happening so  _ fast. _ ”

“I know. Hey, I know.” He said. “But I love you, and you’re the strongest person I know, and we  _ will  _ get through this, Emily. Okay?”

Emily nodded. “I never got to ask.” She said. “How did the poker game go?”

“Eh, broke even.” He shrugged. “But this little one in that beautiful belly of yours did a lot better.”

“Oh man.” Emily chuckled. “It’s too bad I’m on house arrest, I could’ve made a killing.” 

“Yeah yeah yeah, Mrs Sin To Win.” Derek laughed. “I love you, you know that?”

Emily smiled and opened her mouth to respond. A shot rang out in the parking lot and her expression changed from one of tired happiness to shock. A strangled gasp left her lips and a dark red spot bloomed on her shirt as her knees buckled beneath her. Derek wrapped his arms around her and he looked around with wild eyes to see where the gunman was, but there was nothing.

“Derek…” Emily murmured. Her eyes closed.

They were all alone.


	20. The Moment I Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily’s life and the life of her child hang in the balance, and Derek confronts their attacker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: preeclampsia, near-death experience, gun violence

Everything that happened next was a blur.

They rushed Emily to surgery, and the team rushed to the hospital. Hotch told Derek that he couldn’t work the case and Derek hit the rough. He was panicking, he couldn’t think. All he could do was wonder if his wife and baby were going to live. His mind kept going back to the nightmare he’d had four months ago. He snapped at everyone who came to check on him, and he knew that wasn’t right but goddamn it, he couldn’t  _ think!  _ He could barely  _ breathe _ ! He didn’t know how he could focus on anything when Emily and his child,  _ their  _ child, could be dying in surgery with him powerless to stop it. Derek told Reid as much when he came to check on him.

“You know when I knew that you and Emily were going to be together?” Reid asked. “When I knew that you were  _ meant  _ to be together?”

Derek shrugged. “When?”

“Remember that conversation we had?” Reid said. “A  _ long  _ time ago where I told you my mother said that the right girls find you when you’re ready?”

“Yeah, I remember.” Derek said. “Come on, Reid. You can’t tell me that  _ that’s  _ when you knew.”

“Not quite.” Reid said. “But there was a moment about six months after that, we were all at a bar grabbing drinks after a case, some meat head bumped into Prentiss and she started to fall and you reached out to catch her. And the look in your eyes was something between wanting to clobber the guy that did it and wanting to let her know that you would never let her fall. You do that a lot.”

“I do?”

Reid smiled. “You do.” He said. “And then when I finally  _ saw  _ you two together, it was obvious. You found the one. Do you believe that?”

“Of course I do.” Derek said. “With all my heart.”

“Then please believe this.” Reid replied. “Our team loves you, and Emily,  _ and  _ your daughter, and we are not going to  _ stop  _ until we find whoever did this.”

That was the moment Derek knew. The unsub, whoever he was, was a father motivated by paternal instinct turned to revenge, and he knew it was Chazz Montolo. When JJ showed him a clue he found, he knew where to go and knew that Montolo would be waiting for him when he got there. He snuck into the room where Emily was recovering, apologized to her and their daughter kicking faintly against his hand, and kissed Emily goodbye.

It was a decision that nearly cost him his life.

When Emily woke up, she knew something was wrong. Derek was gone, and her body was screaming. Her head was pounding. The doctor caring for her informed her that between her injury and her still skyrocketing blood pressure, they were going to  _ have  _ to do a c-section if Emily wanted her daughter to survive. That was about the time Emily lost it and started shouting for Derek. She got Garcia instead.

“Oh, that idiot.” Emily said when she saw the look on the tech analysts face. “He’s gone, isn’t he?”

“The team got a lead on the case.” Garcia said. “It’s all about protecting you and the baby-“

“Don’t lie to me!” Emily exclaimed. “He figured out who did this and did something stupid like go off alone to confront this guy, didn’t he?  _ Didn’t he, Garcia?! _ ”

“Don’t! Don’t stress yourself out!” Garcia practically whimpered. “It’s not good for the baby.”

“This baby is  _ coming _ !” Emily said. “And my absolute  _ maniac  _ of a husband is going to miss his daughter’s birth and probably get himself killed because he doesn’t know when to stop!”

“The team is on their way now.” Garcia said. “Prentiss, we will  _ get  _ him back here in time.”

“I’m going to kill him.” Emily said, as nurses began wheeling her away to prep her. “You tell him when you see him that I’m going to kill him for making me do this alone!”

Emily was angry, but on that final word,  _ alone _ , her voice broke. Tears streamed down her face. 

“This isn’t  _ fair. _ ” She sobbed. “He  _ promised  _ he would always be there and he’s  _ not _ . I don’t want to do this alone, Penelope. I  _ need  _ him. I can’t  _ do  _ this.”

Garcia grabbed her hand. “You  _ can. _ ” She said. “But you won’t have to. I’m getting him back here, peaches, don’t you worry about that. Come hell or high water, I will  _ make sure  _ he’s here for you.”

Derek found Chazz Montolo, alright, in the first house he ever renovated. With a few words, threats to call an unnamed partner with an order to kill Emily and his entire team, Montolo disarmed him. He tried to get Derek to admit that he killed his son, Guiseppe, and played a twisted version of Russian Roulette. Finally, Montolo dialed a phone and said he was giving Derek what he never got: A chance to say goodbye. Derek swallowed the lump in his throat and picked up the phone as Garcia answered on the other line.

“Hello?” Garcia asked. “Hello?”

“Babygirl.” He said.

Garcia breathes a sigh of relief. “You’re okay!” She said. “Look, Emily is awake and she is  _ pissed _ . She’s threatening murder and divorce if you don’t get back here in time for this c-section, so…”

“Garcia…” Derek’s voice cracked. “I need you to patch everyone in. I need you to do it, right now.”

Garcia obeyed and when he heard Hotch’s voice, it was all Derek could do not to break down right there. He could hear Montolo’s gun clicking.

“He’s got a gun with two bullets.” Derek said. “Listen to me, I made a decision that led me to this. This is my fault, and if this is how it ends, it was meant to be.”

“Don’t say that!” Garcia exclaimed.

_ Click. Click. Click. _

“Tell Emily how sorry I am.” He said, voice thick with unshed tears. “Tell her I always loved her, from the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew in my heart that I was gonna end up with her.”

_ Click. Click. Click. _

“Tell my daughter.” He continued. “Tell her how much I loved her, how excited I was to be a dad. How for a year after...after we lost our first baby, I would stay up at night and hope that she would come. And tell her how sorry I am that I couldn’t watch her grow up.”

“Tell her yourself.” Garcia said. “When she’s fifteen and the first boy she ever loved breaks her heart and she’s crying on your shoulder and wishing she was never born, tell her all of that and how you  _ fought  _ to be able to watch her grow up, and how important she is.”

_ Click. Click.  _ He could see the bullets now.

“Promise me you’ll look after Emily and my baby.”

“Of course we will.” She said. “But so will you.”

Derek lowered the phone. He heard the final  _ click _ of the empty chamber before a bullet came into position to kill him. As Montolo pulled the trigger, Derek remembered something.

This house didn’t have a landline.


	21. Begin Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of a confrontation, and a new life begins.

Derek disarmed Montolo as the gun went off and though the old man baited Derek to shoot him, though it was all Derek could do not to give in to that, he held his position until the rest of the team arrived and arrested Montolo. The nightmare finally over, Derek rushed back to the hospital, back to Emily. He was lucky that she was already prepped for surgery, because she looked like she wanted to throw something at his head.

“Don’t  _ ever  _ scare me like that again.” Emily said through clenched teeth. “I thought you were dead.”

“So did I.” Derek said. “Emily, I’m sorry.”

“I hate you.”

Derek smiled and brushed the tears from her face with his thumb. “No you don’t.”

A nurse poked her head in. “We’re ready to take you back now.” She said. “Are you ready?”

Emily nodded, and stared up at her husband. She grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze.

“This is it.” She said. “The moment we’ve been waiting for. You sure you can handle this?”

Derek grinned. “Come on, princess.” He said. “Let’s go have a baby.”

They wheeled Emily back to the OR and gave her a spinal block. Derek held her hand and his breath as the doctors worked from behind the partition. It took maybe fifteen minutes. The doctors had warned them that their baby may not cry, could possibly need assistance breathing because of how early she was. So when a high-pitched wail filled the room, Derek swore he felt his soul momentarily leave his body. The doctors carefully held the screaming, messy little being up over the curtain for them to see and there it was.

No. There  _ she  _ was.

Their daughter was hastily cleaned off and placed on Emily’s chest for a moment so her parents could see her and kiss her before the NICU team apologetically placed the baby in an isolette and wheeled her away. Tears poured out of Emily’s eyes and when she looked up at Derek, she saw that he was crying too. After Emily had been stitched up and sent to recovery, Derek went to check on his daughter and then give the news to the rest of the team. He rounded the corner and saw every last one of them holding a collective breath.

“She’s here.” He said. “Four pounds, ten ounces, seventeen and a half inches long, and she is  _ pissed  _ about being born, but she’s here.”

The hall seemed to erupt in cheers as everyone hugged Derek, hugged each other, and cried. They didn’t keep him long, and by the time Emily was back in her room, Derek was by her side. He kissed her forehead and pressed it to his own.

“I am so proud of you, Emily.” He whispered. “You did such a good job on our little girl. She’s perfect.”

“They said I could see her in a couple hours.” Emily murmured. “Once I’m a little less out of it. How is she, Derek? How’s our baby?”

“She’s a little small.” Derek answered. “But she is absolutely  _ beautiful _ , princess. She’s got your eyes, and that cute little nose.”

“Poor kid.” Emily chuckled. “She still needs a name.”

Derek smiled. “Just wait til you get a good look at her.” He said. “Then you can tell me what you think, and we’ll see if we share the same brain like Rossi says.”

“He said we share the same  _ brain cell _ .” Emily said, rolling her eyes. “Singular.”

“Still.” He said. Then his expression changed, growing serious. “Emily, I need to tell you something…”

“You’re quitting.” She said. “Aren’t you?”

“I thought I was gonna die tonight.” Derek said. “I almost left you alone with a premature baby, and I realized that I don’t want to be that guy. I grew up without a father and it shaped everything about who I am, but I don’t want that for our daughter.”

Emily chuckled sadly. “You’re gonna break their hearts.” She said. “You know that, right?”

“They will understand.” He said, kissing her. “So, here’s what I think. We get you home, get our little girl healthy and strong, we have that ceremony that we promised everyone we would, then we get the hell out of here and go home to London. Deal?”

“Are you  _ sure? _ ” Emily asked, her brown eyes wide. “I mean…London? That’s where you want to be?”

“I want to be where you are.” Derek said. “I don’t care if we live in London or America or Wonderland. All I care about is my wife and my daughter. From here on out, my life is dedicated to the two of you and only the two of you. So what do you say?”

Emily looked at him for a long moment before nodding her head. “Okay.” She said. “Deal.”

When Emily was finally well enough to be wheeled down to the NICU to see their daughter, she was so nervous that her hands were shaking as she took the tiny bundle in her arms. The nurse helped her let the front of her hospital gown down and placed the baby girl directly onto Emily’s chest, a blanket protecting her tiny body from getting too cold while she received some much needed skin-to-skin care. Emily stared at her daughter for a long time, not saying anything, then looked up at Derek, her eyes wild, and afraid, and so,  _ so  _ hopelessly in love with that baby girl.

“Am I doing this right?” She asked. “How do I-? I don’t know if I’m doing this right.”

“You’re doing perfect, princess.” Derek said, grinning at how perfect, how natural she looked. “Look at how she just curled up into you, like that’s the safest place in the world for her, right there in your arms.”

“She really  _ is  _ beautiful.” Emily said, kissing the top of the baby’s head. “Hey there. Hey sweet girl, it’s your mom. I love you…”

She looked up at Derek, and he just grinned at her.

“What do you think?” He asked. “You see it too, don’t you? What are we naming her, Emily?”

Emily smiled, and kissed her daughter again. They both knew, without saying anything more to one another, that they were in agreement.

“Welcome to the world.” Emily whispered. “Julia Grace Morgan.”

  
  



	22. Delicate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Derek’s decision, Emily bonds with their daughter.

Julia blinked up at her mother with huge brown eyes. Emily knew that her daughter’s vision at this stage was still not fully developed, but the little girl really  _ did _ seem to be looking at her as Emily smoothed the tabs of her tiny diaper and placed a hand on the baby’s tummy. The bottle warmer over by the nurses computer dinged. Julia was was about a week old and had been pronounced strong enough to try bottle feeding, though it would still be a few weeks more before doctors were comfortable with preparing her to go home.

“Good job, pretty girl.” Emily crooned at the girl, picking her up gently. “Are you hungry? Yeah? Let’s go get your bottle!”

Emily gently cradled the newborn in her arms as she picked the bottle up and carried them to the chair in the corner of the room, careful not to trip any of the cords attached to the machines monitoring her daughter’s heart rate and breathing. She got settled and made sure Julia was swaddled snugly in her blanket before running the bottle’s rubber tip along the baby’s mouth. Julia rooted around for a moment before parting tiny, full lips to let the bottle in and began to suckle, eyes still trained on her mother.

“Look at you.” Emily said. “Already eating like such a big girl. We’ll be busting you out of here in no time.”

“Oh, this is sweet.” A familiar voice said from the doorway. Emily looked up and saw JJ smiling at her, arms folded. “Morgan said that I would probably find you here.”

Emily smiled. “Hey.” She said. “Yeah, I spend pretty much all my free time here. Which is a lot, because apparently you can’t do much after a c-section.”

“Uh, yeah.” JJ said. “A major abdominal surgery  _ kind of  _ limits your options. How are you feeling?”

“Sore.” Emily replied. “Exhausted, hormonal. I cry about two hundred times a day now. You know, and they don’t tell you about all of the gross stuff that happens  _ after _ you give birth.”

“Ooh.” JJ laughed, wincing a little. “Yeah, we’re sold the whole ‘miracle of birth’ thing but the  _ road _ to that miracle is pretty messy. How are you doing with her being in the NICU?”

“It’s hard.” Emily admitted. “Every time I have to leave, it’s a battle to not break down. Derek just keeps reminding me that it’s just for right now, but…”

JJ walked over and reached down to squeeze Emily’s shoulder. She couldn’t imagine being in her friend’s shoes. Having two healthy boys had been a blessing that JJ felt, somewhat guiltily, that she took for granted more often than she should. She peeked down at the tiny bundle in Emily’s arm’s and saw soft brown eyes darting up to look for the new thing in her line of sight, and JJ couldn’t help but smile.

“She looks like you.” JJ said. “I mean, she’s got Morgan’s complexion but that nose? Those eyes? That is  _ all  _ Emily Prentiss, right there.”

“She has his ears.” Emily said. “I see a lot of his sisters in her. Especially Desiree. I think she’ll favor the Morgan side of the family a lot more when she’s older.”

“Well, she is  _ beautiful _ .” JJ said. “Julia, right?”

“Yeah, Julia Grace.” Emily replied, sitting the baby up to burp her. “Penelope burst into tears when we told her the middle name was for her.”

“As well she should.” JJ said. “I heard you guys named her and Spence the godparents.”

“If you can call it that.” Emily said. “Neither one of us is actually religious, so it’s mostly just a title.”

“Still, it’s sweet.” JJ said. “You guys are gonna have a  _ lot  _ of babysitters and people looking out for her.”

“I know!” Emily laughed. “I don’t even want to  _ know  _ what dating is gonna look like for her in another fifteen or sixteen years. A bunch of people with guns telling the boy or girl she’s dating that they  _ better  _ not hurt her or face the wrath of the FBI?”

“Better make it twenty years.” JJ said with a wink. “Just to be safe.”

Emily smiled and looked down at Julia, who had already closed her eyes and was fast asleep, her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

“I told him he didn’t have to leave.” She said quietly, on the verge of tears. “I feel like I’m taking him away from you guys, and I  _ never  _ wanted that.”

JJ shrugged. “Honestly?” She said. “I’m surprised he didn’t do it sooner. I think we all kind of knew it was coming. The minute we all found out you were pregnant, I told Hotch that he was never going to risk leaving his child fatherless.”

“I know.” Emily said. “I kind of love that about him. I don’t know, I just- the BAU has been such a huge part of his life,  _ both  _ of our lives...it kind of feels like the end of an era, I guess.”

“And the beginning of a new one.” Morgan’s voice came as he walked over to kiss his wife. “How are my girls?”

Emily smiled brightly. “Good.” She said. “This little girl has quite the appetite.”

“Alright! That’s what I like to hear.” Derek said. “Well, she sure looks comfortable over there with mommy.”

JJ smiled. “I’ll give you guys some privacy.” She said. “I just wanted to come say hi and see how you were doing. I’ll talk to you guys later?”

“You know it, blondie.” Derek said, giving her a hug. 

JJ gave Emily’s shoulder another squeeze and made her exit. Derek kissed Emily again and laid his hand atop Julia’s tiny head. The girl stirred slightly and grunted in her sleep. Emily chuckled.

“Growing is hard work.” She commented. “She tolerated the bottle a lot better today.”

“That’s good.” Derek grinned. Then his expression grew serious. “Emily, I told you already, leaving the BAU was my decision. My place is here with you now. Julia deserves to have a father.”

“She deserves a father who’s  _ happy _ .” Emily whispered, her voice cracking.

“I  _ am  _ happy.” He said. “I wouldn’t have laid down and made a child with you if I wasn’t.”

Emily bit her lip. “I know.”

“You told me once that every ending is also a beginning and we just don’t know it at the time.” Derek said. “Do you still believe that that’s true?”

“Yes.”

“Then  _ trust  _ me.” He said. “This is our new beginning and after everything that we’ve been through, Emily, we  _ deserve  _ a happy ending.”

“Okay.” She said, smiling as Julia stirred again and little eyes blinked awake. “Sorry princess, did mommy and daddy disturb your nap?”

Julia gave a little squeak and Emily laughed. Derek leaned over and kissed his daughter and she shifted closer to her mother’s chest and closed her eyes again, the picture of contentment.

“She’s gonna be something else.” Derek said. “Barely a week old and already talking back. I can’t wait til her little personality starts to come out more.”

“Can you believe it?” Emily said. “Four years ago, I thought I was saying goodbye to you, and now we’re married with a daughter.”

“Funny how that works out, princess.” He said. “Have I told you today how much I love you?”

“You have.” She teased. “But I never get tired of hearing it.”

Derek smiled. “Well, I love you, Emily Prentiss.” He said, then looked down at his sleeping daughter. “And I love  _ you _ , Julia Morgan.”

Emily smiled back at him. “We’re going to be okay.” She said. “Aren’t we?”

“Yes, princess.” He said. “I believe we are.”


	23. A Thousand Years Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wonderful night and a new beginning.

Julia was released from the hospital at one month old, about two weeks before her due date.

The new parents took some time to get her settled in at home, but Derek didn’t want to prolong the inevitable any longer than he had to, and truthfully, neither did Emily. If they were going to go back to London, they might as well get it over with as soon as Julia was safe to make the flight.

When she was three months old, they finally had that ceremony. It was a sort of last hurrah before they moved to London. Everything was almost packed and Rossi offered them the use of his home, just as he had done for JJ and Will. Everyone was there. Derek’s mother and sister’s flew out, and even Emily’s mother took time out of her schedule to be there. Emily was radiant in white, though still somewhat insecure about her postpartum body despite Derek’s multiple attempts at reassuring her that she had never looked better. The entire place seemed bathed in golden light as Emily walked down the aisle, Garcia held Julia, dressed in a little green dress, and picked up a chubby baby fist to wave at her mommy. Derek couldn’t keep his eyes off of Emily as he took her hand, and recited his vows from memory.

“Destiny has a funny way of finding you when you least expect it.” Derek said. “Mine found me in a kitchenette in an FBI building on the sixth floor, spilling coffee all over herself and talking about how she scared all her dates away with her nerdy Vonnegut references.”

A couple of knowing chuckles resounded from their group of friends.

“I had a feeling then that something good was going to happen, and even though it took me another five years to get it together, it did.” He continued. “A late night confession on a balcony in London led me to this day, but it feels like this was even longer in the making than I ever knew. Emily, I know you know my heart, because you and our daughter  _ are  _ my heart. But I’m here today to vow, in front of the world, to love and care for you and for our family until my very last breath. You are my everything, and I thank God or whatever higher power is up there that you walked into my life.”

Emily smiled and cleared her throat, tears shining in her brown eyes.

“I was lost.” She said. “For  _ so _ long and in  _ so _ many different ways before I met you. And I  _ never  _ thought that this would happen to me. You  _ saw  _ me when nobody else did, through the tough exterior and the walls I had built and kept up for so long and you took the time to bring them down. You showed me that I could trust you and I didn’t have to be alone and because of you, I believe in love”

Emily paused to collect herself as tears trailed down her cheeks, Derek reached up to wipe them away. 

“I promise.” She said. “To love you and our little baby girl every single day, to never put my walls up with you, and  _ always  _ come home to you, no matter what. You are my best friend, the love of my life, and the father of my child. You are the person who knows me the best and you’re the only man I think I’ve ever truly loved. And I promise that I will love you forever, I’ll love you all my life.”

The ceremony closed with a kiss, and everyone erupted in cheers and whoops and applause. When they danced, Emily was brought back to the last time they were in Rossi’s backyard, holding each other close. That had been a goodbye, or so she thought, and now this was too. Derek kissed her again and again, and when their dance was over, he took their daughter in his arms and danced around with her, landing kiss after kiss on her chubby cheeks that made her giggle in the bubbly way that babies who had just learned how often did, her tiny fingers in her mouth. When they laid her in bed that night, Julia was completely tuckered out and truth be told, so were her parents. They fell asleep in each other’s arms and Emily smiled in the dark. She had never imagined that her life could be like this. Now it was everything she had ever wanted and more.

A week later, they were boarding a plane bound for London with Julia asleep in her daddy’s arms. Emily felt a twinge of nervousness as they sat in their seats, but then Derek smiled at her and her fears melted away. Whatever was waiting for them, they would face it together. Their future was wide open.


	24. One Year Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily receives a job offer, and Julia struggles.

A year later, Emily Prentiss was back in the one place she never thought she would be again.

The situation with Hotch and Mr. Scratch had posed a particular set of issues for the BAU, and Emily had been happy to come back to help temporarily, but when Hotch resigned and expressed his wishes that Emily take his place as the unit chief, it necessitated a lot of long late night talks with Derek.

_ “Emily, are you sure about this?” He asked. “I mean no offense, but I feel like we just got settled and finally have some room to breathe.” _

_ “I know.” She said. “And if it were for any other reason I would say no, not in a million years. But Hotch made it  _ very  _ clear he wanted me to take the job.” _

_ “I get it.” Derek said. “But this is our home! Julia loves it here, we were talking about having another baby in the next couple of years. Now this?” _

_ “We can still have another baby.” Emily said. “We said we weren’t going to start trying again until after she turns two anyway! That’s almost a year away,” _

_ “How are we gonna take care of two kids if you’re the unit chief, Emily?” He asked. “The last time you were pregnant, you almost died. You’re going to be in danger every single day if you take this job and I’m sorry, I’m just having trouble seeing  _ how  _ this is the right move to make.” _

_ “If you’re totally against it.” Emily said. “I’ll say no.” _

_ “Oh no.” He said. “You’re not making a decision that you can blame on me. If that’s what you want, I’ll support you, I just want you to think about it.” _

_ “I have.” She said. “I promise, I have. Just...can we give it a year? And if it doesn’t work I’ll step down.” _

_ Derek sighed. “Okay.” He said. “One year. Because I love you and I trust that you’re making the right decision.” _

_ Emily brightened. “Thank you.” _

_ “Yeah yeah yeah.” Derek said. “I know you, princess. You don’t back down when you want something, it’s what I love about you.” _

It was late when she got back from her first official case as the unit chief, but the lights were still on when she got home. Their house was still partially packed up, though Emily had tried to help every minute she wasn’t at the BAU. When she walked into the kitchen, Derek was walking around and bouncing a very unhappy Julia in his arms. Tears streamed down the toddlers face, her nose was running, and her face was red from the effort of screaming her tiny, curly head off.

“She’s been screaming for you for the last hour.” Derek sighed. “I’ve tried everything, teething rings, fruit, those little cracker things she loves...nothing.”

“Oh come here sweetheart.” Emily said, taking Julia who reached out for her instantly. “What’s wrong, Jules? Huh? What’s the matter?”

“Mamamamama!” Julia wailed. “Mama!”

“Mama’s here, sweetheart.” Emily said, petting the mass of curls on her daughter’s head. “What’s the matter with my pretty girl?”

Julia pointed to her mouth. “Hurts.”

“Ohhh, your mouth hurts?” She said. “Is that what’s wrong, baby?”

“I gave her medicine an hour ago.” Derek said. “She just won’t calm down.”

“I’ve got her.” Emily said, kissing him. “You go rest, I’ll be in when I can.”

“You sure?”

Emily smiled. “Yes.” She said. “You’re relieved from daddy duty. Go, I’ve got this.”

Derek kissed both Emily and their crying daughter and made his way upstairs. Emily grabbed a teething ring from the freezer and got settled in Julia’s room, sitting in the rocking chair where she used to read stories to her while she was still in the womb. She handed Julia the teething ring and her favorite blanket and began rocking her. Julia laid her head on Emily’s shoulder, tears still streaming down her face, and chewed on the ring half-heartedly. Emily kissed her cheek.

“Ow.” Julia said softly. “Ow, Mama.”

“I know, baby.” Emily said. “I know it hurts. Hey, I missed you  _ so much.  _ I thought about you every second I was gone. Did you miss me?”

“Mama.”

Emily chuckled. “I’ll take that as a yes.” She said, kissing Julia again. “Oh my little Jules. Being so little is hard, isn’t it? You don’t have the words to tell me what’s wrong, and I have to guess...you don’t have it very easy, do you my princess?”

A tiny hand came up to pat Emily’s cheek, and Julia reached over to give her mother one of those slobbery baby kisses that small children give when they haven’t quite grasped the concept yet. Wide brown eyes, still watery, blinked at her. Emily smiled and wiped the tears from her daughter’s face.

“I love you, Julia Grace.” She said quietly. “More than you will ever know. My sweet girl.”

Julia just smiled and buried her face in Emily’s neck. Emily stroked her soft brown curls, rocking her baby back and forth and singing her lullabies. After a while, Julia’s eyes closed and Emily was able to put her slowly, carefully in her crib, cracking the door just slightly behind her as the nightlight cast a soft glow over her daughter’s room. She tiptoed down the hall to the room that she and Derek shared, smiling at the snoring pile of blankets on the right side of the bed. Emily quickly brushed her teeth and put on pajamas before climbing into bed and curling up close beside her husband, his body warm against his.

“Say it.” Derek mumbled, half-asleep. Emily started a little and laughed.

“I thought you were  _ out _ .” She said.

“I was.” He replied. “Until I felt a very beautiful woman sneaking up behind me.”

“I see.” Emily chuckled, kissing his shoulders. “Say what? What do you want me to say?”

“That you think I’m crazy.” He said. “For wanting another one so soon.”

“She’s still pretty young.” Emily said. “And it means we probably won’t be sleeping for the next, oh, decade and a half, at least.”

“Yeah.” Derek said. “But we’re not getting any younger, Prentiss. And I can sleep when I’m in a nursing home.”

“Hey!” She laughed, smacking his arm. “Thanks a lot!”

“I’m just saying.” He said. “We gotta make a decision in the next couple of years, because sooner or later, the time for all that is gonna pass, and I don’t want you regretting not having more kids.”

“I know.” Emily sighed. “We could always freeze eggs, get a surrogate? It’d be better than nothing.”

“We could.” Derek said. “But I also know you, and correct me if I’m wrong but…”

“You’re not.” Emily said. “I  _ want  _ to be pregnant again. Even with all of the complications we had with Julia, it was the most amazing feeling to grow her inside my body. It’s just not that simple.”

“Because of the complications?” Derek asked. “Or because of your job?”

“Both.” She said. “Look, why don’t we pick this back up once we’ve gotten settled into a routine and things start feeling a little more normal, hm?”

“Okay.” He said, turning over to kiss her. “I love you.”

Emily smiled. “I love you too.”

They kissed and kissed again, and soon Derek was looming over her, nudging her legs apart with his knee and kissing Emily’s neck, teeth grating gently against sensitive flesh.

“I thought you were tired?” She gasped as her husband’s hand traveled along her body. “I don’t know how long she’s going to stay asleep for.”

“I missed my  _ wife _ .” Derek said, kissing her. “I missed  _ you,  _ Emily. The way you look, the way you smell. The way you taste…the way you  _ feel _ …”

“Derek!” Emily said, laughing breathlessly even as she tugged at his boxers. “It’s like one in the morning!”

“I’ll buy you coffee in the morning.” He said. “Unless you really don’t  _ want  _ to…”

Emily sucked in a sharp breath as Derek’s fingers skimmed her thigh, teasing her with what they  _ both  _ knew he could do. She pulled him close.

“Inside.  _ Now _ .”

Derek chuckled. “Yes ma’am!” He said. “I think I like Emily Prentiss in charge.”

“You’d better.” She said.

It was definitely a memorable homecoming, and later that night after they were finished, Emily laid her head on Derek’s chest and she thought maybe, just maybe, they could keep making this thing work.


	25. Gorgeous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia visits the BAU.

“You brought my  _ godbaby _ to work?!”

Garcia rushed over to pepper Julia’s cheeks with kisses, causing the toddler to giggle, her braided ponytail bobbing behind her as Garcia scooped her in her arms and bounced her playfully.

“Only for a couple of hours.” Emily said. “I’m going to be stuck in the office doing paperwork and Derek  _ seriously  _ needs a few uninterrupted hours of peace, so  _ this  _ munchkin is gonna hang out with mommy until  _ lunchtime _ , huh Julia?”

“Uh-huh!” Julia answered in a sing-song voice, her little smile mirroring her mothers. “Mama!  _ Maaammaaa _ !”

Garcia gasped audibly. “And she’s  _ talking  _ now?”

“Just a little bit.” Emily said. “We’re still working on the whole using our mouthparts thing,  _ but  _ she’s really good at baby sign language. Jules, can you show Aunt Penelope how you say you want to eat?”

Julia looked at her mother, and then up at Garcia, and tapped the tips of her fingers to her mouth, then brought her hand to her chest and rubbed it in a circle, the signs for “eat” and “please”. Garcia made a show of clapping and smiling.

“You, my little love, are a prodigy!” She said. “Oh and just wait til Uncle Spencer gets ahold of you, between him, your mom, and Tara, you’re gonna be doing the crossword in  _ kanji  _ by preschool!”

“Oh, that can  _ not  _ be Ms Julia Morgan!” Tara exclaimed, walking up to the two women and tapping the little girl on the nose. “Last time I saw you, you were almost as bald as your daddy! Look at you! Did you come to help your mommy work? Huh?”

“Isn’t she the cutest?” Garcia said. “Em, she is  _ totally _ your little mini-me! Look at that  _ face _ !”

“I don’t know.” Emily said. “You should see her when she’s mad, she’s got that Derek Morgan scowl.”

Julia perked up at the use of her father’s name and she looked around the room, her brown eyes like saucers, as if searching for him. “Dada?”

Emily chuckled and kissed her cheek. “Later, baby.” She said. “Daddy is coming to get you later. You get to hang out with  _ me  _ today! Is that okay?”

Julia smiled. “Yeah!”

“I hope I’m next in line to hold that baby.” Rossi said from behind Emily. “Uncle Dave has not gotten  _ nearly  _ enough time to gaze at this  _ faccia bella  _ since she’s been back stateside. Emily, I hope you and Morgan are planning on having a few more of these.”

“We’ll see.” Emily said. “Right now we kind of have our hands full with just  _ this  _ little girl.”

“Oh come on!” Rossi said. “It should be a crime for two people to be capable of making such beautiful children and stop after the very first one.”

“ _ Right _ ?” Garcia said. “I keep telling her that!”

Emily opened her mouth to protest, but then Luke Alvez, the newest member of the BAU, walked into the bullpen and over to the growing group to see what all of the commotion was about. His eyes lit up as he saw Julia, and he appeared almost childlike himself as he waved at the little girl in Garcia’s arms.

“Hey there!” He said. “Who is  _ this _ ?”

“This is BAU royalty.” Garcia said. “So please do stoop and bow before this little princess, newbie.”

“Oh, Garcia!” Emily said, a hint of a laugh in her voice. “Luke this is Julia, my daughter.”

Luke paused, looking from the baby to Emily. “Whoa, whoa, whoa.” He said. “ _ Daughter _ ? You’re a  _ mommy,  _ Prentiss? For real, you’re not playing with me?”

“Scouts honor.” Emily said. “I went through morning sickness, heartburn, the whole nine yards.”

“Yeah, I see it now.” He said. “She has your nose.”

“I keep hearing that.” Emily said. “Okay guys, I hate to break up the love fest but I actually  _ do  _ have to try and get some work done, and  _ little miss  _ here is about due for her morning snack before nap time.”

Garcia handed Julia back to her mother, landing a few more kisses on chubby cheeks before she did, and Julia gurgled happily as Emily gave her a gentle little squeeze and smoothed her hair.

“Can you say goodbye, Julia?” She asked.

The toddler waved a tiny hand. “Bye bye!” She chirped, much to the amusement of the team, and grinned like a Cheshire Cat the entire way to Emily’s office.

Thirty minutes later and Julia was passed out on a blanket laid down on the floor of Emily’s office, and Emily found her eyes going time and time again to the little girl, watching her chest rise and fall, her thumb in her mouth. She didn’t know how much work she was going to get done before noon, but she couldn’t bring herself to worry too much about it. Moments like these would be rare and precious, and Emily intended to soak them up as often as she could.


	26. This Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Julia spend an afternoon together, and he and Emily consider their future

“ _ Dada!! _ ”

Derek looked up from the newspaper in his hand at his tiny daughter, choking back a laugh at her grumpy expression and the way her curly hair was sticking up wildly in every direction. She  _ had  _ been taking a nap, fighting off the cold that had been plaguing the Prentiss-Morgan household for the past week. Derek glanced over into the living room where the pack and play was. Julia must have figured out how to climb over the top of it. Derek sighed. That was going to be fun. Julia toddled over to her father and lifted her arms. They had been back in the states for three months already and in that time, Julia had already grown so much. She already seemed like she was a foot taller, and Derek wondered briefly if a career in the WNBA was in her future.

“Up!” Julia said, waving her arms. “Up, Dada, up!”

“Okay, okay!” Derek chuckled, picking the little girl up and setting her in his lap. “ _ You  _ are supposed to be sleeping, young lady. You’re sick.”

Julia scowled. “No sleep.” She said. “ _ Up! _ ”

“Okay, I get it!” He said. “Are you hungry?”

Julia shook her head. “Drink.”

“Oh, you’re thirsty?” He asked. “You want some water? Huh? Or some apple juice?”

“Milk.”

“Jujubug, you’re sick.” Derek sighed. “Milk is bad when you’re sick. How about some juice.”

“Nooo!” Julia said. “Milk!”

“Julia Grace…” He warned. “Your mother will shoot me if I give you milk and you get worse.”

“Dada,  _ milk _ !” She said. “Milk! Milk! Milk!”

“Fine, fine!” He said, getting up to pour a tiny bit of milk in a sippy cup. “Just a little. Then water  _ only _ . Okay, and don’t tell your mom.”

Julia grinned and put a finger to her mouth “Shhh.”

Derek shook his head. She looked so much like Emily in that moment, it was uncanny. One of these days, his inability to tell their daughter ‘no’ was going to get him in trouble, but she was just so  _ cute _ . He settled back down at the table and picked Julia back up, handing her the sippy cup. She smiled up at him.

“Thaaaanks!” She said, taking a sip.

“You’re welcome.” He said. “Good manners, Jujubug. You know, you’re lucky you’re cute.”

“Yeah.” She giggled, shaking her curly hair. She patted his cheek with a little hand. “Mama work?”

“Yeah, baby.” He said. “Mama’s at work. What do you wanna do today til she gets home?”

Julia tilted her head like she was thinking hard, her little eyebrows pulled together. “Blocks.”

“You wanna play with blocks?” He said. “Okay, we can do that. We can play with blocks.”

Derek waited for Julia to finish her milk before pulling out the large bucket of building blocks and dumping them on the living room floor. Nowadays, he was pretty much a full-time dad, though he was hoping to get back into restoration on the side. But for now, his boss was a three foot tall toddler, and she was  _ good  _ at taking charge. Not unlike someone  _ else  _ he knew. They set to work building all manner of structures and towers, with Julia handing Derek variously shaped blocks and pointing where she wanted them.

“You’re pretty good at this.” He said. “Maybe when you’re a little older, you can help your daddy work on some houses, you wanna do that, Julia?”

“Yeah.” She said, handing him a red square block and pointing. “That one.”

“Yes ma’am!” He said.

Not long after, Derek heard the locks clicking in the front door and in walked Emily, radiant as ever. She smiled at her husband and daughter and what now resembled a small city made of building blocks as she set her things down on the counter.

“I’m home!” She said. “Wow, you guys look like you’ve been having fun. What’d you build, Jujubug?”

“Mama!” Julia squealed running to her mother, the blocks all but forgotten. “Mama! Blocks!”

“Did you play blocks?” Emily gasped, picking her daughter up and smothering her with kisses. “Ooh, you have milk breath. I thought we said no milk?”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Derek said, getting up. “But to be fair, your daughter made a  _ very  _ compelling argument.”

“What are you gonna do?” Emily said, a little laugh in her throat. “When she’s sixteen and asking for a car, and she bats those eyelashes at you, huh?”

“Pray.” Derek chuckled, walking over and kissing her, arm around her waist. “It’s not my fault that she got your tenacity and my charm.”

“It is at least  _ half  _ your fault.” Emily said. “Unless I’m  _ severely  _ misremembering a few things.”

“Hey now!” Derek said. “Little ears! She hasn’t asked where babies come from yet and I’d like to keep it that way for at least a few more years.”

“I don’t know how  _ that’s  _ gonna work.” Emily said. “If you still want to give her a little brother or sister soon.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” He replied, raising an eyebrow. “Unless there’s something that you’re not telling me?”

Emily grinned. “No, not yet.” She said. “I’ve just been thinking about it, that’s all.”

Derek stared at her, and Julia began wiggling in Emily’s arms, wanting to get down. Emily set her down and walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge and peering at its contents. Derek followed her, dumbstruck.

“What do you want for dinner?” She asked. “Does Chinese sound good? I could go for some fried rice.”

“Whoa, hold on now.” Derek said. “You just dropped a bomb on me and now you’re talking about dinner.”

“Derek, it’s not…” Emily sighed, closing the refrigerator door and turning to face him. “I’m not saying that we should do it now, I just said I was thinking about it.”

“Okay.” He said. “So walk me through it, what  _ exactly  _ have you been thinking about?”

“Well, Julia is going to be two in six months.” Emily said, choosing her words carefully. “And we already discussed having kids closer in age, and like you said, we’re not getting any younger.”

“So, what?” Derek shrugged. “You wanna start trying?”

Emily averted her eyes. “Maybe.”

Derek stared at her for a long moment. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Julia continuing to stack blocks on the floor, completely oblivious to the conversation going on around her. If Derek was being honest, he wanted a whole house full of kids with Emily, he’d wanted them since the first time they had discussed the idea of having kids and that desire had only grown stronger after Julia was born. But their journey to parenthood hadn’t been easy, and he had understood perfectly Emily’s hesitation, her desire to pump the brakes on baby making. Now, she was telling him she was ready and it was  _ Derek  _ who was worrying that it was too soon. Still…

“Okay.” He said. 

Emily looked at him. “Okay?”

“If you’re ready to try,” He said, taking a deep breath and pulling her close. “Then let’s do it. Let’s try.”

“Seriously?” She said, and her eyes lit up. “You’re sure about this? You’re not just saying that because I want to, right? You’re really ready?”

“Emily, I’ve been ready since she was born.” Derek said. “I love you, and I love being a dad. If I do nothing else for the rest of my life but raise babies with you, then I’ll die a happy man.”

“Okay.” Emily said. “Okay, let’s do it.”

Derek smiled and pulled Emily in for a kiss. He looked over his shoulder back at his daughter. Her eyes caught his as she looked up and smiled, wrinkling her nose and his heart soared. Whatever else Derek Morgan has done with his life, this was his purpose. He was a father, and soon, he hoped, he’d be one again.


	27. All Too Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily struggles with her emotions, Julia learns a new word, and the unthinkable happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: this chapter may be sensitive to those who have struggled with infertility.

Another negative.

Emily gave a frustrated sigh and threw the pregnancy test in the trash. She and Derek had been trying for a couple of months, and so far, nothing. Emily had known that there was a distinct possibility that she wouldn’t get pregnant right away, but she still couldn’t seem to shake the disappointment every time she saw the little minus sign on the screen. Getting pregnant with Julia had been so  _ easy _ , they hadn’t even  _ really  _ been trying, not to mention the pregnancy before, when Emily’s birth control had simply failed. Her eyes welled with tears at the memory. Her initial fear had been  _ staying  _ pregnant, that trip to the hospital all of those years ago still fresh in her mind. She could have a preschooler by now, instead she had an almost two year old and an empty womb. It stung.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and headed downstairs. In the kitchen, Derek was busy spooning scrambled eggs into Julia’s open mouth. The girl squealed in delight at the sight of her mother, but Derek took one look at her face and set the bowl down.

“No?” He asked.

Emily shook her head, fighting back the tears still threatening to fall from her eyes. “No.”

Derek got up and wrapped his arms around Emily, kissing the top of her head and rocking her from side to side. He felt her shoulders begin to shake as small sobs escaped her throat.

“Hey hey hey hey.” He said soothingly. “It’s okay, baby, it’s okay. It’ll happen. It’ll happen, Emily, we’ve just got to keep trying.”

“God, why is this so  _ hard _ ?” Emily asked, her voice breaking. “What are we doing  _ wrong _ ?”

“Nothing.” Derek said. “We’re doing everything we’re supposed to do, it just hasn’t happened yet. But it  _ will _ .”

“But what if it doesn’t?” She whispered. “What if we try and try and I  _ still _ don’t get pregnant?”

“Then we’ll figure it out.” He said. “We’ll go to the doctor and figure out what’s wrong and discuss next steps. But don’t get discouraged just yet, it’s only been three months. Maybe it’s just taking longer.”

“I know.” Emily said. “I just  _ want  _ this.”

“I know, Emily.” Derek said. “I do too.”

“Dada, look!” Julia said, giggling in her high chair. She was wearing the bowl as a hat. “Eggs!”

Derek chuckled, shaking his head. “That was my fault, for leaving that bowl in her reach.” He said, then he tickled his daughter’s neck. “Jujubug, eggs are for eating, not for playing with, you little goofball. Now you’re gonna have to take a bath.”

“No bath!” Julia said cheerfully. “Stay dirty!”

“You sassin’ me?” He asked, kissing her cheek. “Are you sassing your daddy, little lady?”

“Yeah!” She giggled, squealing when he blew raspberries on her cheek. Julia’s eyes fell on her mother and her smile faded. “Mama?”

Emily hastily wiped her eyes again and forced a smile on her face as she leaned forward to ruffle her daughter’s egg-covered hair. The toddler put sticky hands on her mother’s cheeks and tilted her head to one side, looking at her curiously.

“Sad?” Julia asked.

“Yeah, baby.” She said. “Mama’s sad.”

Julia blinked her wide brown eyes. “Kiss, Mama?”

This time, Emily’s smile was genuine as she nodded her head and Julia reached forward to plant slobbery baby kisses on her mother’s face. Emily chuckled and kissed her daughter in return.

“Thank you, baby.” She said. 

“All better?” Julia asked. “All better, Mama?”

“Yes, Julia.” Emily said. “Mama’s all better. Thank you.”

Julia hummed happily. “Love you!”

Emily straightened up and looked at Derek, her eyes wide, a look that said ‘did that really just happen?’ passing between them. They told Julia that they loved her all of the time, and though they knew that their daughter felt the same, she was still a little young to grasp the concept of the words. All the same, Emily felt as though a piece of her heart, which had seemed so broken just moments before, fall into place. She smiled.

“I love you too, Julia.” Emily said. “So much!”

“Yay!” Julia said and clapped her hands.

“Okay, little princess.” Derek chuckled. “Let’s go get you cleaned up and let Mama go to work.”

Emily’s phone rang, a number she didn’t recognize, and a feeling of apprehension came over her.

“Prentiss.” She said. “... _ What?  _ What happened? No, no, thank you. I’m on my way now. Thanks.”

Derek gave her a look as she hung up the phone. 

“What is it?” He asked. “Emily, what’s wrong?”

“I have to go.” She said. “Something’s happened, I’ll call you when I know more.”

“Baby, what happened?” 

Emily looked at him, all of the panic she felt written on her face.  


“Reid is in jail.”


	28. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily contemplates her fertility struggles and attempts to reconnect with Derek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of menstrual blood and period sex.

Emily Prentiss was reaching her breaking point.

The team had been working around the clock trying to clear Reid’s name and get him out of prison. They had managed to get him extradited back to the states and he had remained in prison there, pending trial. That had been six weeks ago. On top of it all, she was still dealing with everything going on at home. Derek had been her rock this entire time, though he was understandably hurt and confused about why he couldn’t visit Reid. Emily didn’t have the heart to tell him that Reid couldn’t bear to let Derek see him like that.

Cramps crashed like waves over Emily, another unwelcome reminder that there was one  _ more  _ thing that she was failing at right now. Technically, she and Derek were still trying, but with everything going on, the stress wasn’t helping. She took some more ibuprofen and buried her face in her hands. A knock at her office door caused Emily to look up. Jennifer Jareau smiled at her sadly.

“You look like hell.” She said. “I know you’re the unit chief, Em, but you’re gonna work yourself to death.”

“I know.” Emily sighed. “I’m going home soon, I swear, I just keep thinking if I can find  _ one  _ thing…”

“I get it.” JJ said. “But I  _ also  _ get the feeling that that’s not the only thing bugging you. How are things at home? Are you guys doing okay?”

“Yeah.” Emily said quickly. “Yeah, no, we’re not- everything is fine, it’s just stressful, that’s all.”

JJ gave her a look. Emily sighed.

“Derek and I are trying to have another baby.” Emily admitted. “And it’s not going well.”

JJ raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“We haven’t been to the doctor yet.” Emily said. “Derek keeps telling me that if a year passes and we still aren’t pregnant that we’ll go get checked out, but…”

“But it’s not easy.” JJ sighed. “But it was so different getting pregnant with Julia, all of those ‘buts’ and the questions and the doubts, right?”

“Right.” Emily said. “I mean, I went off of my birth control right before Julia with the thought in my head that we weren’t actually trying and I probably wasn’t going to get pregnant, and six weeks later, I was staring at a positive pregnancy test.”

“And now…” JJ said. “You’re actively trying and it’s not happening for you. I get it, it’s frustrating. It took Will and I almost eight months to conceive Michael after we decided to start trying again.”

“How did you get through it?” Emily asked. “I mean, I feel like I’m driving myself  _ crazy  _ here, Jaje.”

“I know it’s tough, but try not to think about it.” JJ said, squeezing her hand. “Trust me, I obsessed over when I was ovulating, when was the best time for Will and I to try, what positions were the best for conceiving, and when it  _ finally _ happened, we had just decided to take a break from trying to get pregnant.” 

“So…” Emily said slowly. “Are you saying that we should just stop trying so hard?”

“I’m  _ saying _ ,” JJ said. “That I think you should go home, kiss your daughter good night, and spend some time loving your husband.”

Emily winced. “That’s kind of off the table this week.”

“I don’t mean sex.” JJ laughed. “Come on, when was the last time you and Derek curled up on the couch together, put on a movie  _ without  _ singing cartoon animals, got under a blanket, and made out like a couple of love struck teenagers?”

Emily smiled. “It’s been a while.”

“Go home, Emily.” JJ said. “If anyone deserves a night to relax with her husband, it’s you.”

“Okay.” Emily said. “I will.”

When Emily got home, Derek had just gotten Julia out of the bath and was putting pajamas on the wiggling toddler when Emily walked in the bedroom. It was the first time in a long time that Emily had been able to participate in Julia’s bedtime routine, and she had to admit, it felt damn good to be able to sit next to Derek, Julia snuggled between them, and read her daughter a story. Thirty minutes later, they were tucking their sleeping daughter in her crib, long dark eyelashes fluttering as her thumb found her mouth. They both creeped slowly out of the room, and once they had safely cleared the hallway, Emily went into the kitchen and pulled out two glasses and a dusty bottle of wine.

Derek raised an eyebrow. “What’s this?”

“We haven’t had a date night in a while.” Emily said, pouring a glass and handing it to him. “So I thought that  _ we  _ could have a date night in.”

“I see.” He said, putting an arm around her waist. “And just  _ what  _ did you have in mind?”

“You, me.” Emily said, moving closer. “A little wine, a blanket on the couch, and one of those chick flicks we both hate.”

“Wait a minute.” Derek said. “I was with you until the last part. Why do you want to watch a movie you have no interest in, princess?”

“Because we’re not going to be  _ watching _ the movie, Derek.” She grinned. “The movie is going to be background noise while we suck face the entire time, you get what I’m saying?”

Derek returned her smile. “I think I do.” He said. “I love you, you crazy woman. You know that?”

“I do.” Emily said. “And I love you too. I don’t want to lose sight of that. Not now, not ever.”

“Don’t worry.” Derek said. “We won’t.”

They put on some silly romantic comedy and within about fifteen minutes Derek and Emily were tangled up in the blanket together, a blur of limbs and grinding hips and white hot kisses. Somewhere between the meet-cute and the ridiculously contrived misunderstanding between two vaguely familiar actors cast as reluctant love interests, Emily lost her top. By the tearful confession of love, Derek was kissing her neck and moving to unhook her bra.

“Whoa, whoa, wait!” Emily said. “We can’t.”

“Why not?” Derek asked, frowning. “This was  _ your  _ idea, Emily. Remember?”

“I’m on my period, Derek.”

“I know.” He said, kissing her again. “I’m not stupid.”

“Then you know why we can’t.” She said, gasping as skilled hands began caressing all of the most sensitive spots on her upper body. The bra came off and was flung haphazardly over the back of the couch.

“Prentiss.” He laughed. “I spent years examining some of the most gruesome crime scenes of our time and you think a little blood is gonna freak me out?”

“Ugh gross!” Emily said. “We just bought this couch!”

“Okay, okay.” Derek said. “How about this? I promise to behave myself and not ruin our brand new couch, and you let  _ me  _ do everything north of the border to make you feel really,  _ really  _ good.”

Emily quirked an eyebrow. “Alright, Mr Morgan.” She said. “But when you’re done, it’s my turn.”

Derek grinned. “I think I can live with that.”


	29. Hurricane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily make a difficult decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of fertility issues and depression

Being married to the unit chief wasn’t easy.

It was another long day, another night where Emily wasn’t going to be home til late, and as much as Derek Morgan loved his wife, he had to admit that he was finally beginning to see where Haley had been coming from with Hotch all those years ago. Raising a small child was hard enough, being the primary caregiver for that child when your wife’s job was as demanding as Emily’s? He didn’t love it.

But he loved her.

That was the mantra Derek kept repeating when things got hard. When Julia refused to eat the dinner he had made for her, when she was sick or teething and only slept for a couple of hours at a time, when Emily was on a case for days at a time and he had to do it all completely alone. When he was at his wits end and wanted to give up and issue an ultimatum, it was sometimes the only thing that kept him going.

He loved her.

He loved Emily Prentiss so much that it was sometimes hard to breathe. He loved her so much that it sometimes consumed his every thought. Derek was not a perfect man, but he loved his wife.

Which is exactly why he had to do this.

“I think we should take a break.” Derek said when they were lying in bed. Emily froze.

“What?” She asked.

“Emily, you’re too stressed.” He said. “Between work and all of this stuff with Reid, it’s too much. You’re not eating, you’ve barely slept...I’m worried about you.”

“Wait, wait.” She said. “Hold on. What  _ exactly  _ are you suggesting that we take a break from?”

Derek sighed. “Trying to get pregnant.”

“What?” Emily gasped. “Why?”

“Emily, look at you!” He said. “You’re barely hanging on, and it is  _ breaking  _ my heart. I  _ want  _ more kids, but I want you  _ more  _ and at this point, I’m worried that I’m gonna have to  _ bury  _ you after this.”

He didn’t say  _ again _ but the word hung between them in the air. They could both sense it. 

Emily cleared her throat. “I’m fine.”

“Emily, no you’re  _ not! _ ” Derek exclaimed. “You wait til you think I’m asleep to cry but I  _ hear  _ you and it kills me! You’re trying to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and with everything else…”

“No.” Emily said. “No, I don’t want to stop. I’ll be okay, Derek. It’s just stress.”

“Stress can kill just as easily as a heart attack.” Derek said. “So can depression.”

“I’m not  _ depressed _ !”

“Oh really?” He asked. “Emily, your nails are non-existent, when you’re here, it’s like you’re a ghost. Even Julia’s noticed!”

“Julia’s noticed.” She scoffed. “Julia is a  _ baby _ .”

“She’s a  _ smart  _ baby.” Derek argued. “Did you know she’s started acting up? Throwing tantrums for  _ no  _ reason I can find, crying at everything, refusing to go to bed at night? Do you know what she  _ asked  _ me?”

“What?” Emily said, clearing her throat. “What did she ask you, Derek?”

“She asked…” Derek said, stopping to take a deep breath. “She asked me if you were mad at her.”

Emily felt a pain in her chest. “No.”

“She did.” He said. “She said ‘Mama’s mad at me?’ with the saddest look in her eyes, just the other day.”

“Of  _ course  _ I’m not!” Emily said. “Why?  _ Why  _ would she even  _ think  _ that?”

“You were late.” Derek said. “You were rushing and you forgot to kiss her goodbye. You  _ always  _ kiss her goodbye, and she noticed when you didn’t.”

“Oh my god.” Emily murmured, closing her eyes as tears began to fall. “I’m a horrible mother.”

“You are a  _ wonderful  _ mother.” Derek said. “Who made a mistake. But let me ask you something: When was the last time you felt like yourself, Emily?”

Emily couldn’t stop the tears anymore. “I don’t know.”

“See?” He said. “This is what I’m talking about. I have watched you start to become a shell of yourself, and I can’t do that anymore.”

“Okay.” Emily said wiping her eyes. “Okay, I get it. I’m stressed and I haven’t been the wife and the mother I should be, and...maybe I’ve been a little depressed.”

“I know.” Derek said, lifting her chin and kissing her. “I know you, Emily Prentiss, and I know when you’re not doing so good. I know this hurts, but  _ please _ , for all our sakes, let’s take one thing off your plate for a while.”

Emily nodded. “Okay.”

“Hey.” He said. “It’s just for a little while. When things calm down, we can start trying again.”

“You promise?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Derek said. “I promise.”

Emily Prentiss loved her husband.

She didn’t want to stop trying, but even as stubborn as she was, even  _ she  _ couldn’t deny that Derek had a point. She was stretched too thin, and trying to conceive on top of everything else was just too much. Emily held him tight as they fell asleep, and in the morning, her eyes red and puffy from crying, she made sure she kissed her daughter goodbye.

Emily loves her husband, and she loved her daughter. 

And she vowed to never forget that.


	30. Julia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia has a health scare and Emily reflects on motherhood.

It started as a cough.

Julia hadn’t been feeling well for the past week. At first it just seemed like a cold. But the little girl was  _ clearly  _ not herself. She was tired all of the time, and the coughing turned to wheezing and Derek vowed that if there had been no improvement by the morning, he would take her in. Emily was on a case and he kept her updated via text and phone call.

Then her lips turned blue.

Emily rushed to the hospital as soon as the jet touched down, promising to update the team on Julia’s condition as soon as she knew more. She rushed into Derek’s arms, all tears and worry. Derek was clearly trying to be strong, but the look in his eyes gave away his fear for their daughter.

“Is she okay?!” Emily asked. “What  _ happened _ ?”

“She’s sleeping.” Derek said. “The doctors think it might be RSV. They’ve got her on oxygen.”

“What?!” Emily exclaimed. “How did this  _ happen _ ? We have  _ always  _ made sure she got her shots on time!”

“I don’t know.” He sighed. “They want to keep her overnight for observation. Worst case scenario, she’s in here for a couple of days.”

“I need to see her.” She said. “I need to see my baby, she  _ needs  _ me and I wasn’t there!”

“Emily, don’t.” Derek said. “You got here as soon as you could. If this is  _ anyone’s  _ fault, it’s mine. I should have taken her in sooner.”

“You didn’t know.” Emily said. “Neither of us did. Can I see her?”

Derek shrugged. “She’s in here.” He said. “Emily, she’s going to be okay, but she looks…”

“I get it.” Emily nodded. “I just need to see her.”

Emily tiptoed into the room, and the sight of Julia was almost too much to bear. The tiny girl was dressed in only a diaper, and her beautiful brown skin seemed pale and sickly under the fluorescent lights. Her curls stuck to her head, drenched with sweat. A bruise was already starting to form where they had inserted an IV. It broke Emily’s heart to see her like that. Emily sat in a chair beside the pediatric crib and reached for Julia’s hand. It seemed so impossibly small clutched in Emily’s hand. She ran a thumb across little fingers.

“My poor baby.” Emily whispered. “My poor sweet baby. Mommy is so sorry she wasn’t there to keep this from happening to you.”

Machines monitoring Julia beeped and whirred. Emily swallowed the lump in her throat.

“When I found out I was going to have you.” She continued. “I  _ swore  _ that I wouldn’t become my mother, and I’m worried that I have. I know you don’t understand and you love your Nana, but I promised that you would  _ always  _ come first in a way I never did when I was little. And I am  _ so  _ sorry that I’ve already let you down in so many ways.”

In her sleep, Julia whimpered and shifted a little to the side. Her hand tightened around Emily’s finger and Emily smiled through her tears.

“I promise I’ll do better, Julia.” She said, kissing her daughter's head and brushing sweaty curls from her face. “For the rest of my life, anytime you need me, I’ll come running. No matter what.”

Julia was released the next afternoon, with strict orders to rest and drink plenty of water. Emily hadn’t taken a day off in months, but she didn’t go in at all that weekend. Her focus was her daughter and that first evening was spent almost entirely with Julia in her arms, her head snuggled in the crook of Emily’s neck. She would be on the mend soon, but for that weekend at least, Emily’s entire world would revolve around her.


	31. Out of The Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Mr. Scratch takes Emily, Derek worries about their daughter.

Reid was free.

Victory rushed like a wave over the BAU. Three months of stress, lost sleep, and countless tears suddenly seemed worth it to get him back. It was a happy moment that was far too short-lived. It felt like no sooner were they celebrating Reid’s return than they got a lead on Mr. Scratch. The team rushed off in SUVs to follow the lead.

They crashed. And when the smoke cleared, Stephen Walker was dead and Emily was missing.

“Where is my  _ wife _ ?”

Derek couldn’t keep the panic out of his voice as he ran into the hospital carrying a very sleepy Julia in his arms. He was soon met by Alvez and Reid.

“We don’t know.” Luke said. “She wasn’t in the SUV when we came to but I  _ promise  _ we’ll find her.”

“Julia’s birthday is tomorrow.” Derek’s voice broke. “Her party is on Saturday. Emily is her whole world, If I have to tell her that her mother isn’t coming home…”

“Morgan, I know.” Reid said. “I know, but we are going to  _ find  _ her. Julia is going to have her mother around for a  _ long  _ time, if I have to go get her myself.”

“Kid.” Derek said. “I can’t do this without her. I can’t  _ lose  _ her, man! Not now, not after everything-“

“You won’t.” 

Luke looked between the two men, looked at the sleeping girl in Derek’s arms. He felt out of place here, but he cleared his throat anyway.

“Look man.” He said. “I don’t know you that well, but Prentiss is one of the strongest, smartest people I know and our whole team loves her and we love your daughter. We are  _ going  _ to bring her home.”

“Good.” Derek said. “Because I don’t know what I’m gonna do if you don’t.”

————

A thousand thoughts ran through Emily’s head. Stephen was gone. The rest of her team...she didn’t know for sure, but she hoped they were alright. 

And she was with Scratch. Alone.

He had already threatened her, tried to get Hotch’s location out of her. She’d figured out that she had been drugged when he’d “killed” her and she had seen an afterlife. Emily knew from her experience with Doyle that that wasn’t the reality for her. Nothing was waiting for her on the other side. But just because Scratch had drugged her, thinking he could manipulate her into giving him the answers he wanted, that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t kill her once he finally realized that he couldn’t force the answers from her. That’s what scared her the most.

Emily didn’t know how she was going to make it out alive. She thought about Derek, about how if she died there with Scratch, he would have to raise Julia alone. Julia. Emily would never teach her to ride a bike. She would never show her how to put a tooth under her pillow for the tooth fairy, or cheer her on at basketball games or softball, would never go to ballet recitals. She wouldn’t be there to teach her daughter all her tried and true methods for getting rid of cramps, or how to drive a car. She wouldn’t be there to watch Julia graduate from high school and college, see her fall in love for the first time, or watch Derek walk her down the aisle. Emily would never get to see Julia raise babies of her own. If Emily died there, in that room with Scratch, she would miss out on a lifetime with her daughter, her Julia.

She couldn’t let that happen.

Not tonight.

The next time Scratch came in to see her, she was going to have a plan.

—————

“It’s weird for you to be on the other side of this, huh?”

Derek blinked. The team was working on catching Scratch and finding Emily, and Will had kindly offered to stay with Derek so that he wouldn’t be sitting at the hospital waiting for a phone call. Julia was passed out on a couch in the hospital waiting room, ever since her bout of RSV, the kid had slept like a rock. Probably for the best, Derek had thought grimly, that she was sleeping through all of this. Julia loved him, Derek knew that, but she had been a mommy’s girl from the moment she was born. Hell, he didn’t think she had spent a waking moment out of Emily’s arms for the first couple of weeks after they brought her home. Julia’s first word had been “Mama” and when she was sick or hurt and everything Derek tried had failed, Emily could calm that baby like it was nothing. She looked like Emily, had so many of her little quirks and mannerisms. Julia was her mother’s daughter. If they didn’t get to Emily in time...Julia would be lost without her.

“Yeah.” Derek sighed. “Weird doesn’t begin to cover it.”

Will glanced at the sleeping girl. “She sure is a cute little thing.” He drawled. “Looks just like her mother.”

“It’s crazy how that happens.” Derek said. “Isn’t it? Sometimes she’ll just give me a look or she’ll smile a certain way and she’s just the  _ spitting  _ image of Emily.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Will chuckled. “The other day I made some stupid joke in front of Henry and he gave me this like “are you kidding me” look and he looked  _ just  _ like JJ. He could’ve been her clone.”

Derek laughed. “I can see it.” He said. “God knows I’ve been on the receiving end of that look before.”

“They’re going to find her, Morgan.” Will said. “You’ve gotta believe that.”

“I know they will.” He said. “I’m just afraid that it’s going to be too late. And I don’t know what I’m gonna tell that baby girl of mine if that happens. She loves me but...I don’t know, she and Emily just have this  _ bond _ , they always  _ have _ . If Emily is gone...I just don’t know.”

“Don’t think like that.” Will said. “She’s gonna make it through, banged up all to hell like she always is but otherwise alright. That woman is gonna be around for a long time yet, don’t you worry.”

Derek smiled. “She wants more kids, you know.”

“Yeah, JJ told me.” Will said. “I swear those two tell each other everything. Said you guys were trying.”

“I made her put the brakes on it.” Derek said. “All of this stuff going on with Reid...it was too much. Now I’m wondering if I made the right choice.”

“I don’t know.” Will said. “Would you really rather be worrying about your wife  _ and  _ your unborn child?”

Derek shook his head. “How do you do it, man?” He asked. “How do you cope with your wife walking out that door every morning knowing that there’s  _ always  _ a chance that she might never walk back through it? Especially with two little boys.”

“A lot of faith.” Will replied. “And a lot of love.”

Derek stopped to consider the other man’s words and his phone rang. It was Garcia. Derek worked hard to swallow his panic and answered.

“Babygirl.” He said. “Please tell me that my daughter still has a mother.”

“And then some.” Garcia said. “They've got her, she’s pretty beat up but she’s okay. The team is on their way back to the hospital now.”

Derek closed his eyes. “Thank you, Lord.”

“Alvez says she’s been asking for Julia.” Garcia said. “I am  _ not  _ saying you should wake that sweet baby up, but there’s a chance Em might go ballistic if she doesn’t get said sweet baby in her arms ASAP.”

“Understood.” He chuckled, watching his daughter begin to stir out of the corner of his eye. “Something tells me that the feeling is mutual.”

“ETA is about 15 minutes.” Garcia said. “Go get your girl, loverboy.”

Derek smiled. “Thanks, Penelope.”

He hung up the phone just as Julia sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with tiny balled up fists. She looked around, clearly confused.

“S’where’s Mama?” She asked, blinking up at her father with those huge brown eyes.

“Hey Jujubug.” He said, kissing her forehead. “Your Mama is on her way. She’ll be here soon.”

“Soon?” Julia repeated.

“Yeah, baby.” Derek smiled. “Soon.”

————

The minute Emily laid eyes on her husband, she burst into tears. She had sworn that she wouldn’t cry when she saw Derek, but the tears sprang from her eyes anyway without her having the least bit control over it. Then his mouth was on hers and everything else seemed to just melt away.

“We have  _ got  _ to stop meeting like this, princess.” Derek said in a low voice when they finally parted. “I thought I had lost you for real this time.”

“I thought you had too.” Emily said. “I thought I was gone. I kept thinking about how I was leaving you both behind and...the thought of you guys kept me going.”

“Good.” He said. “I’m just glad you’re back.”

Derek leaned over and kissed her again, savoring the way her mouth tasted, the way her lips felt against his. How Emily seemed to relax in his arms and how the touch of her hands set his heart alight. Emily pulled away first and her dark eyes seemed troubled.

“Derek.” She said. “Where’s my baby? I need my baby. I need to see my daughter.”

“Easy now.” He laughed. “She’s right outside, probably about to bolt in here any second unless Will has a  _ really  _ good grip on her hand.”

“Let me see her.” She said. “Please?”

Derek grinned and waved Will in from the door. The other man led the tiny girl in and passed her off to her father before backing out of the room. Derek lifted Julia up on to the hospital bed and into Emily’s arms. The toddler took in her mother’s bruised face and gave a high pitched whine, her brown eyes filled with tears. Emily felt her heart crack in two.

“What’s wrong?” She said softly. “What’s the matter, sweet girl? Why are you crying?”

Julia touched the side of her mother’s face. “Owie.” She whimpered. “Mama, owie.” 

“Oh!” Emily laughed, pulling Julia to her. “It’s okay, baby. Mama’s okay. Don’t cry.”

“Mama’s okay?” Julia asked

“Yes, baby.” Emily said. “Mama’s okay. It was just a little owie, okay? Don’t be scared.”

Julia pouted and laid her head on Emily’s chest and Emily kissed the top of her curly head.

“Come home.” Julia said after a moment. “Come  _ home  _ Mama. No work.”

“Okay, baby.” Emily said. “I hear you. Hey, I heard that  _ someone  _ here has a birthday tomorrow.”

“Gee.” Derek chuckled. “I wonder who  _ that  _ could be?”

Emily made a show of being shocked. “I think…” She said. “It’s a little girl named Julia!”

“Me?” The girl asked.

“Yeah!” Emily said. “What do you  _ want  _ for your birthday, Jules?”

“Mama.” She said. “Daddy. Pizza.”

Emily laughed. “I think we can do that.” She said. “You just want Mama and Daddy and some pizza? What about cake? Hm?”

Julia’s eyes lit up. “Yeah!”

“Babe.” Derek said. “I thought we were saving cake for the party this weekend?”

“Derek, a couple of hours ago, I wasn’t sure that I was ever going to see her again.” She said. “I will buy her another cake if I have to.”

“Okay, okay!” He said. “Man, and you try to tell me that  _ I  _ spoil this girl!”

Emily just smiled and kissed her daughter. “I love you, Julia.” She said. “I love you, my sweet girl.”

“I love you, Mama” Julia said back.

Emily smiled again, and she kissed Derek. She was alive, she had her family by her side. And that was all that mattered to her.


	32. 1 + 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Mr. Scratch, Derek and Emily find their way back to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild smut ahoy!

They had thought about postponing Julia’s party out of respect for the Walker family, who had just buried a husband and a father. Hell, Emily had all but made the phone calls to tell everyone that it wasn’t happening, that they would do it the week after, when Monica Walker heard about it and told her, in no uncertain terms, not to postpone it.

_ “Don’t you dare cancel that baby’s party on our account.” She said. “I won’t have it.” _

_ “Monica, it’s no trouble.” Emily sighed. “Really. Julia won’t know the difference and it feels disrespectful to throw a party the day after a funeral.” _

_ “Stephen wouldn’t want that.” Monica said. “He always went on about what a sweet little girl you had and how it made him miss when ours were that little. If he were here, he’d tell you to make sure you brought the house down for that baby. If you want to honor him, honor him that way. Honor love and life and family.” _

_ “Okay.” Emily said. “If you need  _ anything _ …” _

_ “I will.” Monica said. “Go take care of your family.” _

Emily still had misgivings going through with it, but the look on Julia’s face was  _ so  _ worth it. She’d had a small party for her first birthday in London, but this year was a completely different affair. The whole team showed up. JJ and Will brought their boys, Luke brought Roxy, and Garcia brought an obscene amount of beautifully wrapped gifts. A couple of children from the playgroup that Derek had started taking Julia to showed up, and they all had a blast. There was something hilarious about a small gang of kids on a sugar high running around and shouting excitedly. Julia and Michael, who was maybe a year older, really hit it off, and JJ joked that they were looking at a next gen BAU romance in the making. Rossi, for some bizarre reason, rented a pony and made sure all of the kids got rides. 

When they tucked Julia into bed that night, the little girl was passed out,  _ completely  _ exhausted from the day’s events. Derek and Emily kissed her little face and tucked her in. When they reached the hall, Emily leaned into Derek and he kissed her forehead.

“How you doing, princess?” He said. “Really?”

“I’m good.” Emily said with a smile. “Glad that I get six weeks of my husband and daughter all to myself.”

Derek smiled. “You look exhausted.”

“I am.” She said. “But I’m happy.”

“Good.” He said. “That’s what I like to hear.”

Emily smiled again tilted her head upwards to capture his lips in a kiss. What started as something soft and sweet turned into an impassioned battle of lips and tongue. Emily bit Derek’s lower lip gently, pulling it towards her and gripped the back of his head. His hands were wrapped around her waist and she brought one up to cup her breast.

“Are you sure?” Derek asked. “You’ve had a hell of a week, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m sure.” Emily said. “I need this. We both do.”

“I can wait.” He murmured, kissing her neck.

“I can’t.” She replied. “Please?”

Derek chuckled and pressed his forehead to Emily’s. 

“I love you.” He said. “You know that, right?”

“I know.” She said. “I love you too. Come on.”

Emily led him by the hand to the bedroom they shared. No sooner was the door closed behind them did Emily find herself being pushed up against it with Derek kissing her hard, unfastening the buttons on her blouse as Emily worked on his belt buckle. When Derek lifted Emily up, strong hands gripping the backs of her thighs, and pressed up into her, it felt like coming home. She gasped when he began moving in her, and Derek paused, his brows furrowed in concern.

“Did I hurt you?” He asked.

Emily shook her head. “Keep going.”

Then Derek’s mouth was on hers again and the world seem to melt into a mosaic of sweaty bodies, need, and bliss. 

Later, they laid in bed, completely spent. Derek stroked Emily’s hair as she laid her head on his chest, and her fingers traced patterns along his ribcage. It had been too long for both of them and they both felt it. Emily landed soft kisses on Derek’s skin and looked up at him with those beautiful brown eyes that made his heart melt. He loved when she looked at him like that.

“You are so beautiful.” He said. “So,  _ so  _ beautiful.”

Emily chuckled. “Even though I look like I just lost a fight with Sylvester Stallone?”

“Stop.” Derek said, kissing her. “You’re beautiful. I don’t care how banged up you get.”

“Well.” Emily said. “ _ Something _ certainly got banged just now, that’s for sure.”

Now it was Derek’s turn to laugh. “You are filthy, Emily.”

“You love it.” She said, rolling her eyes.

“I do.” He said. “And I love  _ you _ .”

“I love you too.” Emily said, kissing him. “So, you ready to go again?”

“What?” Derek teased. “Was round two not enough for you? Or round three?”

Emily shook her head. “I’ll never get enough of you.”

Derek smiled and kissed her again. Kissing soon gave way to touching, which gave way to heavy breathing and Emily moaning his name. It would be a long night for both of them. Luckily, they had six weeks to catch up on sleep and make up for lost time.


	33. A New Day Has Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily get some news.

“Has it been three minutes yet?”

Derek Morgan had to laugh as he watched Emily pacing back and forth in the middle of their bedroom. She had been off for five weeks now and those five weeks had been the best they’d had in a while. It had been nice for them to spend time together as a family, and Derek was genuinely sorry that she was going to have to go back to work next week. Earlier  _ that  _ week, however, Emily had started feeling sick, running to the bathroom as the contents of her stomach threatened to come back up. Now they sat waiting for the results of a test that could change their lives again, forever.

“Babe, the timer will go off when it’s been three minutes.” He said. “You’re going to wear a path in that carpet if you keep pacing like that.”

“I’m nervous.” She said, glaring at him. “We weren’t even  _ trying _ ! We tried for  _ months  _ and got  _ nothing _ ! Now we’re waiting to see if it happened when we weren’t even- God! Are you  _ sure  _ that thing is on?”

“It’s on, Emily.” Derek said. “Woman, you are the most  _ impatient  _ person I have ever met.”

“Are you telling me you’re not nervous too?” She demanded. “This is  _ huge _ , Derek!”

“Of course I’m nervous.” He said. “But babe, no matter what the result is, it’s not something we can control.”

“I know that.” Emily groaned, flopping down on the bed and giving him a look. “I just don’t know how to feel. I  _ wanted  _ to get pregnant, I wanted it so bad that I could taste it, and now I’m just worried that I’ve driven myself crazy with wanting it.”

“Hysterical pregnancies are rare.” Derek said. “And if it’s a negative and you’re ready to start trying again for real, we’ll do it. Just try to relax.”

“I’m trying.” She said. “I just want this so bad.”

“I know, princess.” He said. “I do too.”

The timer that Derek had set on his phone began going of and they exchanged a look. Emily took a shaky breath and wiped her hands on her pants, getting up and going to the bathroom, where the answer to all of their questions lay on the counter waiting for them. Derek had to be honest, he was praying for a positive. He was worried that one more ‘no’ was going to break Emily, and truth be told, he wanted it just as badly as she did. When Emily returned, test in hand, her eyes were filled with tears. Derek felt his heart snap, and his shoulders sagged. He sighed and got up to go embrace her, even as his own heart was breaking.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” He said. “We can try agai-“

“It’s positive.”

Derek stopped. “What?”

“It’s positive.” Emily said again. She smiled through her tears. “It’s positive, Derek. I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant.”

“You’re pregnant.” Derek repeated, hardly able to believe his ears. “You’re sure?”

“Look for yourself!” Emily laughed, handing him the test. “Unless I’m missing something, that’s a positive.”

Derek stared down at the test in his hands. Sure enough, there was a little plus sign, clear as the nose on his face. In an instant, as quickly as his world had changed, so did his expression. Tears sprang to his eyes and his face broke into the widest grin that had been there in a  _ very  _ long time. He looked up at Emily, down at the test, then back at her again.

“You’re pregnant.” He said. “Emily, you’re pregnant! We’re having another baby!”

“We’re having another baby.” Emily agreed. “We did it.”

“We did it!” Derek wrapped Emily in a tight hug, squeezing her and rocking from side to side. “Oh, you don’t know how happy that makes me.”

“Well, I would hope that I have  _ some  _ idea of how much.” She chuckled. “We’ve wanted this for a while.”

“Emily, I tried to put on a brave face for you.” He said, kissing her. “But I was dying inside with every negative, every time the answer was ‘no’. It killed me.”

“I know.” Emily said. She raised an eyebrow. “I’m a profiler, remember?”

Derek grinned. “Another baby.” He said, putting a hand on her stomach. “Our baby is gonna be a big sister.”

“Should we go tell her?” Emily asked.

“Yeah.” Derek said. “Let’s go tell her.”

The two hurried to Julia’s room. It was still early, but Julia had taken to being an early riser lately. Most mornings when they walked in to their daughter’s room to wake her up, Julia was sitting in her crib, amusing herself with a toy or trying to swat at her mobile. Today, however, they opened the door to find Julia out of her crib, butt naked, and covered in diaper cream. The same diaper cream that she was currently using to finger paint on her bedroom wall. Derek and Emily’s eyes went wide, and Julia smiled at them.

“Young lady,  _ what  _ are you doing?” Derek asked, picking up his daughter. “You’re a mess!”

“I paint!” Julia said, clearly proud of herself. “I paint, Daddy! Look! I paint!”

“I see that.” Derek said. “But hey, we don’t paint on the walls, okay? And not with our diaper cream.”

“Okay.” She said. “Mad at me?”

“No, Jujubug.” He sighed. “I’m not mad. But there’s gonna be some new rules, okay? You’re gonna have to start setting a good example for your new little brother or sister.”

Julia tilted her head. “What’s that mean?”

Emily smiled. “Mama’s gonna have a baby.”

“A baby.” Julia repeated, then looked around. “Where’s baby, Mama?”

“The baby is in my tummy.” She said. “Baby has to stay in there to grow big and strong. Then in a few months, baby will come out to see you.”

“Oh, okay.” Julia said, reaching to pat her mother’s stomach. “Hi baby!”

Emily laughed. She wasn’t sure how much Julia actually understood, but she was happy all the same. Her family was finally growing. Derek caught the look on her face and kissed her forehead.

“You wanna take the walls or the bath?” He asked.

“I’ll deal with the walls.” Emily said. “You ready for this times two?”

“I guess I’m gonna have to be.” Derek said. “Hey. I really  _ am  _ happy.”

She smiled. “Me too.”

They got the mess cleaned up, got Julia in the bath, and then they all went out for breakfast to celebrate their expanding family. Emily called to make an appointment with her obstetrician. The future had a brightness to it that it hadn’t before. In just three minutes, their lives had changed. Their family of three was going to be a family of four, and Derek and Emily couldn’t be happier.


	34. Afterglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily announces some news to her team

The first person on the team to find out, oddly, was Tara. Emily hadn’t been planning on telling anyone so soon, but when Tara had asked casually how Emily had spent her time off, she couldn’t stop the smile that creeped across her face.

“Oh no.” Tara laughed. “What’s that smile about?”

“Nothing, nothing!” Emily said. “I just had a  _ really  _ good six weeks spending time with my family.”

“I’ll say.” Tara said. “You’re glowing.” 

Emily smiled and bit her lip. Her hands went to her still-flat stomach. “Yeah.” She said. “I, uh, I got some really good news.”

“Oh, no way!” Tara said. “You’re not-?”

Emily was full-on grinning. She nodded her head.

“You  _ are _ ?” Tara exclaimed. “That is  _ great  _ news, congratulations. Is Morgan excited?”

“Oh, beyond excited.” She said. “Julia is too. I’m not sure she fully understands what it means yet, but-“

“Ah, but she will soon.” Tara said. “Once that little tummy starts popping out and she feels that something’s  _ in  _ there. You feeling good?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.” Emily said. “Well, I mean morning sickness is  _ killing  _ me, but I expected that. It was bad with Julia too.”

“Ohhh.” Tara touched her hand sympathetically. “Well, it’ll all be worth it, right?”

“Definitely.” Emily said. “Oh, uh, I haven’t had a chance to tell the rest of the team yet, so…”

“Got it.” Tara said. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

JJ was next, and Emily didn’t even have to say a word to the blonde. She didn’t know if it was because the other woman had two kids of her own, or if it was just the look on Emily’s face that tipped her off, but Jennifer Jareau grinned when she saw Emily walking out of her office towards the conference room and leaned over.

“You’re glowing.” JJ said in a sing-song voice. “Are congratulations in order?”

“Wha-?” Emily exclaimed. “How did you know?”

“You  _ look  _ different.” JJ said. “Your cheeks are pink, your boobs are bigger, and again, you’re glowing.”

“They’re not  _ that  _ big!” Emily said defensively. “Are they? They’re frickin’ sore,  _ that’s  _ for sure.”

“Use cold nursing pads.” JJ said. “Trust me.”

“Thanks.” Emily sighed. “We have an appointment in another week to make sure that everything is okay.”

“Congratulations, Em.” JJ said. “I know how badly you wanted this and I’m glad it’s finally happening.”

Emily smiled. “Thanks, Jaje.” She said. “I’m really happy about this.”

“So…” JJ said after a beat of silence. “Are we keeping this under wraps for a while?”

“I don’t know.” Emily answered. “Tara already knows, and if you figured it out, I don’t think it’s gonna be long before the rest of the team realizes something is up.”

“What’s up?” Garcia asked, coming up behind Emily, holding a Tupperware.

“Nothing.” JJ said quickly. “Are we almost ready to present the case?”

“Yup!” Garcia said. “Everyone is gathering in five. Oh! These are for you, Prentiss. A little birdie named Derek Morgan told me you might be needing these.”

“Cookies?” Emily asked, looking at the container Garcia handed her. “Aw, thanks.”

“Not just  _ any  _ cookies.” Garcia said. “These are chock-full of all kinds of vitamins and nutrients to help with that little bean you’re growing inside you. They’re pretty good, too! I made a tester batch.”

“Wow.” Emily chuckled. “That’s- thank you. That’s sweet. Derek told you?”

“Uh, yeah!” Garcia exclaimed. “But even if he didn’t, it’s kind of obvious. You’re glowing.”

JJ raised her eyebrows. “Told you.”

Matt Simmons put two and two together when they were out in the field and Emily was looking a little worse for wear. The morning sickness really  _ was  _ kicking her ass and unlike with Julia, it was more like all day sickness. Garcia’s cookies helped a little with the nausea, or at least that was what Emily told herself as she ate her fifth one. Matt smirked.

“How far?” He asked.

Emily looked up, confused. “Excuse me?”

“Come on, Prentiss.” Matt said. “I have four kids, one set of twins. I think I know the signs. How far?”

“Six weeks.” Emily said. “I think. We have an appointment next week to confirm.”

“Did you tell Julia?” Matt asked. 

That made Emily smile. “We did.” She said. “I don’t think she really understands what it means when we say “Mama’s having a baby”, she keeps poking at my stomach and asking if the baby is done yet.”

“Been there.” Matt laughed. “She’s still pretty young. But it  _ is  _ pretty cool to watch that moment where it all clicks for them and they realize that there’s actually a baby in there.”

“Yeah?” Emily said. “What was is for your kids?”

“Well, it was a little different for David than it was for Jake.” Matt said. “Kristy started showing with the twins a  _ lot  _ sooner than with either of the boys, and since there was two of them…”

“You felt them a lot sooner.” Emily finished.

“Yeah.” He said. “So it all kind of came together for David with the girls faster than it did for Jake when Kristy was pregnant with David. I don’t think it was really  _ real  _ for Jake until this one night when Kristy was, oh, maybe seven months pregnant and David did this  _ big  _ stretch and you could actually  _ see  _ it through Kristy’s stomach.”

“Oh my god.” Emily said, laughing. “That must have been  _ terrifying  _ for Jake!”

“Oh, it was.” Matt said. “After we got him to stop screaming, we explained that it was just his little brother running out of room. And  _ that’s  _ when it clicked for Jake that this baby stuff wasn’t just a concept.”

“I can’t wait.” Emily said. “I mean, JJ’s warned me that making the jump from one to two can be tough, but I stopped believing it would ever happen.”

“One to two was definitely tough.” Matt said. “Two to four was absolutely  _ nuts _ . But now that the girls are a little older, we’re out of the newborn stage, it’s kind of like yeah, bring it on.”

“I don’t know.” Emily said. “I think I would panic if I found out this was twins. Derek would  _ love  _ it, but he would have an entire baseball team’s worth of kids if I let him. Seriously, it’s kind of adorable, actually.”

Matt smiled. “You guys hoping for a boy this time?”

“Honestly, I just want a healthy baby.” She said. “We uh, we lost one before Julia, and then we struggled to get pregnant this time around, so…”

“Understood.” Matt nodded. “Well, in that case, here’s hoping for a healthy baby. And congratulations.”

Emily wasn’t sure  _ how  _ the hell Rossi figured it out, or when. All she knew was that she was trying to drive the damn SUV and Rossi kept shooting her knowing glances from the passenger seat. After the third or fourth time she caught him doing it, Emily gave a frustrated sigh and glared at him.

“Dave, if you have something to say, I’d appreciate it if you just said it.” She grouched. “I’m trying to drive.”

“What?” He said, feigning offense. “I’m not allowed to look at you when you’re driving now?”

“It’s the  _ way  _ you’re looking at me.” Emily said. “Like some proud father watching his kid ride a bike without training wheels for the first time.”

Rossi laughed. “No offense, Prentiss.” He said. “But I would be a  _ little  _ concerned if you still needed training wheels at this point in your life.”

She shot him a look. “You know what I mean.”

“You  _ are _ like a daughter to me, though.” Rossi said, his eyes twinkling. “And I  _ am  _ proud of the person you’ve become in the decade I’ve known you. You’ve been through a lot, kiddo. It’s nice to see you finally happy.”

There was a moment of silence as Emily struggled to come up with an appropriate response, struggled to keep her emotions in check.

“Damn it, Rossi.” She said, her voice husky. “I can’t  _ drive  _ if you’re gonna make me  _ cry  _ like that!”

“When’d you find out?”

“Last week.” She said. “At eight-thirty in the morning. Derek had to convince me not to take the test at dawn. He said I would be just as pregnant at a more reasonable hour. How’d you know?”

Rossi smiled. “Call it a hunch.” He said. “And you’re glowing, by the way.”

“Yeah.” Emily chuckled. “So I keep being told.”

“Maybe I’m just getting soft in my old age.” Rossi said, looking over at her. “But it’s hard to think of the young lady I met all those years ago and reconcile it with the warrior in front of me. I’ve watched you come back from the dead, fall in love with one of the greatest men I’ve ever known, I’ve watched you become a mother and fill impossibly large shoes when anyone else would have failed. When I say I’m proud, I  _ mean  _ it.”

This time, Emily let the tears fall. “Thank you.”

By the time they were back at Quantico, the only people left on the team that didn’t know Emily’s secret were Alvez and Reid, and Emily decided that she might as well get it over with and have everything out in the open before everybody went home. She caught up with the two men as they headed towards the elevator.

“Hey guys.” She said. “Before you go, real quick, I don’t know if you’ve heard anything over the past couple of days, but I didn’t want it to seem like I was purposely keeping anything from you…”

“Prentiss, you don’t have to.” Luke laughed. “We already figured out you’re pregnant.”

“Yeah.” Reid said. “You used the restroom over seventy-four times this past week alone, that’s almost twice the weekly average. Even counting for medical conditions necessitating for more frequent bathroom breaks, of which you have none, the number is still very high. The most logical explanation is pregnancy.”

“God, you calculated how many times I got up to go  _ pee _ ?” Emily asked. “No offense Spence, but that’s a  _ bit  _ much, don’t you think?”

“Oh, no!” Reid said. “I calculated that at least half of those were because you needed to puke.”

Luke leaned in. “I don’t think that’s a whole lot better.”

“Also.” Reid said. “You, uh…”

“If  _ another  _ person tells me that I’m glowing.” Emily said. “I swear to god…”

“I was going to say,” Reid continued. “You were crying a lot during the case, and no one wanted to say anything because they didn’t want to embarrass you.”

“Oh.” Emily said.

“Yeah.” Reid said. “You never cry  _ this  _ much on a case, it was a dead giveaway that something was up. You also keep instinctively touching your stomach as if you’re trying to protect it, so…”

Emily looked down at her hands and suddenly became aware that she was doing just what Reid had described and hastily removed them from her midsection, feeling embarrassed. Had she really been that obvious?

“Right.” She said. “Well, okay then.”

“You  _ are  _ glowing though.” Luke said. “Seriously, is this kid like radioactive or something?”

“I think what Alvez is trying to say.” Reid interjected. “Is that we’re happy for you. All of us. We love you and Morgan, we love Julia, and we’ll love this baby too.”

“Oh, thank you guys.” Emily said, reaching an arm around both men to hug them. “It means a lot.”

“Congratulations.” Luke said, patting her back affectionately. “Hey, this means that my  _ favorite  _ little miss is gonna be a big sister!”

“And I get another goddaughter!” Reid said.

“Or godson!” Emily laughed. “We don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl  _ yet _ , Spence!”

“I don’t know.” Reid said, giving a small smile. “I have a feeling about this one.”

“Calling it now.” Luke said, high-fiving Reid. “Team girl! You look like a girl mom, Prentiss.”

“I don’t know what that means.” Reid said. “But I agree. Team girl.”

Emily chuckled. “You guys are gonna feel  _ really  _ weird in a few months if it’s a boy.”

Reid smiled. “No we won’t.”

When Emily got home that night, Julia was hard at work playing with toy trains in the living room while Derek stood over pots and pans in the kitchen, trying out a new recipe for chicken alfredo. Derek looked up when Emily walked through the door and his eyes lit up, he wiped his hands on a kitchen goal and circled around to wrap her in his arms and kiss her.

“There she is.” He said. “How is my beautiful woman?”

“Tired.” She said. “And  _ starving,  _ that stuff smells  _ amazing,  _ babe! When’s dinner?”

“In about twenty minutes.” Derek said, kissing her again. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Emily said. “So...you told Garcia?”

Derek raised an eyebrow. “Was that okay?” He asked her. “I know it’s still early, I was just excited…”

“It’s fine.” Emily laughed. “I was able to keep the team from finding out for all of ten minutes, so don’t be surprised if you’re inundated with phone calls.”

“Oh trust me, I’m expecting it.” Derek laughed. “Last time I ran into Rossi he was asking me when we were going to have news.”

“Did you talk to your mom and sisters?”

“Yes, and they’re very excited.” Derek said, but the way his cheeks reddened made Emily think that there was more to the story than he was letting on.

“Derek Morgan, are you blushing?” She teased. “What did they say to you?”

“Nothing.” He chuckled. “Sarah just made a comment about how it was about time I put another baby in you, and she mentioned that she, uh,  _ overheard  _ us the last time we were down there to visit.”

“What?” Emily said, flushing red herself. “I thought that we were  _ quiet _ !”

“Apparently not quiet enough.” Derek said. “Sarah said that what she heard made her surprised that we weren’t on baby number five by now.”

“If it were up to you,” Emily said. “We would be.”

“If it were up to me,” Derek said. “We would have  _ ten  _ more kids.”

“You’re crazy.” Emily laughed. “ _ Twelve  _ kids?

Derek shrugged. “Sure.” He said. “I love being a dad, and I love being married to you.”

“Still.” Emily said. “I think we should focus on getting  _ this  _ little one here before we start going quiverfull.”

“Whatever you say, princess.” Derek said. “I sure do love you, you know that?”

Emily smiled. “I love you too.”

They kissed and kissed some more until Emily felt a little hand tugging on her pant leg. Julia looked up at her parents, brown eyes wide.

“Me too! Me too!” She said, reaching her arms out for her mother to pick her up.

“Yes, baby.” Emily said, taking Julia into her arms. “We love you too. Very,  _ very  _ much!”

“Yes we do.” Derek said. “And we always will.”

Julia gave a little cheer and bounced in her mother’s arms, causing Emily to laugh and shower the toddler with kisses all over her face. Her heart was full, she had one baby in her arms, another in her belly, and was married to Derek freakin’ Morgan. Her team was like a second family to her, and her life just felt complete. Emily was happy, and she couldn’t possibly ask for more.


	35. Forever & Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily struggles with her changing body, but does it hide a deeper problem?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Antenatal depression, body image issues, mention of suicide, mention of fetal demise

“Oh you have  _ got  _ to be kidding me!”

Emily huffed angrily, struggling to button her pants for a few minutes before finally giving up and kicking them off. She ran a hand over her stomach, which had already begun popping out, much to Emily’s dismay. JJ had warned her that there was a chance she would start to show sooner than she had with Julia, but fourteen weeks? Emily had  _ barely _ hit the second trimester and she was too far in denial to give in and dig out her maternity clothes. Derek walked into the bedroom with Julia in his arms and eyed her curiously.

“Emily, baby, what are you doing?” He asked. “You’ve got to be at Quantico in like thirty minutes, and I gotta go take Jules to get her hair done.”

“I could do her hair, Derek.” Emily said. “There  _ is  _ such a thing as google.”

“I’m not saying you couldn’t.” Derek replied, his tone measured. “I would just feel more comfortable if we kept taking her to the salon until you’ve had a little bit more practice. Trust me, if I thought I could do it without hurting her, I would do it myself.”

“What did you mom do when your sisters were little?”

“Took them to a salon.” Derek said. “As long as we could afford it. My mama  _ knew  _ she wasn’t comfortable doing natural hair, so it was the salon or my aunt Yvonne doing their hair growing up. Anyway, you’re changing the subject. Why aren’t you dressed?”

“Nothing  _ fits _ right!” Emily groaned. “I feel fat.”

“Hey now, you stop that.” He said firmly, setting Julia down on the bed where she bounced happily so he could grip Emily’s shoulders. “You are  _ not  _ fat.”

“I said I  _ feel  _ fat.” She grumbled. “I’m practically the same size at fourteen weeks with this baby as I was with Julia at  _ twenty  _ weeks! I’m huge!”

“Emily, we  _ knew  _ this might happen.” Derek said. “Your body just remembers being pregnant, that’s all.”

Emily shook her head. “I’m not ready.” She said. “I’m not ready for maternity pants with the stretchy waistbands and nursing bras, and rubbing coconut oil all over my stomach to keep from getting stretch marks and- it’s too soon. Okay?”

Her face crumpled and she leaned into Derek’s chest. Derek sighed, kissing the top of Emily’s head and rubbing her back in slow, small circles. He knew that Emily had been struggling with this pregnancy in ways she hadn’t with Julia, but her being this upset over the changes in her body was baffling to Derek. With Julia, Emily had delighted in her growing belly, the fullness of her breasts as they prepared to be able to feed a baby, the way her hips had widened. Everything she had loved then, she seemed to hate with the new baby, and Derek couldn’t figure out why.

“Hey, hey.” He said. “What’s wrong, huh? I thought you were happy about having a baby? And you told me that you loved your stretch marks from Julia because they reminded you of becoming a mother?”

“I am.” Emily said, clearing her throat. “And I do. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it’s just so much  _ harder  _ this time! This baby is  _ nothing  _ like Julia…”

“I know.” He said. “Hey, and I know this has been hard, but I get the feeling that there’s something else bothering you. Am I right?”

Emily mumbled something unintelligible into his shoulder, causing Derek to pull back and look at her with raised eyebrows.

“Come again?”

“I don’t feel as  _ connected  _ to this baby as I did with Julia.” Emily said. “And I’m worried that he or she can feel it and that they’re gonna get here and that feeling’s not gonna go away.”

“Oh, princess.” Derek sighed. “Princess, princess, princess. You are an  _ amazing  _ mother to Julia, and you’re going to be amazing with this baby too.”

“What if I don’t love it?” She whispered. “What if I have this baby, and- and hold it for the first time and I look down at this little  _ person  _ we created...and I don’t  _ feel  _ anything? What if I’m just empty?”

Derek’s brows knit together with concern. “Is that how you feel right now? Empty?”

“No!” Emily said. “Maybe? Sometimes...I don’t know.”

“Okay.” He said. “I think it’s time we call Doctor Robinson and tell her what’s been going on.”

“What?” Emily chuckled. “No speech about how I’m just being silly and how I’m going to look at that baby when it gets here and my world will stop spinning?”

“Did I ever tell you,” Derek asked. “About a girl from my old neighborhood named Elsie Adams?”

Emily quirked an eyebrow. “No.” She said. “Why?”

“Elsie had five kids.” Derek said. “She  _ loved  _ being a mother, she was good at it too. Then she got pregnant again and something changed. She became anxious, withdrawn, everyone noticed but they just brushed it off as having the baby blues.”

“What happened to her?”

Derek sighed. “They found her hanging.” He said. “At thirty-two weeks. She and the baby were already gone.”

“Derek.” Emily said. “You don’t  _ seriously  _ think I’m going to hurt myself, do you?”

“I don’t want it to ever get that far.” He said. “Emily, there’s no shame in saying that you’re struggling, and I don’t want you to suffer. You don’t  _ have _ to hurt.”

“I know.” She said, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, baby.” He said as he hugged her. “Just let me make the phone call.”

“Okay.” She said. “Make the phone call. And maybe help me find my maternity clothes.”

Derek smiled and kissed her. “I know exactly where they are.” He said. “Give me just a minute.”

He disappeared from their bedroom, and Emily sat down on the bed next to her bouncing daughter, Julia flopped down next to Emily and put her head in her mother’s lap, blinking up at her.

“Okay, Mama?” Julia asked. “You okay?”

Emily smiled. “Yeah, Jujubug.” She said. “Mama’s okay.”

Julia patted Emily’s stomach. “Baby.” She said. “Baby’s done yet, Mama?”

“No, Julia.” Emily chuckled, kissing her forehead. “The baby’s not done yet. Not for a while. Hey, but you’re going to be such a good big sister, this baby is so lucky to have you, Jujubug.”

“I love baby.” Julia said, planting a kiss on her mother’s stomach, a gesture that melted Emily’s heart.

“The baby loves you too, sweetheart.” Emily said, choking back tears. “And  _ I  _ love  _ you _ so, so much my sweet girl.”

“I love you too, Mama.” The little girl said. “Kiss?”

Emily grinned and smothered Julia with kisses until she was giggling uncontrollably. Little arms wrapped around Emily’s neck as Julia responded in kind. Derek walked in, box of maternity clothes in his hands, and grinned at his two girls.

“Look at my beautiful girls.” He said, setting the box down. “Maternity clothes were up in the attic, I’m calling Doctor Robinson next, then  _ you and me, _ little missy, have a date at the hair salon!”

“Yay!” Julia said, hopping on the bed. “I get braids, Daddy?”

“Yes, pretty girl.” He said. “You can get braids.”

“Let’s go!” She said excitedly, pulling his hand. “Let’s go, Daddy! Let’s go!”

“Okay! Okay!” Derek laughed, casting a glance at his wife. “You gonna be okay, princess?  _ Someone  _ is getting impatient, here.”

“Yeah, I’ll be okay.” Emily said, giving him a reassuring smile. “As long as I get a kiss goodbye.”

Derek smiled and leaned over to kiss her deeply, his hand resting against her jaw. Emily’s heart fluttered as he pulled her closer and moved to whisper in her ear.

“You are beautiful.” He said. “You’re an amazing woman and I am  _ blessed  _ to be able to call you the mother of my children. Don’t you ever forget that.”

“I won’t.” She said.

Emily looked at herself in the mirror one more time after Derek and Julia left for the hair salon. She couldn’t say that her feelings of fear had completely gone away, but there was a relief in knowing that she no longer had to bear them alone. She had a husband and a daughter who loved and supported her, and soon she’d have another little one who loved her just as much. Help was out there, she just had to take that next step. Even after all of these years, it was tempting to suffer in silence, but she owed it to Derek, to Julia, and most of all herself and the new life growing inside of her not to. Emily smiled and grabbed a pair of pants from the box of maternity clothes.

It was time to take the next step.


	36. Lionheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily has a close call, and she and Derek find out the sex of their second child.

The bullet had narrowly missed her.

Yes, she had been wearing her vest, and yes, Tara and Rossi had been there backing her up the entire time, but a near miss was a near miss any way you slice it. 

Derek was going to be  _ pissed _ .

The team had insisted that Emily get checked out by the medics, despite her protests that she hadn’t  _ actually  _ been hit, and the medics upon hearing that they were dealing with a woman who was eighteen weeks pregnant in her forties  _ insisted  _ that she be taken to the nearest hospital to get checked out more thoroughly. It was a complete overreaction, in Emily’s opinion. When Derek burst through the door with Julia in his arms, looking panicked, Emily sighed.

“I’m fine.” She said. “A detail that Garcia  _ obviously  _ forgot to mention when she called you, judging by the look on your face.”

“Babe.” He said. “You were  _ shot _ !”

“I was  _ almost  _ shot!” Emily said. “Luckily the guys aim  _ sucked _ . The bullet grazed my ear, that’s all.”

“Emily!” Derek exclaimed. “You are four and a half months pregnant! You could have had a miscarriage! You have  _ got  _ to be more careful in the field!”

“I  _ was  _ being careful, Derek!” She snapped. “I had my vest on, I had backup, you can’t expect me to stop being the unit chief just cause we’re having a baby!”

“Well  _ excuse  _ me for being concerned for my wife and child!” He said. “I didn’t realize it was a crime to want you both  _ alive  _ and to want to spare my daughter the pain of growing up without a mother.”

“That is  _ not  _ fair, Derek!” Emily said angrily, her eyes watering. “You  _ know  _ I would never purposely endanger our child! I can’t believe you!”

“Stop!” Julia whined. “Be nice!”

Derek and Emily stopped, both looking at their small daughter, who had such a stern look on her face, it would have been hilarious if they hadn’t felt so guilty for being the cause of it. Derek sighed and kissed Julia on the forehead.

“You’re right, Jujubug.” He said. “It’s not nice of Mama and Daddy to fight. I’m sorry.”

“Say sorry Mama and Daddy!” She said. “Say sorry or...or time out!”

“Okay, I get it!” Derek said, then he set Julia down on the hospital bed, where she promptly snuggled up next to Emily. He pulled up a chair beside her. “I’m sorry, Emily. That wasn’t fair and I shouldn’t have said it.”

“Thank you.”

Julia poked her mother’s cheek. “Your turn.” She said. “You say sorry too.”

“I’m sorry too.” Emily said. “I know you were just scared and I shouldn’t have snapped at you. And I’ll try to be more careful in the field.”

“Thank you.” Derek said, putting a hand on her cheek and caressing her with his thumb. “Cause I don’t know what I’d do if I lost either of you.”

“You won’t.” She said. “I promise.”

They kissed for a long moment, eliciting a delighted giggle from their daughter, who bounced on her knees. A knock at the door caused them to pull apart, and Emily was blushing hard when the doctor, a sandy-haired man in his late thirties, came in.

“Agent Prentiss.” He said. “I’m Doctor Alden. Sorry to have kept you waiting. Everything looks fine, you should be good to go, we just want to check on the baby really quickly with ultrasound, their heart rate was a little high when we checked with the doppler.”

“Is that bad?” Emily asked. “Did I-? Is the baby-?”

“It’s probably just from all the excitement.” Doctor Alden replied. “Your body was releasing adrenaline due to the situation you were in, your heart rate picked up, baby noticed and followed suit. Still, we’re going to check on this nugget just to be safe-“

Doctor Alden gestured to a nurse who rolled over with the machine and lifted up Emily’s shirt, squeezed cold jelly on her stomach that made Emily flinch, and pressed the wand into her abdomen. Derek quickly scooped Julia up and put her in his lap, pointing at the screen as a snowy outline of the baby came into view.

“Look, Jules!” He said. “There’s the baby.”

“Whoa!” Julia said. “What they do?”

“They’re taking a picture.” Derek said. “To make sure the baby is okay.”

“Oh.” She said. “Say cheese, baby!”

Emily laughed, and even Doctor Alden smiled as he looked at the ultrasound.

“How old is she?” He asked.

“Almost two and a half.” Emily said. “She was a preemie, but you sure can’t tell now.”

“That’s good.” Doctor Alden said. “As for  _ this  _ little one, things are looking good. Heart rate is back to normal, we’re moving around a lot, amniotic fluid looks good. Do you guys already know what you’re having?”

“No.” Emily said. “We opted out of genetic testing and our anatomy scan is still a few weeks out.”

“Do you want to know?” He said. “Because I got a pretty good look just now.”

Emily and Derek exchanged a look. Emily raised her eyebrows, Derek shrugged and looked down at Julia, who was bouncing in his lap.

“What do you think, Jujubug?” Derek asked. “Should we find out if the baby is a boy or girl?”

“Yeah! Yeah!” Julia said. “Boy or girl!”

Derek shrugged again. “Well you got her vote.”

“Sure.” Emily said. “Tell us.”

Doctor Alden smiled and turned off the machine. The nurse handed Emily tissues to wipe the gel off her stomach and wheeled it away.

“Well,” Doctor Alden said. “I can say that everything looks the way it should, and your baby  _ girl  _ looks as healthy as can be.”

Derek’s face broke into a grin. “Alright! You hear that Jules?” He said. “You’re getting a baby sister!”

“Yay!” Julia cheered. “A sister! A sister!”

“Congratulations.” Doctor Alden said. “I’ll send a nurse back with the discharge papers, and  _ you  _ guys will be good to go.”

The doctor made his exit and Derek could no longer contain his glee, shifting Julia on his lap so he could lean forward and lock Emily’s lips into a passionate kiss, his hand rubbing her still exposed but now clean belly. He pulled away and stared at his wife like he was looking at her for the first time.

“I love you.” He said. “Two beautiful baby girls, Emily, can you believe it?”

“Are you happy?” She asked. “You’re not disappointed that we’re not having a boy?”

“Are you kidding?” Derek said. “We could have  _ five  _ girls and I would die a happy man, princess.”

“Oh really?” Emily laughed. “Five, huh? I’ll keep that in mind, if we decide we want more.”

“I mean don’t get me wrong.” Derek said. “Having a boy would be cool, but I kind of love having a little girl so having another one sounds just right.”

“Good.” She said. “I’m glad.”

“Me too.” He smiled. “So, any ideas on a name for our second little princess?”

Emily smiled. “One.” She said. “I’ll tell you when we get home and get  _ this  _ one to bed.”

They got out of the hospital and got home. When Julia was safely tucked in her crib, Emily whispered the name she’d come up with to Derek and he fell in love with it. They would figure out a middle name later, but Emily’s suggestion was so perfect, so apt for everything they had been through, all other ideas fled their minds. They went to bed that night tired and happy, with hope in their hearts. For a night that began with Emily nearly getting shot, it had ended pretty damn well, in more ways than one.


	37. Here Comes The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily and Julia share a moment together.

“The baby’s kicking!”

Julia looked skeptically at her mom, who was sitting beside her on the couch with a hand on her belly. Emily was twenty-two weeks pregnant and baby number two was decidedly a show-off. Where Julia had been a little shy at first with letting anyone feel her, the new baby was more than happy to move and kick for Emily, Derek, or anyone else for that matter. If Julia was a social butterfly, her little sister was going to be an outright performer.

“Do you want to come feel it, Julia?” Emily asked her daughter. “You wanna feel the baby kick?”

Julia nodded solemnly and inched closer to her mother, placing her tiny hands on her mother’s stomach. Emily gently adjusted the toddlers hands and chuckled as Julia’s eyes went wide, staring intently at Emily’s stomach as something kicked her hands. The girl giggled, her nose scrunching up.

“That’s funny.” She said.

“Oh, that’s funny?” Emily asked. “Baby sister kicking you is funny, Jules?”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “That’s my sister! Hi sister!”

Emily’s heart melted when Julia leaned forward to kiss her stomach. After her admission to Derek two months ago about how she had been feeling, she had told her obstetrician, Doctor Robinson, who had referred her to a therapist that specialized in treating pregnant women. It had been tough, especially in the beginning, Emily had never been one to discuss her feelings with a total stranger, even if that stranger was licensed and came highly recommended. But little by little, Emily had let her guard down, and now she felt herself actually starting to enjoy her pregnancy. Watching Julia become more and more aware of what was going on and feeling her excitement at the prospect of becoming a big sister and having a new baby to play with was just icing on the cake.

“You’re gonna be such a good big sister.” Emily said, kissing the top of her daughter’s head. “You know that?”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “I’m big sister. That’s baby sister.”

“That’s right, Jules.” Emily said. “You’re big sister. And in just a few more months, your baby sister will be here to see you. She’s going to  _ love  _ you, Jujubug.”

Julia looked up. “You still love me, Mama?”

“Yes, baby.” Emily said. “Mama still loves you. You were my  _ first  _ baby, did you know that?”

Julia nodded. Emily smiled and held her close, the little girl snuggled into her.

“When you were born,” Emily said. “You were  _ really  _ early, and you had to stay in the hospital for a long time. That made Mama sad.”

“Sad for Julia?” She asked. “You cry?”

“Yes.” Emily said. “Mama cried and cried because she missed you so much. But you know what?”

“What?”

“Then you got to come home.” Emily said. “And that made Mama so happy, because I had my Julia with me. Did you know that when you came home from the hospital you wanted Mama to hold you all the time?”

“I did?” Julia said. “Why?”

“Because you loved your Mama.” Emily said. “And your Mama loves you, and even when you were a tiny baby, you knew that because you’re smart.”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “I’m a smart girl.”

“Yes you are.” Emily said and kissed her. “You’re a smart girl who I love very much, and that will never change, my Jujubug. We will love you  _ and  _ your baby sister no matter what. I promise.”

“Amen to that!” Derek said, walking in from the garage, where he had been busy working on furniture for the new baby’s room. He bent down to kiss first Julia and then Emily, and then Emily’s stomach. “How are all of my beautiful girls?”

Emily smiled. “We’re good.” She said. “Julia here got to feel her baby sister kicking.”

“Did you, Jujubug?” Derek asked. “Did my big girl feel the baby kicking in Mama’s tummy?”

“Yeah!” Julia said, squealing when Derek blew raspberries on her cheek and tickled her ribs. “Daddy!”

“I can’t help it!” He said. “You’re just too  _ cute _ , Jujubug!”

Derek lifted his daughter up and tossed her in the aisle, causing her to giggle delightedly as he caught and swung her, spinning her around and peppering her cheeks with kisses.

“Oh, I love you baby.” He said. “You know that? Your daddy loves you, Julia Grace.”

“I love you too!” She chirped. “Love you, Daddy!”

“Good!” Derek said, sitting down and setting her in his lap. She lasted all of ten seconds before wiggling to the floor and amusing herself with a toy car she found there. Derek placed a hand on Emily’s stomach. “How are you feeling, princess?”

“I’m feeling good.” She said. “Little girl is  _ very  _ active.”

“I can tell.” Derek chuckled. “She is gonna keep us on our toes, I can already tell.”

“It’s funny.” Emily said, rubbing her belly. “She’s already  _ so  _ different from Julia and she’s not even born yet. I wonder who this one is going to be?”

“Well, whoever she is,” Derek said. “I sure can’t wait to meet her.”

“Yeah.” Emily said. “Me too.”

She turned her face up towards Derek and smiled, closing the distance between their lips. It had been a difficult couple of months for them, but now it felt like the sun was shining on them once again, and Emily had a feeling that this time, it was going to stay.


	38. Wildfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With havoc being wrought on the BAU, Emily makes a difficult choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating! I got a really bad case of food poisoning and wasn’t up to writing! This isn’t my favorite chapter, but here it is!

Emily wanted to put Linda Barnes’  _ head  _ through a wall, and she had a difficult time convincing herself that blaming the pregnancy hormones would only get her so far. When she was questioned by Barnes, Emily was fuming, when she was suspended pending a full investigation, Emily felt defeated. For the first time in a long time, she felt like giving up. When Derek came home from running errands with Julia and found half of Emily’s office in boxes in the living room, he was understandably confused and concerned.

“What’s all this?” He asked, setting their daughter down. Julia ran to the corner where a little box of toys was and began digging around in it. She pulled out a few toy trains and, satisfied, began rolling them across the floor, making her own sound effects.

“I’m thinking about resigning.” Emily said. “As unit chief.”

“What?” Derek said. “Baby, I know this Barnes woman has it out for you guys, but come on now.”

“Yeah, well she has a point.” Emily said. “A  _ lot  _ of things have happened that shouldn’t have, and she wants a fall guy. If my taking the fall saves the rest of the team from being split up, then so be it.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “Well what about us? We have a little girl and one on the way, what about them?”

“We have enough in savings that we will be fine if I don’t get working right away.” She said. “I could even take a few months off until this baby comes if I wanted to, use it to figure out our next move.”

“Next move?” He said. “Emily, what exactly are you thinking of doing, here?”

Emily sighed. “When I left Interpol, they said the door was always open for me to come back.” She said. “And we liked London. Maybe we could go back.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Derek said. “Now hold on just a minute. Yeah, I liked London just fine, but we  _ just  _ moved back a year and a half ago. It was fine when Julia was a baby, but she’s almost three, she has  _ friends  _ here, and do you  _ really  _ want to move to a different country with a brand new baby again?”

“I could make the call now.” Emily said. “We could move before she’s born…”

“You want to move at six months pregnant?” Derek asked skeptically. “When you know you’re high risk as it is? Emily, what’s really going on?”

“When Reid was in jail,” Emily said. “I did something I shouldn’t have and Barnes called me out on it. The worst part is, she’s right. I deleted audio that would have incriminated Reid to try and buy us more time to try and clear his name.”

Derek shrugged. “As much as I don’t love that, Reid was innocent.” He said. “You guys proved that.”

“But we didn’t know that at the time.” She sighed. “Not for sure. Reid was absolved of all wrongdoing, he’s blameless, I’m not.”

“Emily.” Derek said, grabbing her hands. “You did the wrong thing for the right reasons. Do you believe that  _ anyone  _ would have believed that Reid had been set up if you had kept that recording?”

“No.” She said. “In all honesty, he would probably still be sitting in that cell if I hadn’t. But that doesn’t make it right! I’m the unit chief! I should be held to a higher standard than anyone else on that team.”

“Yeah.” He said. “And how many times did Hotch bend or outright break the rules for all of us?”

Emily opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by a knock at the door. Upon opening it, she was standing face to face with Spencer Reid himself, as if he had known that he was being talked about. He smiled at her in that way he had.

“Hey.” Emily said, hand on her stomach. “What are you doing here, don’t you guys have a case?”

“I didn’t go.” Reid said. “Can I come in?”

Emily raised an eyebrow but let him in, leading him into the living room. Derek’s eyes lit up and he smiled when he saw Reid. The young doctor had been a frequent guest at their house after being freed from prison, but between Reid and Emily’s work at the BAU and Derek having his hands full as a full-time dad, it had been a while. He wrapped Reid in a tight hug and clapped him on the back affectionately.

“Hey kid!” Derek said. “Long time no see, hey Jules! Look who’s here!”

Julia looked up from where she had been playing with her trains on the living room floor. The second she saw Reid, her face split into a grin and the trains were quickly abandoned as she ran to her godfather, hugging his leg and squealing with delight.

“Uncle Spencer!” She said. “Hi!”

“Hey Jules!” Reid said, picking her up. “How are you?”

“Good!” She said. “Miss you!”

“I missed you too!” Reid said. “Gosh, you’ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you. I like your hair. Hey, did you know that girls just like you have been putting their hair in braids since 3500 BC? That’s a  _ really  _ long time! Thousands of years!”

Julia’s eyes went wide. “Wow!” She said. “That’s a lot!”

“Yeah.” Reid said. “That’s almost as old as your mommy and daddy!”

“Hey now!” Derek chuckled. “Personal foul!”

Reid grinned. “Sorry.”

“Spence, what are you doing here?” Emily asked. “You know you’re always welcome but you should be with the rest of the team. We don’t need to give Barnes any more reason to continue on the warpath.”

“I came to see how you were doing.” He answered. “I know you’re taking this hard, and the stress…”

“I’ll be fine.” Emily said. “And so will your little goddaughter, she’s been kicking away all morning. I  _ really  _ don’t want Barnes getting you in her sights.”

“I made my choice.” Reid said. His eyes fell on Emily’s things packed in boxes. “What’s all this?”

Emily paused and exchanged a look with Derek. She hadn’t been wanting to tell anyone about her plans to step down as unit chief until it was a done deal, but she had been caught. Derek took Julia from Reid.

“Hey, Jujubug.” He said. “Why don’t we go play in your room so Mama and Uncle Spencer can talk?”

Julia tilted her head. “We can play dolls?”

“Yes, baby.” Derek laughed, kissing her cheek. “We can play with your dolls.”

“Yay!” Julia cheered. “Let’s go, Daddy!”

Derek kissed the little girl again and carted her upstairs. Once alone, Emily and Reid had a long, intense conversation where Emily rehashed all of the things she had discussed with Derek and Reid shot down all of the excuses and reasons to leave that she gave him. Tears were shed as Reid detailed just how much Emily meant to him, to the team, and begged her to stay. In the end she agreed, and when Derek came back downstairs, everything Reid had on the BAU’s current case was spread out on the dining room table.

“Jules is passed out.” Derek said. “I put her in her crib. What’s all this stuff?”

“The case.” Emily said. “I may be suspended, but Spence isn’t. If he’s over here and I just happen to see what he’s working on, well…”

“So,” Derek said. “I take it that you’re not resigning?”

“No.” Emily said, and in her eyes, he saw a fire. That spark and determination that had made him fall in love with her all of those years ago and that made him fall in love with her all over again every time he saw it. The same fire that he frequently saw in their daughter’s eyes as she got older and more independent. He loved it, and he love her.

“I’m staying.” Emily continued. “I’m going to fight.”

Derek smiled. “Good.” He said. “Now get to work.”


	39. Concentrate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Linda Barnes, Derek and Emily reflect.

It had been a difficult few weeks.

Barnes had split up the team, fired JJ, and generally made a mess of the Behavioral Analysis Unit. For a moment, things had looked bleak, and the stress had almost sent Emily to the emergency room with what she had thought were contractions at least once. But with some strategic insubordination, they not only managed to get the team back together and foil Barnes’ plans, they had saved a life in the process. As Emily sat on the couch the night she told the team they were back, with Julia already tucked into bed, her feet propped up on a pillow and a mug of tea in her hands, she felt more at ease than she had in weeks. Derek smiled and sat beside her, rubbing her feet.

“Ugh, you’re amazing.” Emily said. “How did you know my feet were aching?”

“Well, you’ve got them propped up.” Derek said. “And you were complaining about it earlier, so that was a pretty good clue.”

Emily stuck her tongue out. “Well, thanks anyway.”

Derek chuckled. “How are you feeling?” He asked. “Any more pain?”

“I’m fine.” She said. “The doctor said they were just Braxton Hicks contractions. This baby was never in any danger.”

“I know.” Derek said. “Doesn’t mean I’m not worried about  _ you  _ though, Emily.”

“I’m okay, I promise.” Emily said. “Better, now that this whole mess is behind us.”

“Good.” Derek said, reaching over to press his palm to her stomach. “I don’t want  _ this  _ little girl making an appearance any earlier than she has to.”

Emily hummed. “Our little girl.” She said. “Do you think her name is a little too on the nose?”

Derek shrugged. “Does it matter?”

“I guess not.” Emily said. “It means something to us.”

“Exactly.” He said. “We still haven’t told anyone what we’re naming her.”

“We didn’t tell anyone with Julia either.”

“We didn’t tell anyone with Julia,” Derek said. “Because we didn’t  _ know  _ with Julia until she was born.”

“Point taken.” Emily chuckled. “With this one, there was only ever one choice, thanks to how hard we had to fight just to get her. I guess we can tell people.”

“If you want.” Derek said. His expression softened. “I’m proud of you, Emily.”

Emily’s brow furrowed. “For what?”

“You’ve had a hell of a few years.” He said. “You lost a baby, had preeclampsia, you got shot  _ while  _ pregnant, your idiot husband nearly got himself killed-“

“Hey!” She said, smacking his arm. “You are  _ not  _ an idiot, Derek Morgan!”

“Okay, okay!” He laughed. “But still, you have been through an  _ incredible  _ amount of stress and pain and this stuff with Barnes was just the latest. Anyone else would have cracked under the stress. You didn’t. I’m proud of you.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you.” She said.

“Yes you could have.” He said. “But thanks for the compliment anyway.”

Emily smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Derek replied with a smile. “Hey, what do you say we turn in early tonight?”

“What?” Emily teased. “You getting tired in your old age, Morgan?”

“Woman, I am  _ younger  _ than you!” He said. “I was  _ actually  _ thinking we could go to bed and I could provide my  _ very  _ beautiful wife with some stress relief.”

As he said this, Derek took the opportunity to plant kisses along Emily’s jaw, paying special attention to the spot by her ear that drove her crazy, before traveling down her neck, nipping softly at the skin there causing Emily to shudder and give a low laugh.

“Oh, you  _ were _ now?” She said. “Naughty boy.”

“Should I stop?” Derek asked, even as he continued to kiss down Emily’s neck all the way to her collarbone. “I can stop if you want, princess.”

“Don’t you dare.” Emily chuckled, her laughter turning to a gasp as Derek undid the top buttons of her blouse and began kissing down her chest. “Oh god, Derek, please don’t stop.”

“Let’s get you to bed.” He said in a low voice. “Where I can pay better attention to you.”

Emily smiled. “Lead the way.”

It was one of those rare nights for Derek and Emily, where they could slow down and take their time, and that’s exactly what Derek in particular did. In many ways it felt like the early days of their relationship again, with Derek worshipping his woman for the goddess she was, her hips serving as his altar, the way he prayed with his mouth and hands seeming to move mountains as Emily trembled beneath his touch. Her smile when they finished could power entire solar systems, and when Emily fell asleep tucked under his arm, her head on his chest, Derek’s heart was full.


	40. Isn’t She Lovely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Julia go out for ice cream.

Emily was away on a case, and for Julia that could mean only one thing: An ice cream date with daddy.

Derek always went delightfully over the top when it came to his daughter, and he was no different when it came to ice cream. He dressed Julia up in possibly the prettiest dress she owned, a poofy teal thing that was comically extravagant for a girl who wasn’t yet three, and had her hair done in a beautiful braided bun, he even painted her nails a sparkly silver upon request. His baby walked into that ice cream parlor looking every bit the princess that he believed she was, and Derek played the part of the knight in shining armor, making a show of leading her by the hand to the counter to pick out the kind she wanted and pulling out her chair for her before lifting her into the plastic booster seat provided by the establishment and buckling her securely. Julia beamed up at him with that smile that mirrored her mother’s.

“Okay, little princess.” Derek said, handing her a small bowl filled to the brim. “One banana split with strawberry ice cream, whipped cream, hot fudge, extra marshmallows, sprinkles, and cherries, and no peanuts for the prettiest girl in the room.”

“Thank you, Daddy.” Julia said, kicking her little legs in excitement beneath the table.

“You’re very welcome.” Derek said. “Now do you remember what we said last time?”

“Eat slow.” Julia recited. “Take small bites.”

“Exactly.” He said. “Do you remember why?”

“Don’t get sick.” She said. “Or choke.”

“Right.” He said. “And if you eat ice cream too fast…?”

“Brain freeze!” Julia giggled. “Go ow! Ow! Ow!”

“Ow is right.” Derek said. “But hey, if you get a brain freeze you know Daddy will fix it, right?”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “Daddy fixes everything.”

Derek’s heart gave a  _ thud  _ in his chest and he felt a lump beginning to form in his throat at the statement. That little girl’s faith in him, the way she inherently trusted that her daddy would always make sure she was okay, was worth more to Derek than gold. And to think, in just a couple more months, he was going to have  _ two  _ little girls looking to him. Derek suddenly became  _ very  _ focused on his bowl of rocky road as he tried to regain his composure in front of Julia.

“That’s right, baby.” He said. “Daddy will always fix things for you. As long as I’m here.”

“Don’t cry, Daddy.” She said. “You miss Mama?”

Derek smiled. “I always miss your Mama.” He said. “Nah, baby, sometimes grown-ups cry when they’re happy, and Daddy’s just really,  _ really  _ happy.”

“Ohh.” Julia said. “Cause Mama’s having a baby?”

“Because your Mama and I get to have  _ two  _ perfect babies.” Derek said. “We have our Julia Grace now, and soon we’ll have your baby sister, too.”

“Mia Hope.” Julia said, drawing out the ‘o’. “Right, Daddy? I remember?”

“Yes you did.” Derek said. “Good job, Jujubug!”

“Yeah!” She said, reaching over for a high-five. “How much longer, Daddy? How much longer til baby Mia?”

“Eight more weeks.” He replied, holding up eight fingers to show her. “Then your grandma and aunties are gonna come to stay with you while Mama and Daddy go to the hospital, and when baby Mia is here, I’ll come get you to visit her and Mama.”

Julia nodded, her brown eyes wide and serious. “Okay.” She said. “Mama’s gonna come back? From hospital?”

“Well, not right away.” Derek said. “Having a baby is hard work, Julia. She might have to stay for a couple days, but yes, Mama will come back.”

“Mama and Mia.” Julia corrected. “Mia comes too.”

“That’s right.” Derek said. “Hey, and you  _ know  _ that just cause you’ve got a sister doesn’t mean anything bad, right? Mama and Daddy will always love you.”

“Uh-huh.” She said. “Forever and ever!”

“Forever and ever.” He repeated, smiling at his daughter. “Eat your ice cream before it melts, baby, or you’re gonna get it all over your dress.”

“Okay!” Julia said cheerfully.

In the end, it was a bit more ice cream than an almost three-year old girl could manage to eat, but Julia did a pretty good job on it all the same. When they got up to leave, Julia held on tightly to Derek’s hand and smiled up at him and his heart seemed to swell with an overwhelming love for his daughter. She was already so grown up, in the blink of an eye, and Derek knew that it would all pass by too fast. His only hope was that when his daughters grew up, it would be days like this that they would remember.

Because they would be the ones he remembered.


	41. The Lucky One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia faces a life-threatening situation that puts her unborn sister in danger as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: child in peril, anaphylaxis, possible fetal distress

Some lessons had to be learned the hard way. Unfortunately for Julia Morgan, that included being allergic to tree nuts.

She already hated peanuts (though she loved peanut butter), that much her parents had known. Julia was very vocal about her likes and dislikes. But at a picnic with her play group, one of the rare times that Emily was able to go with her husband and daughter, Julia got her hands on a cookie filled with walnuts for the first time in her life, and not long after, Derek and Emily’s world seemed to stop.

The first thing they noticed was the wheezing, the way Julia’s cheeks turned bright red with hives beginning to form. By the time she started puking violently, her lips were swollen and her parents were in a panic. The ambulance was mercifully quick in arriving and of course, the entire team met Derek and Emily at the hospital, worry etched into each of their faces.

“Is she okay?” Garcia asked, hugging Derek. “Is Julia going to be okay?”

“Yeah.” Derek said wearily. “They said it was an allergic reaction to the nuts in a cookie she ate. She’s gonna be out of it but she’ll be okay.”

“Who the hell brings cookies with nuts in them to a picnic full of kids?” Matt said, clearly outraged. “In this day and age, when so many kids have allergies! Julia could have died! All because someone didn’t  _ think  _ about what they were putting into the food they were bringing!”

“Hey, I get it.” Derek said. “I’m pissed too, but neither of us had any idea Julia could be allergic, as far as we know, there’s no history on either of our sides.”

“Oh, that’s awful.” Garcia said. “What a way to find out you can’t eat walnuts, poor baby.”

“Yeah, and since they’re a tree nut,” Reid said. “None of the nuts in that category are safe. If a walnut caused this kind of reaction, Julia could experience anaphylaxis with pistachios or Nutella.”

“How’s Emily?” JJ asked.

“Devastated.” Derek said. “She hasn’t left Julia’s side, and she got so hysterical that the nurse was worried she was going to go into labor.”

“Really?” Luke said. “She’s usually so calm.”

“Yeah, but that’s at work.” JJ said. “When you’re a mom and your kid is in danger, all bets are off.”

“That’s true.” Reid said. “Maternal instinct is strong, and may cause a woman to act unusual if her child has been threatened.”

“Yeah.” Derek said. “And you guys know Emily and Julia…”

Derek trailed off as he looked in at his wife and daughter, Emily clutched Julia’s hand and there were tears streaming down her face. Julia was awake but appeared withdrawn, exhausted from the medical treatment and obviously frightened by what had happened to her, and she clung to her mother as steadfastly as her mother clung to her.

“I know.” Tara said. “Those two are inseparable. Emily must be losing her mind.”

“She nearly did.” Derek said. “She always seems to know what to do for that child and today...and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.” 

“Morgan, you guys couldn’t have prevented this.” JJ said, squeezing his shoulder. “You had no reason to believe that this would ever happen.”

From the corner of his eye, Derek saw the automatic doors slide open and David Rossi wall towards the group congregated outside Julia’s room, phone in hand, his face full of concern.

“Hey, I just got the text.” Rossi said. “What happened?”

“Allergic reaction.” Derek replied. “Walnuts, scared the hell out of us.”

“Hell of a way to find out.” Rossi said. “How’s Julia? She gonna be okay?”

“They think so.” Derek said. “I don’t know, man, you should have seen her, she was terrified.”

“Of course she was.” Rossi said. “She had no idea what was happening to her and doesn’t have the comprehension skills yet to begin to understand.”

“Whoa, whoa wait.” Luke said, putting his hand up. “Is there any chance she might grow out of it?”

“It’s possible but not likely.” Reid said. “Of all children with tree nut allergies, only about fourteen percent will ever outgrow it and at Julia’s age it’s difficult to say whether she’s one of them.”

“She’ll have to be careful the rest of her life.” Derek agreed. “They’re gonna prescribe her an Epi pen, just in case it happens again before we can stop it.”

“At least you know now.” JJ said. “You know what to look for and what to avoid, in this case fear might turn out to be a useful tool.”

“It’s not something you forget, that’s for sure.” Matt added. “I’ll never get the day Jake blew up like a balloon after eating some shrimp out of my head.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.” Derek said. “I don’t think I could forget seeing my baby like that if I tried.”

Derek cleared his throat and looked up at the ceiling as if he were praying. He didn’t want to cry in front of his friends, his former team. But this was his little girl, his strong, sweet little girl who was his entire world, and he hadn’t been able to protect her from  _ walnut  _ of all things. Derek felt like a failure. Mercifully, no one commented on his emotional state.

“Is she up to having visitors?” Tara asked. “We don’t want to overwhelm her.”

“I think that’d be okay.” Derek said. “Just maybe a few people at a time.”

“Ooh!” Garcia said grabbing Reid’s arm. “Godparents have first dibs!”

The team went in twos to go in to see Julia. After Reid and Garcia, it was Tara and Matt, then Luke and JJ, and Dave went in alone. With each person who came to see and talk to her, the little girl seemed to perk up. Finally, all well wishes taken care of, the team hugged the little family goodbye and all promised to call to check up on them later. Derek felt drained, mentally and emotionally, and judging by the look on Emily’s face, she felt the same. He kissed her forehead. On the bed, Julia had dozed off.

“Are you gonna be okay?” He asked.

“Eventually.” Emily sighed. “I was so scared.”

“I know.” Derek said. “Me too. But hey, in a couple more hours we get to take her home.”

Emily gave him a weak smile, but her eyes were still filled with worry.

“How could I not know?” She whispered. “I carried her for eight months, I know her like the back of my hand.”

“Emily, come on.” Derek said. “We had no idea that this was even a possibility, we can’t beat ourselves up.”

“I know.” Emily said. “I just...I’m her  _ mother _ , Derek!”

“Yes, you are.” He said. “And  _ you  _ are a wonderful mother who is doing the best she can, this was an accident. No one could have predicted this.”

“I’m sorry.” She said. “I just keep going over it in my head, over and over again,  _ trying  _ to see if I missed something. You know? Some  _ sign  _ that…”

Emily cut herself off as the tears began falling again. Derek wrapped her in a tight hug.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He said. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I haven’t felt the baby move.” Emily murmured. “Not since this happened. She hasn’t moved.”

Derek’s heart dropped and he pulled back to look at his wife. He willed his expression into one of neutral calm.

“Are you sure?” 

Emily nodded. “I just realized.”

Fear and panic gripped Derek’s heart and seemed to squeeze the air out of his lungs. He had been so worried about Julia that he’d never once stopped to think about his other daughter, who had been growing safely inside Emily’s body for the past thirty-two weeks, and how the stress could negatively affect her. He suddenly felt lightheaded.

“Okay.” Derek said. “Okay. Uh, does this water have ice in it? It has to be cold.”

“I think so?” Emily said, watching him pour a small cup and hand it to her. “I don’t know, it’s been a while.”

“Drink.” He said. “Let’s see if she wakes up.”

Emily downed the cup and quickly drank another, Derek placed a hand on her stomach and together, they waited. Minutes seemed to last for hours, and Emily’s eyes began to fill with tears. Derek was about to call for a doctor when he felt it, a sharp kick with enough strength to move his hand. Emily gave a breathless laugh and looked up at him. He smiled.

“She’s okay.” Derek said. “Mia’s okay.”

“Thank God.” Emily said. “I was so worried about Julia I never even...if something happened to her, I would never….I’d never forgive myself.”

“She’s gonna be okay.” He said. “Both of our girls are going to be just fine.”

Emily smiled and squeezed his hand. Within her, Mia began kicking happily again, or perhaps angrily at being woken from her nap, she couldn’t tell. They would bring Julia home that night and both of them held her extra tight in their arms. It was a hard day but they made it through. That night they held each other close, clinging to their love and their promise to one another and their family. It had been a close call, but they would not be easily broken.

  
  
  
  



	42. The Way I Loved You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Prentiss-Morgan family takes one last trip before the new baby arrives.

It had been JJ’s idea for them to go on a ‘babymoon’.

Of course, she’d had to explain to Emily what exactly that was, essentially a mini vacation where she, Derek, and Julia could spend some quality time together before their family of three became a family of four. At thirty-five weeks, a whole week further than she had gotten with Julia, that was easier said than done. They settled on Ocean City for their little adventure, which meant the beach, and that meant a very happy Julia. It was still a bit cold to actually play in the water, not that that stopped her. Emily held her hand as Julia splashed in the waves and dug her little toes in wet sand, giggling all the while. She couldn’t coax her daughter out of the water until the girl was shivering from head to toe and her teeth chattered. Emily wrapped her in a towel and carried her back to where Derek had set up their chairs and settled her in one, handing her a turkey and cheese sandwich and juice box before taking a seat herself.

“Mama, go again?” Julia asked between bites of sandwich. “Go again after lunch?”

“Maybe Daddy can take you.” Emily said. “Mama’s getting really tired.”

Julia pouted. “I want you.”

“Hey.” Emily warned. “That’s not nice.”

“Sorry.” The girl said. “I mean...I mean…”

Julia trailed off. She had a decent vocabulary for such a small child, but still often struggled with not having the words to express her exact feelings. It was a little funny to watch her as her face screwed up, her toddler brain working hard to come up with the right thing to say. Her parents waited patiently.

“Daddy, I love you.” She said finally. “But want Mama right now.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “I get it. But hey, baby Mia is making Mama  _ really  _ tired so would it be okay if Daddy helps you next time so Mama can take a break?”

“Okay.” Julia said. “How much longer, Mama?”

“How much longer til what, Jules?”

“Til baby Mia?” Julia asked. 

Her parents exchanged a look of amusement. Julia has been asking them since she had noticed Emily’s belly getting bigger and bigger, but the last few weeks especially, the question came more and more often, as if she could sense that her time as an only child was nearing its end.

“Soon, baby.” Emily said. “Just a few more weeks.”

“Babies take long time.” Julia said. “Long time!”

She had clearly been listening to what her parents had told her. Derek and Emily has tried to explain to their daughter what was going to happen in a way she could understand, that Gramma Fran and Auntie Sarah and Auntie Dez were going to come stay with her and Mama and Daddy were going to go to the hospital to have her baby sister. Due to Emily’s age and her previous problems with Julia, Emily was classified as high risk and the doctor had decided that the best course of action was to induce early. Of course, Julia didn’t understand that, but Emily and Derek did their best to reassure her that her mother and baby sister were going to be okay.

“They  _ do  _ take a long time.” Derek said. “But hey, it’s all gonna be worth it once she’s here, right?”

Julia nodded. “Yeah.” She said. “Mmm. This good.”

“Well, I’m glad you like it, miss thing.” He said. “Since I made the turkey sandwich just for you!”

“Yeah.” She said. “Cause I don’t like ham.”

“God knows why.” Emily chuckled. “No ham, no bologna, no tomatoes…”

“Now to be fair,” Derek said. “I don’t like bologna either. She gets the tomato thing from you.”

“I like tomatoes!” Emily said. “Just not on my sandwiches. The juice gets in the mayo, it’s gross.”

“Whatever you say, princess.” He laughed. “Grew up eating  _ foie gras  _ but is grossed out by tomato juice in her mayo. Unbelievable.”

“Hey!” She said. “You’re one to talk!  _ You  _ will eat pickles all day long but if one gets on your burger…”

“They taste weird warm!” Derek said.

“I like pickles.” Julia said. “They sour!”

Julia puckered her lips and squinted her eyes to emphasize her point, causing Emily to laugh. She reached over to smooch her daughter’s cheeks. After lunch, Derek took Julia back down to the water to play some more. By the time they got dinner and went back to their hotel room for a bath and bed, Julia was tuckered out. She fell asleep with little protest and curled up between her parents on the bed, her thumb in her mouth, clutching a stuffed duck.

“She’ll sleep good tonight.” Derek said. “This was a good idea, remind me to thank JJ.”

“Our last trip as a family of three.” Emily said. “Are you ready? In four weeks, we’re gonna have two of these.”

She tapped Julia’s head gently for emphasis.

“Oh trust me, princess.” Derek said. “I have never been more ready for anything in my life.”

He reached over to place his hand on Emily’s stomach. Mia hadn’t been  _ quite  _ as active lately, though doctors assured them that that was because she was growing well and quickly running out of room, she was still meeting the appropriate number of kicks, the stress tests had all come back fine, little girl was just getting big, making Derek wonder just how big Julia would have gotten if she had gone to term.

“I’m not looking forward to pushing this girl out.” Emily said. “She’s gonna be a big baby.”

“Have I mentioned lately that I love you?” Derek asked.

“Mmm, kiss ass.” Emily teased, pecking his lips. “I see what you’re doing, trying to sweet talk me so I’m not too pissed at you for causing all this.”

“Hey now!” Derek said. “I remember  _ someone  _ being a  _ very  _ willing participant in the creation of this child. Or need I remind you with a play by play recap?”

“Derek!” Emily said in a hushed voice. “You’re going to wake her up!”

“Baby, that child could sleep through world war three!” He laughed. “I’m just saying, the _noises_ you were making didn’t sound like ones of protest.”

“They weren’t.” She said. “Still, she’s already measuring big for her age. I’ll be lucky if she’s under eight pounds. You wouldn’t be too thrilled if  _ you  _ had something that big coming out of  _ your  _ body.”

“You’re right, I wouldn’t.” Derek said, kissing her. “But I’m very grateful that you’re having my baby.”

“Yeah.” Emily smiled. “I’m kind of a rockstar, huh?”

“Try superhero.” Derek said. His eyes softened. “You’re my hero.”

Emily chuckled. “Stop.”

“I mean it, Emily.” He said. “Every day I’m in awe of you, as a mother, as an FBI agent, as a person. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I hope you know that, cause I feel like I don’t say it enough.”

“You’re gonna make me cry.” She said. “Thank you.”

Derek leaned over and kissed her again, softly, affectionately. His hand ran across her belly. Mia must have been awake to notice, because he was rewarded with a kick this time. Derek smiled.

“We have a pretty great life.” He said. “Don’t we.”

“Yeah.” Emily said. “We do.”


	43. Everything Has Changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A turn of events brings an early arrival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note: The name Mia translates to “Mine” but can also mean “longed-for child”, the name Hope is self-explanatory.

Of course, nothing could ever go as planned.

Emily’s water broke at five-thirty in the morning at thirty-eight weeks, a week before she was supposed to be induced. Fran and Derek’s sisters weren’t scheduled to fly out until the weekend, and neither Derek or Emily had thought that they would need a backup plan. Emily felt herself panicking as she wracked her brain to try and figure out what they were going to do with Julia, balking at the idea of bringing her with them. Somehow subjecting their daughter to the messy realities of childbirth at the tender age of two and three-quarters didn’t seem appropriate. Finally, Emily took a chance and called JJ.

“This Agent Jareau.” JJ answered groggily.

“Hey, it’s me.” Emily said. “Sorry to wake you.”

“No, it’s fine.” JJ said. “What’s up? A case?”

“No, no!” Emily said. “I hate to ask but I need a personal favor and I didn’t know who else to call.”

“What do you need?” The blonde suddenly sounded much more awake. “What’s wrong?”

“My water just broke.” Emily said. “And Derek’s mom and sisters were supposed to come watch Julia, but they can’t get an earlier flight and I didn’t know who else to call. I feel so stupid…”

“Don’t even!” JJ said. “Bring her here, Will and I can handle one more kid, and Michael is her best buddy.”

“Thank you.” Emily sighed. “I owe you big time.”

“Don’t worry about it.” JJ said. “Go have a baby.”

They dropped Julia off a half hour later with a few changes of clothes, some snacks, and her favorite toys, not sure how long they were going to be, and headed to the hospital. Everything with Julia had happened so fast that neither of them were sure what to expect beyond what they had read and, in Emily’s case, what JJ had told her about her experiences with Henry and Michael. The first four hours weren’t too bad. The next four were torture.

“Why did we agree to do this again?” She asked, gritting her teeth against another contraction. She had been in labor for nine hours at that point.

“Because we wanted another baby?” Derek said. “I know it hurts, I know.”

“No you don’t!” Emily shouted. “GOD! This is worse than getting  _ staked _ !”

“You’re right.” Derek said calmly. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry.”

“No more!” Emily said. “After this, we are  _ done  _ having babies! Two is enough!”

“Okay.” Derek said. “Two is fine. Two is perfect.”

“I don’t know how JJ did this twice.” Emily said. “With  _ no  _ epidural! Next time that doctor comes in, you tell him I want the damn epidural.”

“Okay, princess.” Derek said, kissing her forehead. “I love you.”

“Derek, don’t be sweet right now.” She replied. “Not when I’m fantasizing about cutting off your balls.”

Five more hours passed before Emily was ready to push, and she was nearly in tears. It broke Derek’s heart to see her, this strong, beautiful woman screaming in pain as she struggled to bring their child into the room. He really didn’t blame her for wanting to castrate her when he looked over to where the doctor was and saw exactly what was happening to her.

“You’re almost done, Emily.” He said. “She’s almost here. Our baby girl is almost here.”

“Oh thank god.” Emily gasped. “I don’t think I can take much more of this.”

“You are  _ so  _ close.” Derek said. “She is  _ right  _ there.”

A few more pushes brought Mia Hope Morgan into the world at seven fifty-three at night. She screamed just as spectacularly as her older sister had, but looked to be almost twice the size. Emily took one look at her newborn daughter and burst into tears, overwhelmed by the exhaustion, joy, and an endless well of love that felt like it was spilling over within her. They quickly cleaned Mia off and cut her umbilical cord before bringing her back and placing her on her mother’s chest. Emily kissed her tiny head.

“Hi sweetheart.” She said. “Hi my sweet Mia. You’re so beautiful. Derek, look at her.”

“She’s perfect.” He said, kissing Emily’s cheek. “Just like her mother and sister.”

“Hmm, I think her dad is pretty great too.” Emily said, leaning to kiss his lips. “Sorry I threatened you with bodily harm.”

“It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it.” Derek said. “You kicked ass back there, you know.”

“I feel like hell.” Emily replied. She chuckled and kissed Mia’s nose. “But  _ you  _ are worth it. Look at you, you’re so small, but so much bigger than your sister was when she was born. Yeah, you got your daddy’s nose.”

“Yeah, and your lips.” Derek said. “Eyes like her sister.”

“Ears too.” Emily said. “She’s more of an even mix.”

“Hey, I’m okay with that.” Derek grinned. “I love you, Emily. You did an amazing job.”

“Well, you helped.” She said. “I’m glad we did this a second time, Derek.”

“I wouldn’t do it with anyone else.” He said. “You’re my partner, and my best friend.”

Emily smiled. “I love you a lot, Derek Morgan.”

“Well I love you too, Emily Prentiss.” He said, then he leaned over to kiss his newborn daughter. “And I love  _ you _ , Mia Hope. Look at you, pretty girl.”

Mia blinked up at her parents with big brown eyes just like her sister and mother before her face crumpled and she let out a distressed wail.

“I think someone’s hungry.” Emily said. “You wanna get the formula ready for this girl?”

“Yes ma’am.” Derek responded. “One bottle for little miss Mia, coming right up!”

Derek was quick about mixing and warming the formula, and moments later, Mia was happily taking her first bottle, staring deep into Emily’s eyes the entire time. It was hard to believe, Emily thought, that she was finally in their arms after everything it took to bring her into existence. Emily felt tears coming to her eyes again as she remembered the struggle and disappointment, the months of trying before they finally conceived, and all of the depression and anxiety that Emily had felt, worrying that she wouldn’t feel a bond with her second born. Now as she looked down at her daughter, her little Mia, Emily couldn’t imagine ever feeling anything but love for that little person.

“Is it too late to call?” She asked. “Julia is probably already in bed.”

“She can come in the morning.” Derek said, kissing the top of her head. “But I think we should take a picture to send out to everybody. My mom is on the first flight out tomorrow, Sarah and Desiree will be here by afternoon…”

“My mother is in Greece.” Emily said. “I’ll try to get a hold of her tomorrow, she wasn’t expecting this baby to come early any more than we were.”

“I don’t think any of us were.” Derek said. “Little miss Mia, already has a mind of her own.”

“It runs in the family.” Emily chuckled. “Huh, pretty girl?”

When Mia had had her fill, been burped and was settled comfortably in Emily’s arms, Derek snapped a picture of mother and daughter, Emily looking exhausted but absolutely radiant, a shy smile on her face, and Mia all swaddled and milk drunk. He sent it first to his mother and sisters, then sent it to the number he had for the ambassador, just in case, and then to the seven  _ other  _ people in their lives they wanted to share the news with most. Derek pressed ‘send’ and the picture went out into the world with a simple but powerful caption:

_ Mia Hope Morgan. Eight pounds, three ounces, twenty inches long. Mom and baby are happy and safe. _

And they were. Happy and safe.


	44. Glitter In The Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia meets Mia; Derek and Emily bring their daughter home.

The next morning, Derek brought Julia to visit her mother and new baby sister and if there was anyone in the world more excited than her, Derek didn’t know them. The little girl seemed to almost crackle with excitement, bouncing with every step down the hall. When they reached the room and Julia caught sight of her mother holding a small bundle, a small squeal escaped her mouth and Derek found himself being practically dragged by a child weighing less than thirty pounds soaking wet to the side of the bed.

“Mama!” Julia exclaimed. “You’re okay!”

“Hi, Jujubug!” Emily said. “Oh, I missed you!”

“Missed you too!” Julia said. “You had baby?”

“Yes, I did.” Emily said. “Do you want to see her?”

“Yeah!” Julia said.

Derek lifted her gently up on to Emily’s bed, and Julia leaned over to peek at the swaddled little being in her mother’s arms. Mia yawned and blinked sleepily up at her sister, seeming completely unbothered by the new face looking down at her. Julia slowly, almost nervously, began to reach out a hand to touch the top of her sister’s head, then stopped, looking from her mother to her father and back as if waiting for permission to proceed.

“Be gentle.” Julia said seriously. “Right, Daddy? Baby Mia is just little. Be gentle.”

“That’s right, baby.” Derek said. “We’ve got to be very gentle with Mia. Good job remembering, Julia.”

“You can touch her.” Emily said. “It’s okay. Here, I’ll help you. Careful...right there, Jujubug. See?”

Emily guided Julia’s hand to rest on top of Mia’s head, showing her to watch out for the soft spot in the center of the baby’s head. Julia stood stock-still for a moment, unsure of how to proceed, then began to slowly stroke her baby sister’s head. Mia gave a small grunt and stirred, causing Julia to quickly take her hand back.

“I hurt her?” She asked, eyes full of concern.

Emily chuckled. “No, sweetie.” She said. “I think you just surprised her is all. She’s still brand new, so she doesn’t understand what’s going on.”

“Ohhh.” Julia said, then she bent down to kiss her new little sister’s forehead. “I love you, baby Mia.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet.” Emily said. “Baby Mia loves you too, Julia. Hey, and Mama and Daddy love you too.”

“I love Mama and Daddy too.” Julia said. “When she come home? When  _ you  _ come home, Mama?”

“Soon, baby.” Emily said. “Probably tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Derek said. “But guess who’s waiting for you back at the house, Jujubug?”

“Gramma!” Julia cheered.

“That’s right!” He said. “And later today Auntie Sarah and Auntie Desiree are coming to see you.”

“Yay!” Julia said, clapping her hands. “I  _ like  _ Gramma and Auntie Sarah and Auntie Desiree.”

“Well good.” Derek said, pecking the little girl’s cheek affectionately. “Because I think they like you too.”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “I’m happy, Daddy!”

“Me too, baby.” He said. “Me too.”

The next morning, Emily and Mia were released from the hospital. Derek made jokes about how he was always pushing Emily around as he brought the wheelchair up to where the car was idling in front of the hospital. Some time after Julia was born, Derek had traded in his truck for an SUV more suitable for driving around with a baby in the back, and though the big silver vehicle was maybe not as macho as his truck, Derek found that he didn’t miss it at all. Fran Morgan smiled warmly at Emily when she walked through the door, wrapping her in a hug. Sarah and Desiree were in the living room with Julia, making cities out of blocks.

“How are you feeling, honey?” Fran asked. “Aside from feeling like you just had a baby?”

“I’m good, Fran.” Emily said. “Thanks. I’m so glad you guys could make it out here on such short notice.”

“Well, you know what they say.” Fran said. “Man plans and God laughs. Babies come when they want to come, they don’t much care about what anyone else has got going on. Each one of mine was different.”

“Oh boy.” Derek said, setting the baby carrier down gently and taking Mia out of it. “Here we go again.”

“I’ve always said,” Fran continued. “That these three came into the world the exact same way their personalities are. Sarah, little miss punctual, was right on time. Derek came early…”

“Because he’s always in a hurry.” Sarah seemed to recite, clearly having heard this many times before.

“And my Desiree.” Fran said. “Was almost a full week late and has…”

“Never been on time a day in her life.” The sisters finished. 

Emily laughed and took Mia from Derek, kissing her chubby little cheeks.

“Well then maybe  _ this  _ little girl is already taking after her daddy.” She said. “She couldn’t even wait for her induction date!”

“She certainly is a beauty.” Fran said. “Just like  _ another  _ little granddaughter of mine.”

Julia looked up from where she had been playing, her eyes brightened when she saw her parents holding her baby sister and she rushed over.

“Mama! Mama!” She said. “Is baby Mia sleeping?”

“Uh, you know I think she’s hungry.” Emily said. “Do you want to sit with me while I feed her?”

Julia hopped up and down with excitement. “Yeah!”

“Okay.” Emily said. “Let me get her bottle and you can sit next to me and see how it’s done.”

“And I don’t want you two worrying about a thing!” Fran said. “The girls and I have cooking and chores covered, we want  _ you  _ to spend this time getting settled in with your girls.”

“Mama, come on.” Derek said. “I’m a grown man, I think I can help out around the house.”

“You will.” Fran said. “But right now, your girls need you. Trust me, if I had had someone around to help me when your father was working those long hours, I would have taken it in a heartbeat.”

Derek’s expression softened. “Mama, I-“

“Oh, don’t give me that look.” Fran said. “We did just fine. But they’re only this little once, Derek, and you have something your father never got: Time. Enjoy it before they’re all grown up.”

Derek looked over at the couch, at Emily holding Mia and coaxing the bottle into her mouth, speaking softly to her baby daughter, and Julia leaning forward to watch, her eyes bright and wide, a look of wonder and awe on her face. He smiled. If someone had told him years ago that  _ this  _ would be his life, retired from the BAU, married to the beautiful woman who had joined the team seemingly out of the blue, and a stay-at-home dad to two amazing little girls, he would have never believed it. Now, he couldn’t imagine anything else. Derek’s life was perfect, complete, and he intended to enjoy every last minute of it.


	45. The Best Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ambassador Prentiss pays a visit, and she and Emily discuss the past and their fractured relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dislclaimer: I don’t own McDonald’s or anything related to the McDonald’s company.

Ambassador Prentiss made it back stateside two weeks after Mia was born, and her first stop was to the Prentiss-Morgan household. Despite all of her past issues with her mother, Emily had to admit that she was an excellent grandmother when she was around. Not only did she dote on Julia, planning little lunch dates and taking her shopping, she showed interest in her granddaughter’s life and experiences in a way that Emily never remembered her mother having an interest in with her. It was tempting to be bitter, but mostly Emily was just happy for her daughters that they got all the good parts of Elizabeth Prentiss. 

After pleasantries were exchanged and the ambassador was properly introduced to her newest granddaughter, the first order of business was to spend the afternoon with Julia, insisting that a little reassurance that she wasn’t being replaced with a new baby by way of a little extra spoiling and quality time with Nana wouldn’t harm the child. Emily couldn’t really complain, her mother taking Julia meant that she could catch a nap while Mia was sleeping and Derek made a grocery run for a few essentials they were running low on. When the pair returned, Emily and Mia had just woken up and Emily had just gotten done feeding Mia, changing her diaper, and was in the process of rocking and bouncing her gently.

“We’re back!” Elizabeth chimed. “It was absolute bedlam! The food was about what you would expect, the play area was filthy, the noise was unimaginable, and yet we still had a wonderful time!”

“I’ve gotta hand it to you, mom.” Emily said, laughing a little. “I never thought I’d live to see the day you’d set foot in a McDonald’s.”

“Well, neither did I.” Elizabeth said. “Yet here we are.”

“Mama! Mama!” Julia said, rushing toward her. “I got chicken nuggets and chocolate milk!”

“You did?” Emily gasped. “Ah, that’s so cool! Hey, did you remember to thank Nana for taking you?”

“Thank you!” Julia said, looking up at the ambassador with a huge smile. “Thank you, Nana!”

“You are  _ so  _ very welcome, my love.” Elizabeth replied warmly. “Now, why don’t you let Nana take your coat and you go take your shoes off, then we can do your hair and your nails?”

“Okay!” Julia said as her grandmother help take her jacket off, then bounded off towards the stairs.

“Walk, don’t run!” Emily called after her. “You’re going to fall on the st-! Oh, who am I kidding? That kid is like a bullet, and she’s not even three yet. The stairs should fear  _ her _ , not her the stairs.”

“She reminds me so much of you at that age.” Elizabeth said. “Every bit as precocious, similar temperament, you were much more meek, though.”

“She’s fearless.” Emily said, bouncing Mia, who had begun to fuss. “I’m worried that it’s gonna get her in trouble one of these days. Hey, since when do you know how to do hair?”

“Since you were a child, certainly.” Elizabeth said with a smirk. “Or did you mean hair like Julia’s?”

Emily gave an embarrassed chuckle. “I’m sorry.” She said. “It’s just that I’m her mother and _I’m_ still getting the hang of it. Derek usually takes her to get it done or does it himself if he can get her to sit still.”

“I had someone teach me. But no matter.” Elizabeth said, waving her hand in a nonchalant manner. “How are you really, darling?

“I’m alright, really.” Emily said. “Tired, sore, emotional, everything you’d expect after having a baby.”

“Well, she certainly is a dear.” Elizabeth said. “Takes much more after her father than Julia does. That child really is you reborn, I can’t get over it.”

“She’s her own person, mother.” Emily said. “Just like Mia is. Both of these girls will be completely different from Derek and I, that’s how it’s supposed to be.”

“Of course.” Elizabeth said. “I didn’t mean to imply- I just meant that she reminds me of you. You were such a bright, innocent little girl.”

“We all start out that way.” Emily responded, smiling down at her newborn daughter. “My goal is to keep Julia and Mia innocent for as long as possible. Kids should be allowed to be kids as long as they can.”

The ambassador looked at her for a long moment before finally saying, “You’re a better mother than I ever was, Emily.”

“What?” Emily said. “Mom, it’s not- that’s not-“

“You don’t have to refute it.” Elizabeth said, putting her hand up. “I’d like to think I did the best that I could, but I was too motivated by my career. I didn’t take care of you the way I should have, and I will always regret it.”

“You always took care of me.” Emily said. “I wanted for nothing…”

“Physically, yes.” Elizabeth said. “Materially, yes. But emotionally? I made excuses when you were younger that you were an independent child, but I think I knew you were lonely, I was in denial. You never talked to me, even after you were an adult, and that was my own fault.”

“It’s mine too.” Emily sighed. “I pushed you away.”

“After years of not feeling good enough.” Elizabeth replied. “Don’t try to deny it. I don’t have to be a profiler to know that. We were so disconnected for so long that you never even felt you could tell me that you were pregnant.”

“Mother.” Emily said. “You knew both times!”

“I’m talking about Rome.” Elizabeth said quietly. “Italy. When you were fifteen.”

Emily’s face paled. “You know about Rome?”

“Of course I knew.” She said. “I knew when it happened, I knew when you disappeared with that Matthew boy for days without explanation.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“At the time?” Elizabeth said. “It was easier to pretend not to see it than to think about the implications of  _ why  _ it happened. After? Well, because I blamed myself.”

“I made the choices that got me pregnant.” Emily said and made shushing noises at Mia, who had begun to fuss again. “I also made the choice to abort.”

“Would you have?” Elizabeth asked. “If you had thought I would help you or support you? If I had been more attentive would it have even had cause to happen? Emily, you were so young…”

“I was old enough.” Emily said. “Obviously.”

“To understand the consequences, perhaps.” Elizabeth said. “Did you love him? The boy?”

“I was fifteen.” Emily said. “I didn’t know what love was. I was just...chasing after anything that felt like it.”

“My point exactly.” Elizabeth said. “You know, the whole time I was with her, Julia never stopped talking about you. You’re a constant thought in that child’s mind. She’s well-loved and it shows.”

Emily shook her head. “I never doubted your love for me, mother.”

“No.” Elizabeth said. “But you learned very early not to need me. Your girls need you and when the time comes that they don’t, it’ll be because you filled them with the confidence to live independently.”

Emily was stunned into silence. She looked down at Mia, who had quieted and fallen asleep. In truth, the conversation made her uncomfortable, she had thought many of those things before, but it was another matter entirely to hear her own mother say them. Little footsteps stomped down the stairs and Julia rushed back into the room, smiling wide and carrying a box.

“I did it Nana!” She chirped. “Look! I got my hair thingies! All by myself! You do my hair?”

“Julia…” Emily said. “Did you climb to get them? I thought we talked about how dangerous that is, and how you need to ask for help.

Julia smiled guiltily. “Sorry, Mama.” She said. “You mad at me? I in trouble?”

“No, sweetie.” Emily said, bending down to kiss her on the head, careful not to jostle Mia. “I just don’t want you getting hurt. I don’t know what I’d do if you got hurt.”

“I’m sorry, Mama.” Julia said. “I ask next time.”

“Okay, sweetie.” Emily said. “I’ve got to go put Mia to bed, then how about  _ I  _ help you and Nana do hair and nails, my pretty girl?”

“Okay!” Julia said. “I kiss Mia goodnight?”

Emily nodded and held Mia so that Julia could stand tiptoe to plant a little kiss on her baby sister’s head. It was amazing how well she was taking being a big sister. Emily had worried that Julia would display signs of jealousy and insecurity at not being the only baby anymore, but instead she was excited to have a little sister. Emily didn’t know how long that would last, but for now, she was grateful. Emily looked up and saw her own mother smiling at her.

“I’m proud of you, Emily.” Elizabeth said. “I hope you know that.”

Emily smiled back. “Thank you.”

There was no way to truly make up for the years their relationship suffered damage and estrangement, but Emily appreciated the sentiment. For the first time in her life, she felt seen by her mother as a daughter, as someone the ambassador  _ could  _ be proud of. It didn’t fix everything, but maybe it could mend a small crack. Perhaps starting over could be possible.


	46. King Of My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily’s return to work causes her to reflect on the past, and Derek reminds her of his love.

The world didn’t stop just because you had a baby, and Emily was no exception to that.

Her first case back from maternity leave dealt with a former agent who had steadfastly believed that he was on the trail of a serial killer that no one else knew about. Things quickly spiraled out of control and culminated in Reid and Garcia being abducted by the restructured Separatarian Sect, a cult that Emily and Reid had personally dealt with years ago, and which had evolved into something even more dangerous after the death of their leader, Benjamin Cyrus all those years ago. They got Garcia and Reid back, though not completely unscathed, but when Emily returned home that night, sneaking kisses to her sleeping daughters, she couldn’t get the cult out of her mind.

Images came unbidden of Cyrus’ fists connecting with her face, of fire and explosions, of Jessica, the young girl Emily had desperately wanted to save and who in the end had detonated the bomb that blew up the compound. Of Jessica’s mother, forever changed by the lost. It disturbed her more now that she had daughters of her own. Emily knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep, so she went to the kitchen and made tea instead. That’s where Derek eventually found her, a mug clutched in her hand.

“It’s late.” He said. “You should try and get some rest.”

Emily shook her head. “I can’t.”

Derek sighed and pulled up a chair next to her at the kitchen table, took her hand in his. He kissed it and rubbed her knuckles with his thumb.

“Tell me about it.”

“Ben’s Believers.” She said. “As in Benjamin Cyrus.”

Derek frowned. “From ten years ago?” He asked. “I thought those guys were long gone.”

“Apparently not.” Emily sighed. “The true believers regrouped, restructured...they almost killed Spencer and Penelope, thank god we got to them in time.”

“It’s funny.” Derek said. “I remember saying something similar about you and Reid all those years ago.”

“Today was a win.” She said. “But it’s bringing up a lot of emotions from the past I thought I was over.”

“That’s normal.” He said. “What you went through was terrifying, Emily, I don’t care  _ how _ strong you are.”

Emily chuckled. “Do you remember when we got back from that case?” She asked. “You were scared to touch me, I had to practically jump your bones.”

“I remember.” Derek said. “In my defense, you were pretty banged up and I was afraid I was gonna hurt you. We had  _ just _ started sleeping together.”

“And once I convinced you I was fine,” Emily said. “You couldn’t keep your hands off of me. It was like you were trying to make up for everything Cyrus did to me by replacing it with something good.”

“I think I was.” Derek said. “I remember I just kept thinking I could have lost you, I could have lost you. I had to sit by and listen while he beat on you. It made my blood boil, ask Rossi.”

“I believe you.” Emily said. She hesitated. “Hotch told me after that, you had to leave, you couldn’t listen to it anymore and had to leave.”

“I was sick.” He said. “Hearing what he did to you made me physically sick.”

Emily’s expression softened. “You never told me that.”

“You weren’t mine.” He said. “Not yet anyway and I didn’t know how to deal with that protectiveness I felt over you. You were my girl who wasn’t my girl and I didn’t know how to deal with that.”

“Oh man.” Emily chuckled. “You really were in love with me from the start, weren’t you?”

“I think I was.” Derek said. “Even before I knew it. I always had a soft spot where you were concerned.”

“Hmm, I know you did.” She said, kissing him. “Thank you for being here.”

“I’ll always be here.” He said. “I’ve always been here and I always  _ will  _ be here.”

Emily smiled and kissed him again, softly at first, then more urgently, her tongue pushing past his lips to meet his. She gave a low groan as Derek tangled his fingers in her hair and when they broke apart, she bit her lip, hands going to his chest.

“Speaking of that night.” She said. “Why don’t we go upstairs and recreate the better parts of it?”

Derek quirked an eyebrow. “You sure?” He asked. “I know it’s been more than six weeks but…”

“I’m ready.” She said. “More than ready.”

They didn’t feel right making love in their room with the baby sleeping in her bassinet in the corner, so they settled for Emily’s home office, which was more true to history anyway. Papers were scattered everywhere as Derek lifted Emily on to the desk and set to work undressing her, kissing each inch of bare skin he exposed, paying the most attention to the parts of her he knew she was still insecure about.

“You are  _ gorgeous _ Emily.” He murmured against her skin. “God  _ damn  _ you’re gorgeous.”

Emily gave a sharp hiss when he pushed inside of her, then quickly wiped away the concerned look on Derek’s face when she grabbed him by the neck and pulled his lips to hers. They moved as one, two bodies melting together in ecstasy. When they finished, they were a shaking, sweaty tangle of limbs and when Derek pulled back to give Emily space to catch her breath and put her clothes back on, the look in his eyes was one of the purest love and devotion that Emily had to clear her throat to keep from crying.

“What’s wrong?” Derek asked. “Did I hurt you?”

“No.” Emily said, wiping her eyes. “No, nothing’s wrong. I just love you, that’s all.”

Derek smiled. “I love you too.” He said, and he kissed her again. “I always will.”

Emily believed that. It was the one thing that had never changed in all of the years that had passed, and even as she recalled that night nearly a decade ago, she recalled Derek having that look in his eyes then, too, and how it had made her feel and she thought maybe, just maybe, she had loved him all along too.


	47. Sweetest Devotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily has to adjust her expectations for caring for her infant daughter.

Julia Grace Morgan had not been an easy baby.

Whether it had been due to her prematurity or just because of her personality, she had been a needy, clingy baby. Emily had hardly been able to put Julia down for the first two weeks she was home from the hospital, and before Emily had gone back to work and realized that breastfeeding was a pipe dream for her, Julia had been a master of cluster feeding. Even as she got older and more used to Derek being her primary caretaker, she was constantly in need of her mother. Even at three years old, she would still cling to Emily, sneaking out of her new toddler bed and sandwich herself between her parents in their bed, just to feel close to her mother. Julia was not necessarily a difficult baby, but she wasn’t an easy one, either.

Mia, on the other hand, was an easy baby. 

In fact, she was  _ so  _ easy that it actually started to bother Emily a little bit. She had started sleeping for long stretches early on, and very rarely cried unless she was hungry or needed changed. Some mornings, Emily and Derek would wake up to find Mia already awake in her bassinet, cooing happily and playing with her toes and while she seemed to enjoy being held by her mother and father, Mia was also content to wiggle around on a blanket or play mat, especially when she was trying to roll herself over, though at only three months old, she wasn’t  _ quite  _ there yet. Mia Hope was as different as could be from her older sister, and though this made for some  _ very  _ easy days, it left Emily feeling confused and emotional.

“Do you think she likes us? She asked Derek one night as she gave Mia her evening bottle, Julia having already been tucked in and kissed good night.

“Emily, we’re her parents.” Derek chuckled. “I think she  _ loves  _ us. Anyway, what makes you ask that?”

“I don’t know.” Emily said. “I think I’m overthinking it.”

“She’s a baby, Emily.” He said. “There shouldn’t be much to overthink. What’s this all about?”

Emily sighed. “I just...feel like she doesn’t  _ need  _ me.”

“Again, she’s a baby.” He said. “Of course she needs you. You’re her mother.”

“I know.” She said. “But she doesn’t  _ need _ me the way Julia did. You remember, Derek, I couldn’t go to the  _ bathroom  _ without putting her in the baby wrap, she  _ still  _ follows me around like a little shadow!”

Derek shrugged. “Mia’s a different baby.” He said. “You know, most people would  _ love  _ to have an easy baby and  _ only  _ you would see an easy baby as a sign that you’re doing something wrong.”

“I’m not complaining.” Emily said, propping Mia against her shoulder to burp her. “I just  _ miss  _ it, you know?”

“She looks pretty content right now.” Derek said. “Look at her snuggling into you like that.”

“Yeah, but that’s not the point.” Emily said. “The point is that she would probably be  _ just  _ as content if I put her down or handed her to you.”

“Oh my god.” Derek said. “You’re upset because she’s not a Mama’s girl.”

“What?” Emily scoffed. “No! That’s- that’s not true.”

Derek grinned. “It is  _ definitely  _ true.” He said. “Mia doesn’t cling to you the way Julia always has and you have no idea how to handle it.”

“Is it so wrong to want to feel like my own daughter  _ needs  _ me?” She said, glaring at him.

“I didn’t say that, princess.” He said. “Come on now, you  _ know  _ she loves you. She’s just got a different personality, that’s all. We just have to learn her.”

Emily sighed and sat down on the bed, still cradling Mia, who was  _ not  _ showing any signs of growing tired. The baby gurgled and cooed contentedly in her mother’s arms, Emily smiled down at her.

“I know I’m being ridiculous.” She said. “You  _ know  _ I know that. I just...I’ve just always felt  _ so  _ in tune with Julia and what she needs and with Mia, it’s like as long as she’s fed and warm, she’s happy. How do I know when she needs physical affection, or attention, or entertainment if she doesn’t  _ tell  _ me?”

“You just have to trust that she will.” Derek said. “If and when she needs it. She’s only three months old, Emily, we just need to figure out  _ how _ she lets us know what she needs. Like profiling.”

Emily raised an eyebrow. “You want me to profile our daughter?”

“If it helps.” Derek said. He looked over her shoulder at Mia. “Little miss isn’t ready to go to sleep yet?”

“I guess not.” Emily said. “Those little eyes are  _ wide  _ open, huh, my little Mia-Mia? Yeah. You’re just being a little night owl tonight, aren’t you pumpkin? Look at that cute little face, you look like your daddy. Yes you do!”

Emily lifted Mia up and rained kisses down on her chubby cheeks. She favored Derek in looks, though Emily recognized parts of herself in Mia, they shared the same eyes and mouth. Her complexion was darker than her sister’s, though, and she  _ looked  _ like a Morgan. Mia squeaked and Emily heard a tiny giggle come from her daughter’s mouth. Emily’s eyes widened and she looked from Derek to Mia.

“Did you-? Did you hear that?” She stammered.

“Yeah, I heard it.” Derek said. “That was a laugh!”

“Has she ever done that for you before?”

“No, she has not.” Derek said. “That one was all you, princess. You made her laugh for the first time.”

Emily smiled. “Yeah, I did.” She said and turned to their daughter again. “Was that funny, Mia? Did Mama make you laugh, pretty girl? Look at that smile! Yeah, you’re smiling big for me, aren’t you?”

“Ah, now see  _ that  _ looks like you.” Derek said. “She’s got that cute little nose scrunch thing going on.”

“What do you mean?” Emily said.

“You do that.” Derek said. “Not all the time, but when you do, it looks  _ just  _ like that.”

“Yeah?” Emily said. “When do I do that?”

“When you’re happy.” Derek said. “When you’re  _ really  _ happy or you find something extra funny. You do it an awful lot around me.”

“Oh, I  _ do _ , do I?” She said, leaning toward him. “Well, maybe that’s because you’re always making me laugh. Or the fact that you make me so happy.”

“Oh yeah?” Derek asked, pecking her lips. “Do I make you happy, princess?”

“You do.” Emily said. “You make me very, very happy.”

She kissed punctuated the words with kisses. In her arms, Mia grunted and stirred, her tiny hand reaching up to her face. Emily chuckled.

“Somebody’s finally winding down.” She said. “Yeah, you rub your face when you’re tired, sweetheart. Those little eyes are getting heavy.”

Emily began stroking Mia softly on the nose, between her eyes, over her brows and her forehead. Mia yawned and her blinking slowed as Emily continued.

“Yeah, you like touches to your face.” Emily said. “I bet if I keep doing this, you’ll close those eyes and go right to sleep, won’t you baby? My pretty girl.”

Mia yawned again, moved closer to Emily’s chest, and slowly closed her eyes. Emily smiled and leaned over to kiss her baby daughter before getting up and laying her down in her bassinet. When Emily got back into bed, Derek was grinning at her.

“What?” She asked.

“You were  _ so _ worried about not knowing what Mia needs.” He said. “But you just got her to sleep by knowing instinctively what she needed to relax enough to fall asleep.  _ You  _ did that, Emily. All by yourself.”

Emily smiled. “She responds to touch.” She said. “When she’s sleepy or upset, her hands go to her face to self-soothe. Sometimes when she’s crying, all I have to do is stroke her cheek to calm her down.”

“You know her, Emily.” Derek said. “You know our daughter like the back of your hand. And she knows it, she just shows it differently. She feels safe with you.”

“You think so?” She said.

Derek smiled. “I know so.”

Emily smiled back. Hearing Mia’s little giggle, the way she had curled into Emily to go to sleep had reassured her and filled her heart with warmth. Mia was different from Julia in almost every way, the way Emily and Derek cared for her couldn’t be the same way they cared for Julia, and their relationship with her would be different. But Mia had been telling them she loved them all along, in her own way. They just had to learn her. Now, Emily had no doubt that they would.


	48. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A frightening experience at the park has Derek confronting his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: non-graphic mention/discussion of child sexual abuse

Derek had taken Julia to the park after breakfast. It was Sunday morning, Emily and Mia had gotten finished early and gone to lay back down. Being an early riser was one thing that Julia had undoubtedly inherited from her father. Derek didn’t want to waste the day and Julia had been asking to go to the park all week, so to the park it was. That’s where it happened.

It was half a second. Derek took his eyes off her for one second and then spent the thirty seconds after gripped in panic he didn’t know he could feel. In reality, he caught sight of her again almost instantly, but when he saw that Julia had been approached by a man, Derek began to see red and all of his fatherly instincts and years of being an FBI agent kicked into gear as he rushed toward his daughter.

“Hey!” Derek barked. “That’s my daughter! What the hell are you doing with my daughter?”

“I saw her wandering around.” The man said. “I came over to see if she was lost. You make a habit of letting your kid walk off alone? In this day and age?”

“I don’t know, man.” Derek said. “Do you make a habit of going up to little girls that you don’t know in parks?”

“Only the ones who look lost.” The man said, putting his hands out. “Clearly next time, I should let her get lost. Have a better day, man.”

Derek felt like beating the guy’s head in, but Julia was looking up at him curiously. He sighed and got down to his knees, gripping her by the shoulders.

“Baby, you do  _ not  _ wander off like that.” Derek said, his voice serious. “Not  _ ever _ , okay? You could have gotten hurt. Are you okay? Did that man say anything to you?”

Julia nodded. “I’m okay.” She said. “He asked where’s Mama and Daddy.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “And he didn’t try to get you to go anywhere with him or do anything to you?”

“No.” Julia said. “Just ask where’s Mama and Daddy.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “Okay, baby. Let’s go home.”

“But I don’t  _ want  _ to.” Julia said. “I want to play!”

“Julia Grace Morgan.” He said. “Don’t you dare argue with me. I’m sorry, but we have to go. I’ll take you to the park some other time, but you need to listen.”

Julia pouted but obeyed him. When they got back home, she went upstairs to her room. Emily was in the kitchen making a cup of coffee with the baby monitor on the counter. She frowned when Derek walked in.

“That was fast.” She said. “I didn’t expect you guys to be home until lunchtime. Did something happen?”

Derek sighed. “I took my eyes off of her for  _ one  _ second.” He said. “I found her again  _ right  _ away and some  _ guy  _ was talking to Julia. Now she said that nothing happened, but who does that? Who just walks up to a little girl in the park like that?”

“Hopefully a responsible adult.” Emily said. “What did you do, Derek?”

“I went off on the guy.” Derek said. “I was panicking, assuming the worst. I’m sure he must’ve thought I had lost my mind, maybe I did.”

“She’s  _ three  _ Derek.” Emily said. “If I saw a girl that young off by herself in a public place, I’d be worried too.”

“That’s different.” Derek said. “When a lone man goes up to a lost child, it doesn’t look right.”

“Derek!” She said. “Do you hear yourself right now?”

“Emily, listen.” He said. “From the moment you told me you were pregnant, I made a vow to keep our daughter safe. I  _ swore  _ that I would  _ never, ever  _ let anything happen to her.”

Emily’s expression changed. “You mean like what happened to you?” She asked. “Is that it?”

“This isn’t about me.” He said. “This is about Julia.”

“Julia is fine.” She said. “Her daddy protected her. You, however, look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Derek shook his head. “Maybe I have.”

Emily came around to where Derek had sat down and wrapped him in her arms. For once, she was tall enough to kiss  _ him  _ on the top of the head and she did. Derek listened to the steady beating of her heart. They never talked about Carl Buford, mainly because Derek never brought him up and Emily never asked. Even when Buford was killed in prison after Derek had publicly come forward as one of his victims, Derek had internalized it. Now here, in the arms of the woman he loved, the mother of his children, it all surfaced.

“All I could think of is what he did to me.” He said. “I- when I caught sight of a strange man talking to our daughter, it was all I could think about. And I would rather  _ die  _ than let her go through that kind of hurt. That shame and thinking it was her fault...sometimes his face still haunts my dreams, Emily.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want the best part of my life tainted by what he did.” Derek said. “And I just let it happen.”

Emily pulled back a little to look at him. There were tears shining in her eyes that matched his own.

“No you didn’t.” She said. “You protected our little girl. And if you were overprotective, it was because you know how much being abused changes a child.”

“She’s not happy with me.”

“She doesn’t understand.” Emily said. “One day, she’s going to have questions, Derek.”

“I know.” He said. “I just hope that when she does, I’ll be strong enough to answer them.”

“I’m here, you know.” She said. “You can talk to me.”

“I know.” Derek said. “I think it’s time I did. But first I feel like I owe our daughter an explanation.”

Derek worked his way upstairs to Julia’s room, where he found her playing quietly with some toy horses. Derek rapped on the door with his knuckles. The small girl looked up from her toys at him and smiled.

“Hi Daddy.” She said. “I’m in trouble?”

The question sent a pang through his heart.

“No, baby.” He said. “Actually, Daddy came up here to say he’s sorry we couldn’t play at the park for longer. I just got scared when I couldn’t find you, Jules.”

Julia nodded. “And when that man talked to me?”

“Yeah.” He said. “That scared Daddy a lot.”

“Why, Daddy?”

Derek sighed. “Do you remember when we talked about good touch and bad touch?”

“Yeah.” She said. 

“Well, when Daddy was little.” Derek said. “Something bad happened to him.”

Julia frowned. “Bad touch?”

“Yeah, baby.” He said. “Real bad, and it changed Daddy forever and he just never  _ ever  _ wants anyone to make you feel that way.”

“Okay.” Julia said. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“Don’t be sorry, baby.” Derek said, kissing the top of her head. “But can you promise me something?”

Julia nodded, her eyes wide.

“Promise me.” Derek said. “That if anyone ever touches you, or looks at you or talks to you in a way you don’t like, you’ll tell Daddy right away?”

“I promise.” She said. “I promise, Daddy.”

“Good.” Derek said. He smiled.

That evening after the girls were in bed, Derek had maybe the most difficult conversation he’d ever had with Emily in their entire relationship. She had known, of course, that Carl Buford had molested him, but Derek had spared her the details of what exactly he did, how it had affected him, and the fact that once upon a time, it had nearly driven him to do the unthinkable. Emily held him and they both cried. What happened to Derek changed him forever, but he had a lot of love and a lot of happiness in his life. He loved his daughters more than life, and he would always protect them. Someday, he would tell Julia, and Mia, more about what happened to him if they asked, but for now it would be enough to keep them safe.


	49. Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily and Derek spend time together as a family

The dimples in Mia’s cheeks deepened as she watched her mother hide behind a blanket and then pop her head out again. The baby giggled, scrunching her nose. Mia was four months old, and her personality was really beginning to show. She still wasn’t as outwardly needy as her older sister, but she had become more affectionate and Emily could much more easily read her cues. She was starting to mimic speech and her parents learned that she was a very chatty girl. Emily popped her head out from behind the blanket again and smiled at Mia as she dissolved into giggles.

“Is that funny, Mia?” She asked. “Is it funny when Mama hides from you?”

Mia squealed and babbled in response.

“Oh, I know sweet girl.” Emily said. “You’ve just got so much to say, huh? Yes you do! You’re so smart, I’ve just got the two smartest girls in the world.”

Derek and Julia walked in from playing outside. They had gotten Julia a kiddie pool for the summer and it was still hot enough to use it. Julia sat down at the table wrapped in a towel, Derek reached into the fridge and pulled out a turkey and cheese sandwich, a mini bottle of water, and grabbed a snack size bag of chips from the counter and put them on a plate for Julia.

“Daddy.” She said. “I can put chips  _ in  _ my sammich?”

Derek shrugged. “Sure, Jujubug.” He said. “Who taught you how to do that?”

“Rashan.” She said. “His brother is seven.”

“Oh, okay.” Derek said. “Alright, I see. You wanna be like the big kids, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” She said. “Mama, what’s you doing?”

“Your sister and I were playing hide and seek.” Emily said, ruffling damp curls. “Weren’t we my Mia? Yeah, we were having so much fun, my sweet girl.”

Mia gurgled and chattered back, smiling when Emily copied the noises she was making and squealing happily when Emily kissed her cheeks.

“Well you sure are talkative today.” Derek said, coming up behind Emily and Mia. “What you talking about, Mia? Huh? You gonna tell Daddy all about it?”

Julia tilted her head. “What’s she saying, Daddy?”

“I don’t know, baby.” Derek said. “Right now she’s just practicing talking for when she gets older.”

“Oh.” Julia said. “When will Mia talk for real?”

“Probably not for a while, Jules.” Emily said. “She might say one or two words before her birthday but she won’t talk as much as you til she’s bigger.”

“I wish she could.” Julia said. “Little sisters are weird.”

“Don’t I know it!” Derek laughed. “But hey, give Mia some time to get to your level, you guys are gonna be best buds. That’s how it was for me and Auntie Dez.”

Julia considered her father’s words for a moment before nodding. Emily smiled and kissed both her girls, then kissed Derek.

“God, I feel like I never get to do this.” Emily said. “How often do we get to just spend time together as a family?”

“Not often enough.” Derek agreed, kissing her on the cheek. “Hey, why don’t we do something all together?”

Emily raised a brow. “What did you have in mind?”

That evening after dinner, they packed up the car and drove about half an hour to a drive-in movie theater in a vacant lot. Families mulled around, setting up blankets and chairs. Emily had no idea where Derek had even heard about it, but as they parked and set up blankets and chairs of their own, Julia bouncing excitedly at the prospect of her first real movie out, Emily couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. Julia settled at her parents’ feet, munching on cheese crackers, and Mia snoozed on and off in her mother’s arms. Derek looked over at his wife and smiled, reaching over to take her hand in his and gave it an affectionate squeeze.

“Remember when we used to do this?” He asked. “Just you and me, before the girls were born?”

“I do.” She said. “But I can’t say that I remember us doing much watching once the movie started.”

Derek laughed. “Neither do I.” He said. “But that’s because I was watching something a whole lot better.”

Julia fell asleep halfway through the movie, sucking her thumb the way she had since she was a baby, and Mia would alternate between sleeping and wiggling her little legs, mesmerized by the lights and colors on the screen, chewing on a teething ring. Through it all, Derek never let go of Emily’s hand. They got back late, and when they tucked their girls into bed and turned in themselves, Emily felt at peace. She had her husband and her girls. She didn’t need anything else.


	50. Call It What You Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After nearly losing a teammate, Emily reflects on her own brush with death years ago.

It was a bad night.

Emily had nearly lost an agent. Luke Alvez, friendly Luke, goofy Luke who could make Julia laugh with just a look, had done  _ exactly  _ what she had told him not to do. He had done almost exactly what she had done all those years ago with Ian Doyle, and the irony wasn’t lost on her. She had come down on him hard, she’d had to. To his credit, Luke had taken the reprimand without complaint, he’d seemed to sense that not only had he disappointed Emily, he’d scared her. When Emily got home, she found her fist connecting with the wall and she swore. The wall didn’t give, but she now had an angry red mark across her knuckles. It would be swollen tomorrow. Derek rushed down the stairs.

“Emily!” He said. “What was that, baby? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” She muttered. “I punched a wall.”

“You punched a wall?” He asked “What’d you do that for?” 

“I was mad.” She said. “Alvez went off on his own to face an unsub who was targeting him after I told him  _ not  _ to do just that! He could have been killed!”

Derek smiled. “Sounds like someone else I know.”

“I know.” Emily said quietly. Tears shone in her eyes. “I think that’s what upsets me the most.”

Derek sighed as he took in Emily’s morose expression. Ian Doyle was another person they never talked about. He had nearly destroyed everything between them, was the reason they almost never got the chance…

“Come on.” Derek said. “I’ll put on some coffee.”

Within fifteen minutes, they were sitting at the kitchen table, cups of coffee clutched in both of their hands. Derek reached out with his free hand and took Emily’s, running his hand across swollen knuckles. 

“It’s like I can’t escape him.” Emily said, clearing her throat. “No matter what I do, Doyle  _ always  _ comes back to haunt me. I can’t escape it.”

Derek kissed her hand. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Just that I finally know how it must have felt.” She said. “That fear and uncertainty, not knowing if I was going to have to bury a member of my team.”

“It sucks.” He said. “Doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Emily chuckled. “Tell me about it.”

Her mind went back to that night in the warehouse, the pain and violation of being branded by Doyle, the way she could feel herself slipping away after he had staked her. And Derek standing over her, her constant, the man she loved, though she hadn’t fully known at the time that he had loved her back. The way he had begged her to stay awake, to stay alive. All of the words that he had said to her that she later realized had been a million different ways of saying ‘I love you’ and ‘Please don’t leave me’. The seven months of loneliness and aching. Emily tried not to think about it because every time she did, she could feel herself going back into that dark place in her heart and mind, the place that scared her most.

“You’ve come a long way since then, princess.” Derek said. “Hey, look at me. What happened doesn’t define you. You are  _ safe _ and you’re  _ loved _ . You’re still here and Doyle is gone. You’re alive, you’ve got two beautiful little girls sleeping upstairs. What does Ian Doyle have?”

“Nothing.” She said. “He’s got nothing. Except a nineteen year old who barely remembers his name.”

“And who prefers the woman who almost died to save him.” He said. “Have you heard from Declan lately?”

“I have.” Emily said with a smile. “He’s studying pre-law in school, he wants to become a prosecutor focusing on international crimes.”

“See?” Derek said. “Without you, he would have been raised to become just like his dad, now he’s going to spend his life taking guys like his dad down. You did that, Emily. Not Doyle.”

“I know.” She said. “Still, I almost lost everything. If they hadn’t brought me back in that ambulance...there would be nothing. No Mia, no Julia, no us.”

“But they did.” Derek said, kissing her. “They brought you back and now we’re married with two beautiful babies that I thank God every day for.”

Emily chuckled “I thought you were agnostic.”

“Doesn’t make me any less thankful.” He said. “Hell, as much as I hate that bastard for what he did to you, I almost have to thank him.”

“What do you mean?”

“That whole night was the night that made me realize I love you.” Derek said. “Now, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have figured it out eventually, but it happened the way it happened and now we have all this and I can’t make myself regret that.”

“I guess I can’t either.” Emily said. “I don’t know. It’s just so hard to see the good past the bad sometimes.”

“I know.” He said. “But you know that’s what I’m here for, right?”

Emily smiled. It was true. Derek had been there for every nightmare, every sleepless night. Even before they had gotten together, she would find herself at his apartment, crying her eyes out while he held her. That feeling of belonging, of being cared for, had only deepened and grown stronger as their love grew. Derek Morgan was her constant.

“We should renew our vows.” Emily said. “I know it hasn’t been four years yet, but…”

“Done.”

She looked up at him. “Really?” She asked. “Just like that?”

Derek smiled. “Just like that.” He said. “We can start planning in the morning if you want.”

“Okay.” Emily said, feeling the tears beginning to well up in her eyes again. “I love you, Derek Morgan.”

“I love you too, Emily Prentiss.”

It seemed strange, that they could still be so in love after so many years, but in the morning when they sat down after breakfast to begin planning, it all felt right. Emily had known Derek for thirteen years, had loved him for eight, been married to him for almost four, and would love him for the rest of her life. He was her constant and Emily was his. Whatever else happened, they had each other.


	51. Somebody’s Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily spends quality time with her girls

“Open wide, Mia!”

Emily made faces at Mia as she spooned puréed banana into her infant daughter’s open mouth. Mia’s eyes went wide and she kicked her legs excitedly in her high chair as her mouth registered the sweetness of what she had just eaten. Emily smiled.

“Is that good, baby?” She said. “Huh? Do you like the banana baby food? Do you  _ like  _ it?”

Mia gave a happy scream in response.

“I guess so.” Emily chuckled. “Is that yummy, my sweet girl? Oh, you’ve gotten so big!”

Mia gurgled and smiled at her mother. She was six months old and had just begun to start trying solid foods. So far, peas, bananas, and sweet potatoes were good, and green beans, chicken, and prunes were decidedly not. Mia looked up at Emily expectantly, her mouth opening as if waiting for the spoon.

“Oh, you want some more?” Emily asked, in that high-pitched voice that adults speak to babies in. “Do you want some more yummy banana? Yeah my Mia, yes my sweet girl. There you go.”

Mia gobbled up the mashed bananas and her face split into a grin, her little nose scrunched up and the dimples in her cheeks making an appearance once more as she giggled and clapped her hands, clearly delighted by the new treat.

“You are such a happy baby, Mia.” Emily said, scrunching her own nose at her daughter. “Yeah, you’re just smiling all the time. I love you!”

“Buh-buh-buh-buh.” Mia replied and blew a bubble.

Emily smiled. “Yeah?” She said. “Is that so?”

“Buh! Buh-buh!” Mia said. “Ooooo!”

“Oh yeah.” Emily said. “You’re just telling Mama all about it, aren’t you?”

Emily leaned over and began kissing Mia’s messy, chubby cheeks, causing the child to giggle and pat her mother’s face with sticky hands. She lifted Mia up out of her high chair and began cleaning the girl gently with a warm washcloth, humming softly. These days, Mia Morgan was all smiles, and Emily loved every minute of it. As she was finishing, Emily heard a soft crying and footsteps coming up behind her, when she turned around, Julia was there rubbing her teary eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked. “Jules? I thought you were taking a nap.”

“I had bad dream.” Julia whimpered. “Scared.”

“You got scared?” She said. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry. What was your dream about?”

“Monsters.” Julia said. “Big teeth.”

“A monster with big teeth.” Emily said. “Oh honey, that must have been so scary. Hey, but you know you’re safe now, the monster can’t get you.”

“It’s not real.” Julia said. “Right, Mama?”

“Right.” Emily said. “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we change Mia’s diaper and then all three of us can snuggle in the big bed and read a story, just us girls?”

Julia’s face brightened. “Yeah!”

Within fifteen minutes, all three girls were in the master bedroom, Mia sat between Emily’s legs, Julia curled up next to her mother and sister, and Emily had a book in her hand. She planted kisses on her daughter’s heads as she opened up the book to where she had last left off with Julia at bedtime, then paused.

“We don’t get to do this often.” Emily said. “Mama and her girls. Do we?”

“No.” Julia said. “Because Mama has work.”

Emily felt a pang of guilt. “Does that make you sad?”

“Sometimes.” Julia shrugged. “I miss you. But you catch bad guys, right Mama?”

“That’s right, Jujubug.” Emily said. “Mama catches the bad guys so they can’t hurt people.”

“Like a superhero!” Julia said. “Is it scary?”

“Sometimes.” Emily said. “But it makes Mama feel better to catch the bad guys to keep you and your sister safe.”

“Then it’s okay.” Julia said. “Super-Mama! Catch the bad guys for Julia and Mia!”

As if in agreement, Mia squealed. Emily smiled.

“I love you girls.” She said. “So much.”

“I love you Mama.” Julia said. “And I love Mia too.”

“Good.” Emily said. “Okay, where were we in the story? Do you remember, Julia?”

“Yeah!” Julia said. “The girl went to the other world!”

“Through the wardrobe.” Emily said. “Do you know what a wardrobe is, Julia?”

Julia shook her head. “No.”

“It’s like a closet.” Emily said. “Where you keep all your clothes but it’s made of wood.”

“Oh.” Julia said. “Okay!”

Emily read until she saw Julia’s eyes droop and slowly begin to close, her little face had been focused intently on her mother’s voice and the pictures in the book. Even Mia seemed to focus on the story, though Emily knew it was just that she was listening to her talk. When both girls had fallen asleep, Julia with her thumb in her mouth, Mia curled up against Emily, her head resting on Emily’s stomach. Emily smiled and closed the book, setting it carefully on the nightstand, but made no moves to get up or put the girls in their own beds just yet. Sometimes she felt like she missed so much, working for the BAU, and little moments like those with her girls were precious and rare to her. They thought the world of her, and even with everything else in her life, Mia and Julia  _ were  _ Emily’s whole world. She kissed her girls and just sat there, a mother and her daughters, all at peace.

  
  



	52. Death By A Thousand Cuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia makes a big mistake.

It wasn’t always easy, parenting a child who was so much like her. A fact that Emily learned one afternoon with Julia.

Derek had taken Mia with him to run errands, so it was just Emily and Julia, who had been fighting off a cold recently and was testier than usual for a three year old. She was grumpy, argumentative, and didn’t want to listen to a word that Emily said. Emily had recently had to apprehend David Smith, a young man who had been the child of an unsub years ago, and who had never really had a chance at a normal life. Emily has tried to be there for him in the beginning, had started out with the best of intentions, but after Doyle and London, having kids of her own, she had lost touch with him. There was a part of Emily that blamed herself for what David had become, it was hitting her hard and she was in  _ no  _ mood for Julia’s attitude as a result.

“Julia, would you  _ please  _ just eat your lunch?” She said, clenching her teeth. 

“It tastes funny.” Julia said. “It’s not like how Daddy makes it.”

“That’s because  _ I  _ made it.” Emily said. “Daddy had to go to the store, so you’re stuck with what I made.”

“I don’t like it!” Julia whined. “It’s gross!”

“I don’t care!” Emily said. “This isn’t a restaurant. I’m your mother and if I cook you lunch then that’s what you get. I’m the parent, you’re the child!”

“You’re mean!” Julia said. “You’re mean, Mama!”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Julia.” Emily said. “But you still need to listen to me.”

“I hate you!”

Emily’s head snapped in her daughter’s direction. Julia had a scowl on her face that seemed to waver as she took in the stunned expression on her mother’s face. Emily fought back tears, the words like tiny daggers in her heart. She cleared her throat.

“Go to your room.” Emily said. “Now.”

“But-“ Julia said.

“I said go to your room, Julia.” She said. “We’ll talk about this later but I need you to go. Now.”

Julia looked shocked, but she said nothing more as she hopped down and stomped upstairs to her room. Emily heard the door close and quickly busied herself with the dishes, slamming cupboard doors and putting plates roughly in the dishwasher, taking out her hurt and frustration on inanimate objects. When she had run out of things to do, Emily sat down at the kitchen table, paying no attention to her daughter’s abandoned plate, and she buried her face in her hands and cried. When Derek returned home with Mia a few minutes later, that was how he found her.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He said, setting Mia down in her high chair where she babbled contentedly. “Are you okay, did something happen? Where’s Julia?”

“She’s in her room.” Emily said. “I sent her to her room.”

Derek frowned. “Why?”

“She wouldn’t eat her lunch.” Emily said. “I told her that I was sorry she didn’t like it but that she needed to listen to me and she...she told me she hates me.”

“She did?” Derek sighed. “I  _ talked _ to her about this!”

“This isn’t the first time?!”

“She heard one of the older kids say it at her play group.” Derek said. “She picked it up there, and I  _ told  _ her that it wasn’t a nice thing to say and that it hurts people’s feelings...I thought I had gotten through to her, Emily, I’m sorry.”

“Did she say it to you?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He said. “It felt awful, but we talked and I explained why it was mean, I really thought she understood what I was telling her. I guess not.”

“I think it would have been better if she’d hit me.” She said. “At least that wouldn’t have  _ hurt  _ so much.”

“Emily, baby, come on.” Derek said, kissing her forehead. “You know she didn’t mean it. She doesn’t understand. She’s just a three and a half year-old testing limits and was mad she didn’t get her way.”

“But it hurt.” Emily said. “It hurt, Derek.”

“I know, princess.” He said. “I know it did.”

Derek wrapped Emily in a tight hug and kissed the top of her head. Mia watched them curiously from her high chair but didn’t seem bothered at all. Emily straightened up and wiped her eyes.

“I should go talk to Julia.” Emily said. “I think she realized she had done something wrong when I sent her to her room.”

“You want me to come with you?” He asked. “Me and Mia can be moral support.”

“I’m okay.” She said. “I think Julia and I need to talk, just me and her.”

Emily crept up the stairs to Julia’s room and knocked softly on the door. When she opened the door, Julia was looking up warily from her dollhouse. Emily sat down on the edge of the toddler bed and gestures for Julia to sit beside her. The toddler obeyed without a word, though she seemed afraid she was in trouble

“Julia.” Emily said. “We need to talk.”

Julia nodded. “I said a bad thing Mama.”

“Yes, you did.” Emily said. “We don’t tell people that we hate them, Julia Grace. It’s mean and it hurts. We can say that we’re mad at them or that we don’t like what they did, but we do  _ not  _ say we hate them.”

“I heard you cry.” Julia said. “When I go to my room. I make you cry, Mama?”

“Yes.” Emily said, willing the tears from making a reappearance as she spoke. “You made me cry with your words. They hurt my feelings.”

“I’m sorry Mama.” Julia said, her face crumpling. “I’m sorry! I never say it again! I’m sorry!”

“I know, baby.” Emily said and wrapped her small daughter in a hug. “I know you’re sorry. I know.”

“Still love me?”

_ That  _ got the tears flowing and Emily held Julia tighter, rocking her back and forth.

“Of course I still love you.” Emily said. “You’re my baby, you will always  _ be  _ my baby, and I will  _ always  _ love you.”

Julia looked up, her eyes wet. “Promise?”

“I promise.” Emily said. She kissed soft curls. “There is nothing you could ever do or be that would make me stop loving you. I love you forever.”

“I love you too, Mama.” Julia said. “Forever and ever.”

“I’m glad.” Emily smiled. “Are you hungry? Maybe we can make a sandwich instead.”

Julia shook her head “I want what you made.” She said. “You made it for me.”

Emily scrunched her face up. “Are you sure?” She said. “It  _ was  _ pretty bad.”

“I make you happy.” Julia said. “No more crying.”

“As long as you’re fed,” Emily said. “I’m happy. Come on, my baby, let’s go eat.”

Julia might not have understood the full weight of her words, but her mother’s pain and tears were something the girl  _ did  _ understand, and she seemed to cling more tightly to Emily for the rest of the day, asking for extra hugs and kisses, one more story, ‘hold my hand Mama’. It was sweet and a little overwhelming, but Emily didn’t mind, nor could she stay upset at her little girl, and each act of love helped to heal her heart. She knew it wouldn’t be the last time she cried over her daughter, but the love that she felt and the bond that they shared made Emily believe that they’d be alright.

  
  



	53. Still Into You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily get some alone time

It had been a while since Derek and Emily had been on a real date. Between work and their girls, it was just difficult for them to get out. So when Penelope and Luke offered to embark on a joint babysitting venture to give them a night to themselves, Emily and Derek had reluctantly accepted. Emily dug one of her favorite dresses out of the back of the closet, a pretty floor length thing in sapphire blue she had bought on a whim after Julia was born. She put up her hair and walked hand in hand with Derek into the restaurant.

“So.” Derek said. “This is…”

“Nice.” Emily said. “But it feels weird to not be with the girls.”

“Don’t worry.” He said. “I’m pretty sure Garcia and Alvez have it covered.”

“Oh, I know.” Emily said. “If anything, I’m worried about those two bickering while Julia and Mia run circles around them. They fight like an old married couple.”

“We used to fight like an old married couple.” He chuckled. “Now we  _ are  _ one.”

“Yeah.” She said. “Sometimes I wonder if there’s not something there. Not that either of them would  _ ever  _ admit to it.”

“Of course not.” Derek said. “It took us...what? Three years and you faking your death?”

Emily rolled her eyes. “Something like that.” She said and tapped his head with a breadstick.

“Hey!” Derek laughed. “That’s assault.”

“With what?” Emily said. “A breadly weapon?”

Derek groaned. “Now  _ that  _ was bad.” He said. “And isn’t my job to bring the dad jokes?”

“Yeah, but…” Emily said with a grin. “Mine are better.”

After dinner, Derek managed to convince Emily to stay out a little longer and go dancing with him, which was a feat in and of itself. Emily was  _ not  _ a good dancer, and she knew it. Still, as Derek had reasoned, Penelope and Luke had given them the whole evening, and the night was still young. Emily followed Derek’s lead and tried her hardest not to step on his toes, laughing as she leaned in close to him.

“I’m  _ horrible  _ at this!” She said.

“Don’t worry, princess.” Derek said. “I got you, just follow my lead and you’ll be fine.”

“Yeah.” Emily said. “Just so we’re clear, this is the  _ only  _ time you get to boss me around, Morgan.”

“Oh really?” He said, leaning over to whisper in Emily’s ear. “I can think of at least one more place where I’m allowed to give orders.”

Emily’s eyes went wide and she laughed a little as she smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

“Derek Morgan!” She said. “We are in  _ public! _ ”

“I know.” He said. “Hey, you’re gonna have to get better at this if we’re gonna do a whole vow renewal.”

“I stumbled through our wedding.” She said. “Didn’t I? Besides, I thought you said you’d always be there to hold me up and catch me if I fall.”

“I did.” Derek said, kissing her. “I am. And I always will be.”

Emily’s heart skipped a beat at his words. Even after all the years she and Derek had been together, he seemed to know just the thing to say to make her fall all over again. She smiled and laid her head on Derek’s shoulder. He was her home, her constant. They took a little extra time getting home, kissing in the car like a couple of high school kids, and Emily had to check her hair and makeup in the mirror before they went in so as to avoid a few pointed questions from Garcia and Luke. When they walked through the door, their babysitting duo was sitting a weird amount of space apart from one another and Garcia was bright red. Emily raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment.

“Thanks again for doing this, you guys.” She said. “How were they?”

“Perfect angels!” Garcia said. “I’d watch out for that Julia though, she has Luke here wrapped around her little finger. He was ready to give her his car keys.”

“I was not.” Luke said. “And you’re one to talk! You probably would have let her have ice cream for dinner if I hadn’t laid down the law.”

“Not true!” Garcia said. “But nice try, Mr. Watch-Any-Movie-You-Want! You’re just as bad as me!”

“Somehow, I find that hard to believe” Derek chuckled, squeezing Garcia’s shoulder. “Ice cream, babygirl?”

Garcia pouted. “She made some  _ very  _ good arguments.”

“She’s three and a half.” Derek said. Emily put a hand on his arm.

“We really appreciate you guys doing this.” Emily said, smiling. “Really, I can’t even remember the last time we went out just the two of us, you guys are lifesavers.”

“Oh, no worries.” Garcia said. “I am  _ always  _ down to hang with my goddaughters.”

“Yeah.” Luke said. “And I’m always down to help.”

A strange look passed between Alvez and Garcia, and things became  _ very  _ awkward until Derek cleared his throat, which seemed to break the spell and they all bid one another goodbye. When the door was safely shut behind them, Emily grinned and wrapped her arms around her husband’s waist.

“The girls are asleep.” She said. 

“Yes.” Derek said. “Yes, they are.”

“So, uh-“ Emily said. “How about you and I sneak upstairs and finish this date night on a high note?”

Derek grinned. “Oh trust me princess.” He said. “You’ll be singing some high notes once I’m through with you.”

“Good.” Emily said. “I can’t wait.”


	54. I Promise You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily renew their vows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn’t strictly named after a song, but if you’d like to set the mood for it, I wrote it while listening to the Intro on the My Everything album by Ariana Grande.

The vow renewal was really more of a huge party. The whole team was there, and so were their families. Julia was a flower girl, and even Mia got in on the fun, clutching Henry’s hands as he helped her toddle down the aisle, as walking without assistance was still a new skill for the ten month old. The evening air was warm, and there was a dreamlike quality about the whole thing. Emily, not wanting to wear white  _ again _ , chose a beautiful blush colored gown, and Derek’s dark blue suit seemed to compliment it perfectly. Derek stared at Emily with that look in his eyes, the same look he had had ever since that night on her balcony in London, like he couldn’t believe that she was his, like he had never seen anyone so perfect in his entire life. He held her hand and didn’t let go.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered, right before they said their vows once more. “I love you.”

Emily smiled. “I love you too.”

Derek seemed to hold her especially tight when they danced, as if after all those years, he was still afraid that Emily might evaporate into thin air. Emily pressed her lips to his neck as they moved on the dance floor. She loved how the rest of the world seemed to fall away when they were together and it was just the two of them. They had been together for nearly eight years, and yet on nights like that night, it felt like no time had passed at all. It all still felt new and wonderful.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked her.

“Just how happy I am.” She replied. “I never thought that I could be this happy.”

“Oh yeah, princess?” Derek said, and he kissed the top of her head. “Why is that?”

Emily hummed. “I just didn’t think it was possible.” She said. “Until you. I guess I just never believed I would be or that I even really deserved it.”

“I know the feeling.” He said. “But believe it now.”

She looked up at him, her brown eyes sparkling. She was absolutely radiant, glowing even brighter than the moon in the sky.

“I do.” 

When the night was over, everything had been cleaned up and the guests had gone home, they tucked their girls into bed, kissing them extra, and fell into bed themselves, all love and bliss. Derek kissed the space between Emily’s shoulder blades and all he could think of was just how damn  _ beautiful  _ she was. It amazed him even still that this was his life. That Emily Prentiss was  _ his _ wife, and that those were  _ their  _ daughters sleeping in the rooms down the hall. After everything he had been through, all of the things he had lost in his life, he never imagined that he could have a life like the one he now led. Tears sprang to his eyes, and for once, it was he who was crying. Emily turned and put a hand to his face gently, brushing tears away.

“Hey.” She said. “What’s wrong?”

Derek shook his head. “Nothing.” He said. “I just feel lucky, is all. So,  _ so  _ lucky.”

Emily smiled. She kissed him.

“I feel lucky too.” She said.

They held fast to one another that night, wrapped up in the love they had for one another, for the family they had created together, and the bond they had forged. That night, their promises to one another had been renewed, and the love that was constantly their had been brought to the forefront and washed over them like a baptism of sorts. A calm came over them as they fell asleep, knowing that the love they had for each other would always endure, and would always be.


	55. When We Grow Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mia says her first word

It happened a week after Mia’s first birthday.

From the time she first started babbling,  _ everyone  _ was trying very hard to influence Mia’s first word. Emily tried not to push  _ too  _ much, considering that Julia’s first word had been “mama” and she knew how badly Derek wanted “Dada” to be Mia’s first word, though Emily couldn’t deny she would have been secretly delighted to hear her say “mama” first just like her sister. Everyone got into it, with Luke and Tara vying for their names to be her first words, Garcia campaigned on Sergio’s behalf, and Reid, ever the optimist, did his best to get Mia to say “astrophysics”. Rossi tried to teach her “garlic” of all things. Still, the girl giggled and babbled but wouldn’t talk, and if she was close to talking, she didn’t let on. In all honesty, Emily was starting to wonder if her second child would be a late bloomer until the week after Mia turned one and she peeked in on her girls playing in Julia’s rooms.

“Mia, you like blocks?” Julia said. “You like blocks?”

Mia giggled and clapped her hands in response, accepting a red square happily from her sister.

“Me too, Mia.” Julia said. “I like blocks too.”

Julia showed Mia how to stack the blocks to make a tower, chastising her little sister through giggles after Mia knocked it down.

“Silly baby.” Julia said. “You’re s’posed to build, not knock down. Okay? Look.”

Julia showed her again and Mia tried to copy her big sister, watching her intently with brown eyes that were the mirror image of Emily’s and Julia’s.

“Good job!” Julia said, kissing her sister on a chubby cheek. “Good job, Mia! Your big girl now. Love you!”

Mia gurgled happily, then from her tiny lips, a single, two-syllable expression: “Juju.”

Emily stood at the door, stunned, not trusting her ears. She didn’t have time to react as Julia looked up and finally noticed her standing there, her face brightening as she saw Emily. She scrambled to her feet.

“Hi Mama!” Julia said. “Me and Mia’s playing blocks!”

“I can see that.” Emily said. “Hey, Jujubug, did Mia just say your name?”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “She does sometimes.”

“She does?” Emily asked. “How long has she been saying your name?”

Julia shrugged. “Little while.” She said. “Only sometimes, though.”

“Like days?” Emily pressed. “Or weeks?”

“I don’t know.” Julia said. “Uh, when we had the pancakes? With chocolate?”

“That was Sunday.” Emily said. “That was right before the birthday party, remember?”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “You said Mia’s too little for chocolate pancakes but she was hungry so I give her bite. Then she call me Juju.”

Emily chuckled. “Of course.” She said. “I should have known, you two are partners in crime. Has she called you Juju any more times?”

“Couple.” She said. “Is okay, Mama?”

“Yeah baby.” Emily said. “It’s okay. Can I play too?”

“Yeah!” Julia said, handing her a block. “You help me, I help Mia. We help!”

Emily sat with her daughters and played blocks until the sun was low enough in the sky that golden light filtered in through the curtains. When she told Derek what had happened when he came to get them for dinner, he was amused, making the same comment she had about it making sense. From the time Mia could crawl to her first tentative steps, she had followed Julia around with something that could only be described as devotion. Where Julia and Emily had a special bond, the two sisters seemed to be bonded to each other in a way that went beyond blood. If Emily was Julia’s person, then Julia was Mia’s person, and it seemed only appropriate that Mia’s first word would be her older sister’s name, a testament to a connection that would never and could never break.


	56. Reprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily and Derek receive some unexpected news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of abortion

_ Six months later  _

Emily should have known. As she drove home from her doctor’s appointment one afternoon, that was the thought that kept circling through her mind. She should have known she was tempting fate as she teased Simmons for having a growing army of offspring. They joked about his and Kristy’s apparently superb fertility all of the time, yet as she walked into the house and set her keys and her bag on the table, Emily couldn’t help thinking this was payback.

It started when she took up pilates.

After Dave and Krystall’s wedding, Emily went through a phase of feeling like she needed an actual hobby, beyond a glass of wine and bad reality tv after the girls had gone to bed. She’d tried knitting and found that she hated it, pottery only frustrated her with how bad she was at it, and yoga only succeeded at putting her to sleep. But for some reason, pilates worked for her. It helped that Derek seemed to enjoy her new hobby in more ways than one, something he made clear.

_ “You sure look cute in that little outfit.” He said one afternoon as she went through her exercises. Emily glared at him. _

_ “I know what you’re thinking.” She said. “Stop it.” _

_ “Oh come on, baby.” He said, inching closer. “You look so good in those tight little pants.” _

_ Emily grinned. “Thank you.” She said. “But I really  _ do  _ have to do these.” _

_ “I could help you.” Derek said. “Some of those stretches can be pretty tough.” _

_ “You’re cute.” Emily said. “Only problem with  _ that  _ is that whenever  _ you  _ help me with pilates, it turns into a different type of pilates entirely.” _

_ “I promise to behave.” Derek chuckled, helping her into a particularly interesting position. “If you’re  _ really  _ not interested in the  _ other  _ kind of pilates right now.” _

_ “Fine.” She huffed, knowing exactly how his ‘helping’ would end. _

_ Derek  _ did  _ do a pretty decent job of keeping his hands only where she needed them, but the thought had been planted in her mind, and when his hand slid to her hip towards the end, she’d had  _ enough  _ of pilates. _

_ “The girls still napping?” Emily asked. _

_ “Yeah.” Derek said, a hint of teasing in his tone. “Why do you ask?” _

_ “I need you upstairs.” Emily said. “Now.” _

_ Derek quirked an eyebrow. “I thought we were doing pilates, princess?” _

_ “Fuck pilates.” She growled. “I  _ need  _ you.” _

_ “Okay, okay.” Derek chuckled. “Damn it, you’re sexy when you’re demanding.” _

Emily sat on the couch in the living room, fighting the urge to pick her nails and waiting for Derek to get home with Mia and Julia. She didn’t know why she felt so nervous, it wasn’t like they had never been through it before. But the  _ shock  _ of it. When Derek walked in, their girls trailing behind him like little ducklings, he took one look at Emily’s face and stopped dead in his tracks, little girls bumping into him and each other and giggling like it was a game.

“Em?” He said. “What’s wrong?”

“We, uh.” Emily croaked. “We need to talk.”

Derek’s heart sank. Whatever it was, he thought, it couldn’t be good. He turned to Julia, who was looking up at him curiously. At four and a half, she was already very perceptive, something he at turns loved and hated. No doubt she sensed something was up.

“Hey Jules.” He said. “Can you take your sister to your room to play so Mama and Daddy can have a grown up talk, please?”

“Okay.” Julia said, taking her eighteen month old sister by the hand. “Come on, Mia. Let’s go play dolls!”

“Yeah!” Mia said. “Dolls, Juju!”

Derek couldn’t help but smile at the care Julia took with helping her little sister up the stairs. Any rivalry the two girls might have had seemed to pale in their love for each other, they were two peas in a pod, and it was something he hoped desperately wouldn’t change as the girls got older. His expression changed as he took in the look on Emily’s face. Whatever it was that was upsetting her, Derek was at a loss to what it could be.

“Okay, princess.” He said sitting next to him. “What’s up? You look...I don’t know, like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I went to the doctor.” She said hoarsely. “I thought I was starting menopause. I’ve been moodier and just felt...and I haven’t had a period in a while, so I thought maybe it was happening.”

“Okay.” Derek said, nodding. “Alright, so what did they say? I mean forty-nine is a pretty normal age for all that stuff to be happening, isn’t it? 

Emily looked at him in a strange sort of way that made his heart leap into his throat.

“I’m pregnant.” She whispered. “Twelve weeks.”

Derek felt himself straighten up. “You’re what?”

“I’m pregnant.” She said again. “I don’t even know how, I- I didn’t think it was even still  _ possible _ at this point, but apparently you can get pregnant as long as you’re still ovulating and...Derek, I’ve been  _ drinking!  _ Alcohol! Not a lot, but...enough to feel guilty.”

“You’re pregnant.” He echoed and turned to face her, suddenly uncertain. “Do you  _ want  _ to be?”

Emily stopped. “What?”

“Do you want to be pregnant?” He said again. “Cause if you don’t, I’ll support that regardless of how I feel.”

“I- I dont know.” She said. “I  _ don’t  _ want to have an abortion but...I don’t know what kind of  _ problems  _ this baby could have, especially since I didn’t know I was pregnant and I was drinking, and my age…”

“Well, what did the doctor say?” He asked. “She probably knows a lot more than either of us.”

“I have another appointment in a couple of days.” She said quietly. “An ultrasound and some testing to see- to see if this baby is even viable, God!”

Emily took a shaky breath and Derek took her hand.

“Hey.” He said. “Hey, it’s okay. We’re gonna get through this, Emily, no matter what. And if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.”

“But what if it is?” She said. “What if this baby, against all odds, is fine?”

“Then I guess we’re making a day trip from the old folks home for her college graduation.” Derek chuckled. “We’re gonna have teenagers in our sixties and it’s gonna be crazy, but we’ll figure it out.”

“It could be a boy.” She muttered. “It might not even matter in a couple of weeks.”

“I know.” He said. “But if everything is okay, and you want to go through with this, we’ll figure it out.”

Emily chuckled. “Guess I shouldn’t have given Simmons so much grief about all his kids.”

“Karma.” Derek said. “Come on, let’s go check on our other two kids. We won’t tell anyone yet until we’re sure this is happening.”

They got up and went to play with their daughters. Dinner was an awkward but happy affair where they had to field questions from Julia about what was going on, but they took the girls to the appointment with them a few days later. Sure enough, there was their baby, so much like the other two, wiggling on the screen. Further testing would be needed to determine if there were problems that couldn’t be seen on an ultrasound, and Emily would be monitored closely, but at first glance, their newest addition was shaping up to be delightfully normal and Derek and Emily allowed themselves to hope. Maybe it  _ would  _ be alright. Either way, they prepared to go on that adventure together one last time.


	57. To Love You More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia struggles with change

They would wait to tell the team. At least for the time being, their first order of business was making sure that there would be something to tell, though Emily thought that JJ and Rossi at least had a sneaking suspicion. They had tried their best to explain to the girls after the appointment what exactly was happening, that if all went well, they were going to have a new baby brother or sister. Mia, being even younger than Julia had been, didn’t really understand but babbled excitedly about the baby growing in Mama’s belly all the same. 

Julia, however, was surprisingly subdued. 

She suddenly transitioned from calling Emily ‘Mama’ to the older-sounding ‘Mom’ which she and Derek knew would probably happen eventually, but the change still stung for reasons Emily had a difficult time explaining. Julia wasn’t overtly petulant or naughty, but the change in her was marked and it worried her parents to no end. One afternoon, Emily found Julia playing quietly in her room, Mia was taking a nap so she was on her own. Emily rapped lightly on the door frame with her knuckles and smiled when Julia looked up.

“Hey Jujubug.” She said. “What’cha doing?”

“Playing.” Julia said nonchalantly.

“Oh yeah?” Emily said. “Can I see?”

Julia shrugged her little shoulder. “Okay.”

Emily sat down on the edge of the bed, wiping her palms on the legs of her pants. After a few moments of watching Julia, who seemed to take no notice of her mother, Emily cleared her throat.

“Hey, what’s up with you lately?” She asked. “You’ve been  _ very  _ quiet, that’s not at  _ all  _ like my girl.”

“I don’t know.” Julia said, shrugging again. “Just quiet.”

“Okay.” Emily said. “Well, is something bugging you?”

“Mom…”

“And the ‘Mom’ thing!” Emily said. “Since when do you call me Mom? I was always Mama.”

“I’m bigger now.” Julia said. “I go to preschool now, kindergarten next year. Only  _ babies  _ say ‘Mama’ or ‘Mommy’ and I’m  _ not  _ a baby.”

“Oh.” Emily said. She paused. “And this has  _ nothing  _ to do with me having a new baby?”

“I don’t know, Mom.” Julia said, not looking at her mother. “I’m not mad about the new baby.”

“But you don’t seem very happy, either.” Emily said as she reached over to tuck a stray curl behind her daughters ear. Julia’s lip quivered, her brown eyes filled with tears as she finally looked up at her mother.

“I’m scared.” She said. “First it was you and me and Daddy, and then Mia came and it was okay cause there’s two of us, but when the  _ new  _ baby comes…”

“It’s gonna change.” Emily said. “But baby, just because it’s gonna change doesn’t mean it’s gonna be bad change. Mama and Daddy are still going to love you just as much as we always have.”

“What about Mia?” The little girl asked quietly. “What if she likes the new baby more than me? She won’t wanna  _ play  _ with me anymore.”

“Oh, my sweet girl.” Emily sighed and pulled Julia close, hugging the girl against her chest. “Your sister loves you very much and nothing will ever change that.”

Julia sniffled. “Promise?”

“I promise.” Emily said. “Mia looks up to you, you know. You’re her big sister, and you will  _ always  _ be her big sister. All that’s changing is now, she’ll be a big sister too. And as the oldest, you’re going to have  _ two  _ people looking up to you. That’s pretty special.”

“It is?”

“Well yeah.” Emily said, kissing her curly head. “Your new little brother or sister is gonna be the youngest, and they’re going to need a  _ lot  _ of help, and Mia’s never been a big sister before, so she might need you to show her how to  _ be  _ one.”

“I can do that!” Julia said, looking up. “I can teach her!”

Emily smiled. “And you’ll be a wonderful teacher!”

Julia looked at her mother with a smile that matched the one on Emily’s face, and patted her stomach, which at fourteen weeks was already beginning to swell, though perhaps not quite as noticeably as it had with Mia. Emily kissed Julia on the top of her head. She had known what a sensitive girl Julia was, but hearing her four year old’s fears of losing the love of her younger sister in particular had been surprising to Emily. From the time she was an infant, Emily had tried to instill confidence and self-assurance in Julia, and for the most part, that had worked wonderfully well. But, Emily supposed, a new baby coming in and changing the dynamic could rattle the most confident child. After their talk, though, Julia seemed to perk up and even started getting excited by the idea of a new baby to love and play with. It put Emily at ease, and as she tucked her girls in that night, she thought that maybe, just maybe, they could pull this off after all.


	58. Colourblind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily get the results of their test back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own 19 Kids and Counting and am in no way affiliated with TLC or the Duggar family.

Emily was  _ sure  _ that this time, their baby was a boy.

With all of the special testing they had done to determine whether or not their baby had any health concerns, Derek and Emily were informed that they would also be able to determine the sex of their baby earlier than the anatomy scan. The prospect was exciting, though both parents already had a feeling that they knew what their new baby was, though they both had  _ very  _ different opinions.

“Emily, come on.” Derek said, handing her a mug of herbal tea as he took a cup of coffee for himself. Since Emily had to abstain from caffeine, he had decided to switch to decaf as a show of support. “We’ve had two girls already, what makes you think it’s a boy?”

“I don’t know.” Emily said. “Just a feeling.”

Derek laughed. “Whatever you say, princess.”

For their part, the team at the BAU had plenty of opinions. Emily told them at fifteen weeks, once she was in her second trimester which was just as well, because she was already beginning to show, and  _ everyone  _ wanted to put their two cents in about whether the newest addition would be a boy or girl.

“It’s a boy!” Tara said one day as they were discussing it in the bullpen. “Come on! It’s gotta be a boy!”

“No way.” Luke said. “Another girl, all the way.”

“As much as I hate to agree with Alvez,” Garcia said. “I totally think it’s another girl.”

“Statistically, the chances are alway fifty-fifty.” Reid said. “Though with two female children already, the trend does seem to go towards another girl.”

“I had two boys.” JJ said. “And trust me, Will and I are good with two, but I do wonder sometimes if we would have ended up with a girl if we had another.”

“Rose was our tiebreaker.” Matt shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe this one will end the girl streak.”

“Not the streak again.” Tara groaned. “There’s no such thing, guys, we’ve been over this!”

“Say what you want, Lewis.” Garcia said. “But until we know for sure, the pink wave is still a thing!”

“You guys are ridiculous.” Emily said with a roll of her eyes. “You know, and for the record, Derek and I just want a healthy baby. It could come out with a tail for all we care.”

“Well,” Rossi chimed in for the first time. “What does Morgan think? He  _ must  _ have an opinion.”

Emily smiled in spite of herself. “I don’t think Derek’s even considered the possibility of this baby being a boy.” She said. “I almost hope it is just to see the look on his face when he finds out.”

“Well, I guess we’ll see.” Tara said. “Are you guys gonna do one of those gender reveals?”

“Ugh, no.” Emily said. “I find them pointless and kind of inappropriate. It’s one thing to tell people but to throw a whole party and make a big deal out of it?”

“I totally agree!” Garcia said. “But I also love any excuse out there for baby-themed refreshments.”

“Trust me.” Emily chuckled. “When we know, you guys will be some of the first to find out.”

The call came a few days later and Emily found herself very nervous, more so about the results than anything else, though she had to admit, she was excited to find out if her instincts had been correct or not. When she and Derek got the news, they were grinning wildly and called Garcia and had her patch in the team.

“So?” Garcia said once everyone was there. 

“Well, first of all.” Emily said. “The tests came back fine, baby has no issues that anyone could find.”

“Good!” Reid said.

“And second.” Derek said. “It’s official, the Prentiss-Morgan family is three for three!”

“Are you serious?” Garcia gasped. “You’re not messing with us, right?”

“We’re serious.” Derek laughed. “Baby Morgan is a girl!”

What followed was an eruption of screams and cheers over the phone loud enough to wake the dead. Emily nearly dropped the phone from just how strong the noise vibrated it in her hand. Derek let out another laugh and Emily just smiled.

“Congratulations!” Tara exclaimed. “God, I thought for  _ sure  _ you were gonna have a boy this time.”

“Well, I guess my body just likes making girls” Emily said with a laugh. “But I really did too, I’m shocked.”

“Well, I for one, am  _ very  _ happy.” Derek said. “A house full of girls is fine by me.”

“You  _ would  _ say that.” JJ teased. “Derek Morgan, from ladies man to girl dad.”

“Do you guys have a name yet?” Garcia said. “Ooh! Is it a secret? Are you guys gonna wait to tell everyone?”

“We have a name.” Emily said. “I thought it would be hard since this is our  _ third  _ kid…”

“Why do I feel like that emphasis was directed at me?” Matt asked.

“Oh, it totally was.” Tara said. “Mr.  _ 19 Kids and Counting. _ ”

“Hey!”

“But!” Emily said. “We started talking about it after we found out and it came to us pretty easily.”

“We wanted something that went well with Julia Grace and Mia Hope.” Derek added. “And since the baby’s a girl, that makes our decision pretty clear.”

“Okay.” Garcia said. “So are you gonna tell us? Because the suspense is  _ killing  _ me!”

Emily smiled. She and Derek looked at one another.

“Gianna Faith.” She said. “Her name is going to be Gianna Faith Morgan.”

“Well then.” Rossi said. “To Gianna Faith and her sisters Julia and Mia, the Morgan sisters.”

The rest of the team echoed the sentiment, and though neither Derek or Emily could see their friends over the phone, they knew each and every one of them was smiling. The joy of that night was palpable and the excitement was real. They were parents to daughters, and though delivery was still a way off, they couldn’t wait for the arrival of Gianna Faith Morgan.


	59. God Is A Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily spend some time alone

“I love the way you look when you’re pregnant.”

Emily felt her face heat at her husband’s words, she turned to look at Derek and saw him looking at her in a way that could only be described as enraptured. Emily felt like she had blinked and suddenly, she was halfway through her pregnancy, a sensation she blamed partly on the fact that they hadn’t found out about this pregnancy until Emily was already three months along. Now at twenty weeks, her stomach protruded in a soft round curve that seemed even more pronounced against her powder blue slip, her breasts were fuller and heavier, her cheeks were rosy, and she seemed incandescent from head to toe. Though she couldn’t fully see it for herself, Emily was stunning, and Derek couldn’t get enough of her. She smiled at him.

“You love how I look when I’m  _ not  _ pregnant, too.” She said. “Which is how I keep  _ getting  _ pregnant, FYI.”

“Oh, I know.” Derek said, coming up behind Emily and wrapping his arms around her waist. “But pregnant Emily Prentiss is a whole other kind of beautiful.”

“Is that so?” Emily said, shivering a little as Derek kissed her neck and shoulders. “Tell me about her.”

“Well, for one thing.” He murmured against her flushed and heated skin. “You shine like the sun, I mean I’ve heard of pregnancy glow before but you take the cake, princess.”

Derek pressed one palm flat against the swell of Emily’s stomach while the other hand reached up to cup her breast, all while he kissed every inch of skin he was able to reach.

“I love watching you change.” He said. “The way your body grows to give life to our child, it is  _ incredibly  _ sexy, Emily. It makes me want you even more.”

Emily leaned against him with her eyes half-closed, something between a hum and a groan coming from her throat as he continued to kiss her.

“Well,” She chuckled, voice low. “You certainly  _ make  _ me feel sexy.”

“Good.” He said. “You are a  _ goddess,  _ woman. Let me worship you?”

Emily turned around to face Derek and nodded, and that was all the encouragement he needed as his lips captured hers. Derek lowered her gently to the bed and slowly pushed the slip up so that the satiny fabric pooled just above her hips and he began leaving a trail of kisses down her swelling abdomen as he hooked his fingers around the corners of her panties and slid them down her thighs, kissing up and down her thighs, teasing her until his mouth finally found their target. He moaned his approval at the way she tasted and was rewarded with Emily lifting her hips in reaction to the sensation of the vibration of his voice against her. 

Derek worked her with his mouth until her legs were shaking and the taste of her love permeated everything, so bountiful that he could swim in it, could drown in it if he chose to. When she came, it was like a supernova, bright and hot and magnificent, and Derek was once again in awe of this woman, the mother of his children, as she seemed to fall apart and expand like the universe all at once. After some time of heavy breathing, trembling, and speaking in unintelligible fragments, Emily finally calmed enough to bring Derek up to face her and kiss him fiercely, the taste of her still painted on his lips and tongue.

“I love you.” She said breathlessly. “You know that?”

“After almost ten years and three kids,” Derek chuckled. “I sure hope so. I love you too, princess.”

“I can tell!” Emily laughed. “God, I don’t know how I got so lucky. This, you, our family, it’s everything I ever wanted.”

“Me too, princess.” He said. “Me too.”

They moved together, two stars burning brightly through the galaxy that night, their love seeming to light everything on fire. Their passion finally simmering late in the night into something deeper and lasting, the love they had fostered over a decade, that had endured countless battles and trials, and that would continue to endure as long as they were alive.

  
  



	60. Sudden Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily faces a big decision

“Director of the FBI? Really?”

Derek stared over at his wife from where he stood in their kitchen, preparing a tray of chicken enchiladas to go in the oven. Emily stared back, her hands resting against the bump of her stomach, brows arched.

“Trust me.” Emily said. “I didn’t believe it either. What do you think?”

“It’s a political position.” Derek said. “Emily, you  _ hate  _ politics. You’ve  _ always  _ hated politics.”

“I know.” She said. “But I don’t know, Derek, I actually kind of  _ want  _ this. I know that sounds crazy, but...I do.”

“Well, if anyone can do it, it’s you.” He said. “And I’m not gonna lie, it would be nice to have you closer to home more often, we might actually be able to plan things on the weekend.”

“I might actually get to see our daughters grow up with my own eyes.” She sighed. “Not through a lense.”

“Wait a minute.” He said. “You don’t just  _ kind of  _ want this, you  _ really  _ want this, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “Then I say go for it. Become the Director of the FBI.”

“Well, let’s not jump the gun.” Emily chuckled. “I’m on the list, that doesn’t mean it’s a done deal.”

“You’re gonna get it.” Derek said with a grin. “Come on, how could you not? And I’m not just saying that cause I’m married to the woman who would be making history.”

“We’ll see.” She said. “The President still has to appoint whoever gets it.”

Derek made a face, causing Emily to laugh.

“Wait.” He said. “So how does all of this work with you being six months pregnant?”

“The Deputy Director is aware.” She said. “And since the decision won’t be made for a little while anyway, it shouldn’t be a problem at all. I’d start after Gianna is born and I get off of maternity leave.”

“Well that’s convenient.” He said.

“It is.” Emily said. “So you really think I should go for it?”

“I think you should go after what you want.” Derek said, putting the tray of enchiladas in the oven. “If that means moving on from the BAU to run the FBI, well then I’m behind you one hundred percent.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to go.” Emily said quietly. “I mean, I was never supposed to stay in the first place, but now it feels like home and...I don’t know that I want to give that up just yet.”

“You don’t have to decide right away.” Derek said and he grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. “Emily, you  _ know  _ that whatever you decide, me and the girls will be cheering you on no matter what.”

Emily smiled. “I love you.”

Derek smiled back. “I love you too.”

Emily didn’t know what the future had in store for her. Part of her really  _ did  _ want to make history, but her roots to and love for the BAU ran deep. She wasn’t any closer to an actual decision than she had been before, but the fact that she had Derek and her girls supporting her every step of the way gave her a peace she didn’t have before. It would take her another week to say yes, she was interested, and though it was bittersweet, to think that she could be leaving the BAU in just a few short months, she knew they would always be her home, her second family, and she would always have them. Even more, she had Derek, Julia, Mia, and soon enough, Gianna, and that was all she really needed.


	61. So It Goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast and plans for the future come to an abrupt end for the Prentiss-Morgan family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for the series finale, and from here on out, things may deviate even more so from the canon than they already have (if that’s even possible)

They needed a new house.

This was the thought that recurred in Emily’s head as she stepped on yet  _ another  _ one of the girls’ toys, gritting her teeth to keep from swearing out loud. Both girls were like little sponges at this stage, and Emily had already had to have an awkward conversation with the ambassador when she’d popped by shortly after Mia’s second birthday and the child had gleefully showed off a new four-letter word that she had learned, synonymous with feces, as Reid had helpfully pointed out the next day when Emily was venting in the bullpen. It hadn’t been her finest parenting moment,  _ that  _ was for sure. 

Of course, the fact that they had spent the last few weeks dealing with the fallout of the Everett Lynch case was bad enough, the case had nearly cost Emily the opportunity to be promoted, and Garcia had decided to move on from the BAU, something that the entire team tried to be supportive of but which they were all taking very hard, with the notable exception of Luke. Their new technical analyst was good, a sweet girl from Cyber Crimes who had come highly recommended by Penelope herself, but it was a steep learning curve, and she had big shoes to fill. Emily, who was thirty weeks pregnant at that point, was frustrated to say the least.

“Any hits on a place?” She asked grouchily as she shuffled into the kitchen, reaching into the fridge for the carton of milk before grabbing a box of cereal off the counter and making a bowl. Derek looked up from where he was supervising Julia and Mia at the kitchen table, both girls munching happily on waffles.

“Nothing big enough that’s in our budget.” He said. “I don’t know  _ why  _ you think we have to move, Emily. I could easily add on to our house and Gianna is gonna be rooming with us for six months anyway.”

“You work too hard as it is.” She said. “And I’m gone too much to be of any  _ real  _ help, it’s not fair to you.”

“Stop that, Emily.” Derek said, kissing her forehead. “I think I know what I can and can’t handle. Besides, in a few months you’ll be home a lot more.”

“That may still only be temporary.” Emily said. “Reid is pretty much the only reason I still have my name in the running, and he’s still refusing to tell me what he said to the assistant director to change his mind.”

“You ever stop to think that you’re just that good?” He asked, wiping Mia’s sticky hands off. “And that whatever argument Reid made was showcasing it?”

Emily’s eyes narrowed. “What did he say to you?”

“Only that he told the truth.” Derek said. “And that your merits spoke for themselves.”

“Too rough, Daddy.” Mia complained as Derek wiped her face. She may have favored him for the most part, but the hard stare she fixed him with was pure Prentiss. “Be gentle.”

“Sorry Mimi.” He said. “Better?”

“Better.” Mia said, hopping down. “Juju, almost done?”

“Almost.” Julia said between bites. “Don’t rush, ‘member Mia? You’ll choke to death.”

Mia’s eyes went wide. “No!”

“That’s why we eat slow.” Julia said. “And take  _ little  _ bites. Right Daddy?”

“That’s right, Jujubug.” Derek said. “Man, you’re gonna be the smartest kid in kindergarten come fall.”

“Yeah!” Julia grinned. “Uncle Spence has been helping me to learn to read, Mom!”

“Oh he  _ has,  _ has he?” Emily said, brows arched. “And just  _ what  _ has he been helping you read?”

“Kid stuff.” She said with a shrug. “He said soon I can read big kid stuff, once I learn better.”

“And here I thought he’d start you off with Dickens” Emily cracked as she took a bite of cereal.

“No.” Julia said. “Harry Potter.”

Emily blinked and Julia shrugged again.

“He used the one with the pictures” She said. “I’m not good  _ yet  _ Mom, but Uncle Spence said soon!”

“You know, it scares me sometimes.” Emily said, turning to Derek. “How easily she keeps up with Reid.”

Derek shrugged. “She’s  _ your _ daughter, princess.” He said. “Hey, what about buying land?”

“What?” Emily asked. “And build a house?”

“It’s an idea.” Derek said. “We could afford it, and then we could have it exactly how we wanted it.”

“It’d beat living on top of each other.” Emily said. “Or trying to house hunt in the third trimester.”

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s a maybe.” Emily said. “I’ll keep my eyes peeled, you do the same and let me know if something catches your attention.”

Emily finished the last few bites of her cereal and got up to rinse out the bowl before putting it in the dishwasher. Derek smiled and made some teasing comment that later, Emily couldn’t recall for the life of her. What she would remember later was how wide his eyes went as fluid splashed on the floor and soaked her feet, and how Julia’s voice went even higher than normal as she let out a panicked “Mommy?” When she saw the looks on her parents faces, and how the uncertainty of it all made her start crying, which got Mia crying. In the moment though, everything seemed muted and fuzzy, unreal, like a dream or an out of body experience. It certainly couldn’t be her life.

Except it was her life, and the reality was, Emily was thirty weeks pregnant when her water broke.


	62. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily have to adjust to their new reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: pregnancy complications, PPROM

Nothing felt real.

Emily knew it had been her idea to call JJ to see if there was any way she could meet them at the hospital and pick up the girls, who were now in hysterics. She knew that was her voice, so eerily calm, that explained what had happened over the phone as they drove to the hospital. Emily knew all too well that this was her life as doctors ran tests to confirm what she and Derek already knew had occurred.

But it still didn’t feel real.

“So, your water did break.” The on-call doctor in the maternity ward told them. “But not completely. It’s what we call premature rupture of the membranes. Since you’re only thirty weeks, it’s actually called preterm premature rupture of the membranes.”

“So what does that mean?” Derek asked, clutching Emily’s hand in his.

“It means we’re in a precarious situation.” The doctor said. “We don’t want to have to deliver the baby if we don’t have to but that means Mrs. Prentiss…”

“Oh, Emily, please.” She said.

“Alright, Emily.” The doctor said. “It means this hospital is going to be your home until you  _ do  _ deliver.”

“Can’t I just do bed rest at home?” Emily asked. “I had to do it with my oldest.”

“Unfortunately this is much more serious.” The doctor said. “We need to be able to monitor you for infection, changes in the baby...our goal is to keep you pregnant as long as we safely can, but I have to be honest with you, most women end up delivering within a week of their membranes rupturing, if not the first forty-eight hours. You can get up to use the bathroom, but that’s about it, and if you continue to leak fluid, we may have to revisit that as well.”

“Oh my god…” Derek muttered.

“We also need to start a course of antibiotics.” The doctor continued. “To prevent infection, as well as give you a shot to help develop the baby’s lungs in case she does need to be delivered early.”

“I know.” Emily said quietly. “We went through that with Julia, when I had preeclampsia.”

“Some women are able to go closer to term.” The doctor said. “But it’s very rare. The good news is your baby is already viable, even if we had to deliver her today, her chances would be good. We just want to give her as much time as possible.”

“I have to call the bureau.” Emily said. “I’m a federal agent, I run the...I have to…”

“I got it.” Derek said, squeezing her hand. “Don’t worry, Emily, I’ll take care of it.”

“It says here that Doctor Robinson is your obstetrician?” The doctor said. “She already knows that you’re here and will be by later to check on you.”

“Thank you.” Emily said.

“I’ll give you a few minutes of privacy.” The doctor said gently. “I know this is overwhelming, but you’re safe here. We’re going to do everything we can to help you and your baby Mrs. Pren- er, Emily.”

Emily nodded and the doctor left the room as Derek came back in, hanging up his phone. All he had to do was look at her and she burst into tears. Up until then, Emily had felt frozen, like she had been watching it all happen from afar, now it hit her all at once, cruelly and hard. This was her life. Derek rushed to her side and put his arms around her, Emily buried her face in his chest and sobbed, her entire body shaking.

“This can’t be happening.” She said through sobs. “I can’t- why? What did I do? What did I do to deserve this? What did  _ we  _ do to deserve this?”

“Nothing, Emily.” Derek said, stroking her hair. “No one did anything, it’s just bad luck, that’s all.”

“I’m too old, Derek.” Emily said. “I shouldn’t have gotten pregnant again, and now…”

“Hey now, stop that.” He said. “We had no idea that this was going to happen, don’t do this to yourself, Emily.”

“An ectopic pregnancy.” She said. “Preeclampsia, secondary infertility, prenatal depression, now this. It’s starting to feel like maybe the universe is telling me that I wasn’t supposed to be a mother.”

“You are a  _ great  _ mother.” He said. “You’ve just had a tougher journey than most people.”

“We should check on the girls…”

“JJ just texted me.” Derek said. “Mia is fine, she’s napping. Julia is...she’s upset, but she’s gonna be okay. JJ is trying to explain what happened to her.”

“She must have been so scared.” Emily whispered, the tears starting again. “I can’t get it out of my head. She called me mommy, Derek. She’s never called me mommy once in her life!”

“She’s a tough kid.” Derek said. “But she’s still not even five yet, and you’re her whole world. She knows when something’s not right with you, I don’t always know  _ how _ she knows, but she does. Once she knows you’re gonna be okay, she’ll be okay too.”

“I’m scared, Derek.” She said. “I’m so scared.”

“I know.” He said. “I’m scared too.”

“What are we gonna do?” She asked.

“What we always do.” Derek said, kissing the top of her head. “We’re gonna get through it together.”

Emily sighed and rested her head against Derek’s chest. In an instant, their lives had changed forever once again, their world turned upside down. Everything they had thought they had known was suddenly very unclear, and all they could do was wait. Wait, and hope that they could make it through this next great hurdle.

  
  



	63. Fearless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and the girls struggle to adjust to their new normal.

“Is Mom gonna die?”

Derek’s head snapped to the backseat of the car as they pulled out of the hospital parking lot. He had just taken the girls to see Emily, and he would be back later to see her as well. His mother had gotten the first flight out and would be helping with Mia and Julia for the time being. Julia blinked at him with serious brown eyes, so much like her mother’s.

“She’s not going to die, Julia.” Derek said. “Come on, you’re gonna upset your sister.”

“What about baby Gianna?” She asked. “Is she gonna die? Auntie JJ said something happened and- and she might have to be born early!”

“No one is going to die!” Derek exclaimed.

“What’s die?” Mia asked. “Daddy, what’s die?”

“Don’t worry about it, baby.” Derek said. “Jules, come on. I know you’re scared, but it’s gonna be okay.”

“It’s not!” She said. “Mom’s not okay! She has to be in the hospital cause she said if she goes home it could hurt the baby! Not okay!”

“Julia.” He warned. “Stop.”

Julia’s expression darkened as she scowled, the only thing Derek sometimes felt she had gotten from him aside from her complexion, but she said nothing further. Mia looked nervously at her sister and her father, unsure if she should cry or not. Derek sighed and pulled out of the parking lot. He tried to push his own feelings of fear and uncertainty down to be strong for his daughters, but the truth is he was just as afraid as they were and he didn’t know what to do.

The rest of the evening was a quiet affair, and the subject of Emily and the baby didn’t come up again until he was getting the girls ready for bed.

“I miss Mama.” Mia said. “When’s Mama come home?”

“Not ‘til after baby sister is born.” He said, kissing her forehead. “But the doctors are taking really good care of Mama and Gianna, okay? So don’t you worry.”

“Juju’s mad.” Mia said. “...No, Juju’s  _ sad.  _ Sad for Mama. Daddy’s sad too?”

“Yeah, baby.” Derek said. “Daddy’s sad too.”

“Mia’s sad.” She said. “I sad, Daddy.”

“I know you’re sad, baby.” He said and he hugged her, swallowing the lump in his throat. “We’re all sad. But hey, it’s only for a little while. Then your baby sister is gonna be born and Mama can come home.”

“Don’t lie, Daddy.” Julia’s voice came from the doorway. She walked in. “You said if Gianna is born too early she has to stay at the hospital.”

“Julia…” He sighed.

“No!” She said, stomping her foot. “Stop pretending that everything is okay when it’s  _ not!  _ It’s not, Daddy! It’s not! It’s not okay!”

The last sentence came out in a high-pitched whine, and Julia dissolved into tears. At the sight of her sister crying, Mia’s lip began to quiver and she too started to cry. Derek sighed and scooped both girls up in his arms, carrying them to the bedroom he and Emily shared, settling them so that he had a daughter on either side of him. The front of his shirt was damp with tears from his two little girls. He kissed both of them on the tops of their curly heads.

“Jujubug, I’m sorry.” He said. “You’re right, it’s not okay, and I’m scared too. I just didn’t want to scare you guys too. The truth is it’s gonna be hard. This wasn’t supposed to happen, and it’s a lot even for Mama and Daddy to handle. But the doctors are smart, and they’re doing their best to help Mama and Gianna.”

“I know.” Julia said. “And I’m trying really hard to be brave but I’m  _ scared,  _ Daddy! I don’t want anything bad to happen to Mom or the baby!”

“I know, baby.” Derek said. “But I believe that things are going to be okay. They might not be okay right now, but we’re strong. Your Mama is strong and so are you girls. You’re both so much like your mom, and we are so proud of you girls.”

“We’re like you too, Daddy.” Julia said. “You’re brave too and you make me brave and Mia too.”

Derek’s heart caught in his chest. “Well, I’m glad.” He said. “Because I love you two more than anything.”

“I love you too, Daddy.” Julia said. “Sorry I was mean.”

“It’s okay.” He said, kissing her cheek. “Oh, when did you grow up so much?”

“I don’t know!” She giggled. “I love you too, Mimi.”

“Love you Juju!” Mia chirped. “Love you, Daddy.”

“I love you too.” Derek said.

The girls slept with him that night. Derek usually tried to discourage it when Emily was home, especially since she was pregnant, but tonight those girls needed to be close. They needed their dad and they needed each other, and Derek needed them too. Their new normal would take some getting used to, and Derek felt like he had more questions than he had answers but when he looked at the two little girls sleeping beside him, he felt his strength renew itself. He was their father, their protector. He was Emily’s husband, and damn sure, he was going to protect all his girls. No matter what.


	64. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily and Mia spend time together

If Emily had thought bed rest at home when she was pregnant with Julia, being on bed rest in the hospital with Gianna was pure torture. She missed her house, she missed Derek, and her girls, hell, she missed the BAU and the entire team. If it weren’t for the daily rotation of visitors, Emily would have spent every waking moment in tears. 

And she was so damn  _ bored.  _

Reid kept bringing her books, and Emily was starting to think that she needed glasses as her eyes strained from all of the effort. Garcia tried, unsuccessfully, to teach Emily to knit, Luke came with her a couple of times and brought Roxy with him, though how he got the dog past hospital security she didn’t know, and Emily pretended not to see the looks that passed between them or the way Luke would instinctively reach for Garcia’s hand before remembering where he was. Emily had to bite back a smile even thinking about it. She was happy for them.

JJ brought magazines and gossip when she came to visit, Rossi somehow managed to smuggle in an entire gaming system and let Emily win at least one round per visit. Matt always cane laden with flowers from him and Kristy and lots of crayon drawings from the kids, which made Emily smile and simultaneously miss her own daughters even more. Tara brought any weird, obscure two player tabletop games she could find, and they would laugh their way through them. But Emily’s favorite visitors were always Derek and the girls. They visited every day without fail, and every time they had to leave, Emily’s heart broke a little bit more.

She missed them so much.

But she was holding strong. It had been two weeks since that fateful morning, and amazingly Emily was still pregnant and the antibiotics were keeping infection at bay. If Gianna noticed the difference, she didn’t show it, her tests came back normal, her heart rate was good, and she was given to kicking Emily contentedly during the day, though she would often perk up and become more active when Derek and her sisters came to visit. One such afternoon, Derek had brought the girls to visit and when it was time to grab some lunch, Julia elected to go with him, the lure of fast food being too tempting to resist and in a surprise turn of events, Mia wanted to stay behind. The two year old snuggled up against Emily in the hospital bed, brown eyes gazing up at her mother. Emily’s heart melted and she pressed her lips to Mia’s forehead.

“Miss you, Mama.” Mia said, seeming almost sleepy. Derek had mentioned that the girls weren’t sleeping well at night. “Miss snuggles with you.”

“I miss it too, my love.” Emily said. “But I bet Daddy and Julia have been giving you extra snuggles and hugs, haven’t they, my Mia-Mia?”

“Yeah.” Mia said. “But Mama snuggles different.”

“Oh they are?” Emily asked. “What does Mama do that’s different from Daddy and Julia?”

“You pet my head.” Mia said. “Like a kitty cat. And- and you go  _ over _ my nose and my face and sing with no words...”

Emily chuckled. “You mean hum?”

“Yeah!” Mia said. “You hum and I go sleep. I miss it.”

“Me too, baby.” Emily said. “I miss snuggling you, and tucking you in at night. I miss you and your daddy and your sister  _ so  _ much, you have no idea.”

“You come home, Mama?” Mia asked. “You have baby and come home?”

“Oh, I can’t have the baby yet.” Emily said. “Gianna is still too little, Mia. Do you remember when we looked at pictures of you and Julia when you were babies?”

“Yeah.” Mia said. “We were really little!”

“Well, right now, Gianna is really little.” Emily explained to the toddler. “Littler than you or Julia ever were and it’d be really hard for her if she was born right now.”

“Make her sick?” Mia asked. “Stay in hospital?”

“Yeah, baby.” Emily said. “Gianna would have to stay in the hospital if she was born now. That’s why Mama’s in the hospital now, because the longer Gianna stays in my tummy, the less time she has to stay in the hospital after she’s born.”

“Oh, okay!” Mia said and she patted her mother’s stomach. “Grow big and strong, Gigi! No hospital!”

“That’s so sweet.” Emily laughed. “You’re gonna be such a good big sister, you know that?”

“Uh-huh!” Mia said. “Cause Juju’s been teaching me!”

Emily’s smile widened. “She has?”

“Yeah!” Mia said, then her eyes widened and her expression grew serious. “Mama?”

“Yes, my love?”

“Can you snuggle me?” The little girl asked. “Just for a little while? Til Daddy and Juju come back?”

Emily smiled and kissed the top of Mia’s head before smoothing out the curls she found there.

“Sure, sweetheart.” Emily said. “Come here.”

Mia curled up close to her mother, and Emily set to work, running a finger up the bridge of her daughter’s nose, across her brow and her forehead, then running them gently through the girl’s hair, all the while humming a lullaby taught to her long ago by one of the many nannies her mother had hired. It was from a language and a culture that was not her own, but which Emily loved desperately and had sung often to her girls, the language rolling off her tongue the same way Spanish did, but markedly different. Within a few minutes, Mia’s eyes were drooping and she was pulling her tiny body as close to Emily’s as she possibly could. Emily smiled, one hand stroking Mia’s hair, the other on her own stomach where Gianna kicked lazily. When Derek and Julia returned fifteen minutes later, that’s how they found the pair, both fast asleep.

“Should we wake them up, Dad?” Julia asked.

Derek shook his head. “Nah.” He said. “Something tells me that they both need this. We’ll wake ‘em up in a few. Let’s eat, Jujubug.”

Julia cast a look over at her sleeping mother and sister before shrugging her shoulders and turning to her food. They would wake Mia and Emily up soon enough, but for the first time in weeks, both mother and daughter looked at ease, like they finally knew peace, and neither Julia nor her father wanted to disturb that. These days, peace was a rare commodity and it would become rarer still, so they all wanted to hang on to it while they still could. Soon enough, this stage would be over and their lives would all change once more.


	65. Enchanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Morgan family grows by one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of prematurity, c-section, NICU procedure

By some small miracle, Emily made it to thirty-four weeks before it was decided that it would be safer to deliver Gianna than to wait any longer and risk infection. The decision was made at nine in the morning, and Emily was induced before lunchtime.

Eighteen hours later, after the sun had set and was beginning to rise again, with very little progression, no end in sight, and a heart rate that was starting to become concerning, they prepped Emily for a c-section. At five forty-five in the morning, Gianna Faith Morgan was born, the noise she made sounding less like the battle cry of her sisters before her than a gentle protest at being removed from her home. She was bigger than expected and breathing well, though they put her on oxygen to start as a precaution. The few precious moments they were able to spend with their newborn daughter before she was taken to the NICU were spent gazing down at her, so much like her sisters and yet in a league all her own. As the newest member of their family was gingerly moved to an isolette and carted off to the NICU, Derek looked down at Emily with a mixture of love and wonder on his face.

“We good?” He asked. The question would have seemed strange to any outsider, but Emily understood what he meant immediately. She smiled and pulled him down and into her for a kiss.

“Yeah.” She said. “We’re good.”

  
  


There had been some fear that the girls wouldn’t be allowed in the NICU due to their ages, but Derek and Emily were pleasantly surprised by the understanding staff who coordinated the girls’ first visit to meet their sister. Julia and Mia crowded around the chair where their mother sat holding Gianna and peered reverently at their baby sister’s face. If Julia was Emily in miniature and Mia was a mix of her parents that leaned towards favoring Derek, Gianna was an even more perfect blend, though none of them could deny that she had inherited the Prentiss nose. Her eyes were Derek’s, her chin was Derek’s. Her complexion was somewhere in between Julia’s fairer skin and Mia’s deeper brown. What was undeniable was that she was one of them. Julia spoke first.

“She’s so little.” She said. “How big is she Mom?”

“Five pounds, five ounces.” Emily said. “And nineteen inches long. Bigger than you were, Jujubug.”

“Why’s she got wires?” Mia asked.

“So the doctors can check how she’s doing.” Derek said, bending down to her level. “She was still born pretty early, Mimi, so it’s important the doctors know what’s going on so they can take care of her.”

“Oh.” Mia said. “Feel better Gigi!”

“How long does she have to stay in the hospital?” Julia said. “When can she come home?”

“Not for a couple weeks.” Emily said. “At  _ least,  _ maybe longer, depending on how she does.”

“What about you?” She followed up.

“Just a few more days.” Emily said. “Once the doctor says it’s okay for me to go home.”

“Okay.” Julia said, laying her head on Emily’s arm. “I missed you, Mom. Every day.”

“We all did.” Derek added. “Home hasn’t been the same without you, princess.”

“I missed you guys too.” Emily said. “And I can’t  _ wait  _ to get home and get this little girl home so we can all be together as a family.”

“A family of five.” Derek said. “Can you believe it?”

“I guess I’d better.” She said.

Later that night, after the girls had gone home and were being tended to by their grandmother and Emily had settled to get some much needed rest in her hospital bed, Derek crept back into the NICU to check on Gianna. The infant was wide awake and had just been changed, her temperature checked, and the nurse was preparing a small amount of formula to insert into Gianna’s feeding tube. They would attempt bottle feeding in a few days, until then, his little girl would get her first meals through a tube, much like Julia did for the first week of her life. The nurse, a younger woman named Amanda, looked up and smiled at Derek when she saw him.

“Hi, Mr. Morgan.” She said. “Did you come to check on little miss Gianna?”

Derek grinned. “I sure did.” He said. “How is she?”

“Oh she’s a dream.” Amanda said. “We just got done changing and feeding, and she’s just the sweetest little baby, she barely cried at all when we had to poke her foot, huh Gianna?”

“She’s something.” Derek said. “Both her sister’s wailed when they were born, she was so quiet.”

“She’s a good girl.” Amanda said. “Did you want to hold her? I know she got kangaroo care with mom earlier, but bonding with dad is just as important.”

Derek hesitated. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah.” Amanda said, picking Gianna up and leading them both to the chair in the corner. “We can just tuck her inside your shirt if you’re not comfortable taking it off completely.”

“Okay.” Derek said, holding his breath as they situated the baby against his chest. Gianna grunted and snuggled up into him almost instantly. She blinked up at him with eyes that matched his and Derek’s heart thumped in his chest. He leaned over and kissed the top of her tiny head.

“Hey Gigi.” He said softly. “Hey baby, it’s your daddy. I love you, baby girl. Your daddy loves you.”

Gianna seemed to nuzzle him, sighing contentedly. Derek could feel her little heart beating in perfect time with his. Some piece of his heart that Derek didn’t know had been missing snapped into place. His family and his heart felt complete, and so did he.

“Daddy will always be here for you, Gianna.” Derek said. “As long as I live. Forever.”


	66. My Little Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gianna comes home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay! My son was in the hospital with the flu and then I fell sick with it myself. I hope this was worth the wait!

Gianna was able to go home after two weeks, beating her oldest sister’s record, and from the moment she got home, she made it clear whose child she was.

“Shh! I know!” Emily said, bouncing her crying newborn in her arms. “I know, sweetheart! He’s coming right back! Your daddy is coming right back!”

At the kitchen table, Mia plugged her ears and groaned. Julia patted her sympathetically and then covered her own ears. Derek appeared as if by magic, a bottle in hand, and hurried to take his screaming daughter from Emily.

“Thank god.” She said. “She wants  _ nothing  _ to do with me right now.”

Derek frowned. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Emily shrugged. “Had to happen sometime, right? She’s a daddy’s girl, it’s sweet.”

As if to prove her mother’s point, Gianna quieted before the bottle was even close to her mouth and she gazed almost adoringly up at her father as she ate. Derek chuckled, then caught himself.

“She  _ does  _ love you.” He said. “You know that, right?”

Emily nodded. “I know.” She said. “Believe it or not, I’m not upset. I know I’ve been a little sensitive about it in the past, but I  _ want  _ you to feel that bond. I have it with Julia, now it’s your turn.”

Derek stared down at his youngest daughter and couldn’t help the smile that played across his lips. It was true, from the moment they first bonded, Gianna had taken to him in away neither Julia or Mia ever had, though Derek had never doubted either daughter’s fierce love for him. But Gianna, his little Gigi, she’d been different from the start, imprinted on him like a duckling, and now it was like she had a sixth sense when it came to him. Derek could say something from another room and the newborn would turn her head in the direction of his voice, if Gianna was in his arms and he put her down before she was ready, even if Derek thought she was dead asleep, she would wail mournfully until she was back in his arms. She curled up into him like she would burrow underneath his skin if she could, and on days when had to run errands and be away from Gigi for an extended period of time, Emily had resorted to wearing Derek’s t-shirts in an attempt to soothe the child.

But it went deeper than that. Their bond extended to the way Derek could calm Gianna with the touch of a hand to her tiny back, or how when he fed her, Gianna would stare at him intently, refusing to break eye contact and Derek held in the small girl’s gaze despite knowing that eye contact was one of the most stimulating things for an infant, something in him unable to let go. Emily could calm her, but not as quickly or as effortlessly as Derek could, and sometimes he could swear there was something like an invisible string that had one end tied around his heart and one around Gianna’s, Derek was every bit hers as much as she was his. He kissed the top of his daughter’s tiny head.

“Well, if that’s what I’m feeling.” He said. “Then it feels pretty damn great.”

Later that night, after everyone else had gone to bed, Derek woke to Gianna whimpering softly in her bassinet. Derek sighed and pulled back the covers, padding softly to the corner where the baby was situated and peeking down at her. Gianna still appeared to be asleep, but though her eyes were shut, her lips pouted and her little brow furrowed as if she were seconds away from crying out. Quickly, Derek reached out and stroked her cheek with his finger. A few more of these movements and Gianna seemed to relax, her expression changing to one of peace. Derek smiled, and leaned over to kiss her. He crept back into bed and nearly jumped a foot in the air when he noticed that Emily was wide awake and had rolled over to look at him, her brown eyes sparkling in the dark.

“You know.” She said. “You could have waited to see if she was actually going to start crying before you went all baby whisperer on her.”

Derek smirked and kissed Emily on the forehead.

“Right.” He said. “Because you never did that with Julia or Mia?”

“I barely ever had to with Mia.” Emily said. “Julia, yes.”

“Case in point.” Derek said.

“I’m just teasing.” She said. “I think it’s cute. All these girls have had you wrapped around their fingers since they were born, but I think Gianna is about as obsessed with you as you are with her.”

Derek smiled. “You know.” He said. “When we started telling people that you were pregnant again, everybody kept asking me if I was hoping that we were finally gonna get a boy.”

“Oh?” Emily asked, eyebrows raised. “What did you say?”

“I told them,” He said. “That even though I would be perfectly happy with a son, my daughters are the loves of my life and I would love nothing more than to have another beautiful little girl to complete our family.”

Emily hummed happily. “You’re such a girl dad.” She said. “It’s cute.”

“Girl dad and proud of it.” Derek said. “Come on, lets get some sleep before she decides to  _ really  _ wake up.”

  
Over the next few weeks, Emily felt her heart melting every time she watched them together, and she would fall in love with Derek all over again as he cradled and soothed Gianna and Gianna would curl up into him as if his arms were the safest place in the world for her. Any pangs of jealousy that Emily might have felt at their bond were washed away with the overwhelming love she felt between them and the love  _ she  _ felt for the two of them. Derek finally had his daddy’s girl, and Emily had the family she always wanted. Their world was complete, and that was all they’d ever need.


	67. The Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily settles into her new role and Julia makes a career choice at age five.

When Gianna was three months old, Emily had her last day as the unit chief of the BAU and the next day, she moved into her office as the new director of the FBI.

It was a strange feeling, to know she was making history and going where no woman had yet gone. It was tempting after all she had been through to feel like she didn’t deserve it, despite how hard she had worked to get to where she was. Emily wondered if there would always be a part of her that, no matter how wonderful her life was, would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the clock to strike midnight and have everything she loved disappear as if it were all just a beautiful dream she had conjured long ago.

But then she got home that evening, and Julia and Mia ran to greet her at the door with a chorus of “Mama!” as they tackled her with tiny arms around Emily’s neck, showering her in kisses. Emily hurriedly put away her coat, keys, and bag, and quickly scooped her girls up before carrying them, one in each arm, to the living room area. Gianna babbled happily in her swing, waving her arms when she saw Emily, and Derek looked up from where he was preparing dinner in the kitchen and smiled at her.

“There she is.” He said. “The new director of the FBI. How was your first day?”

Emily set the girls down and walked over to kiss Derek, arms around his waist. She rested her head against his chest, feeling his heart beating in her ear.

“It was good.” She said. “I have a lot to learn, but I feel good about this.”

“You’re gonna be amazing.” He said. “I’m so proud of you, Emily. So are the girls, right?”

“Yeah!” Julia and Mia chirped. Gianna squealed as if not wanting to be left out.

“Well thank you.” Emily smiled. “I appreciate the support. What did you guys do today?”

“Oh, we played hard.” Derek said. “Cleaned our rooms, did some coloring, played pretend. Hey Jujubug, you wanna tell Mom what you told me today?”

Emily glanced at her eldest daughter and noticed that Julia suddenly seemed uncharacteristically shy. The child kicked her foot in against the carpet.

“What?” Emily asked. “What is it, Julia?”

“I, uh.” Julia said. “When we played pretend, I pretended I was an FBI agent like you.”

Emily raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“And when I asked her why…” Derek said. “Julia, you wanna tell her what you said?”

“I wanna do what you do, Mom.” She said. “When I grow up.”

“Oh.” Emily said. “Well, I bet you’d be good at it. But it’ll be a very long time before you’re old enough, what if you change your mind?”

Julia shook her head. “I won’t.”

“It’s a lot of work.” Emily said. “You have to go do a lot of school, and it can be  _ really  _ dangerous.”

“I know.” Julia said. “I wanna do it.”

Emily smiled. “Okay, baby.” She said, kissing her daughter’s forehead. “Well whatever you wanna do, Mom and Daddy will help you every step of the way.”

Julia smiled. “I love you!”

“I love you too.” Emily said. “What about you, Mia-Mia? Are you gonna be an FBI agent too?”

“No.” Mia giggled. “I gonna be a unicorn!”

Derek chuckled. “Now  _ that  _ I wanna see.” He said. “I think someone’s been spending a little too much time with their auntie Penelope.”

Mia gave him the most withering look a toddler could manage. “I love Auntie P.”

“I know you do, Mimi.” He said. “Trust me, I know.”

That night, Emily laid in bed tired yet satisfied. She’d made it through her first day, and as much as she missed the BAU already, she couldn’t deny how damn  _ good  _ it felt to be the director. Getting to come home to her family on a more consistent basis was a pretty sweet deal too. Derek kissed her on the forehead as he settled under the covers beside her.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah.” She said. “Though I’m not really sure we should be encouraging Julia to join the Bureau.”

“Emily, she’s five.” Derek said. “She’ll probably change her mind a thousand times between now and the time she graduates high school.”

“Still.” Emily sighed. “What if she doesn’t?”

“Then we’ll love and support her.” Derek said. “No matter what. Come on, how could we not?”

“I know.” She said. “I just...I’m grateful for everything that the Bureau and the BAU has given me, I mean, I’m the director for god’s sake. But…”

“It’s different when it’s your kid.” He said. “I know.”

“We both know the job.” Emily said. “The long hours, the dangers, and I would never actively discourage our daughter from following her dreams, I guess I just kind of hoped that her dreams would be a little safer.”

“Well again, she’s five.” Derek said. “And even if she’s still saying she wants to join the FBI at fifteen, you’ve gotta remember whose daughter she is.”

“She’s ours.” Emily said. “That’s what I’m afraid of. Derek, I can barely handle when she’s sick, and there will  _ always  _ be a Doyle, or a Foyet, or a Montolo. And I won’t be there to protect her.”

“Emily…” Derek said. “We were  _ never  _ gonna be able to protect any of our girls forever, one day they’re gonna grow up and have to face things on their own. But I’d like to think that we’re raising them to be strong enough to do that.”

Emily sighed again.

“And if any of our girls is strong enough to follow in your footsteps.” Derek said. “It’s Julia. Come on now, that girl has been your mini me since day one. Of  _ course  _ she wants to be just like you.”

“I know.” Emily said. “I guess all I can hope is that she’s a lot more careful than I was.”

“We’ll see about that.” Derek laughed. “She’s  _ my  _ daughter too, remember?”

“Then we’re in trouble.” Emily teased. “She’ll be kicking down doors and knocking down walls in no time.”

“There are worse things in this world.” Derek said, kissing her. “You sure you’re okay?”

Emily stopped to consider for a moment, then smiled. As much as she worried, as much as she still had fear and doubt, she had a lot more good than bad in her life now. She had her dream job, an amazing husband, and three children who loved her. Emily Prentiss had everything she could have ever asked for. She pulled Derek in for another deep kiss.

“Yeah.” Emily said. “I am.”


	68. The More Things Change...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia goes to school

“Okay, you’ve got your backpack?”

“Yeah, Mom.” Julia said. “Right here, on my back.”

“Right.” Emily said. “Backpack, jacket...lunch box?”

“Right here!” Julia said, holding up the bright pink box containing her sandwich, cheese stick, apple slices, juice, and cookies.

“Okay.” Emily said. “Um, what about…?”

“Babe, she’s ready.” Derek said. “Come on, you don’t want her to be late for her first day of school.”

Emily bit her lip and nodded, looking up at the brick building they were standing outside of. A few feet away, Julia’s kindergarten teacher stood outside the classroom door. She had known this day was coming, and Emily was almost surprised at how much she had dreaded it as it had drawn nearer. Now the day was finally here, and while Julia was the picture of confidence in her little blue jeans, t-shirt, and sparkly pink tennis shoes, Emily found that  _ she  _ was the one not ready to let go. Derek kissed Emily’s forehead, then bent down to kiss Julia’s and wrap her in a hug.

“Be good, Jujubug.” Derek said. “Listen to your teacher, okay? No mouthing off.”

“I won’t, Daddy.” She said. “I’ll do good. Can I give Gigi a kiss goodbye?”

Derek nodded and lifted Julia up to the stroller where Gianna was settled so she could plant a kiss on her baby sister’s face.

“Bye-bye, Gigi!” Julia said. “Be a good baby!”

Mia was next, tackling her big sister and leaving sloppy kisses on her cheeks.

“Miss you, Juju.” She said mournfully. “Come back?”

“Yeah, Mimi.” Julia said. “I’ll come back when school is done. Then I can teach you everything that I learned, okay?”

Mia’s face brightened. “Okay!” She said. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Julia said. “See you later.”

Julia caught her mother’s eye and looked up curiously at Emily, who was biting her nails and fighting back tears. The little girl inches closer to Emily and clutched her hand. Derek took one look at the pair and cleared his throat.

“Hey, Mimi.” He said. “Why don’t we give Mama and Julia a minute to say goodbye and you can help me get Gigi back in the car?”

“Okay!” Mia said, always happy to be given the opportunity to show off her skills as a big sister.

The three wandered off in the direction of the car, and Emily and Julia were left alone. Julia tugged at Emily’s hand with her own and Emily crouched down so that she was eye level with her daughter. Julia put a hand on Emily’s cheek gently.

“Don’t cry, Mom.” She said. “Why are you sad?”

“I’m not.” Emily choked. “I’m happy, baby. I just can’t believe how big you’ve gotten. It seems like it was yesterday you were born, and now you’re all grown up and going off to school.”

“Oh.” Julia said. “You don’t want me to go?”

“No, I do!” Emily said. “I do. You are so smart, my Julia, and so strong. Mom will be okay, I just love you so much.”

“I love you too Mom.” Julia said. “I’ll be back after school. I’ll make you proud of me!”

“I know you will.” Emily said. “You already have.”

Emily pulled Julia into a tight hug, desperately fighting the urge to not let her go, and kissed the top of her head, her forehead, her nose, and cheeks before tapping Julia on the nose and straightening the collar of her jacket with a sad smile.

“Okay.” Emily said. “Be good, we’ll be back to pick you up in the afternoon.”

“I’ll be good.” Julia said. “Hey Mom?”

“Yeah, Jules?”

“Be brave.” She said. “Okay?”

“I will.” Emily said. “I promise.”

Emily cried the entire way home, then cried the entire drive to work. She had to fix her makeup multiple times throughout the day, and she almost had to laugh at herself, after all of the things that Emily had seen and done throughout her life, dropping her daughter off at kindergarten was the one thing she had a hard time with. But when she got home that evening, Julia was waiting for her, bursting with excitement and waiting to tell her all about her day and Emily could feel her heart melting all over again. It had been a successful first day, and Julia was bright-eyed and full of confidence, she could hardly wait to go back. That was when Emily knew that they’d be okay. Her little daughter, so small and so attached, was ready to fly, and though it was just kindergarten for now, Emily no longer had any doubt that whatever Julia decided to do in the future, she was gonna soar, and she couldn’t wait to see it.


	69. ...The More Things Stay The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek and Emily celebrate an important milestone

Derek and Emily’s ten year anniversary of being together found them in David Rossi’s backyard surrounded by their friends, their found family, as they had so many times before. The girls played in the grass with Henry and Michael and all of the Simmons children, and Hotch had even made it out with Jack. Reid brought his girlfriend Max, and Penelope and Luke came as a couple. The adults all sipped wine and lounged in chairs out in the back. The air was warm and the mood was light and casual. Everyone was happy, and it was something they could feel.

“So.” Tara said. “Ten years together. That’s a pretty big deal, you guys.”

“Yeah.” JJ added. “Especially considering that almost half of that was long distance. I  _ still  _ don’t know how you guys managed that for so long.”

“A  _ lot  _ of frequent flyer miles.” Emily said. “And more than a little bit of love.”

“Yeah, I’ll tell you what.” Derek said, kissing Emily on the cheek. “That night in London when I told Emily how I felt about her, I  _ never  _ thought it was gonna lead me here. It doesn’t even  _ feel  _ like ten years ago.”

“Ten years.” Emily said. “Three kids, two different countries, who’d have thought?”

“Not me.” Derek said. “But I’m not sorry.”

“Well, we’re happy for you.” Penelope said. “And not just because Boy Wonder and I got three adorable little goddaughters out of the deal.”

“Although that does help.” Reid said.

“Well, we appreciate it guys.” Emily chuckled. “And Hotch, we’re so glad you and Jack could make it.”

“Are you kidding?” Hotch said. “We wouldn’t miss this for the world. Jack’s been saying how much he’s missed you guys, and it’s been great to see the kids without it being a special occasion.”

“You’re always welcome at our house, Hotch.” Derek said. “You and Jack.”

“I can’t believe how big he’s gotten.” JJ said. “God he’s almost all grown up.”

“You’re one to talk.” Hotch said. “Henry is almost as tall as you now!”

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Garcia mused. “How fast life goes when you’re not looking.”

“Right?” Matt said. “You blink and five years have gone by. Then ten, then twenty.”

“You guys are trying to put me in the grave already.” Rossi cracked, raising a glass. “To Emily and Derek, two of the best people any of us have ever met. Your love story has spanned a decade and with a little luck and a lot of hard work, we all hope that it will span a lifetime. We love you two.”

“Amen!” Tara said.

“Congratulations guys.” Luke added. “Here’s to another ten years.”

After a while, someone put on some music and everyone wound up kicking off their shoes and dancing a little bit tipsily around the backyard, the children even getting in on it. Julia and Michael spun around in circles, giggling wildly, and Mia stood sandwiched between Penelope and Luke, standing on Luke’s shoes. Gianna took to Jack rather quickly and was content to be swayed in the boy’s- though he was now more of a young man- arms. Derek and Emily hung on to each other, the way they had for the past decade. As the night wore on and they took turns dancing and laughing with their friends, Emily was reminded of a time and a party ten years before that had been very much the same. Emily had thought then that it had been an ending, but it had turned out to have been a beginning that she had never expected. It was that night she was remembering when Derek found her again, drinks in hand.

“You’re thinking hard.” He said. “Care to share?”

“Just thinking.” Emily said. “Ten years ago, I thought I was saying goodbye to all of this. Then you told me you were in love with me on a balcony in London and changed everything. Now we have all this.”

“Pretty good trade.” Derek said. “If you ask me.”

“Yeah.” She said. “It was.”

Later that night, after they had gotten home and gotten their girls into bed, Derek and Emily retired to their own bedroom and found themselves in each other’s arms once again. The decade they had been together seemed to only make them better together and their bodies seemed to move instinctively together. When they were finished, the couple laid in bed and found themselves reminiscing about days past.

“Oh my god.” Emily chuckled. “Do you remember that Christmas party at Rossi’s before Julia was born when we snuck off into one of the guest rooms…?”

“And Hotch walked in on us?” Derek finished. “How could I forget? I’ve never seen the man so red in the face before, I felt like a couple of teenagers caught by my girlfriend’s dad.”

“I’m surprised he ever let us live that down.” Emily said.

“What makes you think he did?” Derek asked. “I  _ still  _ get Christmas cards from him with condoms in them.”

“You never told me that!” Emily said. “Hotch? Really?”

“Woman, would I lie to you?” He said.

“Wow.” She said. “Hotch has a dirtier sense of humor than I remembered.”

“I guess so.” Derek said. “Hey, remember right after we first got together? We had that  _ real  _ late night out in London and there were all those lights on the water?”

“I do.” Emily said. “We went to dinner at this pub and danced to that awful Irish punk rock.”

“You got a little drunk that night.” Derek said. “Do you remember what you said to me?”

“No.” Emily said, frowning. “What did I say?”

“You told me.” Derek said, kissing her nose. “That for the first time since you were very young, you were finally letting yourself start to believe in love again.”

Emily blushed. “It’s true.” She said. “I never would have admitted it so soon back then, but I think I knew you were the one almost right away.”

“Well look where it got us, princess.” Derek said with a smile. “We took a chance on love and each other, and we got a whole lot in return.”

“Mmm.” She said. “We got a pretty sweet deal, huh?”

“You’re damn right we did.” He said. “I love you, princess.”

“I love you too.” Emily said. “And I always will.”

Emily fell asleep in Derek’s arms, their bodies bathed in moonlight and awash in the love they felt for one another. Their story was a decade in the making, but they both knew that it was far from over. They had stories to tell and children to raise, and their love would endure for as long as they lived, and through their daughters, it would endure beyond that. Their love was one for the ages, and it did and would continue to leave a mark on anyone who came into contact with it and with them for years to come.


	70. Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fast-forward twenty-five years. What became of the Prentiss-Morgan family?

“Well your credentials certainly are impressive, Agent Morgan. Joined the Bureau at age twenty-five, you’ve gotten glowing reviews from all your superiors and you’ve made quite a name for yourself.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Julia Morgan smiled warmly at the man sitting at the desk across from her, his dark blonde hair cut short, dressed sharply in a neat gray suit. Julia herself wore a crisp white button down and black slacks, her curly dark hair pulled back in a bun. Anyone else might have been nervous in her place, but Julia had been waiting her whole life for this moment, and she radiated calm confidence as she waited for the agent to continue.

“Your pedigree is certainly hard to miss.” The agent continued. “Your father was an interim unit chief, your mother was unit chief  _ and  _ the director of the FBI for a decade. Yet you’ve never used your family ties to try and get ahead, why is that?”

“I wanted to make my own way.” Julia said. “Derek Morgan and Emily Prentiss may be my parents, but Julia Morgan wants to create her own legacy. I’m sure you of all people can understand that, Agent Hotchner.”

Jack smiled. “Trust me, I do.” He said. “When dad found out that I wanted to join the Bureau, I thought he was going to have a heart attack.”

“Yeah, Mom wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of me signing up at first, either.” She said. “How is your dad?”

“He’s alright.” Jack said. “Stubborn in his old age, but he’s slowed down ever since Uncle Dave died. How about your parents?”

“Mom is as sharp as ever.” Julia said. “She has a bit of a health scare last December and Dad’s been  _ trying  _ to get her to take it easy, but…”

“But she’s still Emily Prentiss.” Jack said. “How about your sisters? I heard Mia got married?”

“Yeah.” Julia said. “To a fellow instructor at Yale. She and Amy just got back from their honeymoon, actually.”

“Please, pass on my congratulations.” Jack said. “And Gianna? She’s about twenty-five now, isn’t she?”

“Out in California.” Julia said. “Playing pro-ball and making our daddy proud. She keeps trying to convince them to let her buy them a house out there, but Mom won’t hear of it, says DC is her home.”

Jack smiled. “Good.” He said. “Well, in all honesty, this interview was just a formality. You’re more than qualified for the position and we’re all excited to have you on the team.”

“Really?” She said. “I don’t have to jump through any more hoops?”

“Not unless you really want to.” He said. “Welcome to the Behavioral Analysis Unit, Agent Morgan. Can I count on you to be ready to start tomorrow?”

Julia grinned and shook Jack’s hand. “Oh trust me.” She said. “That won’t be a problem.”

After the interview concluded, Julia drove to her parents’ home, feeling absolutely buoyant, her windows rolled down and the warm spring air hitting her face. Outside, the cherry blossoms were beginning to bloom, a sight that Julia had loved since childhood. She parked in the drive of the familiar house and her heeled boots clicked along the pavement as she walked to the door and let herself inside.

“Mama? Daddy?” Julia called. “You home?”

“Out back!” Derek’s gruff voice sounded. 

Julia walked in the direction she heard her father’s voice coming from and found her parents on the back porch, sitting in the swing. Each had a cup of coffee in one hand, and they held on tightly to each other with their other hand. Emily’s long silver hair was in a loose braid over one shoulder, and when she caught sight of Julia, her eyes brightened and she smiled.

“Julia.” Emily said. “How are you, my sweet girl?”

“I’m good, Mama.” Julia said, pecking first her mother, then her father on the cheek. “I’ve got some good news. I had my interview today.”

“Oh?”

“Yep.” Julia said, taking a deep breath. “You’re looking at the newest member of the BAU.”

“Hey, look at you!” Derek said with a grin. “That’s my girl! That’s our baby, Emily! Good job, Jujubug.”

Julia smiled. “Thanks, Daddy.”

“I’m proud of you, baby.” Emily said. “You’ve wanted this ever since you were tiny, and you never once asked for help getting it. That’s something to be proud of, I hope you know that.”

“I know.” Julia said. “Jack sends his love, by the way.”

“Good.” Emily said. “We should celebrate, Jules, what are you doing for dinner?”

“Oh, Mom.” Julia said. “I don’t want to interrupt if you and Dad already had plans…”

“No! No!” Emily said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “We were going to order in, besides, you’re more important than any dinner plans.  _ You’re  _ our most important plan, you and your sisters.

“I know, Mama.” Julia said, giving her mom a gentle squeeze. “But if I’m great, it’s because of you and dad. You guys made me who I am.”

“You were always great.” Derek said. “All your mother and I ever did was love you girls.”

“That’s all it took.” Julia said. “I don’t think I’d be the same person without your love.”

“Well guess what?” Derek said. “You’ve got it for the rest of your life, Jujubug.”

“Good.” Julia said. “Because I love you both so much.”

  
  


And she did, and she always would. Julia’s journey had just begun, but with her parents by her side, she was able to face the future head on with all of the confidence of her father and the bravery of her mother. Julia Morgan  _ would  _ make a name for herself in the BAU, and to many people, it felt like she was always meant to be there. Through it all, Derek and Emily were her greatest supporters, and because of them, Julia didn’t just climb, she soared the way she was always meant to. Soon, she would reach the top of the world, and when that day came, Julia knew she was going to carry her parents with her, forever and always.

  
  


The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes Lovesick. If you’ve been here since the beginning, this is for all of you. Thank you so much for your support and your kind words. Lovesick is ending but the story is NOT over. I will continue to write Demily and I have more stories to tell involving this version of their family, so please stay tuned for that. Thank you again! All my love, Chris.


End file.
